SpectraApocalypse
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- Joined
- Jun 26, 2018
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My frustration is gonna explode someday.
Bottled Up
- Thread starter SpectraApocalypse
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
The fact that you recognise you’re being triggered helps you to realise that your can control reaction, which means you can choose to release your frustration through more positive avenues, like smashing a punching bag for a while, pumping weights, going for a run. Expel that energy productively and earn the rest that’s required afterwards.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
Why you mad, bro?
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
My initial response to this thread was kind of stupid.
I know how you feel, @SpectraApocalypse, at least to some degree. It can be frightening and uncomfortable to be so angered by the actions of others...
There are many factors that play into such circumstances: social dynamics (particularly being at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole, such that you are big receiver of trickle down aggression), misunderstandings, state of mind (a low state of mind can make us vulnerable to those who are not in such a vulnerable mind state), being taken advantage of, being on the receiving end of cruelty in all its flavors (senseless cruelty, targeted cruelty, etc.. etc..)
And personally, I haven't figured out a way to deal with it; except to try and avoid it (which doesn't always work).
As far as tools and solutions go?
-Meditation/mindfulness/whatever you want to call it, can be a way to alter our state of mind, observe the inner and external worlds, reach possible intellectual realizations, reach a more peaceful state of mind, calm the body, etc.. etc..
--Meditation may not, 'cure,' a problem, though, I think it can and does for some, simply by virtue of attending to a particular issue and perhaps seeing the root of the problem and reaching (realization); and if not that, at least helping to calm the mind/body so that we can think better (an angry mind does not think very rationally)
-Channeling the anger is another option. I haven't figured out how to do this very well. But, some people, take up boxing, or martial arts, or some kind of physical activity, exercise, or whatever, and try to use the anger, like fuel, towards a, 'constructive,' end, rather than a, 'destructive,' end. This is the old 'making lemonade with lemons,' or, 'using the bullshit the feed the flowers,' sort of thing. (I'm not very good at this one, if at all, but some people are.)
-Another one is being able to talk it out (with usually the end goal being, 'conflict resolution,' which often ends in 'grieving'). We need to cry. When we hurt, we very often need to cry... All the better if we have some one we can confide in enough. The type of person we can hug, who will hold us, and take our tears upon their shoulders. However, unfortunately, we often don't have this option available.
--If this option isn't available, I think meditation, and the other options, can still help us towards the requisite 'resolution,' to our conflict. Some times the conflict may be purely external; but, there is the inseparaple inner component to every external component in our lives. I think proof of this, is the fact that we dream (both while we are awake, in the abstract sense, and literally, while we sleep). So it seems quite probable no matter how external the conflict, the other side of that coin, is internal. And, therefore, it seems, we have two angles, always with us, perhaps, that we can work on, when it comes to these problems of repressed anger/rage.
-Thirdly, we can distract ourselves, when our anger is particularly intense. When we are in the throws of great tumultuous anger, often the only thing separating us between being calm again, and not, is time. In my experience, isolation, is important. If I'm angry, I'm not thinking clearly, and more volatile; so, isolating, and trying to connect with nature, is often a help. A walk, a hike, a lake, a bath, a cold shower, eat something, get some fresh air. I don't think, 'punching pillows,' or any of that stuff is useful, it tends to make me more angry.
--I once went way out in the middle of nowhere in the desert, and just screamed my bloody head off, cursing and cursing and cursing, and, I didn't feel better. My throat was soar afterwards, I was a bit embarassed some one might have heard me, and I was a bit relieved, but, still angry, perhaps even more so. So, things like this, aren't always a help.
---But, if we can find a suitable distraction, so that our raging boil, can at least be reduced to a simmer, we can put some distance between ourselves and the angering event, enough perhaps to move on to better things, more of the things that make our life worth living, that are pleasant, and agreeable, as well as a more rational mind to help us move towards ideas as to how to avoid the conflict, and perhaps resolve it, or at least find more acceptance and patience, that we might wait for better opportunities to solve the issue, or perhaps a new state of mind, so that the issue or issues are no longer issues.
-Lastly, there is, 'healthy anger.'
--I'm not a psychologist, and I don't have much experience here; but, some times there are appropriate times and places and proper ways of expressing our anger. This is tricky though, and I don't fully understand how to express healthy anger. I know the times I have done it in my life, I just knew it, then and there. Sort of like how you know when you're in love. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. But, as for me, I'll stick to all the other ideas (I think one would have to understand their anger, first, before they can express it, if there is a proper way to express it). Healthy anger is a very subjective idea... I think the root of the problem, is our need for, 'conflict resolution.' I think that's the goal.
