Conforming to Dating/Relationship "Rules"

[blackdot]

Actually the ones looking for "the one" are not desperate. Unfortunately at my age, the desperate ones are already married. *laughs*

I have no idea how they are supposed to know if the person is "the one" by just meeting once in person but some how or another that's what they do.

 

[Bones]

Please remember you said this ... someday, you will change your tune when the tactic is used against you after developing feelings for someone.

Rules schmules.

I agree, there should be no SET rules to follow. That would be boring as hell.

 

[Hoffy]

Actually the ones looking for "the one" are not desperate. Unfortunately at my age, the desperate ones are already married. *laughs*

I have no idea how they are supposed to know if the person is "the one" by just meeting once in person but some how or another that's what they do.

I'm not saying if you are looking for the one you are desperate I'm saying a woman thinking she can figure that out on the first date is desperate cause you can't figure that out just meeting someone once.

 

[Ashariel]

I agree you can't tell if someone's "the one" on the first date. But on the other hand, it can be obvious from the first date that they're NOT "the one". (Like, if you hate dogs and their passion is breeding pit bulls.) And in that case, I never saw the point in continuing to stay in a relationship that couldn't possibly go anywhere :/

 

[Okonkwo]

These rules exist because women are valuable to men simply for being women because they can provide sex. On the other hand, men don't have the same inherent value because sex is easy for women to get. Therefore, men must provide something of value to women to be relationship material.

Women look for a man that can provide wealth, power, and safety. They want men to impress them because that often takes wealth. They want men to make the first move and to be dominant because that's a sign of power. That's why it's imperative that all men develop a proper dominant and outgoing personality because wealth, power, and safety are much easier to acquire with proper masculine traits.

We could probably write an entire book about how unfair this is, but it's how dating in modern western society works. You can choose not to play the game, but don't plan on having many girlfriends. There are very, very few women who want the 'no rules' type of relationship you described, and these women are generally only accessible to the ~top 1% of men.

Protip: If you're posting on this forum, you're probably not in the top 1%.

I don't get the whole relationship rules thing. I've only had one girlfriend and I remember the entire time, she would always go on about how relationships are based on rules that the male must follow and things MUST happen a certain way. Things like making it to second base by x number of dates; The guy must initiate the kiss; the guy must ask the girl out; the guy must impress the girl. Is it just me or is this just a whole bunch of immature garbage? I feel as if women have these huge expectations from a man and that man should be thankful that a woman is taking notice of him, and that he must work hard to get her. Why can't a relationship be as simple as being honest with one another with no pressure whatsoever?

And as a male, why can't I deserve to be "Swept" off my feet by a woman? I see a girlfriend as just being a really really good friend with extra benefits. No pressure and all fun. The way society makes these rules seems like it is a massive task to just get a woman and that he must act in a certain way to get her. I don't know but all this added pressure just spells recipe for disaster. The man tries to act so "wonderful" and "Dreamy" for the woman, that months into the relationship the woman realises that he is not what he was at the start.

And (Not trying to be sexist here at all) then there are women who will be annoyed at the man for not being able to read their minds, like they should act in a certain way in certain situations that conform to the so called "rules".

I think a relationship should be a natural flowing phenomenon and that work should be put in on both sides. It should be based on the personality of the two individuals and not these so called "rules" that society makes up and that most people seem to adhere to so religiously.

I don't play games and I refuse to play anyone elses game. I think a lot people have a lot of growing up to do. Sorry for the rant, but what are your thoughts on this people?

 

[gnome3]

Rule #1: The woman is always right.
Rule #2: If in doubt, refer to rule #1
lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

That's the thing though. There is no specific way to "date" or be with someone.

I know, which is why I said it would be good if there were rules. Without rules, there is no way to figure it out.

I fail to see how rules for this would be good. Why? So you'd feel the need to follow a standard, instead of deciding for yourself how to be? It's not the worst thing in the world to think for yourself. Just saying.

 

[Ak5]

I'll keep you posted.

Please remember you said this ... someday, you will change your tune when the tactic is used against you after developing feelings for someone.

Rules schmules.

I agree, there should be no SET rules to follow. That would be boring as hell.

