Betrayal: It must be me

[Phaedron]

Come May 26th 2010, I will have lived on this earth for 29 years. In that time I have noticed subtle patterns with just about everyone I have ever known: friends, relationships, and in matters of money. It seems that everyone I have known for a somewhat lengthy time eventually betrays me, rips me off, or has otherwise become very cold to me.

My so called best friend since highschool is a good example. For a year or so everything is great, then come the changes: comes around less, breaks plans all the time, lies often, and eventually has ripped me off several times. Also, we used to play D&D, but it got to where we could never recapture the spirit of things. Resolutions fail, changes take hold, and the new code of interactions (the relationship) is forever changed. And yet theres also enough "good aspects" to keep it going. They also tend to go off, become arrogant, attempt to test the limits of my tolerance, as I am usually a tolerant and well-behaved person in person.

I don't know what it is, but something changes them. Maybe it's their perception of me. They see the part of me that would reach out and believe, or try to find answers. They come to embody the opposite of this: they seem to be left with the role of showing me that "truth" is almost always a scam used to manipulate and rip you off. Maybe it's that my attention to my moral and philosophical character is that of an only child: I seek to idealize my actions with a higher code vs constantly living among others which more or less teaches you the opportunistic mentality of doing whatever you can get away with.

I could go on and on with possible reasons, but the point is I really don't understand people and I don't really have the skillset for dealing with their drama. Despite my actions and intentions, somehow I have invited them into a role that leads to abuse, theft, and alienation. Maybe it's simply the fact that I seek answers that puts me at odds with others. Perhaps they feel threatened by my efforts, or realize that I feel making little or no effort is not enough, and thus subtly come to accept a darker way. Maybe it's something more basic. If you openly seek "truth" and "virtue" then they suspect your evil side is weak and take advantage of you.

I don't know what it is, and I've had years of analyzing the same patterns, and I am just about ready to conclude it is all me. Like a seduce temptress who openly unveils her nakedness for others to see, only with other sins. In a way it's a good metaphor for one who seeks truth in a world of lies. Rather then enter into any friendship or relationship with my eye always on the scoreboard of where I stand and what I stand to gain, I simply wish to reveal who I am from the start.

So, rather then risk further hurt and luring them to become jerks, I think it would be best for me to walk the path of solitude. The subtle interactions, psychology, and syncronicities brings more questions then it does answers, and in the end relations become a challenging mess to say the least. And I'm left wondering what I would need to know or do to produce better outcomes: well for one thing I detest this way of thinking. I really don't want to be bothered with "managing" people because my apparant influence becomes so predictable to them, or maybe it's just the kind of person I attract.

/end rant

/contribute your experiences and patterns with people becoming "jerks"

 

[shells]

I just wanted to say your birthday is one day after mine.

edit: I also can parallel a lot of my ideologies with yours. After being stabbed in the back so many times, it really has made me jaded. Bitter, even. There have been times I've gotten so fed up with people's BS, that I just don't want to deal with it.

At the same time, I know I can't stay alone for long. Three months of isolation, staying in my room and only coming out to use bathroom and eat, was probably one of the lowest points in my life. Had a friend not flown down from AZ and not dragged my butt outside, I'm not really sure what would have happened. Felt like I was losing touch with reality and myself.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Maybe it just took them a really long time to show you who they really were inside.

 

[encounter]

This seems to happen to me a lot as well. I was friends with this girl for years. She left for a few months, she visited me once and was pretty much her old self. Then she left again and we ended up moving together. She became a shell of her former self. She was very rude, distant etc. with me. For the longest time she owed me a lot of money as well. When I brought this up she played the role of the victim and was very annoyed that I DARE "throw that in her face." If I owed someone money I would be the first to mention it and start paying it back..I would be very embarrassed if the other person had to bring it up let alone make them feel guilty for bringing it up geesh. She just seemed so selfish and greedy to me.

Guys do this to me a lot as well. They are great at first but when we get into a relationship they always start to mention their exes a lot or make comments about other girls,check them out hardcore etc in front of me and whatnot. I think it's a mix of something wrong with the people we "pick" and something "wrong" with us. These people seem to think they can take us for granted after a while? I also think I sometimes seemed to get distant with them and maybe they thought I took them for granted and so they acted out certain ways. I've known too many insecure people who take things too personally and then try to punish me for things that they took in wrong ways.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Maybe it just took them a really long time to show you who they really were inside.

