Being depressed makes me happy

[darkwall]

I realised it today.

Whenever depression comes in again there's a sort of bittersweetness about it, like nostalgia, or welcoming an old friend.

I don't like myself and haven't since an early age. I'm incredibly self-destructive, and whenever I do something like give myself a scar on my face that'll last the rest of my life, I feel a kind of satisfaction afterwards. I guess I feel better having made my hated self miserable.

No one will probably understand this, but when I feel the weight of the sadness and loneliness descend on me, it's comforting. Without it, I feel too light and thoughtless. Yet of course it brings me unbelievable pain, and stops me from moving forward in my life.

Is this why certain people fresia up their lives - because at some level they feel they deserve it?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

mmmm...my spelling and grammer might not be the best.
I do belive I wrote.. "get out of your comfortzone" a couple hundred times.

It's an addiction/habit. Your brain release natural chemeicals to make you feel depressed.
Just like shooting heroine. Heroine is a downer drug just the same.
In other words you're a junkie...an emotional junkie. The same as a skydriver being a junkie.

Yes all that moral issue or justifucations just keeps it in a destructive cycle.
Your brain will create phatoms pains or real dramma...so you'll feel like honeysuckle again again to get it's fixed.
The only different between an alki and a drug addcit is...they just use outside source chemicles.
Never the less...they're create dramma, chaos or phatoms pains to take more drugs.

Usually after adstance from the durg/alcohol abuse...most people in the first couple years of recovery
will exhibit the same behavior or go into a deep depression...Basically living that same type of life style
as if they're still using.

It takes time for the receptors to your brian to heal and regenerate various receptors for a veriety of emotion
range. Expanding one's emotion volcabuary is a great excersize. Most people don't know what the hell jevilent,
blizz, sereen, peace, clam, joy, jetty, bashful, sad, blues, irratated, hurt, remose,....etc is.

High and depressed....high and depressed... up and down ...lmao
Most people in early recovery get diagnosed as being Bi polar....ERRR ???

Yes...that's why some people say .."you have no one to blame except yourself becuase you create your our own reality"
If you can see it in a different light and not take it as a personal attack...
Observe yourself...you're actaully notice patterns of how you're set up yourself to feel depressed or like honeysuckle.

Yes...i guess another way other people say it is...you deseve it..

I garantee ya..if you I tell you...You ought to be fucken happy right here , right now...you're go into
an emotional withdraw.

That's why you'll see some people purkie all the **** time..happy and laughing all the time.
They just have habits of feeling good all the time...which is okay.
You just have to remind them to chill the fresia out when bad stuff happens sometimes.
Bad feelings are foriegne to some people and they freak out if they feel bad sometimes..Going through withdraws just the same.

 

[stella]

I know how you feel, i get the same sort of feelings when i feel depressed. I've wondered for a while why i feel like that, after much pondering, i've come to the conclusion that its because i've become so accustomed to feeling sad that any other feeling is alien to me. Depression has become the norm for me.

 

[Brian]

I think I made a post similar to this some time ago after I first joined.

It's definitely sort of a comfort zone thing. When I -am- depressed, anything else feels wrong. It's like I feel that at least I can be confident in the fact that I'll be lonely forever. When I have a good day, I feel good, but I still lack confidence and have immense amounts of social anxiety if I'm not around my friends.

 

[Twitchy]

There is a "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger" aspect to depression.

I would never wish depression on anyone, but working through it can give us a tough psychological shield that lasts the rest of our lives. Handy thing for getting through the rough patches.

Sometimes a little mental anguish can make us better people. Although too much just makes us crazy.

 

[Који Губи]

Holy crap, I agree with you there OP.

My mood ranges from ridiculously depressed to apathetic. I'd rather be depressed.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

I remember back when I was depressed, I loved the attention people gave me. Everyone was like "aww, you poor thing!" Now I despise it, like a weakness. I don't want to be that kid that "needs to get help"

 

[Bluey]

When you feel depressed its like your being honest with your self about where your at. when your feeling happy its like your fooling yourself. Leaving yourself for a big fall even. It doesn't have to be like that though. You can be honest with yourself but at the same times optimistic. To not feel depressed all the time you need to learn to give yourself a brake. Well maybe that's just me am on about.

 

[Zak]

When you feel depressed its like your being honest with your self about where your at. when your feeling happy its like your fooling yourself. Leaving yourself for a big fall even. It doesn't have to be like that though. You can be honest with yourself but at the same times optimistic. To not feel depressed all the time you need to learn to give yourself a brake. Well maybe that's just me am on about.

Have to agree with that