Being Yourself

[TheRealCallie]

And yet I have been told, even by therapists, to pretend to be someone else. 

That is what I have never understood. Be yourself, but nobody seems to like that. Get told to be someone else, and then get accused of being fake and a liar. Go back to being yourself, and round and round we go ....

I can't imagine a therapist tell you to pretend to be someone else, unless you are talking about things like "fake it til you make it," which is not about being someone else. 
I think the problem lies in what people think "be yourself" means.  It does not mean be the negative person who sees everything wrong with everything, who thinks nothing is going to work out, who finds fault in everything.  "Be yourself" means to be the best version of yourself.  Some negativity is okay, but all negative all the time is just going to drive people away.  That's where "fake it til you make it" comes in.  It's not about being someone else, it's about pretending to be the person you want to be to help you overcome the hurdle of depression/anxiety/negativity you are currently in.  It's about shoving down the bad thoughts and forcing yourself to instead focus on good.  So if you normally think "well, nothing is going to come of going to this festival, so I just might as well not go at all," switch it up and say "you never know what can happen, I'm going to go anyway and I'm going to have a good time" and keep thinking that.  Outwardly project that, even if you don't believe it because people pick up on negative attitudes and shy away from it.  By "pretending" to be positive, it will actually help you to get there because it will change how you view things, if you let it. 

Don't completely change who you are, but if it's about changing the depressed rut you are in or even just forcing yourself to do things and thinking it might work out, faking confidence, that type of thing, it's not not being yourself, it's trying to better yourself.  No one is "the person who is negative all the time" That's a frame of mind based on your circumstances and how you let them impact you.  You can change it. You should change it.  No, it's not easy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

 

[Alex Supertramp II]

Can you imagine if someone told me to "be myself" and really meant it? The first thing I would do is strip naked as clothes bother me. Then I'd start talking with no political correctness and with speech peppered with every profanity known to mankind. I'd jump up on tables and run around like I'm crazy (which, in truth, I am). They'd be sorry they ever told me to be myself.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Can you imagine if someone told me to "be myself" and really meant it? The first thing I would do is strip naked as clothes bother me. Then I'd start talking with no political correctness and with speech peppered with every profanity known to mankind. I'd jump up on tables and run around like I'm crazy (which, in truth, I am). They'd be sorry they ever told me to be myself.

You are full of excuses, aren't you? You also seem to like using your labels as excuses.  
Being naked typically breaks the law in most places, but there are many nudist colonies in the world, so maybe you would fit in there, in that regard.  
Political correctness is overrated, for the most part.  However, while I understand that you have no filter, you sound like you know exactly what would offend most people, so that is a choice.  I curse a lot, but some situations call for being more respectful.  That's different than not being yourself. But yes, you could find people who would accept you for the craziness and the language and the lack of a filter. It's not impossible.  It's not easy, but it's not impossible.

 

[Cucuboth]

And yet I have been told, even by therapists, to pretend to be someone else. 

That is what I have never understood. Be yourself, but nobody seems to like that. Get told to be someone else, and then get accused of being fake and a liar. Go back to being yourself, and round and round we go ....

I can't imagine a therapist tell you to pretend to be someone else, unless you are talking about things like "fake it til you make it," which is not about being someone else. 
I think the problem lies in what people think "be yourself" means.  It does not mean be the negative person who sees everything wrong with everything, who thinks nothing is going to work out, who finds fault in everything.  "Be yourself" means to be the best version of yourself.  Some negativity is okay, but all negative all the time is just going to drive people away.  That's where "fake it til you make it" comes in.  It's not about being someone else, it's about pretending to be the person you want to be to help you overcome the hurdle of depression/anxiety/negativity you are currently in.  It's about shoving down the bad thoughts and forcing yourself to instead focus on good.  So if you normally think "well, nothing is going to come of going to this festival, so I just might as well not go at all," switch it up and say "you never know what can happen, I'm going to go anyway and I'm going to have a good time" and keep thinking that.  Outwardly project that, even if you don't believe it because people pick up on negative attitudes and shy away from it.  By "pretending" to be positive, it will actually help you to get there because it will change how you view things, if you let it. 

