Causes of your depression and loneliness.

[catwixen]

The cause of mine is having very few friends, suffering with social anxiety and awkwardness and having never had a girlfriend at the age of 21. Every day that passes by just makes me feel worse and worse. I'm worried that I seem to be progressively turning to alcohol more and more.


Let's hear your stories.

Oh that is exactly my story at 21. Please be careful with the alcohol. I started with alcohol because of Agoraphobia, it helped me in social situations....I am now 42, Agoraphobic AND Alcoholic.
Alcohol only helps in short term, the problems we have that lead to addiction will be with us lifelong...well yes some can overcome completely, but many struggle with it for life.
People may think we are not the social norm, but in my experience....we are very common, most people have anxieties, some cope better than others.
Accepting who we are and rejecting the perfect social expectancy can help. There is nothing wrong with us as people. Life is an anxious business.

 

[SimizAkri]

As I read everyone's posts, I tried to find a specific reason for my depression and loneliness but I can't really find one.
There's alot of reasons.
I'm just too chaotic.
I'm a walking contradiction.
I'm too idealistic.
I make good choices yet horrible choices in friends, for I believe in the good in people even though I don't believe in anyone, anymore.
I have no faith but I have all the faith in the world.

And I just don't feel unique.
I used to pride myself in being different but now I just feel as if there's nothing special about me.
Nothing that separates me from everyone else in the world.
I feel as if there is nothing to live for; nothing to be happy about.
& I absolutely hate that feeling.

I'm lost but I know exactly where I am.

 

[ChessGuy42]

Well...

My parents were.... well, they shouldn't have been married, so my up-bringing left me kind of emotionally void and socially inept. I've worked hard to fix the later problem. I just don't think like other people because of the former, which is a problem I haven't been able to overcome quite yet.

I have self image problems. I'm overweight because of the eating addiction I'm trying to fight - I need to drop about 40-45lbs. I have a huge gap in my front teeth because my parents couldn't afford braces and I haven't been able to afford any cosmetic surgery for it yet. I can't seem to get a tan no matter what I try, so I'm always pasty white... and I have a wierdly shaped head (which I've partially fixed by growing a goatee). I actually had a picture taken of me just this past week at the bi-weekly karaoke session I go to... and I look like a walrus' ghost in it. The women I spent the entire night talking to and dancing with on Tuesday wouldn't even say a word to me Thursday.

This particularly frustrates me because I consider myself to be a pretty well-rounded guy. I have a steady job (two, actually), I have a diverse set of hobbies(chess, digital photography, classic literature, re-learning French, martial arts...), and I like to think I'm a pretty good guy. I've never cheated in a relationship, I try to treat my friends well, and I generally hold myself to a personal code of honor. Twice, I've actually put myself between my women friends and guys that were acting pretty scary towards them. I don't understand why I have so many problems with women.... all I can conclude is that I'm ugly as sin.

I've got baggage from a relationship that ended two years ago, which factors in... somehow. After I secretly started pricing engagement rings, she dumped me... but we continued to live together since neither one of us wanted to break our lease. After a few weeks, she started dating women... and, well, the wall between our bedrooms was thin. I've been looking to date again and have tried once since... but it was with someone who was a very bad idea and that relationship was doomed from its onset.

Also, because of my academic background....well, I've sort of lost respect for the majority of humanity. I find most people tend to be fairly unpleasant folks pretty much all of the time... at least most of the people with whom I routinely interact. Arrogant, selfish, petty, superficial, and jealous.

 

[Wishtobemyself]

Not having a love relationship for a long time, an escape-avoidant behavior which started when I'm at 1st grade elementary, don't have a stable income (yet), stuttering. That's pretty much of the cause

 

[TheSkaFish]

- I haven't relationship, and it seems I won't have at the near future.

- no relationship and i feel like i i'm not going to find anyone else.

- Being different, not fitting in and not wanting to either.

- Total lack of even the most basic social skills, along with a complete weirdness that drives people away. As a result of this, I just never seem to fit in anywhere or connect with anyone, ultimately thinking that I just don´t belong in this world.

