All I have to say is this:

[Midnight Sky]

I deserve a better life/situation/whatever than this. Really tired of just wasting away, and fully knowing that nothing will change if I try to force change, as I have failed to do the last 4 years. Really, things are going to stay this way.

This is for God: Man, really, I have no purpose, I have no reason, and no one cares about me, much less whatever 'qualities' I THINK I have. There is absolutely, no reason to keep me on this planet. Stop making me suffer. Whatever sins I committed, I atoned for a good bit, but I can't atone for all.

I just want my heart to silently shut down in my sleep.

 

[daughter of the moon]

Amen.

 

[Tiina63]

I second your feelings.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Completely Disagree. You're not necessarily given purpose, it's something you gotta find.

 

[jaguarundi]

“There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.”

― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

 

[reloadlife23]

I deserve a better life/situation/whatever than this. Really tired of just wasting away, and fully knowing that nothing will change if I try to force change, as I have failed to do the last 4 years. Really, things are going to stay this way.

This is for God: Man, really, I have no purpose, I have no reason, and no one cares about me, much less whatever 'qualities' I THINK I have. There is absolutely, no reason to keep me on this planet. Stop making me suffer. Whatever sins I committed, I atoned for a good bit, but I can't atone for all.

I just want my heart to silently shut down in my sleep.

PS
It is not you that wants you to shut down in your sleep, but, that thing that has made a home in us. Don't listen to those thoughts.

You have nothing to atone for.

If you sinned it was not you but sin that has made a home in us. On the cross Christ said "Forgive them for they know not what they do., " meaning we are not responsible.
All you need is to see that you have already been forgiven.

God is not making your life miserable, it is your attitude that needs to change. Forgive others who you may resent for they didn't know what they were doing either and you will feel better for forgiving them.
Holding grudges will only hurt you, so let them go and you will see your attitude change . We hurt ourselves by resenting others. If others resent you let it be their problem .and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

[Midnight Sky]

I deserve a better life/situation/whatever than this. Really tired of just wasting away, and fully knowing that nothing will change if I try to force change, as I have failed to do the last 4 years. Really, things are going to stay this way.

This is for God: Man, really, I have no purpose, I have no reason, and no one cares about me, much less whatever 'qualities' I THINK I have. There is absolutely, no reason to keep me on this planet. Stop making me suffer. Whatever sins I committed, I atoned for a good bit, but I can't atone for all.

I just want my heart to silently shut down in my sleep.

PS
It is not you that wants you to shut down in your sleep, but, that thing that has made a home in us. Don't listen to those thoughts.

You have nothing to atone for.

If you sinned it was not you but sin that has made a home in us. On the cross Christ said "Forgive them for they know not what they do., " meaning we are not responsible.
All you need is to see that you have already been forgiven.

God is not making your life miserable, it is your attitude that needs to change. Forgive others who you may resent for they didn't know what they were doing either and you will feel better for forgiving them.
Holding grudges will only hurt you, so let them go and you will see your attitude change . We hurt ourselves by resenting others. If others resent you let it be their problem .and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Yes you would think it's "suicide" talking and not me. But I'm not suicidal. Believe me if I didn't care about myself, I would say fresia this planet, and took myself out of it long time ago. I don't resent others, I don't where you get that from. I don't really feel anything about others. There's no reason to. Who's going to care rather I think about them or not? I can tell you one thing, no one thinks about me. Challenge that thought, and I can post a ton of proof to back up that claim. Really if I could allow you, or anyone to peer into my mind and surf through my memories, you would then see why I'm at the end of the road, with me being the only builder, with all the bricks always ******* breaking apart when I pave new sidewalks.

It doesn't matter if I change my attitude. Whatever you tell me I "need" to do, I've already tried to do it. The only source of comfort I have is that I refused to suffer without fighting. That's how I've always been towards anything.

And you're right. I can't blame God. I can't blame a man who's been absent for this many years either. My faith, as well as my beliefs are fleeting by the day. And I was once a pretty dedicated christian.

I've heard all the things I've heard in life. You're life DOESN'T ******* MOVE IF YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. Come at me with success stories, and I can point out how you had outside help.

