an older loner ..........
- Thread starter Ninjacat
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Ninjacat
Member
I can't stand this much longer ..............
the feelings of loneliness and rejection are just too much
everyday I wait for a kind word, an acknowledgement that I'm still breathing, but there's nothing ..... I have to get out of this relationship before it kills me.
I am totally crushed
I can't do any more
I have nowhere to go, no money, no 'friends' or family that would want to listen to me or 'put up with' my problems ............
I don't know who or which way to turn now ......
If I hadn't experienced it first hand, I wouldn't have believed it possible that one human being could destroy/crush/break anothers spirit to the point of not wanting to go on
the feelings of loneliness and rejection are just too much
everyday I wait for a kind word, an acknowledgement that I'm still breathing, but there's nothing ..... I have to get out of this relationship before it kills me.
I am totally crushed
I can't do any more
I have nowhere to go, no money, no 'friends' or family that would want to listen to me or 'put up with' my problems ............
I don't know who or which way to turn now ......
If I hadn't experienced it first hand, I wouldn't have believed it possible that one human being could destroy/crush/break anothers spirit to the point of not wanting to go on
doesanybodycare
Member
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2010
- Messages
- 14
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Hi Ninjacat, being an older loner also, i can relate. You have definitely achieved many goals and should be proud. I have had a similar relationship and maybe just maybe your patner has not grown with you and has become intimidated by your life knowleges, this is a conclusion i have come to also with some past GF's, not that i consider anybody stupid (i hate that word) but sometimes the mental challenge is too much for some and instead of being proud of you and relishing the fact they are with a great person, become distant due to thier own inferiorities. Just a conclusion I think I have come to, and to be totally honest have caught myself felling that way towards partners who I consider more intelligent than I. (excuse my grammer and mis-spelling....we need spell check on this site...lol)
Hi Ninjacat,
I think doesanybodycare may be correct with that theory about your partner.
Alternatively, your partner might just be a sadist who receives pleasure from knowing how much pain he's causing you.
In my opinion it's time for you to flip into action, RIGHT NOW.
That doesn't mean you must move out.
It means you must disengage from being emotionally vulnerable to that man.
Maybe he'll come around, and maybe he won't.
But please don't hang around waiting anymore.
One good first step might be to volunteer a few hours per week, at a soup kitchen or at the "Grandmas" program if your public schools have those.
And a vital necessity is to watch your nutrition and get some form of exercise, even if it's only making up dance steps to music when you're alone. If you don't take care of at least those two things, you won't have the physical sense of wellbeing, so it will be even easier for him to keep you feeling badly.
I think doesanybodycare may be correct with that theory about your partner.
Alternatively, your partner might just be a sadist who receives pleasure from knowing how much pain he's causing you.
In my opinion it's time for you to flip into action, RIGHT NOW.
That doesn't mean you must move out.
It means you must disengage from being emotionally vulnerable to that man.
Maybe he'll come around, and maybe he won't.
But please don't hang around waiting anymore.
One good first step might be to volunteer a few hours per week, at a soup kitchen or at the "Grandmas" program if your public schools have those.
And a vital necessity is to watch your nutrition and get some form of exercise, even if it's only making up dance steps to music when you're alone. If you don't take care of at least those two things, you won't have the physical sense of wellbeing, so it will be even easier for him to keep you feeling badly.
Ninjacat
Member
Well it's been a long time - 7 years to be exact. I didn't realise so many people had left comments for me. 'He' shut me down completely, crushed my spirit, destroyed my soul, took away my joy in living and suffocated me completely. I now know he was (is) a fully paid up member of the Narcissists movement ! too much to explain, but they are evil, cruel people who kill you slowly and smile while they are doing it.
Long story short, I'm now alone since January, and trying to 'heal', it's not easy, the emotional scars go deep, but I have my life back and I am free !
Financially it's a real struggle, but well worth it to have my life back.
I'm considering starting a small business, yes even at my age ! but it's not easy, help, advice etc., all seems to be geared towards the young, but I'll hang on in there.
I still feel like an empty shell, but this will pass I know, years of abuse, neglect and toxic behaviour can't be cured in an instant. I now have hope for the future and am enjoying hobbies I haven't been able to do for years ! Looking forward to coming back often and 'chatting', I don't have friends because no one liked him, so I have to build on that.
Ninjacat
Long story short, I'm now alone since January, and trying to 'heal', it's not easy, the emotional scars go deep, but I have my life back and I am free !
Financially it's a real struggle, but well worth it to have my life back.
I'm considering starting a small business, yes even at my age ! but it's not easy, help, advice etc., all seems to be geared towards the young, but I'll hang on in there.
I still feel like an empty shell, but this will pass I know, years of abuse, neglect and toxic behaviour can't be cured in an instant. I now have hope for the future and am enjoying hobbies I haven't been able to do for years ! Looking forward to coming back often and 'chatting', I don't have friends because no one liked him, so I have to build on that.
Ninjacat
Erasercrumbs
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2017
- Messages
- 86
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It took a lot of guts to break out of an unhappy life the way you did. Life is about to get very exciting!
constant stranger
Well-known member
Greetings, Ninjacat!
Ninjacat
Member
Erasercrumbs said:
Hi, yes it did ! also a lot of pain, but there would have been more pain to stay put.
I'm taking baby steps and getting small rewards and feeling motivated to move on.
If anyone is out there going through what I did, don't leave it 26 years before finding the courage to get out ! don't waste your life, realise that every minute you are with a 'narc', you are feeding his habit, he will suck the life out of you, that's what they do, that's what they have to do to stay alive.
Cut your losses and regain your life !
constant stranger said:
Hi to you too !