That, and people are allowed to change. You may not like it, but they are allowed to. At any time, anywhere, and any how they want. I've had a few people change on me, but there's nothing I could have done to change it back. That's just how people are, and how they want to be.

 

[Frodo Baggins]

People get older too. Not really elves that much but people generally do.

 

[Phaedron]

Hmm, concerning elves: http://tribes.tribe.net/cascadianelf/thread/662803b2-79b6-41a6-9b50-dc11ec2c4884

1.) Elves and all Fey are know for non-human eyes. very unusual and humans are often taken in by them, no matter what color. Most commonly though Elves have lighter colored eyes. Brown was not native to Elves but may be in the mix now due to cross breeding. (please forgive the cold terms, its the easiest way for me to observe without bias)

2.) Elves have a weakness, they are easily addicted to certain things such as drugs, alcohol, sweets, sex, ect. These are some of the elements that have brought us to failure. Humans are not as easily addicted to these as we are because we feel things so deeply. While I realize it is a common desire to think of our Ancestors and ourselves as pure and strong when it came to certain things like the Opium Flowers use being introduced to us we felt it much more rapidly. I think it is due to our co-habitation with nature and all around us being so connected that these were so easy for us to become addicted to. We are also similar to the Natives when it came to sweet wines, chocolates, and desserts. So much so that in Sweden they still give the Elf sacrifice of butter mixed with sugar to keep the local Elves happy.

3.) Most I have meet are drawn to study magic and are always drawn towards a nature path but often have that looking of lost seeking in their eyes when talking about it. Almost like they forgot something very important.

4.) Health and Diet is often an issue. While we adore human sweet food it hates us. Many Elves have really sensitive stomachs and some may have stomach conditions. If we obey our stomach we have no problems but that never happens we instead obey our taste-buds. We, as Elves, long ago were lulled to the smell of the exotic foods humans eat. When our ancestors grew to simple diets consisting of grains, fruits, flowers, vegetables, and meats but not the flavors of milk or spices the humans knew so well.

5.) Skin, majority today still have the sensitive skin that follows us genetically. The easiest and best way to deal with it is rose water cleanser to keep it clean and even toned. If you can't find or afford rose water buy a bottle of with hazel and get some roses from a florest. If you make arrangements to take the wilted ones that they would normally toss you can get many for cheap or possibly free. fill a bottle with the rose petals fresh or dry them and powder , add the witch hazel and brew it like sun tea. This seems to be the best for us to use. I have been developing a tester version of lavender and witch hazel as well.

6.) Many have psychic abilities ranging from very good instincts to visions. This is a gift that is inherent to Elves but with cross breeding has weakened.

7.) Elvin women have extremely hard times with pregnancy or childbirth or both. It is rare for an Elf to have many children due to such discomforts.

8.) Artistic attraction, Elves are drawn to music, beauty, art, ect. I have noticed music to be the strongest though. (I have also noticed many are drawn to a good tale majority in the written word.)

