Begging For Friends???

[Zeek]

Do you ever feel like you put yourself out there too much to the point that you feel like you are begging for friends? I mean....after awhile it gets ridiculous...

People probably are thinking you've got some major issues cause you have no friends or nobody to talk to....It's a no win situation....

Life sucks....

 

[Stephanie]

Hmm, an interesting question to be sure...

I didn't realize it until recently, but once upon a time in my life, it was probably very obvious I was needed friends and while I didn't beg per se', I think it's possible I came across as a bit desperate. I don't know that for sure as I've never asked anyone that; but looking back at my own behavior, I have to wince a little because it is possible that the reason I didn't make many was because people picked up on my desperation.

There have also been times that I've felt like I was practically begging for the attention of my existing friends. That has made me feel useless and worthless on occasion. Then I start the downward spiral of thinking that maybe I am worthless and how could those friends possibly like such a pathetic worthless person like me and well, on and on.

Over time though, I've mostly broken myself of that thinking. It helps that I have more friends in my life now so if one is unavailable for whatever reason, another probably will be. But there was a time I only had one true friend that was mostly available and I probably drove him about crazy at times. But he is the soul of patience and was there for me through that low period of my life. Now that I have more friends, I don't feel so starved for attention because now I am getting all the attention I need from multiple people and that has gone a long way to help my self-esteem.

So now, on those occasions that all my friends happen to be busy (right now as I type this is one of those times), I am okay with that. I am much more confident in how my friends feel about me and know that even if they don't feel like chatting or are busy right now, they will be soon enough. I just enjoy the alone time as I have it now as it helps calm my spirit.

Just try not to overthink making friends. Just let them happen naturally. If you come off desperate, you're going to attract those who are manipulative or will think you're gullible (even if you're not) because they'll see you as an easy target. Just try to relax and smile. I know it's easier said than done, but it will help you feel better, even at those times that it feels like life sucks.

I hope this helps.

 

[Sean]

I've done this on another forum,
It was . . sort of sucessful.

You can take some of the desperation out of the post if you explain within the post that you realize how desperate you sound.
Maybe put in a joke or two also.


Edit: You were talking about real life friends. My mistake.

 

[Zeek]

To me it boils down to this.....

I can't be 100% the problem with everyone!!!!!

There's got to be a different answer than blaming myself all the time....

 

[Stephanie]

Whoa, calm down. I never said you were 100% of the problem. And blame doesn't do any good anyway. It just makes you feel worse. Maybe if you were more specific about how things go when you're putting yourself out there, someone could offer better advice that is appropriate to your situation.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You're not 100% the reason why. Everyone is different, and while it's easy to make friends with person A, person B might not be so easy. Just because you put yourself out there, doesn't mean everyone will take the bait. It's not reasonable to believe everyone would. You have to just accept that people are different, and those you do make friends with, naturally and not forced, will appreciate that friendship more. Never force friendship, because then that's not real, and it will either disappear or come back and slap you in the face somehow.

 

[alonewanderer]

Look you're going to need a new outlook on life, remember it's their fault for not realizing how awesome you are, their loss. If someone tries too hard I start to wonder if they have a hidden agenda against me but I'm just a paranoid fellow like that. Keep it light, humorous and preferably witty, I'll always want to be around someone that cracks me up without doing things reminiscent of Jackass the movie.


Just don't give 2 craps about anyone and just try to keep yourself entertained, that's what people like and will be attracted to.....or start wearing really tight revealing clothes.... <---just a joke

 

[Mary Mary]

Zeek - I'm going to break the trend and say the problem is you. You're the common denominator in every situation. So, what of it? Instead of throwing a temper tantrum, why don't you do something about it. Google websites on how to make friends, get books, practice, get therapy ( http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100907171640.htm ).

 

[Zeek]

Look you're going to need a new outlook on life, remember it's their fault for not realizing how awesome you are, their loss.

I have developed that outlook on life....believe me. One thing I have learned is to not allow people to hurt you or abuse you...And just because your now ex-marital partner was your best and only friend doesn't make you a loser.....people are lonely and friendless for different reasons...

 

[alonewanderer]

Look you're going to need a new outlook on life, remember it's their fault for not realizing how awesome you are, their loss.

I have developed that outlook on life....believe me. One thing I have learned is to not allow people to hurt you or abuse you...And just because your now ex-marital partner was your best and only friend doesn't make you a loser.....people are lonely and friendless for different reasons...

Some people are just natural loners and enjoy it but....wait for it....cheesy " Hangover " joke incoming... Sometimes a wolf finds a pack.

My problem after I lost my entourage due to moving was that I kept trying to find replacements instead of just accepting people as they were. You're going to have to determine what you like doing and just find others with similar interests and putting the plan in motion.


The moment you stop giving a **** about anyone is the moment you are free to be yourself with no reservations.


oh ...and smile more it confuses people into asking you why you're smiling

 

[Sci-Fi]

Zeek, don't be so down on yourself. If you're getting to the point you are coming off as begging for friends just take a step back. Most of the friends we make come naturally. I don't have any friends were I live, but that's because I'm a shy person and I don't get out so that's my problem. But your statement made me look back on the friends I do have and ones I've had and they all came along naturally. Mostly from high school, we'd be in the same class, sat near each other, started to talk, found out we had things in common or like each others company.

Can I ask you something? Too bad I'm going to anyway Do you like yourself, like being with yourself? Could you be your own friend? Think about that for a bit then respond if you want.

 

[Zeek]

yea

 

[jjam]

I've struggled with the idea but I am growing out of it. In fact, there is someone who is allowing me the opportunity to fight through this and change myself in trying to earn her friendship. She doesn't even realize it but I do. I hope I can someday tell her how this experience has helped me.

You must let go of your pride. You mustn't care what others think about you trying to earn the friendship of another. Allow yourself to act genuinely. In your mind, do it because you want the friendship, not because it will be the end of the world if you fail to obtain it. Throughout the process, do what you feel is right. Do not walk the walk of one who stalks. Then, you let THAT person decide if you're a desperate stalker or someone who genuinely wants them as a friend. If your genuine efforts to make that person a friend get mistaken for desperation, then THAT person (or any spectator who comments) is the fool and you could walk away with nothing to feel ashamed of.