An explanation of my vent.

[breadbasket]

To me, anger, sadness, the despair I had for several days now is as intense as ever. I learned it can never be measured in Joules or Watt-hours, only horsepower. We vent so we may release heat, let the engine cool down. And when it's ready, we press down on the accelerator pedal, and continue our high octane drive down a highway of despair.

My lungs hurt from screaming. My eyes itch from wiping tears. The engine needs to cool down. Let me explain what happened before the hormones flood.

I had a friend who i met over the internet. We started off arguing because he cannot stop shoving his view on controversial topics like a living nightmare. He's like Fox news, except even more annoying, and I would get mad. After I blocked him, he started to miss me, and I unblocked him because I missed him too, because we remember the good times. And we became good friends.

He came from a sight seeing trip with his lover, after many weeks of leaving him alone. When we finally talked again, after what seemed too long, I told him about something I did not take a liking to, which was the fetish of powerplay tot he extreme; killing people in a sexual fashion, giving them pathetic deaths. Don't get me wrong, I dont care about what you jerk off to. But the concept of killing people in such a pathetic fashion, don't forget soldiers, made me bring up a saying from the Movie Kill Bill.

"Now in these last agonizing minutes of life you have left, let me answer the question you asked earlier more thoroughly. Right at this moment, the biggest "R" I feel is Regret. Regret that maybe the greatest warrior I have ever known, met her end at the hands of a bushwhackin, scrub, alky piece of honeysuckle like you. That woman deserved better."

Instantly he talked about whether warriors were innocent or not, something completely off topic and several inches too close to a patriot's penis. To me, innocent means not deserving to be harmed. Soldiers that fight for their country do not deserved to be harmed by their own country. The only time it is justified is at the hands of the enemy they fight in combat, in battle. Yet he compared it to killing for pleasure like in sick fetishes. I made it clear these subjects are far from my comfort zone, but with it, he made sacrilege.

"If you can justify killing hundreds of people for war, then why not justify killing hundreds for pleasure?" This is a rhetoric, after I stated my opinion of the innocence of a soldier.

True soldiers dont enjoy killing or hate the enemy. They just have to kill what would kill them, and vice versa because of a pitiful lack of compromise some time ago.

I was ready for a good conversation, I told him this was sacrilege, and with it, to stop now. I was angry by then, but I did a good job of holding back rage. But despite this, h acts all smug calls me cute after bringing up this subject. Smug, by his tone he was clearly mocking me. In a legitimate argument, one should not say bullshit like "You're cute" because your passing them off as worthless, clueless idiots. Like most people do these days. "You're cute" means, "You're so pitiful, and stupid, I don;t even have to listen to you." Not only does he perform Sacrilege, but he mocks me. He gives the rhetoric, and denies it.

The thing about it, is that I told him to STAY THE fresia AWAY FROM THAT SUBJECT. I begged him to stop the last time I blocked him, and the first thing he did was call me weak. Because I asked him to move away from his subjects. But no, he shoots his mouth off and mocks me. Then claims, he didn't mock me, then say he didn't give a rhetoric but a legitimate question. He does everything to make me feel like and idiot, and that he's the all knowing enlightened philosopher on controversial subjects that I begged him to stop.

This guy takes no blame whatsoever. I have to block him, to stop my anger. He has no clue, how angry I am. I tell him, how angry I am, and he does NOTHING, TO MAKE ME CALM DOWN. In fact, he already used my anger against me, many times. He used my anger, my blind rage. Primal instinct, to make me looks stupid. And he never apologized. I had to block him, in order to calm down. Keep away so we can restart.

This guy was my friend. We were friends before he left with his lover. He loved me like a true friend, he said. Love, not like, not buds, true old fashioned friendship like I never had before. I came back after a time to calm down, and he throws a knock out punch. He blocked all form of access for communication. And he does this to me. I ask for an apology, and he doesn't. He doesn't. I had to block him, so I can just vent. When I came back... He blocked me. This guy was a true friend to me because I FORGAVE HIM FOR ALL THE BULLSHIT HE PUT ME THROUGH. I gave up my beliefs for him... I gave it all up and he abandons me.

He used the notion of friendship and love to create an opportunity to strike me with pain. First he hit me hard with sacrilege and mockery like my sister does whenever I state my opinion about anything, to ensue anger and self hatred. A feeling of stupidity that haunted me for so many years; like that used by my mother that made me inches away from suicide. To end it all, cutting the ties I thought we had, just like my father did when he terrified me. This guy gave had every quality everyone I hated had. He was the misery of my life personified at that point.

