An urge to talk

[BoneAsh]

Hello,
All of the google search i did today landed me in this forum. I've decided that I need to let everything that's pent up inside me out and maybe get a response or two.

So, I'm gonna start from what I think is the beginning...

I was a fat kid, everyone I knew back then used to make fun of me (even a couple of 4th grade teachers joined in on that), this absolutely destroyed all of my self esteem and I don't think it ever came back even after I lost all of that extra weight and became extremely slim.

Growing up without any self-esteem meant that I was unable to approach people, or talk to them openly. Usually I lied about my life in order to either not look as pathetic in their eyes or to just plainly hide my "real self" from the society.

Now I am sort of grown up, I have no friends, only a few acquaintances with whom I drink beer once in a while, and I'm always the one asking them out, never the other way around. Hell, I don't think I was asked out anywhere by anyone in my entire life.

Thing is, since I never had any friendly relations with other people - I don't even know how to act properly around them or approach for a conversation. I rarely leave my apartment, once a week at best, I usually just walk around the city with a cup of coffee or visit a cinema once in a while. I don't think that I'm a bad or a selfish person, I tend to be helpful if the opportunity presents itself, I try to show my interest in another person when I want to make a friend, but it feels like nobody is interested in me. I never get asked out anywhere by anyone even if I break my shyness barrier and do it first a couple of times...

Lately I have started to stay indoors even more than i used to before, I just lost hope to ever make a friend or even find a life partner so I don't really see the reason to be around other people and socialize anymore... Still I sometimes want to get out of the house to stretch my legs, but there's noone I could ask out and it would make me feel more depressed than I am already, so I just choose to stay indoors...

In the past half year my world view became nihilistic and lately I started feeling my life to be meaningless, and I just can't provide it with the meaning I wish it had... I also wish I could kill myself, but I guess my survival instincts just wont ever let me do it, so there's probably no easy way out for me.

This is just something that had to be told, since there's noone in my life to hear it, I wrote it here...

 

[duff]

Hello,
All of the google search i did today landed me in this forum. I've decided that I need to let everything that's pent up inside me out and maybe get a response or two.

So, I'm gonna start from what I think is the beginning...

I was a fat kid, everyone I knew back then used to make fun of me (even a couple of 4th grade teachers joined in on that), this absolutely destroyed all of my self esteem and I don't think it ever came back even after I lost all of that extra weight and became extremely slim.

Growing up without any self-esteem meant that I was unable to approach people, or talk to them openly. Usually I lied about my life in order to either not look as pathetic in their eyes or to just plainly hide my "real self" from the society.

Now I am sort of grown up, I have no friends, only a few acquaintances with whom I drink beer once in a while, and I'm always the one asking them out, never the other way around. Hell, I don't think I was asked out anywhere by anyone in my entire life.

Thing is, since I never had any friendly relations with other people - I don't even know how to act properly around them or approach for a conversation. I rarely leave my apartment, once a week at best, I usually just walk around the city with a cup of coffee or visit a cinema once in a while. I don't think that I'm a bad or a selfish person, I tend to be helpful if the opportunity presents itself, I try to show my interest in another person when I want to make a friend, but it feels like nobody is interested in me. I never get asked out anywhere by anyone even if I break my shyness barrier and do it first a couple of times...

Lately I have started to stay indoors even more than i used to before, I just lost hope to ever make a friend or even find a life partner so I don't really see the reason to be around other people and socialize anymore... Still I sometimes want to get out of the house to stretch my legs, but there's noone I could ask out and it would make me feel more depressed than I am already, so I just choose to stay indoors...

In the past half year my world view became nihilistic and lately I started feeling my life to be meaningless, and I just can't provide it with the meaning I wish it had... I also wish I could kill myself, but I guess my survival instincts just wont ever let me do it, so there's probably no easy way out for me.

This is just something that had to be told, since there's noone in my life to hear it, I wrote it here...

Sounds like your in a rut.

I have been there, going for a paper was the highlight of the day when I was 24.

What can you do ?

Occupy your time better. Get a job, anything, even something miles beneath you. If you can't get one, volunteer for something. You need that feeling when you relish your spare time because you haven't got that much of it.

Become interested in something. Find something that you are passionate about . Photography, running, cycling, chess, sports etc.

Try not to be bitter, jealous, cynical. People are attracted to happy people not miserable ones.

If you think your friends don't care about you then dismiss them ! Don't waste your time on people who don't care.

Enjoy being by yourself. There is nothing wrong with it.

And you never know what is around the corner !

 

[Senamian]

You should get a hobby.

Really! I did my hobby (fish keeping/breeding) full on, last year. It was great. Most people thought it was weird but.. what do they know?!

I found it relaxing, and an encouragement to be more positive. It had me focused on that, rather than lounging about, letting thoughts and words fester in my mind (which happens often).

 

[Garbageman]

Hey BoneAsh,
I am glad you took the time to share. It can be really tough to meet and socialize with people. Some people do really seem to have a natural ability while others really have to work at it. I know it can be discouraging when you repeatedly keep putting yourself out there and not connecting with anyone. But if you want to find people, really you just have to do what ever it takes to overcome being discouraged and keep at it. The more you put yourself out there, the more situations you put your self in the more likely you will be to meet some people you can connect with.

And you will have lots to talk about because of all the things you have tried. Just start joining different groups, try new activities, even if you think you won't enjoy them because you never really know, and it will give you something to laugh about later.

If you ever feel like you need to talk feel free to PM me. Hang in there, and take care.

 

[FlyAway22]

I know the feeling of not knowing how to have friends. I don't know how to make friends-the ones I do have, or more family like. I mean the people I work with-you spend so much time together you kinda are just friends. But outside of work, well I don't know. I don't know who really is a friend, and who is just someone I know well. I rarely get asked out, and I'm scared to ask other people to go do stuff, because, well what if they aren't friends? They'll laugh at me, if it's a female, she might think I like her and be creeped out.

My only advice is to force yourself to be with people. Like other said get a hobby-Photography, chess, knitting. Then go join a group of others. At the least, you'll get off the couch, and be involved in something you like. Best-you learn new stuff, and make friends.