The word 'Elves' or elf is a misnomer given to a mysterious people by the early Teutonic/Germanic tribes. Elves were the last of their kind, a remnant of an ancient race that developed during the ice age and faded after start of this interglacial period. Homer mentioned them in the Iliad as did Herodotus in his Histories. The last of the freepeoples culture ended after Caesar's burning of the Elvish fleet in 56 BC.
Elves weren't called "Elves" until after their final dispersal from Finland after the first and secret crusade into Finland just after 1050 AD, a crusade explicitly meant to end the existence of all Elvish bloodlines.
They spoke an agglutinative language related to Finnish but older, possibly more related to the aggutinative language of the bearded gods of Sumer who wrote in cuneiform and "descended from 'above' or 'northerly distant place.' And though the Germanic peoples (including the Norse) referred to the Elves in reference to Helle or Holde, the Queen of the Underworld, the name is more directly though more distantly tied to the Canaanite god of wisdom and compassion 'El'. The Elves had a long relationship with the Phoenicians and is the reason why in the Bible, Ezekiel 28:2, the 'lord' says to the King of Tyre, "you consider yourself as wise as a god - you are indeed wiser than Daniel; no secret is hidden from you...Will you still say "I am a god" in the presence of those who slay you...of those who wound you?"
The abandonment of El for Yahweh, the warrior god, was the beginning of the Elvish genocide; Rome eventually did the rest.
What makes an Elf or Elvenkind today is the return of the Elvish souls of old. We know Nature in whatever form she has whispered to us and we turn from the disaster of the modern world. We know the spirit of all life and share in it, feel it, and worship no god or goddess. We are humbled by the wisdom of the Allfather and Allmother essence, the father being the inner challenge of wisdom, courage and compassion, the mother with the balancing wisdom of love, discipline and acceptance.
The legend of vampires is bound tightly with the legend of Elves as we do not often handle full sun well and suffer from health problems related to an endocrine system not fully mature due to abnormal levels of melatonin which also makes us predominantly nocturnal in preference. We will be either artistic in some nature and/or emotional in our response to living. I don't know about remembering past lives for others but for me it was a fact of my growing up, including periodic daytime visions. It is our habit to be introverted though waiting for someone to recognize us for who we are while quick to draw a line in the sand when pushed too far.
Nature is essential for our survival. Tolkien got some of it right when he said when Elves die they return to the Earth as they are bound to the Earth until the end of time. My relationship to the Earth, my bond to the Earth, is greater than any relationship with anything or anyone else. I personally think all humans are bound to Earth equally, some just think they deserve something better and, I feel, in time they will learn the truth.
'I am of Elvish blood
born of a child of Odin
descended from the age
of Giants
and I'm back'

also http://tribes.tribe.net/cascadianelf

 

[Frodo Baggins]

Thanks and you know that odes make perfect sense as the Nordic mythology is rich with Elves and it makes good sense that as I had said in the thinking thread that they may have been an offshoot of mankind. Goblins, Ogres and the like.
Man earliest ancestors meeting branches of mankind that were to be soon extinct.

 

[LunaLovedOne]

I am not sure where all of the Elves discussion came into this thread (I am new) but I can empathize with the feeling of betrayal. Especially when it happens over and over again, we can feel like it must be us.

I don't think that it's because there is anything "wrong" with us. I think that there are people that sense openness, generousity and compassion in others and exploit it. People who abuse friendships sense these traits in others and view them as weaknesses just as others would view them as desired virtues.There are also people who exploit their friends out of selfishness or power and control. I work with people who have been abused and this is what I tell the clients.

The important thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with YOU. They made choices. You had no control over their choices. Only your own. You chose to be a friend and to have a higher set of moral standards, their lower standards are not of your making. You are right not to wish to "manage" others. In a perfect world people would "manage" themselves and respect others. The world isn't perfect and people aren't perfect and yes people who were nice and kind once may not always stay that way. But remember, with each negative experience, you have learned the traits of friends that you DON'T want to have. Even though it seems like there aren't any people out there that can be trusted or are worth having a relationship with, there really are good people out there that will appreciate and respect what you have to offer.

You may have been hurt but you are wiser and now you have the red flags for future friendships and can continue to be an honest virtuous person. You can be up front and let people know what your tolerance limits now are, and if they care about you enough, they will respect your limits and boundaries.

 

[arpy]

These days life has become so much hectic that it is our job to make people know about whats going on in life. In order to do so there is a need for *spam link removed* It is nothing but a general counseling being provided to people about their life and making them aware about the precautions to be taken to lead a good life. This would be definitely helping people who are suffering from loneliness or who are the victims of betrayal.

 

[EveWasFramed]

These days life has become so much hectic that it is our job to make people know about whats going on in life. In order to do so there is a need for *spam link removed* It is nothing but a general counseling being provided to people about their life and making them aware about the precautions to be taken to lead a good life. This would be definitely helping people who are suffering from loneliness or who are the victims of betrayal.

If you're promoting a site that's selling things or asking for cash, you're TOAST. :club:

 

[Minus]

.... you're TOAST....

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=9346