Don't completely change who you are, but if it's about changing the depressed rut you are in or even just forcing yourself to do things and thinking it might work out, faking confidence, that type of thing, it's not not being yourself, it's trying to better yourself.  No one is "the person who is negative all the time" That's a frame of mind based on your circumstances and how you let them impact you.  You can change it. You should change it.  No, it's not easy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Had quite a few therapists say to find somewhere new to go, and create a whole new persona for yourself when you go there. Be the opposite of everything you are. Even use a different name. 

No, not everyone is negative all the time (well most aren’t ... interestingly, I have encountered people who used the word hate in almost every sentence I ever heard them say, “I hate ... “ is all they talked about, and yet they still always had friends and relationships) it is just that most of the time there isn’t anyone around to see when we’re not. Well, at least for me anyway. And if, and when, there is, then it is often assumed that I am happy with how things are, that I am happy with being alone ... and so I am left alone just as much. So I don’t know.

---

Can you imagine if someone told me to "be myself" and really meant it? The first thing I would do is strip naked as clothes bother me. Then I'd start talking with no political correctness and with speech peppered with every profanity known to mankind. I'd jump up on tables and run around like I'm crazy (which, in truth, I am). They'd be sorry they ever told me to be myself.

You are full of excuses, aren't you? You also seem to like using your labels as excuses.  
Being naked typically breaks the law in most places, but there are many nudist colonies in the world, so maybe you would fit in there, in that regard.  
Political correctness is overrated, for the most part.  However, while I understand that you have no filter, you sound like you know exactly what would offend most people, so that is a choice.  I curse a lot, but some situations call for being more respectful.  That's different than not being yourself. But yes, you could find people who would accept you for the craziness and the language and the lack of a filter. It's not impossible.  It's not easy, but it's not impossible.

Many, if not most, nudist clubs (they don’t like being called colonies) don’t like, or even allow, single men to join or visit. You are expected to go with a partner, or a friend.

 

[TheRealCallie]

And yet I have been told, even by therapists, to pretend to be someone else. 

That is what I have never understood. Be yourself, but nobody seems to like that. Get told to be someone else, and then get accused of being fake and a liar. Go back to being yourself, and round and round we go ....

I can't imagine a therapist tell you to pretend to be someone else, unless you are talking about things like "fake it til you make it," which is not about being someone else. 
I think the problem lies in what people think "be yourself" means.  It does not mean be the negative person who sees everything wrong with everything, who thinks nothing is going to work out, who finds fault in everything.  "Be yourself" means to be the best version of yourself.  Some negativity is okay, but all negative all the time is just going to drive people away.  That's where "fake it til you make it" comes in.  It's not about being someone else, it's about pretending to be the person you want to be to help you overcome the hurdle of depression/anxiety/negativity you are currently in.  It's about shoving down the bad thoughts and forcing yourself to instead focus on good.  So if you normally think "well, nothing is going to come of going to this festival, so I just might as well not go at all," switch it up and say "you never know what can happen, I'm going to go anyway and I'm going to have a good time" and keep thinking that.  Outwardly project that, even if you don't believe it because people pick up on negative attitudes and shy away from it.  By "pretending" to be positive, it will actually help you to get there because it will change how you view things, if you let it. 

Don't completely change who you are, but if it's about changing the depressed rut you are in or even just forcing yourself to do things and thinking it might work out, faking confidence, that type of thing, it's not not being yourself, it's trying to better yourself.  No one is "the person who is negative all the time" That's a frame of mind based on your circumstances and how you let them impact you.  You can change it. You should change it.  No, it's not easy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Had quite a few therapists say to find somewhere new to go, and create a whole new persona for yourself when you go there. Be the opposite of everything you are. Even use a different name. 

No, not everyone is negative all the time (well most aren’t ... interestingly, I have encountered people who used the word hate in almost every sentence I ever heard them say, “I hate ... “ is all they talked about, and yet they still always had friends and relationships) it is just that most of the time there isn’t anyone around to see when we’re not. Well, at least for me anyway. And if, and when, there is, then it is often assumed that I am happy with how things are, that I am happy with being alone ... and so I am left alone just as much. So I don’t know.

You have been to some sketchy therapists, IMO. Unless you misunderstood what they were saying or you were going to a different type of therapist than the regular counseling type of therapy. Wow, seems maybe just a teeny tiny bit extreme to change every single thing about yourself, including your name. Kind of defeats the purpose, IMO.