Completely Disagree. You're not necessarily given purpose, it's something you gotta find.

Trust me, there's not a thing to find. I'm truly walking a life without time, because it's been up. All I need now is to turn translucent, and black and white. Well, I got the black/white part right. Or red, or whatever the hell my skin color is supposed to be.

 

[jaguarundi]

If it any help at all, I don't believe there is a purpose in life, other than to actually get on and live it. That is life's purpose - experience the good, the bad, the indifferent, and - just keep going.

As I quoted above

“There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.”

― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky​

It may not be a comfort to everyone, but actually I find it strangely compelling, for me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Trust me, there's not a thing to find. I'm truly walking a life without time, because it's been up. All I need now is to turn translucent, and black and white. Well, I got the black/white part right. Or red, or whatever the hell my skin color is supposed to be.

Your time is only up when you believe that it is. There is always something out there for everyone. You, alone, choose when you give up and also when you keep going.
Life is hard, harder for some than others. I understand the feeling of believing there is nothing to be found, because I've been there. BUT, I've also gotten through those feelings.
The hardest part of life is realizing that you CAN change, that you can overcome wherever you are in life or whatever circumstances have you down.
You define who you are by what you do and what you believe. So, who do you want to be? What do you want from life? Consider those questions fully and honestly and fight for what you want, but don't give up.

 

[Grackle]

I envy people who have hobbies or people who dig researching past events or people. Its something that I would love to do if I could find the hobby or topic that grabs me, it would help pass the time.

I have gone through periods of years of prayer asking God to take me home. Life was so horrible, so pointless and the future was so incredibly bleak. He didn't of course and though I'm living the future I feared, its not quite as bad as I envisioned. The dread is gone, the oppressive, drowning feeling has faded even though my life hasn't changed all that much. HANG IN THERE ! There are times when literal tears form in my eyes when I think about how lonely and disappointing life is but there are other times when I'm glad i'm alive.

 

[reloadlife23]

I deserve a better life/situation/whatever than this. Really tired of just wasting away, and fully knowing that nothing will change if I try to force change, as I have failed to do the last 4 years. Really, things are going to stay this way.

This is for God: Man, really, I have no purpose, I have no reason, and no one cares about me, much less whatever 'qualities' I THINK I have. There is absolutely, no reason to keep me on this planet. Stop making me suffer. Whatever sins I committed, I atoned for a good bit, but I can't atone for all.

I just want my heart to silently shut down in my sleep.

PS
It is not you that wants you to shut down in your sleep, but, that thing that has made a home in us. Don't listen to those thoughts.

You have nothing to atone for.

If you sinned it was not you but sin that has made a home in us. On the cross Christ said "Forgive them for they know not what they do., " meaning we are not responsible.
All you need is to see that you have already been forgiven.

God is not making your life miserable, it is your attitude that needs to change. Forgive others who you may resent for they didn't know what they were doing either and you will feel better for forgiving them.
Holding grudges will only hurt you, so let them go and you will see your attitude change . We hurt ourselves by resenting others. If others resent you let it be their problem .and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Yes you would think it's "suicide" talking and not me. But I'm not suicidal. Believe me if I didn't care about myself, I would say fresia this planet, and took myself out of it long time ago. I don't resent others, I don't where you get that from. I don't really feel anything about others. There's no reason to. Who's going to care rather I think about them or not? I can tell you one thing, no one thinks about me. Challenge that thought, and I can post a ton of proof to back up that claim. Really if I could allow you, or anyone to peer into my mind and surf through my memories, you would then see why I'm at the end of the road, with me being the only builder, with all the bricks always ******* breaking apart when I pave new sidewalks.

It doesn't matter if I change my attitude. Whatever you tell me I "need" to do, I've already tried to do it. The only source of comfort I have is that I refused to suffer without fighting. That's how I've always been towards anything.

And you're right. I can't blame God. I can't blame a man who's been absent for this many years either. My faith, as well as my beliefs are fleeting by the day. And I was once a pretty dedicated christian.

I've heard all the things I've heard in life. You're life DOESN'T ******* MOVE IF YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. Come at me with success stories, and I can point out how you had outside help.