- I have no talents, at all. There is nothing I can do better than other people, and I have tried, mind you. Drawing? couldn´t do something decent even if my life depended on it. Writing? see above. Singing? see point 1. Sports? guess what´s the answer? handicrafts? guess what. And the list goes on and on...there is nothing to improve on since, there is just nothing to improve! 

- Mine? I can't do anything right. 

- I never met someone that I had a lot in common with in my lifetime...When I meet someone I like, it seems like they are already too busy with other things and other people...I'm not the most exciting person to talk to or hang out with to be honest. I try my best to show some enthusiasm but its hard when you are always feeling down and just waiting to be cut off from someone's life.

- I hate how people look down on me...I hate how im always being compared to others and how everyone makes everyone else seem like they are the greatest person in the world compared to me, when in fact that might be the opposite.

- People see me as a nerd... The girl (guy in my case) with no self confidence... fresia that honeysuckle. Im tired of being looked down on and critisized...ugh..I just get so frustrated with myself sometimes because I know im better at this, but I just cant seem to get there. 

- I've never been the life of the party either. I've always been quite silent and serious. People say I'm nice, yet everyone keeps the relation at a superficial level. 

- Nothing seems permanent.  I'm always moving on to the next chapter.  It's frustrating, time-consuming, & you never get to settle in before the next crisis.

- I feel pretty much worthless and come to feel that all the good things that I may have done or accomplished mean nothing or are of little significance as compared to my fresia ups.

- Nobody understands me.

- I'm a bit shy   but I open up when you get to know me! People just don't seem to want to take the time to do that!

- I don't think there's really anything wrong with ME, people just don't get me well enough I guess LOL. I'm not that odd though. People are confusing........

- Too Quiet
- Lack of Common interest with people

- For me, I can't attract the type of person that I am seeking... Sometimes, I don't even know the real me, like I lack an identity...Does anyone else feel this way ?

- I feel really strongly that I have no social skills, I don't understand how to act around other people, I just don't know how to connect with other people...
- I've never really fitted in anywhere. I have no idea of who I am.

- Now I just have no idea ...how to get what everybody else seems to have so easily

- I'm a walking contradiction.
- I'm too idealistic.
...
- And I just don't feel unique.  I used to pride myself in being different but now I just feel as if there's nothing special about me.
- Nothing that separates me from everyone else in the world.
- I feel as if there is nothing to live for; nothing to be happy about. & I absolutely hate that feeling.

^I feel like I can relate to all of these.

 

[Paraiyar]

Holy necrothread...

 

[TheSkaFish]

Holy necrothread...

I knew the thread was old, but I don't think the age of the thread makes what they said meaningless.  I wasn't expecting a response from any of the people in it.  But I did see a lot of myself in these thoughts and feelings.  It helped me understand myself more.

 

[Black Manta]

1. Adoption. I found out I was adopted at an early age, and I don't think my psyche was ready for it.

2. Most people are just not like me. Society seems to be mostly composed of shallowness. I like thinking and talking about topics that most people shy away from.

3. Chemical imbalance. One day some anti-depressions kicked in and it was so weird. My issues didn't go away completely, but the drugs do make a difference.

 

[athelas88]

well, i'm mixed race and never felt like I belonged anywhere. I was either shunned or treated like a curiosity like some kind of zoo exhibit rather than a person. I remember when I was a kid some other kids would tell me that being of a certain race is a "yucky thing" and there were also unfortunately racist teachers at school that singled me out. I say that because I remembered very well that they treated kids of certain ethnicity harshly. This continued into high school and even up to my adult life. There were employers that were more concerned with what mix of race I was than they were with my qualifications. I could give many examples but it still hurts to write or talk about it. I had also experienced some form of abuse from my mother who told me many times that I was useless, a mistake and she wished that I was dead. A whole lot other things too but I'd rather not speak about it.
Over the years I tried many things to fill up that pain and to get better(counselling, volunteer work, live in another country, NLP courses, meditation etc) but honestly nothing worked long term. It's not so easy to get over such things when it becomes so embedded in your psyche.