Avoiding people - because of what they said

[Restless soul]

Personally, I dislike that word.  What's wrong with the old ways of saying it...why does there have to be a "new and improved" word?

I know when I first heard of it. on forever alone. I was like wtf does ghosting mean?? but I guess it's a cool new slang

 

[Restless soul]

Yesterday I avoided a usual suspect that I avoid in my area.
when I pulled into driveway they were parked in front of my house.
and I just couldn't get out of the car. I just didn't want to acknowledge them in anyway. or maybe see me notice them while I go into my house. it sounds so crazy but. I pretended to sit in car and looknat phone. and she was hanging around her car too
almost like she knew I was waiting for her to leave. like she smelled my fear of her and she was hanging around her car in spite as like some challenge. it was very disturbing. so I pulled the car out fast and came back an hour later. I know that goes against any advice people reccomend for a problem like this. to run from it
and let it overpower you, which was exactly what I did

 

[Jack Rainier]

Many years ago in my job as a reporter for television news or a national newspaper, I frequently encountered difficult people and for the sake of one's job, couldn't avoid them. One of the first rules in journalism is Get Your Facts Correct.

Now - if detestable obdurate people had a problem with my asking questions for our readers and viewers, then that was their problem, not mine. Of course, that didn't mean I wasn't feeling anxious, but had ways of hiding that: not averting one's eyes, but keeping a steady gaze on them until they coughed up the info I wanted. It's a knack that was acquired over time, and it served me well ever since.

I've had people cross the road to avoid me. Again - that's their problem. But I won't talk to verbal abusers and if cornered as has happened, had to fight my way clear.

Thankfully now, my family and I live in a civilised residential area where passing the time of day or giving a wave is just great, so there is no need to avoid people.

 

[Celt]

Yesterday I avoided a usual suspect that I avoid in my area.
when I pulled into driveway they were parked in front of my house.
and I just couldn't get out of the car. I just didn't want to acknowledge them in anyway. or maybe see me notice them while I go into my house. it sounds so crazy but. I pretended to sit in car and looknat phone.  and she was hanging around her car too
almost like she knew I was waiting for her to leave. like she smelled my fear of her and she was hanging around her car in spite as like some challenge. it was very disturbing.  so I pulled the car out fast and came back an hour later. I know that goes against any advice people reccomend for a problem like this. to run from it
and let it overpower you,  which was exactly what I did

Don't worry, I've sat in the car with the phone stuck to my ear and having a conversation with myself, just to avoid someone.

 

[Restless soul]

Yesterday I avoided a usual suspect that I avoid in my area.
when I pulled into driveway they were parked in front of my house.
and I just couldn't get out of the car. I just didn't want to acknowledge them in anyway. or maybe see me notice them while I go into my house. it sounds so crazy but. I pretended to sit in car and looknat phone.  and she was hanging around her car too
almost like she knew I was waiting for her to leave. like she smelled my fear of her and she was hanging around her car in spite as like some challenge. it was very disturbing.  so I pulled the car out fast and came back an hour later. I know that goes against any advice people reccomend for a problem like this. to run from it
and let it overpower you,  which was exactly what I did

Don't worry, I've sat in the car with the phone stuck to my ear and having a conversation with myself, just to avoid someone.

you have done too. but it's such a problem as well. Where you have such an overwhelming force preventing you from going about your usual actions. Becuse of one person. very hard to overcome

 

[Celt]

I never thought of it  a problem? That's just my way of getting through the day. There are members of my family who go out of their way to get into a conversation but for some  reason its the opposite for me.

 

[Restless soul]

I never thought of it  a problem? That's just my way of getting through the day. There are members of my family who go out of their way to get into a conversation but for some  reason its the opposite for me.

right. depending on the reeasons and people you avoid. 

Are you aavoiding them because they annoy you? Or i my case affect your mental health. i.e. moods and thinking when you see them. So to avoid them to at least not make eye contact. but even seeing them was enough to bring me down.  So it already sets me off in a upset depressed state. and unfortunately there are too many people who do this to me

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

Oh boy is this my thread. I avoid people because of things they said or mostly did. I go to extreme lengths. I go to lunch when the cafeteria first opens to avoid these people. I pretend to not see people to avoid them. I never go to parties because someone I don't like could show up. I avoid my neighbors by looking out before I go out and if I pull in and they are there I "pretend" to be with my phone.

For me it is that seeing or talking to them will upset me and also... I feel like there is this unspoken social contract in life. You feel yourself to be popular if you have a lot of people talking to you... and many people are able to ignore what they did to you to "have a friend". By not talking to them.. they can't have that.

 

[Celt]

There are various reasons and I don't necessarily have to know them. If someone can't talk to you then they have no influence on you.

 

[Restless soul]

Oh boy is this my thread. I avoid people because of things they said or mostly did.  I go to extreme lengths. I go to lunch when the cafeteria first opens to avoid these people. I pretend to not see people to avoid them. I never go to parties because someone I don't like could show up.   I avoid my neighbors by looking out before I go out and if I pull in and they are there I "pretend" to be with my phone.

For me it is that seeing or talking to them will upset me and also... I feel like there is this unspoken social contract in life. You feel yourself to be popular if you have a lot of people talking to you... and many people are able to ignore what they did to you to "have a friend". By not talking to them.. they can't have that.

right. what I was trying to tell celt is that these people or even places. can have a psychological impact on you. in this case people. I am one of those highly sensitive individuals where I allow it to penetrate my psyche.  Why is this forum perfect for this topic. Becuse I think lonliness and not having the right outlets with people. relationships. etc..are a big contributing factor when it comes to something related to this. Do you agree?