Trust me, there's not a thing to find. I'm truly walking a life without time, because it's been up. All I need now is to turn translucent, and black and white. Well, I got the black/white part right. Or red, or whatever the hell my skin color is supposed to be.

You are contradicting yourself when you say you don't resent, but, read your own words when you say you don't feel anything about others, you resent others for not caring about you, that means everyone.
You said you were once a Christian, no, you think you were because you studied the bible, but, you failed to understand it. Self understanding is where the bible leads us to, it doesn't lead us to resent, it teaches you to forgive everyone especially your angry memories of the past.
You haven't forgiven the past or those who hurt you in the past.
You ask me why I asked you about resentment, It is clear in your expressions.
Listen, you cannot change yourself. You are not God. If you would ask Him to help you overcome your resentments and I mean cry out to Him for help, it would all happen naturally, He works silently and if we are sincere He would answer your plea for help. GUARANTEED!

Your thoughts are not coming from a good place. Stop listening to your dark thoughts, they are keeping you where you are.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Saddens me that someone wants to toss away a perfectly good life- I can't find enough time to do all the honeysuckle I wanna do....

 

[Solivagant]

I second your feelings.

Ditto. I feel that way a lot. I'm sorry you do though. I'm sorry anyone does.

 

[Midnight Sky]

You are contradicting yourself when you say you don't resent, but, read your own words when you say you don't feel anything about others, you resent others for not caring about you, that means everyone.
You said you were once a Christian, no, you think you were because you studied the bible, but, you failed to understand it. Self understanding is where the bible leads us to, it doesn't lead us to resent, it teaches you to forgive everyone especially your angry memories of the past.
You haven't forgiven the past or those who hurt you in the past.
You ask me why I asked you about resentment, It is clear in your expressions.
Listen, you cannot change yourself. You are not God. If you would ask Him to help you overcome your resentments and I mean cry out to Him for help, it would all happen naturally, He works silently and if we are sincere He would answer your plea for help. GUARANTEED!

Your thoughts are not coming from a good place. Stop listening to your dark thoughts, they are keeping you where you are.

I am EASILY forgiving. A MASSIVE FLAW. I understand the bible enough to not take it to the extreme. And I understand MYSELF better than anyone. I never needed a book for that. I guess I asked for it by bringing up God. So lets steer very far from that.

Again, it doesn't matter if I'm thinking positive. Nothing good happens. Think negative? honeysuckle happens that I dont wont to happen. Try and explain that.

Saddens me that someone wants to toss away a perfectly good life- I can't find enough time to do all the honeysuckle I wanna do....

Living with too much time is the worst fate anyone can have. If you want it, I'll gladly give it to you, but there is a no return policy. My life aint perfect. It ain't good. TOO MUCH TIME ALONE AINT GOOD.

I can understand, getting a lover to be a difficult thing to achieve in life. It is so difficult, and I lack so much "things" a woman looks for, that I gave it up long time ago(but it is a contributor to my "dark thoughts" as reloadlife puts it) but FRIENDSHIP? ALL MY LIFE THAT WAS HARD. Even as a KID! And the ones I THOUGHT were my friends, didn't really like me at all!

Trust me, there's not a thing to find. I'm truly walking a life without time, because it's been up. All I need now is to turn translucent, and black and white. Well, I got the black/white part right. Or red, or whatever the hell my skin color is supposed to be.

Your time is only up when you believe that it is. There is always something out there for everyone. You, alone, choose when you give up and also when you keep going.
Life is hard, harder for some than others. I understand the feeling of believing there is nothing to be found, because I've been there. BUT, I've also gotten through those feelings.
The hardest part of life is realizing that you CAN change, that you can overcome wherever you are in life or whatever circumstances have you down.
You define who you are by what you do and what you believe. So, who do you want to be? What do you want from life? Consider those questions fully and honestly and fight for what you want, but don't give up.

I knew what I wanted to be when I was 10 years old, and held on to it strong through my teens, and my early twenties. But after some events that occured in the latter half of my 20s, I've not been feeling like being what I want to be is worth it.