I've cried for three hours now, a week since he left I think. Screamed in rage, for three hours. I'm blistering angry. So miserable after how he treated me. The pain of not being able to have him realize what he did, and the promise of being a close friend that he broke so carelessly.

 

[TheRealCallie]

This guy takes no blame whatsoever.

So, is he the ONLY one of you two that has blame to accept? Likely, that's not the case. Part of it was on YOU, as well. No one person is 100% to blame for anything.

It's not your responsibility to tell someone what they are to take as blame. The ONLY person you need to worry about is yourself. Take whatever blame you have in it and let it go. His part is not your concern. Whether he takes his part of the blame or not, that's on him to decide.

If you feel passionate about a certain subject and won't take any criticism on it, perhaps you shouldn't talk about it. Not everyone will feel the same way you do about everything. That's their right, just the same as you have the right to feel as you do.
To add to that, people will say things you don't like. Perhaps even about you....doesn't matter what they say unless you let it matter. With any conversation/relationship, there may be disagreements or arguments. It's on you how you handle them, not other people.

Also, you have every right to vent and yes, it does help. But your vent in the other thread was very extreme. There is venting and then there's going overboard with the murder scenarios. If imagining murdering people like that makes you feel better, I think perhaps you should seek out some counseling to control your anger (as someone in the other thread said).

 

[breadbasket]

This guy takes no blame whatsoever.

So, is he the ONLY one of you two that has blame to accept? Likely, that's not the case. Part of it was on YOU, as well. No one person is 100% to blame for anything.

It's not your responsibility to tell someone what they are to take as blame. The ONLY person you need to worry about is yourself. Take whatever blame you have in it and let it go. His part is not your concern. Whether he takes his part of the blame or not, that's on him to decide.

If you feel passionate about a certain subject and won't take any criticism on it, perhaps you shouldn't talk about it. Not everyone will feel the same way you do about everything. That's their right, just the same as you have the right to feel as you do.
To add to that, people will say things you don't like. Perhaps even about you....doesn't matter what they say unless you let it matter. With any conversation/relationship, there may be disagreements or arguments. It's on you how you handle them, not other people.

Also, you have every right to vent and yes, it does help. But your vent in the other thread was very extreme. There is venting and then there's going overboard with the murder scenarios. If imagining murdering people like that makes you feel better, I think perhaps you should seek out some counseling to control your anger (as someone in the other thread said).

I avoid those subjects entirely. He changed the subject to something more infuriating more than anything. One he asks, I'm tempted to answer, and he can be very rude when criticizing. He would give an honest opinion, somehting more like, "You're cute," or, "Look at your wall of honeysuckle." All he does is make me feel like honeysuckle, every time he drags me into a debate.

 

[TheRealCallie]

This guy takes no blame whatsoever.

So, is he the ONLY one of you two that has blame to accept? Likely, that's not the case. Part of it was on YOU, as well. No one person is 100% to blame for anything.

It's not your responsibility to tell someone what they are to take as blame. The ONLY person you need to worry about is yourself. Take whatever blame you have in it and let it go. His part is not your concern. Whether he takes his part of the blame or not, that's on him to decide.

If you feel passionate about a certain subject and won't take any criticism on it, perhaps you shouldn't talk about it. Not everyone will feel the same way you do about everything. That's their right, just the same as you have the right to feel as you do.
To add to that, people will say things you don't like. Perhaps even about you....doesn't matter what they say unless you let it matter. With any conversation/relationship, there may be disagreements or arguments. It's on you how you handle them, not other people.

Also, you have every right to vent and yes, it does help. But your vent in the other thread was very extreme. There is venting and then there's going overboard with the murder scenarios. If imagining murdering people like that makes you feel better, I think perhaps you should seek out some counseling to control your anger (as someone in the other thread said).

I avoid those subjects entirely. He changed the subject to something more infuriating more than anything. One he asks, I'm tempted to answer, and he can be very rude when criticizing. He would give an honest opinion, somehting more like, "You're cute," or, "Look at your wall of honeysuckle." All he does is make me feel like honeysuckle, every time he drags me into a debate.

If you don't like the subject, walk away. YOU let yourself get dragged into the debate. He may start it, but you certainly don't stop it. If you're on skype, simply end the conversation. If you're in person, simply walk away. Once you enter into the debate, it's just as much on you, as it is on him.
Also, considering your posts, I'd wager that you aren't all that polite to him either.

 

[Veruca]

Dear Breadbasket,

Based on your post it seems like you have been through a lot in life. Having your own family abandon you and put you down is terrible. Perhaps you've experienced some other hardship too, I can't tell. But you have written this post on this forum so I feel like perhaps I could offer my opinion.

