Are shy guys really appreciated by women?

[Anten]

That would be the most awkward meeting ever. Two peolple too shy to talk to each other.

---

Diana King ''Shy Guy''


I don't know what the sound is about but I think she is into shy guy for a reason.

 

[princess_valium]

I don't think they are. I was friends with a guy who was very shy and he would just allow women to walk all over him and use him. If a man does not have respect for himself women will not respect him either.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I have respect for myself. I have been the people pleaser before, and I never won.

That being said, I don't like trying to entertain women, either. Other than as a singer/musician, I am not a natural entertainer.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I still don't understand why some people want to put a label on themselves and everyone else. Jocks, shy guys... Does it really matter... A person is a person, and if you treated them like a human being instead of a label, it wouldn't interfere with who you talked to and how you talked to them. Life isn't high school.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Shyness isn't a label. It's a trait.

So is being quiet, introverted, and laid back. All traits.

A jock is a description of someone's activities. All I am describing myself as is shy, quiet, introverted, and laid back, which aren't really descriptions of someone's activities. I would be better able to describe myself if I said I was artistic, which (as a writer and musician), I am.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Doesn't matter how you slice it, it's still putting restrictions on who you talk to. It really saddens me that so many people think... "Oh, I'm too shy... They'll never talk to me." Just do it. You never know what will happen.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't think that.

Look, I have social anxiety, okay? I have always been shy, but the anxiety on top of that is the cherry on top that ruins everything. I have hyperventilated and passed out when I've tried to socialize before.

I don't do that anymore, because I'm on medication. But I would LOVE to be an outgoing person. I would LOVE to not have to deal with blushing, feeling shaky, feeling queasy, sweating, and all the other lovely things that go along with having social anxiety disorder.

But I have to, unfortunately. It's genetic. My mom went through this at my age, although not to the extent I am.

I don't put restrictions on who I talk to. I am just as willing to talk to the loner girl as I am to the party girl. Doesn't matter. The loner girl even thinks I'm weird. Maybe some of that is in my head, but not all of it. I've been called a freak and ugly to my face, so I believe it.

And what makes it even more confusing is that it's not always the way someone LOOKS or what LABEL they have on them, that makes me nervous around them! I've been nervous around the band geeks, and chatty with the cheerleaders. If you want to start talking about labels, let's talk about that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Totally not my point, but okay. People are just people, dude.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

And that fear of people is called social anxiety disorder.

*sigh*

You obviously don't get it. There's thousands of people on the social anxiety forum I belong to, at least 50% haven't dated before...maybe more.

I might as well leave here, or ask to be permabanned, because I thought this was a community that understood social anxiety disorder. Obviously I was wrong, since a poster who almost has 3 thousand posts and has 30 reputation points doesn't understand what it's like!

 

[Gerardo]

Shy guys are seen by women at most as a friend. In order to really grab their attention, you have to be a bit more talkative, like to dance, etc.

 

[Stormrider]

And that fear of people is called social anxiety disorder.

*sigh*

You obviously don't get it. There's thousands of people on the social anxiety forum I belong to, at least 50% haven't dated before...maybe more.

I might as well leave here, or ask to be permabanned, because I thought this was a community that understood social anxiety disorder. Obviously I was wrong, since a poster who almost has 3 thousand posts and has 30 reputation points doesn't understand what it's like!

You don't have to leave, some people understand your problems and some don't. I'm not really social myself but I do sometimes go out alone, because if I wouldn't I'd sit alone all weekend at home.
Usually it ends up in going to a bar, having a drink or 2 and leaving again without talking to anyone, or just a short casual talk with someone I know from work or something like that.

I have a few close friends were I come once in a week or 2 but even there I sometimes don't feel completely comfortable.
I've been told to be more open, etc. to meet more people and women, but it's not like you can switch on or off to be more social.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You don't have to leave, some people understand your problems and some don't. I'm not really social myself but I do sometimes go out alone, because if I wouldn't I'd sit alone all weekend at home.
Usually it ends up in going to a bar, having a drink or 2 and leaving again without talking to anyone, or just a short casual talk with someone I know from work or something like that.

I have a few close friends were I come once in a week or 2 but even there I sometimes don't feel completely comfortable.
I've been told to be more open, etc. to meet more people and women, but it's not like you can switch on or off to be more social.

Thanks Storm.

I have reconsidered leaving. I really don't want to leave, but I just get so frustrated at pop-positivity advice like Vanilla gives. "Just be social, and it'll all be fine"...what if it isn't natural for you to be social?!?!?!

I honestly did come here, thinking it was a forum for people who would understand loneliness, depression, and anxiety. Sadly, some people just dontageddit...and I probably should put those users on my block list!

 

[Stormrider]

Thanks Storm.

I have reconsidered leaving. I really don't want to leave, but I just get so frustrated at pop-positivity advice like Vanilla gives. "Just be social, and it'll all be fine"...what if it isn't natural for you to be social?!?!?!

I honestly did come here, thinking it was a forum for people who would understand loneliness, depression, and anxiety. Sadly, some people just dontageddit...and I probably should put those users on my block list!

It's hard to do things in another way than your brain tells you to do, to some people it may sound weird that going out and talking to others can be difficult.
You can block people if you want to, but I also think that some of them try to help and want to give good advice, but are just having trouble to relate to the problems.
You can't be good for everyone, even if you try

 

[VanillaCreme]

While many people here do understand it, that isn't what this forum is all about. Calm down, it's not that serious.

And I didn't say to just be social. How about you understand what I say before you put words in my mouth...

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, I guess people who have never had a panic attack, can't comprehend what it's like to have one.

That's what my therapist said, and it probably rings true.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Don't assume you know me either. Just because I don't freak out over stuff doesn't mean I've never wanted to or felt like it before. I see why you have a problem with people now.

 

[Ak5]

Oooh, ouch.

*popcorn*

 

[EveWasFramed]

(D) Back up and regroup.

 

[ensom]

Yeah, I guess people who have never had a panic attack, can't comprehend what it's like to have one.

That's what my therapist said, and it probably rings true.

I definitely believe this to be the case. The same goes for other mental illnesses or issues, like depression.

It's why I ditched my first therapist. He would tell me things like "talk to more people" or "be more social" without offering anything else. If all I needed was for someone to tell me to do those things, I wouldn't need therapy!

But you really can't fault others for offering well-meaning advice that is ultimately unhelpful when applied to your situation. They're really tricky issues you're experiencing, so I certainly see how they can be hard to understand for those who've never experienced them. I can relate to you and yet even I can't offer any helpful advice.

 

[Anten]

Well I would like to chime in that having a disorder isn't cured like a common cold, no TheraFlu, or lying in bed drinking lots of liquids. So with that LeaningIntoTheMuse, the help you need might be out of our hands at this forum. Though i can say try to make a friend with a girl and tell her about your anxiety problems. Take it slow and open up when you feel ready, if she is a true friend she will help you out.