 

[2fresh4youx]

These rules exist because women are valuable to men simply for being women because they can provide sex. On the other hand, men don't have the same inherent value because sex is easy for women to get. Therefore, men must provide something of value to women to be relationship material.

Women look for a man that can provide wealth, power, and safety. They want men to impress them because that often takes wealth. They want men to make the first move and to be dominant because that's a sign of power. That's why it's imperative that all men develop a proper dominant and outgoing personality because wealth, power, and safety are much easier to acquire with proper masculine traits.

We could probably write an entire book about how unfair this is, but it's how dating in modern western society works. You can choose not to play the game, but don't plan on having many girlfriends. There are very, very few women who want the 'no rules' type of relationship you described, and these women are generally only accessible to the ~top 1% of men.

Protip: If you're posting on this forum, you're probably not in the top 1%.

I don't get the whole relationship rules thing. I've only had one girlfriend and I remember the entire time, she would always go on about how relationships are based on rules that the male must follow and things MUST happen a certain way. Things like making it to second base by x number of dates; The guy must initiate the kiss; the guy must ask the girl out; the guy must impress the girl. Is it just me or is this just a whole bunch of immature garbage? I feel as if women have these huge expectations from a man and that man should be thankful that a woman is taking notice of him, and that he must work hard to get her. Why can't a relationship be as simple as being honest with one another with no pressure whatsoever?

And as a male, why can't I deserve to be "Swept" off my feet by a woman? I see a girlfriend as just being a really really good friend with extra benefits. No pressure and all fun. The way society makes these rules seems like it is a massive task to just get a woman and that he must act in a certain way to get her. I don't know but all this added pressure just spells recipe for disaster. The man tries to act so "wonderful" and "Dreamy" for the woman, that months into the relationship the woman realises that he is not what he was at the start.

And (Not trying to be sexist here at all) then there are women who will be annoyed at the man for not being able to read their minds, like they should act in a certain way in certain situations that conform to the so called "rules".

I think a relationship should be a natural flowing phenomenon and that work should be put in on both sides. It should be based on the personality of the two individuals and not these so called "rules" that society makes up and that most people seem to adhere to so religiously.

I don't play games and I refuse to play anyone elses game. I think a lot people have a lot of growing up to do. Sorry for the rant, but what are your thoughts on this people?

I'm not sure what you mean by "Only Accessible to the top "1%" of women. And I don't plan on having "Many" girlfriends. Having 20 girlfriends is just as bad as having 1 girlfriend as far as I'm concerned. And funny you mention how "That's how the western society" works. I wouldn't want to waste my time with anyone who would follow such a pathetic code of conduct. I guess that makes the modern woman (and man for that matter) very shallow (and I'm not just talking looks here) and insecure.

 

[kamya]

Well yeah, most people are shallow and/ or insecure. If not the majority, then a decent chunk of the population at least. Conversations with friends, family, coworkers, and random people I come across have taught me that.

 

[BlueArtist]

I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

BD, I know how you feel; I have gone on numerous Blind dates, girls that I've asked out etc. I was always scared that I'm going to do the wrong thing at the wrong time, so I've never being in a relationship for my entire adult life.

A month ago I started seeing someone that I've known for almost a year but nothing ever happened before, and believe me I've never kissed a girl or just held her close in my arms.

Suddenly here is someone that returns my feelings for her, and everything just happened naturally. Making out, holding her in my arms, talking even dancing which I thought I can't do since I felt it probably looks like I'm being tazered by the police. Even the sex topic, which is/was a taboo topic for people of our generation to talk about, talked popped up after 4 weeks of seeing one another, and we got a feel for one another’s wants and needs. I'm not going any further regarding that here: "Gentlemen do not talk"

I even met her folks on the weekend. The key is communication, if both parties are comfortable enough in one anothers presence one can talk things out and learn what the other person's likes and dislikes are regarding how they want things to proceed and then get to a compromise that will accommodate both people.

And her I am, almost 37 and I always told myself I can't do this because I do not know how.

And rules? The only rules we have are these ones:
1. Common decency and recspect, knowing when to stop if the other person feels uncumfortable with something.
2. Talking to one another if a specific question or answer left more answers or if one of us are not 100% sure what the other meant by a specific comment or action.
3. a silly one maybe but since we are both working full time, visiting curfews during the week so that our performance at work aren't effected the next day.
4. Being honest with one another.
5. And to just enjoy the journey together.