---One thing I think I'm fairly confident in, however, is when we don't attend to our anger, at the appropriate moment. If some one is rude to you, and, rather than calling them out on it, we just, 'take it,' and then hold the anger in, that can be problematic, because we are then likely to vent that steam, later on, to some one who we think can take it. (That's the trickle down aggression, or whatever you'd call that phenemona). The problem is, when your boss is a real jerk, what can you do? He/She/etc.. has authority over you. But, some of us, in this life, are, 'people pleasers,' or, we'd prefer to avoid trouble where we can (conflict avoidant). So, little by little, people like this, can learn to put up new fences, and prevent unnecessary trespasses. It takes time to learn this though, and expecting instant and large results, might be an even bigger mistake than just continuing on as usual. This is more of self-correction, that requires altering behavior, as a 'preventative measure,' against future avoidable upsets, rather than past existing ones. And, never-the-less, certain unpleasantness from others, can not be avoided; especially if they've known us to behave a certain predictable way, for a long period of time (it's the: "that's my chair" effect, "it's my chair and it's always been my chair, that's where I sit!"). Some one who has known you to have certain behaviors for years and years and years, isn't one day going to wake up and change, just because you're trying a few new tricks. And ultimately the onus is on us, to truly effect change from within; we can't and should not count on or expect other people to (though it's okay to hope, I think, just don't expect, and don't get those hopes too high).
----Another idea that comes to mind is the philosophical notion of Wu Wei.
__________
So to simplify...
-An angry mind is most likely, not a rational mind-
How do we cool a hot head?
-Distract
--Take a walk, connect with nature, have a cold shower, eat something, isolate temporarily till we cool down, put some distance between us and the situation that causes anger (both in the physical and psychological sense, as well as time), till we can think more rationally
-Observe
--Meditate, journal, connect with nature, art, etc.. We can study the nature of our distress and perhaps come to a greater understanding of it.
-Reach out if you can.
--If there is some one we can confide in, great.
-Channel the distressing emotional fuel
--Work out, a physical activity, martial arts, art itself, writing: Can we use our negative energy to fuel creative and constructive efforts, rather than let them be expelled on destructive things?
-Can we resolve the conflict?
--Do we view the conflict as external? If so, what is the internal component, what does that look like?
--Do we view the conflict as internal? If so, is there an external component, what does that look like?
---Can we do something about it? If so, let's try to do something.
---Is it something out of our control? If so, how can we, like water, shape ourselves to better adapt and accept that which is beyond our control?
-We may need to grieve, but we also most likely must adapt and move forward, as well.
Best of luck you to. The Stoics would tell us, it is not the situation or events that are the cause of our distress, but, how we react/respond to them and how we perceive them. That's mind over matter. It's a notion I have difficulty with lately; but, ultimately, it seems a quite optimal modality for approaching life, as well, as, perhaps a noble truth, in of itself.
It's easy to be angry...
As for me, I would prefer to conquer my anger, rather than let it rule my life, and conquer me...
Though, I often pray and hope for the easier life... Despite what I know (or don't know...)...
These are just my thoughts... Nothing more, nothing less...
I know how you feel, @SpectraApocalypse, at least to some degree. It can be frightening and uncomfortable to be so angered by the actions of others...
There are many factors that play into such circumstances: social dynamics (particularly being at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole, such that you are big receiver of trickle down aggression), misunderstandings, state of mind (a low state of mind can make us vulnerable to those who are not in such a vulnerable mind state), being taken advantage of, being on the receiving end of cruelty in all its flavors (senseless cruelty, targeted cruelty, etc.. etc..)
And personally, I haven't figured out a way to deal with it; except to try and avoid it (which doesn't always work).
As far as tools and solutions go?
-Meditation/mindfulness/whatever you want to call it, can be a way to alter our state of mind, observe the inner and external worlds, reach possible intellectual realizations, reach a more peaceful state of mind, calm the body, etc.. etc..
--Meditation may not, 'cure,' a problem, though, I think it can and does for some, simply by virtue of attending to a particular issue and perhaps seeing the root of the problem and reaching (realization); and if not that, at least helping to calm the mind/body so that we can think better (an angry mind does not think very rationally)
-Channeling the anger is another option. I haven't figured out how to do this very well. But, some people, take up boxing, or martial arts, or some kind of physical activity, exercise, or whatever, and try to use the anger, like fuel, towards a, 'constructive,' end, rather than a, 'destructive,' end. This is the old 'making lemonade with lemons,' or, 'using the bullshit the feed the flowers,' sort of thing. (I'm not very good at this one, if at all, but some people are.)
-Another one is being able to talk it out (with usually the end goal being, 'conflict resolution,' which often ends in 'grieving'). We need to cry. When we hurt, we very often need to cry... All the better if we have some one we can confide in enough. The type of person we can hug, who will hold us, and take our tears upon their shoulders. However, unfortunately, we often don't have this option available.
--If this option isn't available, I think meditation, and the other options, can still help us towards the requisite 'resolution,' to our conflict. Some times the conflict may be purely external; but, there is the inseparaple inner component to every external component in our lives. I think proof of this, is the fact that we dream (both while we are awake, in the abstract sense, and literally, while we sleep). So it seems quite probable no matter how external the conflict, the other side of that coin, is internal. And, therefore, it seems, we have two angles, always with us, perhaps, that we can work on, when it comes to these problems of repressed anger/rage.
