Are all human relationships doomed?

[Factotum]

do all human relationships eventually amount to nothing? i mean does it all lead to bitterness, resentment and lack of fulfillment in the end. this has always been my personal experience. does it all lead to mistrust and betrayal?

discuss.

 

[The Good Citizen]

No. Spending time listening to the older generation who have been together 60+ years would tell you all you need to know.

My grandmother developed Alzheimer's for the last 10 years of her life, my Grandfather bathed her, fed her and loved until the day she died. 2 weeks later he died himself, he said he was happy to go as she was at peace. I would say that relationship amounted to something.

 

[LoneKiller]

No. Spending time listening to the older generation who have been together 60+ years would tell you all you need to know.

My grandmother developed Alzheimer's for the last 10 years of her life, my Grandfather bathed her, fed her and loved until the day she died. 2 weeks later he died himself, he said he was happy to go as she was at peace. I would say that relationship amounted to something.

My grandfather dies of Alzheimer's. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Thanks LK. She was quite far gone by the time it was diagnosed bless her and by the time she passed away she was just a shell, the person we knew had long gone. It was probably harder on my mother who had to care for her. Not something I care to have in my gene pool to be honest.

But this is way off topic....

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

GC makes a good point.

I think media (soaps, news, gossip) etc. always focuses on the "dramatic" breakdown of relationships as opposed to what makes them special and when they work well, which gives perhaps a more negative perception to many people of relationships than is true.

I know of a lot of couples who have been happily married all their lives (my parents included).

Having said that, I've always avoided relationships because I fear losing friends through a tough breakup or what have you.

 

[Poguesy]

Nope.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

TV doesn't always mirror real life.

In fact, I would be very surprised if there were real Desperate Housewives out there. Unless they were locked up in a looney bin, that is.

Real human relationships involve caring and nurturing, because that is essentially what we all are. We generally aren't a hateful and spiteful people.

 

[Factotum]

No. Spending time listening to the older generation who have been together 60+ years would tell you all you need to know.

My grandmother developed Alzheimer's for the last 10 years of her life, my Grandfather bathed her, fed her and loved until the day she died. 2 weeks later he died himself, he said he was happy to go as she was at peace. I would say that relationship amounted to something.

my grandmother did the same for my grandfather when he lost strength in his legs. but they were from a different era.

 

[The Good Citizen]

We live in a throwaway society now and I supopse that goes for relationships too, they are too easily dropped and the willingness to stick with something and work at it has dropped because we don't have to, divorce does not have the social stigma it did previously and women have far more opportunity for financial independence now.

This is a good thing of course as its has freed people from suffering unhappy marriages but I think it also means they no longer have to work at it which is a shame as you have to if you want a happy life together.

But domestic violence, infidelity and all the lesser problems a relationship suffers have existed since time began, it was just a case people often had to suffer them in silence for lack of a way out.

I still maintain genuine love and commitment existed back then as it does now although life is more complicated now which makes it more difficult but we have more freedom in our lives so its a trade off. It comes down to a choice as to what your priorities are I suppose, if maintaining a happy relationship is more important than other aspects of your life it will succeed.

There are happy couples and unhappy ones, same as theres ever been. its just more apparent now as people have the option to get out and start a new life.

 

[Frito Bandito]

We live in a throwaway society now and I supopse that goes for relationships too, they are too easily dropped and the willingness to stick with something and work at it has dropped because we don't have to, divorce does not have the social stigma it did previously and women have far more opportunity for financial independence now.

This is a good thing of course as its has freed people from suffering unhappy marriages but I think it also means they no longer have to work at it which is a shame as you have to if you want a happy life together.

But domestic violence, infidelity and all the lesser problems a relationship suffers have existed since time began, it was just a case people often had to suffer them in silence for lack of a way out.

I still maintain genuine love and commitment existed back then as it does now although life is more complicated now which makes it more difficult but we have more freedom in our lives so its a trade off. It comes down to a choice as to what your priorities are I suppose, if maintaining a happy relationship is more important than other aspects of your life it will succeed.