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and sometimes it's just a vibe from a person you don't even know.
and aura about them

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

right. what I was trying to tell celt is that these people or even places. can have a psychological impact on you. in this case people. I am one of those highly sensitive individuals where I allow it to penetrate my psyche.  Why is this forum perfect for this topic. Becuse I think lonliness and not having the right outlets with people. relationships. etc..are a big contributing factor when it comes to something related to this. Do you agree?

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Yes. I don't like to think of myself as "sensitive" but I am in the sense that I see all the little games people play and am not willing to play them. If most people in the world were similar I would probably be considered an extrovert. But because they are not, I have to be a hermit and try to limit my exposure to them So the world as it is currently is not the right outlet for me. 

I avoid these people because they just will never change and their involvement with me is not a positive thing for me. 

I currently have two "friends" I cannot avoid and I am at wits end.

- one has gotten me into trouble at work before and she is SUCH a scatterbrain. But she comes to my office the other day sits down and asks if I want to go to lunch. Against my better judgment.. I go. But then, we get there and she tells me -- I can go.. she will take a lot of time getting her salad. WTF? That whole thing just made me angry because obviously she was using me for some reason. 

- one is in the next office to me... and no matter how many times I tell her to leave me out of her schemes and to NOT just walk in if my door is closed... she just does. I have no idea how to end it.

With the above... I feel like I cannot be rude or stern because I work with them.  But they just make me angry.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

right. what I was trying to tell celt is that these people or even places. can have a psychological impact on you. in this case people. I am one of those highly sensitive individuals where I allow it to penetrate my psyche.  Why is this forum perfect for this topic. Becuse I think lonliness and not having the right outlets with people. relationships. etc..are a big contributing factor when it comes to something related to this. Do you agree?

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Yes. I don't like to think of myself as "sensitive" but I am in the sense that I see all the little games people play and am not willing to play them. If most people in the world were similar I would probably be considered an extrovert. But because they are not, I have to be a hermit and try to limit my exposure to them So the world as it is currently is not the right outlet for me. 

I avoid these people because they just will never change and their involvement with me is not a positive thing for me. 

I currently have two "friends" I cannot avoid and I am at wits end.

- one has gotten me into trouble at work before and she is SUCH a scatterbrain. But she comes to my office the other day sits down and asks if I want to go to lunch. Against my better judgment.. I go. But then, we get there and she tells me -- I can go.. she will take a lot of time getting her salad. WTF? That whole thing just made me angry because obviously she was using me for some reason. 

- one is in the next office to me... and no matter how many times I tell her to leave me out of her schemes and to NOT just walk in if my door is closed... she just does. I have no idea how to end it.

With the above... I feel like I cannot be rude or stern because I work with them.  But they just make me angry.

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Yep. People are freaks.

 

[Celt]

The chairman of the firm has a pa to stop people just walking in and and talking to him / her. Others have to find alternative ways, so no I don't see it as the symptom of a psychological problem. Just a necessary evil to stop ones self having to listen to crap or other hidden adjendas.

 

[Restless soul]

Here is something that just happened sorta related to this
topic but not avoidance. I am sitting in starbucks, a guy walks in I was kinda friendly a guy I have not seen in months. Wasn't great friends or anything. but I am sitting. so I hear my name and someone tap me. and he keeps walking. I didn't even see who it was at first, so I litterly like had to almost confront him and like flag him over. because I am thinking, hey. why not be normal
. ( ok I know you are all laughing now, me telling someone to be normal) anyway, why not be normal stop for a second say hey how have you been. long time no see. instead of just scurrying away?
that is kinda rude. or else why bother saying hello. Am I wrong here? overreacting here? I don't really know

 

[wallflower79]

It seems kind of hypocritical to want to avoid people for no reason at all, and then expect others to greet you when you see them. You never know what others are going through.

 

[Restless soul]

It seems kind of hypocritical to want to avoid people for no reason at all, and then expect others to greet you when you see them. You never know what others are going through.

right. but hello!!!?? I don't avoid this guy. and he didn't avoid me. just the way he decided to say hello was weird and a bit rude to me.

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I was also poking fun at myself by saying, someone normal like me.

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because. I would not of even noticed him if he didn't tap me

 

[TheRealCallie]

You usually overreact in these situations.  
Maybe he was in a hurry, maybe he didn't want to have a conversation.  Maybe he didn't want to intrude or interrupt. 
It's not rude to tap someone you know as you are walking by, IMO. I know a lot of people that do that, hell, I've done that.

 

[Restless soul]

You usually overreact in these situations.  
Maybe he was in a hurry, maybe he didn't want to have a conversation.  Maybe he didn't want to intrude or interrupt. 
It's not rude to tap someone you know as you are walking by, IMO. I know a lot of people that do that, hell, I've done that.

eh, it's a been flakey. or just odd. after not seeing someone. 
not the most mature greeting. Anyway. nice to see you callie

 

[Restless soul]

i mean its a flakey way to say hi. and he hung out there. but whatever. partially my own hangups and insecurities to blame

 

[owmygod]

I think you need to work on your fears and insecurities.