Compromise

[okidoke]

How much should you compromise in a relationship or a friendship? Is the level of compromise different, should it be? Does the level also depend on how many friends you have and how easy you can get into another relationship? Discuss.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I don't think there should be any compromising in a relationship. If one has to compromise for the other then you are in the wrong relationship. You should both be able to agree on things without one compromising for the other.

 

[okidoke]

I don't think there should be any compromising in a relationship. If one has to compromise for the other then you are in the wrong relationship. You should both be able to agree on things without one compromising for the other.

When you say “agree” though, doesn’t that entail a sort of negotiation, a decision based on a bunch of ideas and common thoughts, which encompasses a degree of compromise? Your idea sounds like “it’s my way or the highway”. Or am I misunderstanding you?

 

[user 139760]

I think a relationship is ALL about compromise. In contrast to what Sci said, of course, you can agree with another person and be of similar mind on many things, but there will be, always, at least a small number of times where an impass is reached and both people have totally opposed viewpoints. It shouldn't turn into a yelling contest, which sadly happens way too often, but a matter if sitting down, in mutual respect and love, and coming up with a solution both people can agree on. The wanting, the will to work things out and be able to give, not just take, in a relationship, is vital, to me.

By that same token, two people who NEVER see eye to eye, might just not be made to be together. It depends on how out of their way both go. A little bit of empathy goes a long way.

 

[sub5male]

As long as a man is physically attractive, women will compromise about his other attributes. It's average men who need to be nearly perfect to find and keep a relationship while for ugly men it's not an issue since women want nothing to do with us.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Compromise is a part of life. It happens with everything. Your job, your family, your friends, your partner, hell, even with yourself. It's a necessary part of life. The main thing to remember in compromise is to know where you draw the line so you don't compromise on things that are extremely important to you.

Take me, for example. I'm vegan, no one else where I live is. So the majority of the time, I have to compromise and go to a restaurant where I will either not be eating or just getting a salad. (Keep in mind that there aren't a lot of vegan restaurants around me.) My ex was a hunter, I compromised and told him that as long as he puts family first and I don't see any evidence of his hunting (not talking the packaged meat that comes after he kills it), he can go hunting. We also had to compromise on how to raise our children. He is all about spanking, I'm not. We compromised and unless it was a serious infraction on the kids' part, they were not spanked.

 

[okidoke]

As long as a man is physically attractive, women will compromise about his other attributes. It's average men who need to be nearly perfect to find and keep a relationship while for ugly men it's not an issue since women want nothing to do with us.

I think you missed the point of this thread.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I think, like others said, some compromise is to be expected - whether it's with an SO, friends, or even family members. It is very rare, to nonexistent, for anyone to have perfect 1:1 compatibility on every interest, issue, and personality trait. Some give and take is part of the game.

Otherwise it is as you said, "my way or the highway", and I can't imagine a situation like that lasting long with anyone. I know I don't like being treated like that, and I try not to treat others that way either.

However I will say that, in general, the less you have to compromise, the easier it probably is to maintain a connection.

I guess it really becomes a problem, when the amount that you have to compromise, or the things you have to compromise on, cause you more bad feelings, than the connection causes you good feelings. Or if it goes deeply against your goals, values, beliefs, deep-level stuff like that, the things that are important to you.

 

[okidoke]

Compromise is a part of life……………..…………. The main thing to remember in compromise is to know where you draw the line so you don't compromise on things that are extremely important to you.

I guess this is what I’m asking. Where should people draw the line, and how does it vary with a relationship compared to a friendship, and having many friends to one, or easily finding another partner or not.

I have one real friend and at times I feel I’m being used, or taken advantage of, or taken for granted, but he’s a good mate and I don’t want to lose him, and I know he doesn’t do well with any chastisement or condemnation or criticism or the like even if our in a tactful way, so I just tolerate most of anything that irks me, telling myself that I’m being over sensitive or petty etc, and perhaps at times I am, yeah sort of like women who don’t leave their abusers I know. I’m very aware of that comparison. I guess if I had more friends, I wouldn’t probably feel this way about him.

 

[Sci-Fi]

When you say “agree” though, doesn’t that entail a sort of negotiation, a decision based on a bunch of ideas and common thoughts, which encompasses a degree of compromise? Your idea sounds like “it’s my way or the highway”. Or am I misunderstanding you?

Misunderstanding, I didn't mean if your partner was like Batman. (movie line reference.)

