Anger and apathy in loneliness

[20years2many]

Has anyone else ever, while in the traffic, thought about just saying 'fresia it' and ramming the honeysuckle out of everyone on the road? Or maybe in another situation, but just completely losing your honeysuckle and doing something completely inappropriate? I don't know why I get these thoughts so much. I guess I am so lonely that I am just screaming for attention. I have never really gotten positive attention from anyone before, so I guess I just aim for any attention at all. Of course, I'm way too shy and have too low self-esteem to actually do it, but I live it out in my head every day. How great would it be to get the confidence to actually speak my mind. I could stand up to people who boss me around or use me. I really try to be assertive, but I always back down at the end and take a passive-agressive or completely internalized approach. Every single day there is at least one situation that I look back on with shame. Part of it is my self-esteem, and I think the other part is my education and social upbringing. I have always been taught to behave like a gentleman- I attended cotillion and manners classes, deb balls, etc. Then I get out in the real world and get honeysuckle on for being nice to people. Agh I am just screaming to do something reckless or talk back to someone, but I can't do it.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Taking action for your life is a difficult thing, which is why its important to just try /something/ that'll let you take a more assertive or active aspect in your own happiness in life. It doesn't have to be anything major, just something minor that you know that you can accomplish.

What are you afraid of when you think about being assertive? Do you have an example?

Regards,
IO

PS: And yes, in my bitterness, I often felt like lashing out at others, especially women, as well.

 

[lonelyloser]

I feel like running into people in traffic. I know what you mean about wanting any kind of attention. i'm intrigued by celebrities -i can't imagine getting recognized by someone i don't know at the grocery store or on the street. that would be insane. most of the time people i do know don't even acknowledge me.

 

[Occipudding]

sometimes when im bored and standing in line at the store or someplace, i think about how i could kill the person in front of me and dip.... whoever just read that, rewind and unread it. im not a lunatic! it's just my wandering imagination! i swear!