-Thirdly, we can distract ourselves, when our anger is particularly intense. When we are in the throws of great tumultuous anger, often the only thing separating us between being calm again, and not, is time. In my experience, isolation, is important. If I'm angry, I'm not thinking clearly, and more volatile; so, isolating, and trying to connect with nature, is often a help. A walk, a hike, a lake, a bath, a cold shower, eat something, get some fresh air. I don't think, 'punching pillows,' or any of that stuff is useful, it tends to make me more angry.
--I once went way out in the middle of nowhere in the desert, and just screamed my bloody head off, cursing and cursing and cursing, and, I didn't feel better. My throat was soar afterwards, I was a bit embarassed some one might have heard me, and I was a bit relieved, but, still angry, perhaps even more so. So, things like this, aren't always a help.
---But, if we can find a suitable distraction, so that our raging boil, can at least be reduced to a simmer, we can put some distance between ourselves and the angering event, enough perhaps to move on to better things, more of the things that make our life worth living, that are pleasant, and agreeable, as well as a more rational mind to help us move towards ideas as to how to avoid the conflict, and perhaps resolve it, or at least find more acceptance and patience, that we might wait for better opportunities to solve the issue, or perhaps a new state of mind, so that the issue or issues are no longer issues.
-Lastly, there is, 'healthy anger.'
--I'm not a psychologist, and I don't have much experience here; but, some times there are appropriate times and places and proper ways of expressing our anger. This is tricky though, and I don't fully understand how to express healthy anger. I know the times I have done it in my life, I just knew it, then and there. Sort of like how you know when you're in love. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. But, as for me, I'll stick to all the other ideas (I think one would have to understand their anger, first, before they can express it, if there is a proper way to express it). Healthy anger is a very subjective idea... I think the root of the problem, is our need for, 'conflict resolution.' I think that's the goal.
---One thing I think I'm fairly confident in, however, is when we don't attend to our anger, at the appropriate moment. If some one is rude to you, and, rather than calling them out on it, we just, 'take it,' and then hold the anger in, that can be problematic, because we are then likely to vent that steam, later on, to some one who we think can take it. (That's the trickle down aggression, or whatever you'd call that phenemona). The problem is, when your boss is a real jerk, what can you do? He/She/etc.. has authority over you. But, some of us, in this life, are, 'people pleasers,' or, we'd prefer to avoid trouble where we can (conflict avoidant). So, little by little, people like this, can learn to put up new fences, and prevent unnecessary trespasses. It takes time to learn this though, and expecting instant and large results, might be an even bigger mistake than just continuing on as usual. This is more of self-correction, that requires altering behavior, as a 'preventative measure,' against future avoidable upsets, rather than past existing ones. And, never-the-less, certain unpleasantness from others, can not be avoided; especially if they've known us to behave a certain predictable way, for a long period of time (it's the: "that's my chair" effect, "it's my chair and it's always been my chair, that's where I sit!"). Some one who has known you to have certain behaviors for years and years and years, isn't one day going to wake up and change, just because you're trying a few new tricks. And ultimately the onus is on us, to truly effect change from within; we can't and should not count on or expect other people to (though it's okay to hope, I think, just don't expect, and don't get those hopes too high).
----Another idea that comes to mind is the philosophical notion of Wu Wei.
__________
So to simplify...
-An angry mind is most likely, not a rational mind-
How do we cool a hot head?
-Distract
--Take a walk, connect with nature, have a cold shower, eat something, isolate temporarily till we cool down, put some distance between us and the situation that causes anger (both in the physical and psychological sense, as well as time), till we can think more rationally
-Observe
--Meditate, journal, connect with nature, art, etc.. We can study the nature of our distress and perhaps come to a greater understanding of it.
-Reach out if you can.
--If there is some one we can confide in, great.
-Channel the distressing emotional fuel
--Work out, a physical activity, martial arts, art itself, writing: Can we use our negative energy to fuel creative and constructive efforts, rather than let them be expelled on destructive things?
-Can we resolve the conflict?
--Do we view the conflict as external? If so, what is the internal component, what does that look like?
--Do we view the conflict as internal? If so, is there an external component, what does that look like?
---Can we do something about it? If so, let's try to do something.
---Is it something out of our control? If so, how can we, like water, shape ourselves to better adapt and accept that which is beyond our control?
-We may need to grieve, but we also most likely must adapt and move forward, as well.
Best of luck you to. The Stoics would tell us, it is not the situation or events that are the cause of our distress, but, how we react/respond to them and how we perceive them. That's mind over matter. It's a notion I have difficulty with lately; but, ultimately, it seems a quite optimal modality for approaching life, as well, as, perhaps a noble truth, in of itself.
It's easy to be angry...
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”
― Bruce Lee
“We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
[Address at Rice University, September 12 1962]”
― John F. Kennedy
As for me, I would prefer to conquer my anger, rather than let it rule my life, and conquer me...
Though, I often pray and hope for the easier life... Despite what I know (or don't know...)...
These are just my thoughts... Nothing more, nothing less...
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