Confirmation of the Truth

[DemonsInside]

As pessimists we have one advantage.. we are realists.. and we are really in touch with ourselves in that when we know something is true.. it is. I just found out my wife.. (soon to be ex) has been with her ex (her best friend) since the day she left me. I knew it then I knew it all along.. every day I asked for her just to tell me.. because I knew it was true and finally I force it out. hmmph...

I was getting better.. starting to feel emotions again.. but now.. I've just shut off again completely cold and numb..frozen in time. It's a familiar feeling that I felt and remember from 10 years ago when I found my dad dead, hanging from the end of a belt.

I don't know what to do...

 

[Minus]

I am so sorry. That is really difficult. There is no way that i can say anything to make things better but i do wish you the best.

 

[Bluey]

Very well said mimus. A lot off ppl well read your post no doubt but be at a loss on what to say. I to wish you the best.

 

[Robin]

Before i begin; the photo to my left here is nothing but a way to entertain people and has nothing to do with You. I suppose it's not as easy to trust a clown's words of "wisdom", but there is a person behind the mask too, who cares very much.

It was a long time ago i saw that word... "Pessimist". Quite amazing that this word feels so unfamiliar now considering i was a very keen one myself once upon a time. What made me survive all by myself, and actually be glad to be alive, was to help others. Since You obviously married and already did the whole give love-get love deal i suppose You already understand it's importance to our whole being.

So, she left You, which gives You the same feeling as when Your dad went away. I suppose both these events made You feel very unloved and perhaps even like it was Your fault, which is why Your mind has shut Your feelings off again, to protect itself.

Questions:
- Do You feel like it's Your fault, and why in that case.
- What do You want to achieve in life?
- What do You want to get away from?
- Was the real-world, physical love from Your wife the only thing after Your father's death that made You feel emotions again?

 

[Kristen]

I found my dad dead, hanging from the end of a belt.

I don't know what to do...

oh my god thats like the scariest honeysuckle ever.

what u mean u dont know what to do?
dont do anything stupid dont u have daughters? I think u mentioned "little girls" somewhere...

to them u mean the world. Be there for them always after divorce and u'll never regret it. why do her parents have them if ur the father.

 

[DemonsInside]

Step-dad my friends, but when your step-dad. you tend to drop the step. and just become dad.

 

[Kristen]

yea that changes the whole picture.

but ur a great person

 

[DemonsInside]

Before i begin; the photo to my left here is nothing but a way to entertain people and has nothing to do with You. I suppose it's not as easy to trust a clown's words of "wisdom", but there is a person behind the mask too, who cares very much.

It was a long time ago i saw that word... "Pessimist". Quite amazing that this word feels so unfamiliar now considering i was a very keen one myself once upon a time. What made me survive all by myself, and actually be glad to be alive, was to help others. Since You obviously married and already did the whole give love-get love deal i suppose You already understand it's importance to our whole being.

So, she left You, which gives You the same feeling as when Your dad went away. I suppose both these events made You feel very unloved and perhaps even like it was Your fault, which is why Your mind has shut Your feelings off again, to protect itself.

Questions:
- Do You feel like it's Your fault, and why in that case.
- What do You want to achieve in life?
- What do You want to get away from?
- Was the real-world, physical love from Your wife the only thing after Your father's death that made You feel emotions again?

Hello Robin, sorry I ment to answer your Qs this morning but time was an issue.

1.) Well, honestly it was that picture perfect relationship.. you know that one where people look at you and say get a room... heh. But like I stated and you pointed out.. I at first wasn't able to connect to her emotionally and that is an obvious problem. Things were done, which I did, that seemed like no big deal (they were really.) she'd cry. I'd feel just blank cause I had shut off emotinally. But I promised to get help counseling (which I still em) I asked her to marry me.. she went back to her home in Montana.. thought about it for a bit.. and came back and said yes she would.. so I figured She must really want to work as I hard as I was to keep our relationship going.

2.) I want to wake up in the morning and actually look in the mirror or outside heh, and go it's nice to be alive.. or I'm gunna have a great day.. I'd like to be able to actually look at people and not have to wonder if there's some alterior motive behind their actions towards me.

3.) I want to get away from the whole distorted thinking.

4.) Real world, physical love? If you mean like sex and that kind of thing no. It was me basically saying to myself. This woman came out here, dropped everything and came out to get to know you better and start a relationship. (The dropping everything should have been a warning. Since she left her kids behind, but that's another story) It seemed basically that okay, she's accepting you for your flaws and your talents the whole me.

 

[Kristen]

i like ur avatar, when ur done with it. can i have it?

 

[DemonsInside]

Of course! I like yours too, but I don't think it'd suit well for a guy. =)