An early rejection
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Despicable Me
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As much as the person can tolerate.BeyondShy said:
In other words: That limit is up to the individual facing the rejection.
BeyondShy
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Despicable Me said:
Well, that's true. No one can argue with that. It also depends on the type of rejection you get too. Sometimes the person will be polite when they say no and consider your feelings when they are doing it. That kind of rejection makes you say to yourself that you may want to try this again. Then there is the rejection you fear when they make you feel two feet tall.
TheWalkingDead
Well-known member
Can't remember if I've mentioned this before, the talk of dances and discos must be bringing back some memories - also BeyondShy's post made me consider the spectrum of rejection.
I went to a boys' only secondary school, so when I went to a mixed 6th form it was like a whole new world and inevitably I developed a crush on a girl, she wasn't one of the pretty types, in fact she wore no makeup and was a bit of an intellectual political type, which quite attracted me to her ideals and personality. Anyway, I probably went about it the wrong way, but it took a lot of courage to even express this at the time, but I got a friend to tell her I liked her.
Nothing happened then, until the disco later in the year, which I went to and was standing against the wall, not daring to actually go out and dance (see previous post on that lol!). Anyway, this girl's friend comes up to me, and points to the girl I liked, and said "You really like that girl don't you?" Yes, I said. And the response.... "Well she hates your guts so stay away from her she can't stand the ******** sight of you."
To say that, at 18, that had a profound impact on me, would be an understatement, and led to a lot of trying to cover up the pain with drink and eventually drugs, for a time. Wasn't just that, but it was an important link in a chain, at that age I didn't know any better and I just concluded that the girl in question was representative of all girls (I didn't exactly have a line of other girls beating a path to me to state the opposite).
So I guess there's the rejection of simply being overlooked, and then there's punch-in-the-gut, straight up stark rejection of such an episode as this. A no thanks would have done, it probably stopped me expressing how I felt about a hundred times subsequently - who wants to get punched in the gut?
Nowadays I can roll a bit more with the punches I suppose.
I went to a boys' only secondary school, so when I went to a mixed 6th form it was like a whole new world and inevitably I developed a crush on a girl, she wasn't one of the pretty types, in fact she wore no makeup and was a bit of an intellectual political type, which quite attracted me to her ideals and personality. Anyway, I probably went about it the wrong way, but it took a lot of courage to even express this at the time, but I got a friend to tell her I liked her.
Nothing happened then, until the disco later in the year, which I went to and was standing against the wall, not daring to actually go out and dance (see previous post on that lol!). Anyway, this girl's friend comes up to me, and points to the girl I liked, and said "You really like that girl don't you?" Yes, I said. And the response.... "Well she hates your guts so stay away from her she can't stand the ******** sight of you."
To say that, at 18, that had a profound impact on me, would be an understatement, and led to a lot of trying to cover up the pain with drink and eventually drugs, for a time. Wasn't just that, but it was an important link in a chain, at that age I didn't know any better and I just concluded that the girl in question was representative of all girls (I didn't exactly have a line of other girls beating a path to me to state the opposite).
So I guess there's the rejection of simply being overlooked, and then there's punch-in-the-gut, straight up stark rejection of such an episode as this. A no thanks would have done, it probably stopped me expressing how I felt about a hundred times subsequently - who wants to get punched in the gut?
Nowadays I can roll a bit more with the punches I suppose.
TheWalkingDead
Well-known member
Batman55 said:
Not really - I'd already experienced a major rejection from my dad when I was younger, he just didn't get me, I was a disappointment to him because I didn't want to do typical boy things. Thankfully I managed to resolve most of it with him later in life.
Another time was when I was having a major surgery to remove a tumour when I was 21 - I had a golf ball sized thing (thankfully turned out benign) in my neck which took a four hour operation which basically involved folding my face over itself to cut the tumour out (it was wrapped around a lot of nerves), and a heck of a lot of stitches.
There was this girl I has just started seeing at the time, my first actual sexual involvement of any kind, who said she cared a lot about me, but when I got out of the hospital I discovered the reason she hadn't visited was she was seeing someone else while I was being sliced open....
Then there was another time I met someone else via newspaper ad (precursor to all the internet dating!), she was in another city, a long way away, I went to visit her, it seemed ok, then we went in this pub and she pretty much went and sat with another group and left me on my own the whole night so I went home the next day :club:
These things have a habit of building up, but I refuse to let them knock me down - am much better at that now I'm older.
I hope I haven't hijacked your thread TB, it just got me thinking about early rejections of my own.