There are happy couples and unhappy ones, same as theres ever been. its just more apparent now as people have the option to get out and start a new life.

...yes...

And I would just add:

Honor is gone from our society now.

A man's word is no longer is bond.

A handshake is now worthless.

A vow holds no weight nor importance.

A friendship is less valuable than gratification.

...and on and on.

I'm a relic from a different era.

 

[Okiedokes]

Well there's always going to be conflict and crappy moments with the bestest of a friend or lover. It's a matter of seeing what you should do, and trying to forgive whatever happened..otherwise it's going to lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment. Which really, mainly effects you, not them. But I realize it's easier said than done..of course.

When it comes to marriage, forgiveness is a must. I think what has to happen in order for it to work out, is setting some of your own "wants" aside and look at the other person's wants...and meet somewhere in the middle. Because it isnt all about you, and your focus shouldn't constantly be on yourself or that's all you might have in the end. Then there's the "grass is greener" thinking when you get bored or whatever, and well...sometimes that grass is the same or.... dry and brown.. lol.

As the saying goes...it really does take two to tango.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Everyone likes to sensationalize the bad and the ugly, it's just the way society is. You hear more about a persons breakups than you do about people celebrating their 30th, 40th, 50th and so on wedding anniversary. People always want to know the details behind the breakups too, was one cheating, where they abusive, etc. We like gossip, it's exciting, knowing the secrets to a happy marriage is boring conversation. My grandfather and grandmother didn't last together, they were married for like 20 years, then divorced. My grandfather found another woman who made him happy, they were married until death did they part. My Aunt was happily married until her husband passed away too soon, same with one of my Uncles he was happily married until his wife passed too soon. I don't think all human relationships are doomed at all, even though it seems the failures outweigh the successes.

 

[Drama]

Not all relationships are doomed.

 

[Ephemeral Rain]

Here's my take on this subject. Sometimes, there are those relationships that can make you lose your faith in love. But you know, there are too many **** people these days looking for sex. And that's the problem. I mean it's nice and all. But you find a girl who is hot and you want to have sex. BOOM. Then yall are dating. She becomes a *****, the BOOM its all over and your like wtf just happened?! Anyways, I feel that if we try our hardest to find that one that we love...well it will truly work out. And if that person decides to not love you or by some other manner, then dammit you fight for what you love and believe in. My girlfriend and I are in a break due to both of us having personal problems. But when she gets sad and discouraged, I fight for our love (although at the moment, she wouldn't do the same). But just like The Good Citizen said, those older people have been together years. And their love is still strong. My great grandparents have been married for over 60 years now. And I asked them what their secret was. And their answer was this: "If you want something, you fight for it. If you want someone, you fight for it. If you know something is truly meant to be, you fight!"

And of course, fighting is metaphorical here. But the older generation fought for the ones they loved. And they kept to their vows and their word. I am just afraid that indifference has become the new "black Plague" of our era. If people actually cared, promises made would be kept. Fighting for love would mean something. Find someone who is not indifferent. And love them for who they are. And they will love you back.

 

[floffyschneeman]

Not all relationships are doomed. In fact, no relationship is doom, unless it's flawed the very beginning two or more people have made that relationship. But I think, if a person gets in a relationship for selfish and wrong reason, then you couldn't really fully take that relationship as something real. Relationship is a natural occurring phenomenon of human emotions and need for company, for love and the need to love. you can't force it to happen, it just happens at its right place, right time, right people. At that point where two (or more) people consider each other as special in each other's lives, that's genuine and regardless of what will happen later on, that very moment can't be undone nor can't be made unreal. Sometimes people grow separately and fall out of interest of each other, sometimes people are taken over by their weakness or bitterness, those make relationships break. If not handle properly, it'll also hurt one or a lot of people. But one failed relationship wouldn't make all relationships doom. At the very least, failed relationships teach us to become better (though most people take it to make themselves worse)

I hope I made sense (hehe)