As for WHAT I want to be, well, it'll come off as BS, unbelievable, etc. I'll keep it to myself, but it worked out for me at least twice, but only in my teens..

 

[Overthinker]

No matter how bad things get, always recognize that you are a human being, and that means you are important. People matter. They're made in God's image. You matter to God, and He does have a purpose for you, even if you feel worthless or insignificant, YOU MATTER.

Another thing to recognize though, is that you can't expect to be happy all the time. In fact, possibly most of your life may be problems, but that's just how life is, and you can't give up.

 

[Midnight Sky]

I don't matter.

But I will if I start becoming hostile.

 

[Peaches]

I deserve a better life/situation/whatever than this. Really tired of just wasting away, and fully knowing that nothing will change if I try to force change, as I have failed to do the last 4 years. Really, things are going to stay this way.

This is for God: Man, really, I have no purpose, I have no reason, and no one cares about me, much less whatever 'qualities' I THINK I have. There is absolutely, no reason to keep me on this planet. Stop making me suffer. Whatever sins I committed, I atoned for a good bit, but I can't atone for all.

I just want my heart to silently shut down in my sleep.

I just know how you are feeling

 

[SofiasMami]

I don't have any words of wisdom or bible quotes (not a believer) but most of us have been right where you are now. I agree - too much time alone isn't good. We feel it, we really do.

-Teresa

 

[Midnight Sky]

Might as well say what I wanted to be since I was 10.

To be a 'hero'. Or in this generations "socially acceptable" term, a carebear. Because heaven forbid anyone tries to be inherently good!

Of course, I can only vouce for myself which adds to the unbelievableness, I have what I feel is a big ass track record of 'changed lives' through the good I've done for them.

Still, I don't know how it feels to save a human life. Would like to experience that at at least once in my life time. Saving animals(done this plenty, almost always dogs; dogs must be the most common animal to get badly treated -.-) is not the same thing.

I loved to be helpful, and is quite thoughtful and far reaching.
I am always thinking about a potential danger that "might happen" in any environment I'm in, and come up with a plan to save as many lives as possible, so when it does happen, a plan is already readily available. I'm always "scanning" the faces of people trying to put a face on the thoughts underneath, and then I put myself in their shoes and empathize(or Sempathize a combination of Sympathy and Empathy; Feeling sad for someone; Feeling their pain as if it's your own).

But these days, I'm not feeling like this as strongly as I used to. It doesn't feel worth it.

Man if I could meet myself from 21 yrs ago, I bet I would get mad at me for thinking like this LOL

 

[Groucho]

I deserve a better life/situation/whatever than this. Really tired of just wasting away, and fully knowing that nothing will change if I try to force change, as I have failed to do the last 4 years. Really, things are going to stay this way.

This is for God: Man, really, I have no purpose, I have no reason, and no one cares about me, much less whatever 'qualities' I THINK I have. There is absolutely, no reason to keep me on this planet. Stop making me suffer. Whatever sins I committed, I atoned for a good bit, but I can't atone for all.

I just want my heart to silently shut down in my sleep.

I used to think like that. On some occasions, I still do.

But I think within us all is a potential to be much greater than what we are or what we perceive ourselves to be. I often see people with habits or skills or talents which, although they use for destruction or self-destruction, if shifted slightly could be used for good.

The ability to draw or make music to inspire; the ability to invent to better humanity; the genourousity of compassion to help others; maybe the excess someone has to hand that someone else could better use, or grasping and even gaming the system but to help others.


I think one true difficulty all people have, is the inability to perceive their own talents or abilities, or even how their skills could be used or shifted to help others and thus make this place better for all of us. The one advantage of non-interference is we're free to do whatever we want - and that includes making this place a much better place. Who says I have to conform to survival rules and be selfish? Who says I have to keep rather than give something? Or accept money for something I could give for free?


I don't have a tangible skill. But I seem to make a lot of ideas. So I go around trying to suggest how to improve positive things. Economics, justice, to how to stop spam bots, to minor suggestions that improve or solve minor problems. Try to help others where I can.

Maybe you have a skill, ability or habit? Smoothing words? Poems? Art? Ideas? Small thing in the right place at the right time makes all the difference.