After reading all this thread I would say that the best advice given is by the "Despicable Me", I too believe that if we carry these incidents of rejection in our mind all our life, our life stops and the situation remain same all our life. I believe that this happens not because you've some inbuilt manufacturing fault, but because of lower self esteem, shyness and lack of confidence. You should believe in yourself and don't let these incidents or people's opinion define your life for you. Try to consult a specialist in this matter. I don't think you've anything lesser than other people who are in a relationship. First you've to accept yourself and believe in yourself. We all have many good traits and flaws in our character. You should focus on improving your good qualities and getting rid of bad ones. I again suggest that you should seek some professional advice in this matter.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
maudie k said:
I wanted to write it down, far worse more recent things have happened. These are the things that put me off the whole dating game. I honestly think 'single' is better now.
We all experience bitter experiments in life, some of them are so horrible that we even can't describe them to someone. I know that feeling, but all fingers are not the same. Just try to be positive and believe that hard and horrible times have gone and what the worse can happen? These experiences no matter how horrible they are also make us wise and strong. There are times when I wish I was in control of my life and could change it completely, but now I know that we've to live with our wounds but don't make them ruin our lives any more. These days I'm living a self-inflicted life of loneliness and strangely I'm loving it. I've found my alone time hobbies that make me happy. I'm making myself ready for serious relationship by taking this time off. But sometimes I'm afraid that I will be too addicted to my alone life to leave it. So I too think that single is better for now, but you can't live single forever. So give yourself some time and let the things and your emotions come to normal.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
maudie k said:
I think I can be single forever and it wouldn't bother me one bit. But I'm not complaining because it's my choice.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
Batman55 said:
That comment was how I thinking at the moment. Maybe the last year or so. It's getting to the point when I am too busy to even think about dating or whatever. I like a simple life and I don't think that's possible getting involved with a woman.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
Batman55 said:
True
Tealeaf
Well-known member
Retail was a lot of fun. My manager treated me as an incompetent and my coworkers avoided me, especially the slackers who had fun personalities and were never reprimanded for it while I could hardly take my lunch break without being heckled. Funny thing was, an elderly pair of women asked for me specifically sometimes because I was so friendly, I never bickered with customers (only with the "fun" ******* who was promoted and immediately began pushing our department around), and I was the one who helped the couple who came in with wheelchairs and needed a little assistance after no one else would.
So, I know the feeling. Sometimes you don't have to do anything wrong. High school was a time of getting asked out as a joke.
So, I know the feeling. Sometimes you don't have to do anything wrong. High school was a time of getting asked out as a joke.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
Tealeaf said:
I work in a community type shop. It's the same customers every day. They all know the staff. We have a right laugh with them. It's a great atmosphere. All you hear is people laughing. It's nice. I get on with most of the staff. The last manager said it was a special shop and we were a special bunch of colleagues. I have been there 17 years.
Tealeaf
Well-known member
Triple Bogey said:
Referring to the general topic of people taking a disliking to you for no real reason.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother on this website.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
Tealeaf said:
don't get the hump. I thought you was talking about what is good about working in retail. So I shared what I like as well.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
I had some of these things happen too, though maybe not to the same extent as others have shared in this thread. Getting picked last for sports teams, people not wanting to include me in games or not wanting to be my friend, being shunned by girls. I don't know why, but my guess is because I wasn't "edgy" or "bad". I wasn't in with the "cool kids", I didn't get into trouble, and I didn't swear. I was perceived as too much of a goody-two-shoes or a nerd.
I was only ever asked to one dance, and it was the only dance I ever went to - the last one, the high school senior prom. That was okay I guess, because I didn't know how to dance anyway and I didn't want to embarrass myself.
But you know, whenever I think of these things, I try to remember to myself that we are not our past. It's not real anymore. We can create a new story any time. And the people who didn't include me then, I try not to sweat it because they don't know all the answers to life either. School was weird like that. No one really knows who they are or what life is all about. I don't think how people treated you in school or even at past jobs needs to bring you down today, as long as you don't let it. I don't think you should take their past rejections of you to heart.
I was only ever asked to one dance, and it was the only dance I ever went to - the last one, the high school senior prom. That was okay I guess, because I didn't know how to dance anyway and I didn't want to embarrass myself.
But you know, whenever I think of these things, I try to remember to myself that we are not our past. It's not real anymore. We can create a new story any time. And the people who didn't include me then, I try not to sweat it because they don't know all the answers to life either. School was weird like that. No one really knows who they are or what life is all about. I don't think how people treated you in school or even at past jobs needs to bring you down today, as long as you don't let it. I don't think you should take their past rejections of you to heart.
StormChild
Well-known member
My childhood dread was when teachers said, "okay, find a partner". Why do they do that?
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