I just feel that if you are with someone you always have to compromise with then you are in the wrong relationship. People shouldn't have to when it comes to your partner, you two should know each other well enough not to have to compromise but willingly do things for each other knowing your partner would do the same. You shouldn't have to make deals with your partner to get what you want or what they want. You should just both do things for each other because you love one another.

 

[okidoke]

Misunderstanding, I didn't mean if your partner was like Batman. (movie line reference.)

I just feel that if you are with someone you always have to compromise with then you are in the wrong relationship. People shouldn't have to when it comes to your partner, you two should know each other well enough not to have to compromise but willingly do things for each other knowing your partner would do the same. You shouldn't have to make deals with your partner to get what you want or what they want. You should just both do things for each other because you love one another.

yeah, agree with you there, and if you read my above reply to TheRealCallie you'll understand more of what I was really getting at.

 

[user 139760]

Misunderstanding, I didn't mean if your partner was like Batman. (movie line reference.)

I just feel that if you are with someone you always have to compromise with then you are in the wrong relationship. People shouldn't have to when it comes to your partner, you two should know each other well enough not to have to compromise but willingly do things for each other knowing your partner would do the same. You shouldn't have to make deals with your partner to get what you want or what they want. You should just both do things for each other because you love one another.

I'M BATMAN!
Sorry. That was too good to pass up lol.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Honestly I dont know, if a man compromises with me… he would look weak and I wouldn't trust him to lead which would probably scare me into cheating or something crazy.

If he never compromises with me, I’ll be scared he wouldnt look after me while im pregnant and so i’d probably cheat with a guy that would do anything for me due to the stress …

Guess he cant win so better compromise and hope for the best

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I don't think either person should compromise their finances in a relationship, as that's nearly 50% of what couples usually fight about to begin with as it is. If you want mutual happiness more often times than not, just keep the money and individual responsibilities separate. Eliminate the things that people tend to fight about the most in relationships.

Because I'm more accustomed to the difficulty and near ascetic hardship of a solo approach to life, I would honestly opt for solidarity rather than for too much compromise over my lifestyle approach. I've learned through time that stability demands the sacrifice of excess and the confidence and control to be able to make minimalism functionally work. Or to put it in Trekkie terms, how to:

Compromise entirely depends on what your goals are and what you want out of life and how a relationship fits within the context of your goals and life planning. Obviously if you're "trying to have it all," therein the compromise of Balance would be Nothing In Excess.

So, it really kind of depends on what you are trying to do.

I will absolutely go out of my way to help my friends and family to the best of my ability...
But in order to do that I do believe in enlightened self-interest in that in order for me to be able to help others I first have to be in a position to where I CAN help others.

If two people are stuck in quicksand, one person throwing the other person a rope really isn't going to productively get much done if that's the initial reaction. That part has to come after one of the two of them comes up with some other form of leverage, only then will the rope actually be helpful. If you just toss the rope to your buddy when you're both sinking, unless your buddy is near a tree or something of leverage, you're just going to be two people sinking with a rope between the two of you.

Of course outside of Balance, Desire definitely plays more of a role.
Desire is when your stat and skill points are distributed more to specialty builds.
If you're trying to be a successful Sales Manager of any kind than Charisma is going to play a huge part in that as most people are easily persuaded by Charismatic individuals, which is how Marketing and Sales kind of works. Basically if you can make the trash look pretty enough somebody else won't think it's trash, and that's that approach. People do this all of the time with everything from commercial and residential real estate buildings, to crap they post on SwipSwap and Craigslist for sale.

Stat and skill point distribution varies entirely dependent upon Desire and the the build of the character changes accordingly. Yes, I'm putting it into roleplaying game terms, because I think it's funny that way.

 

[Cherubino]

I think every part involved in a relationship defines their tolerance limits according to their hierarchy of values ... my tolerance limits are mostly related to health and dignity which must not be affected by any kind of relationship

 

[Unsigned]

 

[ardour]

Everyone has to compromise to live with another person, but if you're talking about ignoring your own criteria or goals for the relationship to happen then I think that's a recipe for resentment, wasted time and breakup down the road.

I don't want to live with a diehard introvert who never goes anywhere, spends her weekends with uber eat takeout and Netflix, or a toy doll collection. That isn't compromise it's incompatibility.

 

[okidoke]

Ok, so everyone has talked about relationships with a SO, but what about friendships? Particularly when you only have one friend.