Estreen
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2008
- Messages
- 657
- Reaction score
- 2
<begin_rant>
Befriending your roommates can either turn out positive or negative. I am fortunate to have really clicked with one of them. The other one? Well....not so much. I'm about at wit's end in dealing with her and helping her out.
I pride myself on being a neutral, laid-back, peace-keeping individual. I like to avoid confrontation if possible and try to talk things out if need be. I can get along with just about any person, unless they are set on not getting along with me. *shrugs* However....I eventually have a point where I get burnt out if someone decides to take advantage of my nice, helpful, giving nature. When it goes from doing a nice thing for someone every now and again, to an expected, near-daily obligation, I get stressed out and frustrated over it, because I will not say anything for some time, in hopes that they'll calm down with the requests or find another, more permanent alternate person to rely on. Generally this does not happen and a sort of falling out results, or I end up putting a lot of space between myself and that person, even if I have to lie to them about it.
This generally occurs with only certain types of people: people who are very stubborn; usually self-absorbed; and for the most part ignorant, of things in general and especially about their personality flaws. You know, the type of people who can't see their own faults, the ones that have "everything " happen to them. The kind of people who could quite easily do a bit more to help themselves but won't, because they decide it's easier to just get you or someone else to do it for them, ignore the things you can't do or get for them, then blame something or someone else for why they couldn't get it done or obtain what they needed.
Herein, lies my problem. One of my roommates is very close to the description I just typed above. She lives in one of the rooms upstairs from me (this is a house, converted into an apartment, with three bedrooms and a shared kitchen, bathroom, and "livingroom") with her fiancee (who is technically not a roommate as our landlord has no idea that she lives here). Pretty much since I've moved here (since she's had my number anyway) I've gotten texts nearly everyday asking if she can borrow toilet paper or food/beverages, if I can give her a ride to/from school (which is only half a mile down the road...), if I can spot her some money for cigarettes, if I can go get her friends, etc. If it's not to ask me for a favor then it's her saying she thinks I'm "different" because I haven't hung out with her for like, a day or two, and instead have hung out with the other roomie (who I get on with wonderfully) so suddenly things are "different" in the apartment. She'll complain of feeling "left out" despite the fact that we will invite her and her fiancee almost every time we do something. We invite them to go to the gym with us, we invite them to play badminton with us, and each time they/she has some excuse for either not wanting to or not being able to. We don't smoke weed, and that seems to be the only thing they want to do. Either that or drink, which I will partake in, on occasion. So, we're limited to hanging out in their room, with the cigarette and pot smoke, plus the cat (which I have a mild allergy to cats) but no, apparently there's something wrong with me if I don't hang out in there for more than a day or two. Granted, she does clean her room once a week and sprays it with odor eaters, but that's not the point. One can not expect everyone else to come to you, often times you must go to others if you want to see them. It's not that hard. Anyway, I digress....
It's gotten to a point where it interferes with my own life/schedule, and while I love helping others, I can't afford to. Any money I have is my parents and they do not have enough money to support 2-3 people. I was asked (yet AGAIN) tonight if I had any toilet paper to let them "borrow" and I lied and said no, because they use it up within the DAY, or by the next day, for sure. Between them, as me and the other roommate are almost always at school during the week, and I only use the bathroom, like, once a day, sometimes twice. I've also been noticing toilet paper stuffed in the garbage in the bathroom....which is kinda pissing me off. I'm tired of being, like, tied down to a person who I owe nothing to. I was just being nice and "neighborly", that doesn't mean I want to spend a minimum of half of my free time running around for her and her fiancee, having to rush home after classes or cut time short on working on stuff after class, or have to tell someone where I am and what I'm doing at least once a day. I'm going to get to the point where I'm going to just start ignoring any texts she sends....which she sends so many, that every other day my inbox gets filled up and I have to go through and delete messages just to make room for more. I love the fact that I'm around other people, I just don't like having someone constantly depending on me. Just because my parents were able to provide a little more for me doesn't mean I have to give up what little I do have for others all the time.
Sorry for the long rant, but I don't appreciate getting accused of having an attitude and being taken advantage of by people who I've only known for the past month and a half and who I do a LOT for. I practically run their lives for them and that's NOT what I came here for, nor what I signed up for when I signed the lease. On top of that, I don't like having my phone being constantly messaged, interrupting me at every turn, and having another person trying to rush me so that they can get what they need or get to where they need to. Just because my class is over doesn't mean that I'm obligated to to devote the rest of my day working around another person's schedule. UGH!
