Closed Up

[Glitter Girl]

(I'm new here, don't hurt me! *meep*)

I'm all closed up. It's like I'm at the bottom of some deep hole and I keep trying to crawl out of it, but all I end up doing is scraping my fingers down to bloody stumps and getting nowhere. I don't know where the hole came from or when I fell into it, and if I could even get out at this point...

I'm only 21 years old and I already feel like life is pointless. I think this stems from the fact that I don't have a satisfying relationship with anyone, and never have had one. My parents barely conceal their distaste for me, and yes I still live with them. I've made it my life goal right now to move out to get away from the toxic atmosphere they generate. I don't know if that will make me feel better or not... But it's all I can think to do.

But even if I get away from them, there's the problem of my friends. None of my friends care for me. I used to try to plan outings with them all the time, but I've given up since they never seem interested or agree, and I see them maybe once every few months on average. (That depresses me big time.) And I have no idea how to make more friends--most of the time I don't even want them. Or rather, I'm a bonafide loner. I LIKE being alone. But I don't want to be alone 24/7, 365! I want to have a few friends and hangout with them sometimes. In fact, I enjoy meeting new people and going to parties. But I rarely if ever get invited to parties--the people I know that go to them don't want me there. (Or at least, one actually told me so, the other saying the same is inferred by actions...)

I could go on and on about that sort of thing, how I feel lonely, but that's boring. I think I could be happy with one friend who mutually contacts me, who didn't mind that I'm a loner, and just liked me. I don't need to be around someone all the time, I just want someone to have conversations with, to go out and do things with, ya know normal human stuff.

I want to know if anyone else is depressed because they are lonely, or if someone is also a loner and having trouble because of it. There's nothing inherently wrong with being a loner and I'm quite comfortable with it, but it means that the few relationships I have are very important to me. The fact that none of them should even be dignified by being called a 'relationship' in the first place makes me feel utterly hopeless. "Is there anyone out there that would be my friend?" I ask myself that a lot.

 

[DrunkenMonkey]

Welcome to the forums Glitter Girl. Just know you arent alone. Many people ask the same question in a certain way every day. Everyones situation is unique to themselves but in a round about way, it all boils down to the same thing.

Does anyone like me, does anyone even care?

To start, you must learn to like yourself and not worry so much about the outside world. Life is beautiful and brutal all at the same time. Im sure your an amazing person but you need to realize it for yourself so that you might be able to continue living life with your head held high.

Not to be mean but if your friends dont want to hang out with you then either you are putting off too much negative energy, OR they arent worthy of being your friend.

As the punk band Samiam says, " Not everyones your friend."

But i could be wrong and maybe they are your good friends, its for you to decide. You are 21 and have so much to look forward to. While love has no age barrier, growing does somewhat.

WE as humans change so much from the ages of 15-18 and then from 18-21 and then from 21-25... and so forth. In time you will see, your tastes in all things in life change over time.

I know it means nothing to you at this moment, as this is your day right now. But hold strong to the fact that things happen for a reason, and maybe you havent met that special someone or friend that means alot to you yet because fate hasnt dealt you that card so far.

Hold true to yourself and one day someone will feel for you the way you do for them.

 

[Badjedidude]

(I'm new here, don't hurt me! *meep*)

Haha....very cute.

No situation is hopeless. Here's a movie dialogue quote for you point-grabbers out there that I think sums up this idea:

"Guy #1--Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario."
"Guy #2--I don't believe in no-win scenarios."

Name that movie and get 20 points!

----Steve

 

[packyourbags]

Hey GlitterGirl, and welcome to the forums.

i guess you'll find that quite a few of the folks here know what you are talking about. i do hope though that you will find your special people

Name that movie and get 20 points! Big Grin

is googling allowed, Steve?

 

[Badjedidude]

is googling allowed, Steve?

Hmmmm...maybe for reduced points. (10 points)

----Steve

 

[packyourbags]

star trek?

