Can someone explain to my brain that im insane?

[NOAH_FX]

I am in a constant war with my brain..

I tell it what to do and it listens. I tell it what to say, it listens. I tell it what to feel and it continualy goes in the complete opposite direction and than convinces me to do or say something something stupid.. Which i allow at the time, because it seems like a good idea.. But it's usuaully not and makes me look foolish..

I've always had friends, but i was The friend.. I've never truly had a real relationship.. Lately, i've met a few different women who were intrested in me... One who just went right after me.. I was shocked at first.. I wasn't sure why, but as the night went on we had a good time and one thing led to the other etc etc..... Than the next day i go back into my shell... I start analyzing everything, and before anything had even started i ended it.. Sorry etc w/e bullshit excuse i could think of.. Just like that, for no real reason.

I know, whats my point right? This is the second time in a short period of months, a nice, funny, awesome girl likes me, and i tell her i have no interest.. Just to go back to "waiting" on a girl, who i know is never going to be with me.. WTF is wrong with my head? Is it that whole you want what you cant have crap? Like i can't rationalize it to myself lol. I tell myself i want a girlfriend, i just want to be happy... And than i don't even give it a chance..

Iono

Thanks for reading

 

[Luna]

Noah,
Often, I feel that my mind is a battlefield.
I fight and long to win the war, but should an opportunity present itself...I may let my opponent take a stab.
Then I crawl back injured, wishing there was a way to beat it somehow.

Self-defeat?

I do not understand it myself.

I just wanted to let you know that I read this.
Take care.

(((((Noah)))))

---

I would also like to add, you are not insane.
Sometimes, I wonder if I am as well, but I think that we all have our moments, where we are all too hard on ourselves.

 

[eris]

Dear Noah_FXs brain,

I hear you have been giving your body many problems, and I want you to stop it right now. I think you are working too hard, and causing doubt and worry when you should be encouraging. Your chemicals and hormones are confusing this young man, and making him feel like he is not worth a relationship when he is actually a caring person that could be a really good boyfriend. I suggest you stop working so hard, and learn to relax. Your body is better than that.

Sincerely,

-K

 

[NOAH_FX]

Thanks guys, my brain is taking the day off from tormenting me lol. I really appreciate your responses.. I truly believe that i've just fooled myself with an idea that's not even real. Kind of convinced myself that "she" is what i require to be happy and nothing else. Like when i dream't about being a Pilot as a kid, i thought of being like Tom cruise in top gun.. But really that was a dream, an idea. Whereas you probably won't be a fighter pilot even if you are a pilot. Just like the insane ideal i turned whatever this is into is nothing more than a dream. Now i just need to wake up

 

[Pair-O-Dox]

When the next one comes along, and she will, force yourself to wait a predetermined period of time before you allow yourself to make a decision on whether she's gf material or not. Try not to think of it as committing to a relationship, but rather think of it as finding a new friend. Then you can make your decision with a clear mind. Good luck .