College is miserable. (Rant)

[Musicman]

Sorry about the wall of text. I need to rant and hey, it's the internet, so you can choose whether o not to read it. College has really been getting me down.

To be clear, I commute, I have a job, and I also work at my old high school (music director for the play - I'm a music education major.) I just started composition lessons and my roommate, a choir director, gives me some music gigs. I'm busy but not overly so. Scholastically, I'm engaged and things are going fine. The nature of my major requires me to be in clubs and erforming ensembles. I'm even in a quintet outside of school.

I talk to people. I'm friendly. I'm interested in what people have to say. I have passions and like to think I'm interesting.

But my God, I'm so freaking lonely and miserable. I had what I thought was a great girlfriend, but she broke up with me out of the blue on the first day of college. Since then I've had no luck with women or making friends... I'm a second semester junior now, in a five year program. I finally made a real friend last semester, but then that fell apart because I was making her abusive boyfriend jealous. Now she makes it a point to ignore my existance, and has done so for two months. It's totally crushed my spirit. There's nothing worse than making what you think is a real friend and losing them after just a semester. I have acquaintances at school, but no real friends. None of them "click" with me the way true friends have in the past. Then some other people at school even say crappy things about me within earshot and imitate me in class... They cannot understand how horrible that makes me feel.

All my high school friends and acquaintances, even the commuters, are having a blast at school. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong... I'm really trying to do well in school and meet new people. But I'm heartbroken and depressed and it has only been getting worse. Romantic scenes in movies make me cry because I don't see that ever happening to me again. I see plenty of frankly shitty people around me who nonetheless have many friends. The worst was losing that one close friend last semester. She even admitted her bf was abusive, but still abandoned our friendship to placate him.

How am I supposed to deal with this crap? What am I doing wrong? And if College is supposed to be the time of your life, am i screwed?

 

[Paraiyar]

I bet a lot of the kids at your college aren't having a blast at all. It might look that way on the surface but that's probably an illusion. Most people aren't forthcoming about how they're really feeling. Just one thing to bear in mind is all.

On another note have you ever tried using dating websites or meetup groups. I'm sort of just starting to try and make use of these now.

I'm almost 25 now and didn't have a girlfriend in my university years (and haven't ever had a real one) but I wasn't really conscious of the fact I wasn't doing enough to socialize during that time period until afterwards and now I regret it. At least you've realized it while there is still time to fix it. Hope it works out for you.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Having experience of being in a relationship, learning music, going to clubs?? Do you have any idea that you are living what I call the life of my dreams!!
When I ask people about how to get someone to like you or talk to you,etc., they say, "Keep looking, I am sure that there is someone who will love you." Hell, how can I make sure that they will, if I have never been special to someone? Their answer does not apply to me. BUT for you, it does. You have been someone's special, even if she/he was just a friend, thing is, they have been with you. You are lovable. Going to clubs also assumes that you have a great personality, and atleast some confidence to talk. Congratulations for that.
People want guys like you. It is fine if guys like me show their desperate nature, because nobody cares. But for you, you dont need to be desperate, you simply have to keep looking, unlike us. The great friends that we see in movies, the great girlfriends that are popular, and prove to be great partners, are all the things you deserve, thats for sure. Then why worrying, keep looking.
The statement "I am sure there is someone out there who will care for you and love you the way you are" actually applies to you... So why should you worry? Keep moving, your life is going to be great, all the best...

 

[Peaches]

It's quite possible that you are not doing anything wrong, although only you can take a honest look at yourself and see that.
Sometimes it just goes that way, sometimes you have a full class of people with brown eyes, and sometimes you hardly meet someone who is compatible, it's really a matter of chance. Is it possible that you don't fit in the school for some other reasons, like slightly different background or ideas or god knows what. For one, you can try not to get depression get to you, I know it's totally easier said than done, but being heartbroken is not the most successful vibe to send out when you look for friends. Unless of course you look for other heartbroken people (personally that would be my choice) - what I am trying to say very clumsily: it sounds like you are doing good, you are a good person, don't give up, faith is a weird thing, it's like believing in fairies for a second, it's like suspending everything you think about reality, cause and effect, what you expect your future to be, and being completely open to all possibilities, in spite of despair. You feel sad now, it takes a leap into madness to believe that it doesn't have to be forever. Be mad...

