Hi everyone.
Ever since I was 10 or so I've been a loner, I always have hated being around people and in public places, it always made me feel very uneasy and nervous. I've never really had any friends at all, because everytime I tried to make friends and we had the same interests there was never a positive outcome, which was why I simply ignore people around me, even if I pass somebody on the street I know and they said "Hi." I wouldn't even look at them or respond, because I felt too nervous. That's why I also use Omegle, which is a online chat site just to talk with random people and still then I get too nervous to say anything at all, which is very sad. So I guess I'm extremely anti-social.
Talking about that, I put off going to the doctor right when I'm in pain just to aviod people, now I know there's nothing wrong with being a loner but to that length just isn't acceptable. I'm a VERY shy person with an even lower self-esteem but I can't help, I've been like that for almost 20 years. I only feel truely happy at home when my doors are locked and my blinds are down.
Another problem I have is a very bad case of commitment issues, not with women oh no, never even came close to a girlfriend, I'm mean commitment issues with things in general, I have always wanted to run in a marathon but every **** time I start running again I give up after a week, same with dieting, I give up around a week, and also whenever I try to write another book, I give up so quickly right when I start getting some good ideas for the story I give up and delete all of the notes I wrote. Same thing happens to me when I say the night before, "Right, tomorrow I am going to pull some weeds out" As an exemple, the next day I say screw it, why bother.
I've been like that through school as well, but I think that's how everything started, you see when I was around 10 we moved to Portugal and of course without knowing the language and living in a remote area with just farms around the school didn't have much to offer, basicly I would just sit in class not knowing what is going on and waiting for the bell to ring, I had no kind of help from the teachers at all and it felt like to me that some of the teachers went out of their way NOT to help me. I don't know if that was because they were way underpaid, or something but even the students would aviod me, so I guess ever since that I was forced to be a loner, and now I can't help but be a loner, I just really hate people a lot, and sorry for my bad grammer, never had the chance to focus my English for the better.
Oh and one other thing about school as you might of fiqured out yourself, since I got help from anybody I of coursed failed at everything, which lead to me bailing on school because it was literally wasting time, so without finishing school I can move on in life, I don't have a job despite the fact that my family has more than enough money it just isn't right.
At this very time, I don't even care about myself. I've given up on myself completly, I've accepted how everything is and I've try to commit suicide more than I would like to count but I'm too much of a coward to do so, I don't fear death and in fact I welcome it. I don't do anything at all these days except watch movies and play games because there's nothing else for me to do. One other thing, I just don't care about anything, not even my own mother.
If you are going to reply to this please don't say stupid things like "Get off your ass you lazy bum", or "Get a life". I get enough of that. I need something actually helpful and thank you for taking the time to read everything.
Ever since I was 10 or so I've been a loner, I always have hated being around people and in public places, it always made me feel very uneasy and nervous. I've never really had any friends at all, because everytime I tried to make friends and we had the same interests there was never a positive outcome, which was why I simply ignore people around me, even if I pass somebody on the street I know and they said "Hi." I wouldn't even look at them or respond, because I felt too nervous. That's why I also use Omegle, which is a online chat site just to talk with random people and still then I get too nervous to say anything at all, which is very sad. So I guess I'm extremely anti-social.
Talking about that, I put off going to the doctor right when I'm in pain just to aviod people, now I know there's nothing wrong with being a loner but to that length just isn't acceptable. I'm a VERY shy person with an even lower self-esteem but I can't help, I've been like that for almost 20 years. I only feel truely happy at home when my doors are locked and my blinds are down.
Another problem I have is a very bad case of commitment issues, not with women oh no, never even came close to a girlfriend, I'm mean commitment issues with things in general, I have always wanted to run in a marathon but every **** time I start running again I give up after a week, same with dieting, I give up around a week, and also whenever I try to write another book, I give up so quickly right when I start getting some good ideas for the story I give up and delete all of the notes I wrote. Same thing happens to me when I say the night before, "Right, tomorrow I am going to pull some weeds out" As an exemple, the next day I say screw it, why bother.
I've been like that through school as well, but I think that's how everything started, you see when I was around 10 we moved to Portugal and of course without knowing the language and living in a remote area with just farms around the school didn't have much to offer, basicly I would just sit in class not knowing what is going on and waiting for the bell to ring, I had no kind of help from the teachers at all and it felt like to me that some of the teachers went out of their way NOT to help me. I don't know if that was because they were way underpaid, or something but even the students would aviod me, so I guess ever since that I was forced to be a loner, and now I can't help but be a loner, I just really hate people a lot, and sorry for my bad grammer, never had the chance to focus my English for the better.
Oh and one other thing about school as you might of fiqured out yourself, since I got help from anybody I of coursed failed at everything, which lead to me bailing on school because it was literally wasting time, so without finishing school I can move on in life, I don't have a job despite the fact that my family has more than enough money it just isn't right.
At this very time, I don't even care about myself. I've given up on myself completly, I've accepted how everything is and I've try to commit suicide more than I would like to count but I'm too much of a coward to do so, I don't fear death and in fact I welcome it. I don't do anything at all these days except watch movies and play games because there's nothing else for me to do. One other thing, I just don't care about anything, not even my own mother.
If you are going to reply to this please don't say stupid things like "Get off your ass you lazy bum", or "Get a life". I get enough of that. I need something actually helpful and thank you for taking the time to read everything.