</end_rant>
Befriending your roommates can either turn out positive or negative. I am fortunate to have really clicked with one of them. The other one? Well....not so much. I'm about at wit's end in dealing with her and helping her out.
I pride myself on being a neutral, laid-back, peace-keeping individual. I like to avoid confrontation if possible and try to talk things out if need be. I can get along with just about any person, unless they are set on not getting along with me. *shrugs* However....I eventually have a point where I get burnt out if someone decides to take advantage of my nice, helpful, giving nature. When it goes from doing a nice thing for someone every now and again, to an expected, near-daily obligation, I get stressed out and frustrated over it, because I will not say anything for some time, in hopes that they'll calm down with the requests or find another, more permanent alternate person to rely on. Generally this does not happen and a sort of falling out results, or I end up putting a lot of space between myself and that person, even if I have to lie to them about it.
This generally occurs with only certain types of people: people who are very stubborn; usually self-absorbed; and for the most part ignorant, of things in general and especially about their personality flaws. You know, the type of people who can't see their own faults, the ones that have "everything " happen to them. The kind of people who could quite easily do a bit more to help themselves but won't, because they decide it's easier to just get you or someone else to do it for them, ignore the things you can't do or get for them, then blame something or someone else for why they couldn't get it done or obtain what they needed.
Herein, lies my problem. One of my roommates is very close to the description I just typed above. She lives in one of the rooms upstairs from me (this is a house, converted into an apartment, with three bedrooms and a shared kitchen, bathroom, and "livingroom") with her fiancee (who is technically not a roommate as our landlord has no idea that she lives here). Pretty much since I've moved here (since she's had my number anyway) I've gotten texts nearly everyday asking if she can borrow toilet paper or food/beverages, if I can give her a ride to/from school (which is only half a mile down the road...), if I can spot her some money for cigarettes, if I can go get her friends, etc. If it's not to ask me for a favor then it's her saying she thinks I'm "different" because I haven't hung out with her for like, a day or two, and instead have hung out with the other roomie (who I get on with wonderfully) so suddenly things are "different" in the apartment. She'll complain of feeling "left out" despite the fact that we will invite her and her fiancee almost every time we do something. We invite them to go to the gym with us, we invite them to play badminton with us, and each time they/she has some excuse for either not wanting to or not being able to. We don't smoke weed, and that seems to be the only thing they want to do. Either that or drink, which I will partake in, on occasion. So, we're limited to hanging out in their room, with the cigarette and pot smoke, plus the cat (which I have a mild allergy to cats) but no, apparently there's something wrong with me if I don't hang out in there for more than a day or two. Granted, she does clean her room once a week and sprays it with odor eaters, but that's not the point. One can not expect everyone else to come to you, often times you must go to others if you want to see them. It's not that hard. Anyway, I digress....
It's gotten to a point where it interferes with my own life/schedule, and while I love helping others, I can't afford to. Any money I have is my parents and they do not have enough money to support 2-3 people. I was asked (yet AGAIN) tonight if I had any toilet paper to let them "borrow" and I lied and said no, because they use it up within the DAY, or by the next day, for sure. Between them, as me and the other roommate are almost always at school during the week, and I only use the bathroom, like, once a day, sometimes twice. I've also been noticing toilet paper stuffed in the garbage in the bathroom....which is kinda pissing me off. I'm tired of being, like, tied down to a person who I owe nothing to. I was just being nice and "neighborly", that doesn't mean I want to spend a minimum of half of my free time running around for her and her fiancee, having to rush home after classes or cut time short on working on stuff after class, or have to tell someone where I am and what I'm doing at least once a day. I'm going to get to the point where I'm going to just start ignoring any texts she sends....which she sends so many, that every other day my inbox gets filled up and I have to go through and delete messages just to make room for more. I love the fact that I'm around other people, I just don't like having someone constantly depending on me. Just because my parents were able to provide a little more for me doesn't mean I have to give up what little I do have for others all the time.
Sorry for the long rant, but I don't appreciate getting accused of having an attitude and being taken advantage of by people who I've only known for the past month and a half and who I do a LOT for. I practically run their lives for them and that's NOT what I came here for, nor what I signed up for when I signed the lease. On top of that, I don't like having my phone being constantly messaged, interrupting me at every turn, and having another person trying to rush me so that they can get what they need or get to where they need to. Just because my class is over doesn't mean that I'm obligated to to devote the rest of my day working around another person's schedule. UGH!
</end_rant>