Btw shitty people usually have a lot of friends because it's easier for them to find similar people while decent human beings are pretty scarce. And no, not always college is the best, for some it's high school, for others the fun comes afterwards. But I do hope that things will look up for you really soon.

 

[Demian]

I felt this way when I first went off to college. In fact, I continued to feel this way most of the way through college. I was made to live on campus, too.

The strange thing is I'm a really outgoing, gregarious person with a full paid scholarship and 0 problems socializing. But for some reason, college life made me very... lonely. I just didn't feel like I fit in with the college party culture and all that. It felt EXHAUSTING keeping up with it all, when all I really wanted to do was study and chill out.

I think we are built up to believe that college is supposed to be this great, awesome experience where we find ourselves blah blah blah... but in fact, it isn't always that way for everyone. Sometimes, its just a way to get an education.

In the end, I found a small group of friends who were into the same thing as me, and that made college a little more bearable. What really ended up improving my perspective of college is when I just got over the idea that the "college experience" was supposed to be this life changing thing, and instead just started treating it like an education instead.

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

It's not your fault. We get all these expectations from movies, t.v shows, books, and music. But the expectations rarely meet reality.

I was in college for three years before I dropped out. I had very little fun. I had a few dates that went no where (one with a woman that I ended up not standing), the women that I had sex with were outside of school, I felt isolated and alone in most of my classes, couldn't really make any friends, didn't get invited to any parties so I dropped out.

Ask yourself: why am I going to school? If it's for education stay. If it's for social reasons leave.

 

[Musicman]

Of course I'm here mainly for the education, but I really did expect to make at least one real friend. I'm trying...

Feeling incredibly miserable tonight.

And honestly.... if I can't make friends in a school I'm at 4 days a week surrounded by tons of people who are as passionate about music as I am, how can I possibly expect for things to get better after school.

 

[Paraiyar]

You say that people in your class have openly engaged in hostile behaviour towards you. Do you have any idea why?

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

You will probably just have a hard time socially. I do too. Learn self reliance. Start a band, try meetups (though most suck).

 

[Musicman]

You say that people in your class have openly engaged in hostile behaviour towards you. Do you have any idea why?

I wish I knew.

 

[cyrano]

College is the "time of your life" if all you do is go to college. You're doing a lot more than that with all your added activities. How about starting with the four other members of your quintet? You've already got something in common with them. Do you socialize with them at all? If not, why not?

There is something to be said for the notion that if you keep having a problem with all sorts of people, you're the problem. That's not a reason to get depressed but it is a reason to do something. Sometimes all it takes is one person who's willing to share something they know or see in you to bring it home. For me, it was a lifelong fear of eye contact. One of the few friends I had said he thought I was a great person, but I had this issue (no eye contact) and it took him years to learn that I wasn't some sort of snob.

Most of us don't have years to give people the chance to learn that we're worth an investment of social capital.

And of course, go full Dale Carnegie and be genuinely interested in others. Give compliments freely. You work and play with musicians, there's ample opportunities, I would imagine. Put yourself out there. You may not make friends quickly, you will likely make some missteps (don't just compliment good-looking women and when you do, compliment them about something besides their looks).

 

[there is no hope]

Education is a ripoff.
There's no point in even trying unless you are pre-screened for success, in which case any education is a formality. If you have to ask yourself what it was worth, you've already lost.

 

[handheart]

The problem its in your thinking and because you live so many negative problems they cause to you to atract the same situation .Read law of attraction