Glitter Girl
Member
(I'm new here, don't hurt me! *meep*)
I'm all closed up. It's like I'm at the bottom of some deep hole and I keep trying to crawl out of it, but all I end up doing is scraping my fingers down to bloody stumps and getting nowhere. I don't know where the hole came from or when I fell into it, and if I could even get out at this point...
I'm only 21 years old and I already feel like life is pointless. I think this stems from the fact that I don't have a satisfying relationship with anyone, and never have had one. My parents barely conceal their distaste for me, and yes I still live with them. I've made it my life goal right now to move out to get away from the toxic atmosphere they generate. I don't know if that will make me feel better or not... But it's all I can think to do.
But even if I get away from them, there's the problem of my friends. None of my friends care for me. I used to try to plan outings with them all the time, but I've given up since they never seem interested or agree, and I see them maybe once every few months on average. (That depresses me big time.) And I have no idea how to make more friends--most of the time I don't even want them. Or rather, I'm a bonafide loner. I LIKE being alone. But I don't want to be alone 24/7, 365! I want to have a few friends and hangout with them sometimes. In fact, I enjoy meeting new people and going to parties. But I rarely if ever get invited to parties--the people I know that go to them don't want me there. (Or at least, one actually told me so, the other saying the same is inferred by actions...)
I could go on and on about that sort of thing, how I feel lonely, but that's boring. I think I could be happy with one friend who mutually contacts me, who didn't mind that I'm a loner, and just liked me. I don't need to be around someone all the time, I just want someone to have conversations with, to go out and do things with, ya know normal human stuff.
I want to know if anyone else is depressed because they are lonely, or if someone is also a loner and having trouble because of it. There's nothing inherently wrong with being a loner and I'm quite comfortable with it, but it means that the few relationships I have are very important to me. The fact that none of them should even be dignified by being called a 'relationship' in the first place makes me feel utterly hopeless. "Is there anyone out there that would be my friend?" I ask myself that a lot.
I'm all closed up. It's like I'm at the bottom of some deep hole and I keep trying to crawl out of it, but all I end up doing is scraping my fingers down to bloody stumps and getting nowhere. I don't know where the hole came from or when I fell into it, and if I could even get out at this point...
I'm only 21 years old and I already feel like life is pointless. I think this stems from the fact that I don't have a satisfying relationship with anyone, and never have had one. My parents barely conceal their distaste for me, and yes I still live with them. I've made it my life goal right now to move out to get away from the toxic atmosphere they generate. I don't know if that will make me feel better or not... But it's all I can think to do.
But even if I get away from them, there's the problem of my friends. None of my friends care for me. I used to try to plan outings with them all the time, but I've given up since they never seem interested or agree, and I see them maybe once every few months on average. (That depresses me big time.) And I have no idea how to make more friends--most of the time I don't even want them. Or rather, I'm a bonafide loner. I LIKE being alone. But I don't want to be alone 24/7, 365! I want to have a few friends and hangout with them sometimes. In fact, I enjoy meeting new people and going to parties. But I rarely if ever get invited to parties--the people I know that go to them don't want me there. (Or at least, one actually told me so, the other saying the same is inferred by actions...)
I could go on and on about that sort of thing, how I feel lonely, but that's boring. I think I could be happy with one friend who mutually contacts me, who didn't mind that I'm a loner, and just liked me. I don't need to be around someone all the time, I just want someone to have conversations with, to go out and do things with, ya know normal human stuff.
I want to know if anyone else is depressed because they are lonely, or if someone is also a loner and having trouble because of it. There's nothing inherently wrong with being a loner and I'm quite comfortable with it, but it means that the few relationships I have are very important to me. The fact that none of them should even be dignified by being called a 'relationship' in the first place makes me feel utterly hopeless. "Is there anyone out there that would be my friend?" I ask myself that a lot.