Can't get over an old friend

[Gemmy]

I don't want to go into a lot of details but I used to be super good friends with a guy named Shon when were in high school. We stopped being friends about this time three years ago over a small fight and some miscommunication, which I will admit is mostly my fault. He was my date to my senior prom, we had a ball at my senior homecoming, and he was nice enough to take me out for lunch at a buffet we have here. Long story short, he had feelings for me and at the time, I was in a really up and down relationship with my now ex-boyfriend, who I now wish I didn't invest even a second of time into but you live and you learn I guess. My friend Shon really wanted us to eventually be more than friends but there was just so much going on at the time and I can admit I wasn't being a very good friend towards the end.

So it turned into he and I exchanging really mean remarks on facebook and after that, we didn't talk for a few months. I was really upset about what happened so I called and apologized to him after trying and getting hung up on repeatedly for a few weeks. Things were getting better for awhile with rekindling our friendship and I felt great but it didn't last long. I was going through crap at home ended up being homeless and we lost contact for a few months. When things were straightened out on my end, I tried getting back in touch with him to see how things were. After a while, I noticed that he seemed to not want to talk and would always tell me to call him later each time I tried to talk to him so eventually, I just stopped trying and I have not seen or talked to him since.

Since then, I have seen where he's said he regrets meeting me and even went as far as making a rumor saying I did sexual things with him, which I swear never happened. All in all, I regret everything that happened and I wish were still friends but I know that the friendship is long over with. I know getting back in touch is not a good idea either so I've left the idea alone. This experience has taught me that I need to be more cautious of how I treat my friends and others as well. I still feel very bad to this day and seeing some pictures of him has not helped one bit.

I've been very depressed over it for a long time. I only have about five close friends now and we rarely see each other or hang out since everyone is working and trying to find their way. Am I a bad person for what I did? That's what my mind keeps telling me. I guess the saying is true that we don't know what we have until it's gone.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Hello, Gemmy.

I don't think that you are a bad person. I give you kudos for being able to say that you weren't able to be more than friends with Shon, despite the result in the end.

How long has it been?

 

[Sometimes]

Hey Gemmy. What Amy said.

It's unfortunate that he's so injured by this whole thing that he feels a need to make up stuff. It's obviously very current for him, he's not at all over it.

Making mistakes, having poor judgement is something everyone does sometimes. And sometimes it makes a mess in our lives that we have to get through.

You did admit, and apologise, whether he chose to hear you or not. Moving forward from today, with your new understanding, is all you can do.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think him shutting you out was just that; I think he wants to forget and get over his feelings for you. I don't know his side, and I'm sure it would be a bit different than yours, but people do some mean, nasty, crazy things when they're hurting sometimes. He may look back on things he's said to you and about you ten years from now and know that he was out of line. He may even apologize for how he acted. But for now, you've apologized to him for the things you feel less than good about, and that's really all you can do. It's his choice to accept your sincerity and get over the rough patch between the two of you.

 

[edamame721]

Hi Gemmy, I see that you were going through a rough time and regretted how you may have hurt him, but you did apologize and try to rekindle the friendship. If he's now making up rumors about you, I think it's better for you to let go. If you were honest with him but he still feels bitter enough to malign you publicly then I don't think he will be a positive influence in your life even if he comes back into it.

 

[Gemmy]

Thanks guys. You all are right. I haven't been thinking about it as much and like you guys said, I have to accept it and move on but at least I tried.

Hello, Gemmy.

I don't think that you are a bad person. I give you kudos for being able to say that you weren't able to be more than friends with Shon, despite the result in the end.

How long has it been?

Thank you Amy It's been almost 3 years now since we talked to each other. I haven't seen him either, only the stuff he's said about me. Everyone has taken on different paths in their life so I guess there's no use continually reminiscing on it if it's only making me depressed.