"I hate" is said way too often and sometimes people use it to get attention or sympathy. I think it also depends on how they say it, in regards to tone and whatnot. Assumptions are tricky things, especially when it falls in line with what someone else is thinking or doing and why. Simple fact is, you don't know. You only know what you are thinking, what bothers you, what hurts you, what you want, etc etc. If pretending to not be lonely is making it worse, it sounds like you should pretend to be not lonely. At least not to the extent you were before.

Many, if not most, nudist clubs (they don’t like being called colonies) don’t like, or even allow, single men to join or visit. You are expected to go with a partner, or a friend.

Yes, it would be a challenge to find one that would accept him, but if that's who he truly is, it would be worth looking into.

 

[Cucuboth]

And yet I have been told, even by therapists, to pretend to be someone else. 

That is what I have never understood. Be yourself, but nobody seems to like that. Get told to be someone else, and then get accused of being fake and a liar. Go back to being yourself, and round and round we go ....

I can't imagine a therapist tell you to pretend to be someone else, unless you are talking about things like "fake it til you make it," which is not about being someone else. 
I think the problem lies in what people think "be yourself" means.  It does not mean be the negative person who sees everything wrong with everything, who thinks nothing is going to work out, who finds fault in everything.  "Be yourself" means to be the best version of yourself.  Some negativity is okay, but all negative all the time is just going to drive people away.  That's where "fake it til you make it" comes in.  It's not about being someone else, it's about pretending to be the person you want to be to help you overcome the hurdle of depression/anxiety/negativity you are currently in.  It's about shoving down the bad thoughts and forcing yourself to instead focus on good.  So if you normally think "well, nothing is going to come of going to this festival, so I just might as well not go at all," switch it up and say "you never know what can happen, I'm going to go anyway and I'm going to have a good time" and keep thinking that.  Outwardly project that, even if you don't believe it because people pick up on negative attitudes and shy away from it.  By "pretending" to be positive, it will actually help you to get there because it will change how you view things, if you let it. 

Don't completely change who you are, but if it's about changing the depressed rut you are in or even just forcing yourself to do things and thinking it might work out, faking confidence, that type of thing, it's not not being yourself, it's trying to better yourself.  No one is "the person who is negative all the time" That's a frame of mind based on your circumstances and how you let them impact you.  You can change it. You should change it.  No, it's not easy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Had quite a few therapists say to find somewhere new to go, and create a whole new persona for yourself when you go there. Be the opposite of everything you are. Even use a different name. 

No, not everyone is negative all the time (well most aren’t ... interestingly, I have encountered people who used the word hate in almost every sentence I ever heard them say, “I hate ... “ is all they talked about, and yet they still always had friends and relationships) it is just that most of the time there isn’t anyone around to see when we’re not. Well, at least for me anyway. And if, and when, there is, then it is often assumed that I am happy with how things are, that I am happy with being alone ... and so I am left alone just as much. So I don’t know.

You have been to some sketchy therapists, IMO.  Unless you misunderstood what they were saying or you were going to a different type of therapist than the regular counseling type of therapy.  Wow, seems maybe just a teeny tiny bit extreme to change every single thing about yourself, including your name.  Kind of defeats the purpose, IMO.

"I hate" is said way too often and sometimes people use it to get attention or sympathy.  I think it also depends on how they say it, in regards to tone and whatnot.  Assumptions are  tricky things, especially when it falls in line with what someone else is thinking or doing and why.  Simple fact is, you don't know.  You only know what you are thinking, what bothers you, what hurts you, what you want, etc etc.  If pretending to not be lonely is making it worse, it sounds like you should pretend to be not lonely.  At least not to the extent you were before.

Many, if not most, nudist clubs (they don’t like being called colonies) don’t like, or even allow, single men to join or visit. You are expected to go with a partner, or a friend.

Yes, it would be a challenge to find one that would accept him, but if that's who he truly is, it would be worth looking

 “If pretending to not be lonely is making it worse, it sounds like you should pretend to be not lonely.  At least not to the extent you were before”. - isn’t that the same thing though? 

Everyone makes assumptions. I guess it depends on wether someone is willing to find out if their assumptions are right, and maybe having to accept that they were wrong. And in my experience, most people don’t like being wrong.

 

[TheRealCallie]

That should have read "If pretending to not be lonely is making it worse, it sounds like you shouldn't pretend to be not lonely" Sorry.

Of course everyone makes assumptions. What I'm saying is that you need to be careful with those, because it could put you deeper in your depression and loneliness depending on what your mind does with those assumptions.