As mentioned by a lot of the members, venting is totally fine but the amount of rage in your post disturbed many ofus. Please don't see our comments as a way of attacking you, we are really not. I hope you can see that if so many of us are pointing out the same issue, that you may have a serious problem with anger, then maybe you can try considering it.

The world today is made up of a lot of nasty people. Too many people have a messed up sense of what is right and what isn't, but we can't be getting angry at them all. Why should we allow their ignorance to invoke rage in us? Why allow anyone to affect us that much? We all have a choice in how to react to everything that happens. I know its not easy, but if we want to impose our own beliefs onto everyone else, however rigt we think our beliefs are, it is the same as what they are doing to us. This entire conversation with your friend shows that underneath it all, you want good things to happen.

It seems like your problems with your family may be contributing to your rage and perhaps many other emotions that are making it difficult for you to see the situation clearly. I also think that perhaps you past experiences may have affected the way you viee relationships. This friendship you have with this person seems like a toxic relationship. Anyone who puts you down and refuses to change once they are made aware of it is simply not a good friend. And vice versa, we must always ask ourselves if we are unintentionally doing the same to others. Either way, it seems like this relationship is causing more pain than anything good and I really think you should just cut this guy out of your life and find other friends.

I really think you should talk to a professional...a counselor perhaps. Not a psychiatriat who is probably going to load you up with meds but someone you can talk to. Rosebolt I think offered to help, and he has helped me with my own issues before...he's really wonderful, so perhaps you can start there?

I am sorry if I have said anything out of place, and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[SofiasMami]

My gut tells me there is something very wrong here. I don't think you will find the assistance you need on this forum. Have you told this person that you have fantasies about murdering them?

 

[VanillaCreme]

My lungs hurt from screaming. My eyes itch from wiping tears. The engine needs to cool down. Let me explain what happened before the hormones flood.

I had a friend who i met over the internet. We started off arguing because he cannot stop shoving his view on controversial topics like a living nightmare. He's like Fox news, except even more annoying, and I would get mad. After I blocked him, he started to miss me, and I unblocked him because I missed him too, because we remember the good times. And we became good friends.

. . .

I was ready for a good conversation, I told him this was sacrilege, and with it, to stop now. I was angry by then, but I did a good job of holding back rage. But despite this, h acts all smug calls me cute after bringing up this subject. Smug, by his tone he was clearly mocking me. In a legitimate argument, one should not say bullshit like "You're cute" because your passing them off as worthless, clueless idiots. Like most people do these days. "You're cute" means, "You're so pitiful, and stupid, I don;t even have to listen to you." Not only does he perform Sacrilege, but he mocks me. He gives the rhetoric, and denies it.

. . .

. . . I FORGAVE HIM FOR ALL THE BULLSHIT HE PUT ME THROUGH. I gave up my beliefs for him... I gave it all up and he abandons me.

You make the decision to argue with him. As I was reading, it seems to me that the entire friendship is based upon a way that each of you tries to prove that you're right, and in such a condescending way that neither of you even get your point across clearly. Screaming. Yelling. Shouting. Carrying on and acting out doesn't mean you're efficiently conveying your message.

And if he can't seem to stop pushing his opinions on you, then perhaps you need step back and realize how you react to him doing so. Because you can't change people. You can't control them. The choice you have lies within how you respond to them, and if you think screaming at him until your lungs are bleeding just for a fresh breath, well, then that's your choice. He's not making you do that. He may be provoking you. But he's not forcing you to behave in such a way.

Then there's forgiving him. Also a choice that you made. You could have just as easily said to him that you weren't going to even bother with him anymore. But you chose not to, and perhaps now you feel like you've been bamboozled by him. Giving up your beliefs for him was not something that was necessary to have a friendship with someone. I've never once changed my thoughts and my opinions on anything to have a friendship, and if any of them ever expected me to, then they weren't getting a friend in me.

 

[Regumika]

My gut tells me there is something very wrong here. I don't think you will find the assistance you need on this forum. Have you told this person that you have fantasies about murdering them?

The way I am reading is that the other guy is the one that has the fantasies, and the OP doesn't like it.

I'm going to agree with the few replies that you control yourself. You don't have to listen. He's not worth your time.

Also to add my opinion, you like him more than a friend. He kind of liked you at first too, then he found out that he didn't like you anymore. He has found someone else and is trying to get rid of you. You keep coming back because you like him, also in hopes that he might see just how nice of a person you are.

Now you're here talking about how wrong he is, indirectly justifying how right you are. All I can say is that if he (or anyone) makes you angry and frustrated, it is your choice to stick around.

Am I trying to trivialize your pain? No, not at all. It's all fair to feel what you feel.