---

sorry for hijacking the thread btw

 

[TheWrathof_Jay]

welcome

i think many people here feel the same as you so chat away cos EVERYONE here would enjoy a bit of conversation!

when i moved out it was great, independence led to confidence and a bit of happiness and its always good to have something to work towards

 

[SophiaGrace]

i'm 21, at college & a loner. I'd love to talk to you sometime . Pop into chat ok?

 

[Badjedidude]

star trek?

YES! 10 points for Shade! lol unless you didn't cheat.

----Steve

 

[Ithought]

Create by yourself, Meaning of life because it is long. Feel like never end. But we all know it will be end eventually.
Sometimes I talk to myself why should I care even they don’t care, Yeah with some tears.
I am not sure about relationship but yes there is someone can be your friend, even friends. ;-P

 

[Glitter Girl]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I feel like personally responding to each relevant one so...

To start, you must learn to like yourself and not worry so much about the outside world. Life is beautiful and brutal all at the same time. Im sure your an amazing person but you need to realize it for yourself so that you might be able to continue living life with your head held high.

I definitely think life is beautiful! Life itself is amazing. I'm really into science and I just love finding out how everything works, and the more I know the more I feel special and in awe. But of course, that is far removed from my own personal life. As a human being, I need the same basic things other humans need, with personal differences of course. Whenever one of those needs is absent, anyone would feel deep pain. It's part of being alive. Thankfully I strongly believe in living my life even if I do feel such pain, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Not to be mean but if your friends dont want to hang out with you then either you are putting off too much negative energy, OR they arent worthy of being your friend.

I often wonder if it's something wrong with me. Like, why am I so bad at being friends with people, or what makes me seem unattractive as a friend to people I meet? I'm shy so maybe I come across as boring? And as I said, being a loner I don't often seek out other friendships (and then if I feel like doing so, usually my shyness gets in the way). The friends I have I've all known for more than four years at least. When we hang out we pretty much always have something to talk about; we have fun, and I am fairly good at making others laugh, etc. But perhaps they don't see it that way? I don't know...

Hold true to yourself and one day someone will feel for you the way you do for them.

Thanks... I hope so!

when i moved out it was great, independence led to confidence and a bit of happiness and its always good to have something to work towards

Thanks, that is definitely encouraging! I will keep working toward that, and hopefully in a few months I'll be able to say I feel better.

i'm 21, at college & a loner. I'd love to talk to you sometime . Pop into chat ok?

Awesome! I will endeavor to do so What time zone are you in?

star trek?

YES! 10 points for Shade! lol unless you didn't cheat.

----Steve

Lol I thought it sounded very Star Trek-y I love Star Trek quotes

Create by yourself, Meaning of life because it is long. Feel like never end. But we all know it will be end eventually.
Sometimes I talk to myself why should I care even they don’t care, Yeah with some tears.
I am not sure about relationship but yes there is someone can be your friend, even friends. ;-P

Same here, I often think that because other people don't care about me, I must be worthless. That's where my feelings of worthlessness come from. But what I'm hoping is that there is a person (people?! ) out there that can teach me differently. Thanks for the encouragement!

I can relate a lot, though I don't think my life is pointless because i'm lucky in a lot of ways, but the lonliness aspect of course. I'm 21 as well actually. I wish I could find someone to hang out with from my neck of the woods.

Being lonely is bad enough! It's good you don't see it worse than that, at least. I think 21 has to be the loneliest age. When I was younger (and lonely of course) I dreamed that when I was 21, I could go out and do anything--I'd have a car, I could drink and get into any place because of that, it'd be easy to meet people because of these things... Alas, reality is of course very different. Everything is the same as ever. Hopefully I won't end up as those creepy people who drink alone at bars!! (To me, drinking is a social activity, and I'll have to reach a whole new low before I drink by myself...)


Thanks for the replies and welcomes everyone!! I know I have a lot of things to work on, mainly social skills. Perhaps having people root for me, even if it's just people on here, will help me keep trying I don't like feeling this despair.

 

[coricopat]

Yep, I get where you're coming from. I like being alone generally, but I also like occasionally hanging out with someone, or even a small group. Finding quality people to hang out with is hard though, so I end up spending a bit more time alone than I would prefer, which in turn makes me feel like something is wrong with me.