 

[blackdot]

I fail to see how rules for this would be good. Why? So you'd feel the need to follow a standard, instead of deciding for yourself how to be? It's not the worst thing in the world to think for yourself. Just saying.

Well, I'm also the type that misses the old days back when the parent's set up their children with their future partners.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I fail to see how rules for this would be good. Why? So you'd feel the need to follow a standard, instead of deciding for yourself how to be? It's not the worst thing in the world to think for yourself. Just saying.

Well, I'm also the type that misses the old days back when the parent's set up their children with their future partners.

Some people in some countries still do that. It's not a totally lost tradition.

 

[blackdot]

I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

BD, I know how you feel; I have gone on numerous Blind dates, girls that I've asked out etc. I was always scared that I'm going to do the wrong thing at the wrong time, so I've never being in a relationship for my entire adult life.

The key is communication, if both parties are comfortable enough in one anothers presence one can talk things out and learn what the other person's likes and dislikes are regarding how they want things to proceed and then get to a compromise that will accommodate both people.

See, I don't have that problem on 1st dates. I'm not nervous at all. I find meeting a stranger to be easy. I find communication to be easy which is why the 1st date normally lasts 3 hours with us laughing and talking the entire time.

But I sort of sum it all up with what 1 first date told me after meeting me. She said, "You are a nice person, you are entertaining, you are funny, we have a lot in common, and I had a wonderful time... but that is not what I am looking for in a date."

 

[2fresh4youx]

I fail to see how rules for this would be good. Why? So you'd feel the need to follow a standard, instead of deciding for yourself how to be? It's not the worst thing in the world to think for yourself. Just saying.

Well, I'm also the type that misses the old days back when the parent's set up their children with their future partners.

I'm very interested in why you've taken this point of view. Traditions like that just sound downright horrible. Imagine being set up with someone you have no physical or mental attraction to?

 

[kamya]

Those relationships actually end up more successful on average than others.
Arranged Marriage Statistics

Only a 6% global divorce rate, and 1.1% in India. With arranged marriages, they are usually more than just man and woman, they are basically two families marrying as well. The extra support and pressure from the families to make things work, ends up in a more healthy relationship it seems.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Oh man if my mom did that to me I would have been setup with a girl who I wasn't attracted to and saw more as a sister if anything. Oh well, like a friend of mine used to like to say, incest is best when it's kept in the family.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

When it comes to dating I just go with the flow. I don't expect things, I've always been laid back. Sometimes woman expect too much and thats very frustrating. If I'm not happy I'll say something and be honest. Communication is the key for me.

 

[Sterling]

Is it just me or is this just a whole bunch of immature garbage?

It's basically some immature bullshit. There are no rules saying you must act like this or you must do that. There is no amount of dates which = sex. You don't have to sweep her off her feet, she could sweep you off yours. Sounds like...she wants a fairy tale relationship so she wants you to go by her rules haha.

 

[Lonely in BC]

I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

BD, I know how you feel; I have gone on numerous Blind dates, girls that I've asked out etc. I was always scared that I'm going to do the wrong thing at the wrong time, so I've never being in a relationship for my entire adult life.

A month ago I started seeing someone that I've known for almost a year but nothing ever happened before, and believe me I've never kissed a girl or just held her close in my arms.

Suddenly here is someone that returns my feelings for her, and everything just happened naturally. Making out, holding her in my arms, talking even dancing which I thought I can't do since I felt it probably looks like I'm being tazered by the police. Even the sex topic, which is/was a taboo topic for people of our generation to talk about, talked popped up after 4 weeks of seeing one another, and we got a feel for one another’s wants and needs. I'm not going any further regarding that here: "Gentlemen do not talk"

I even met her folks on the weekend. The key is communication, if both parties are comfortable enough in one anothers presence one can talk things out and learn what the other person's likes and dislikes are regarding how they want things to proceed and then get to a compromise that will accommodate both people.

And her I am, almost 37 and I always told myself I can't do this because I do not know how.

And rules? The only rules we have are these ones:
1. Common decency and recspect, knowing when to stop if the other person feels uncumfortable with something.
2. Talking to one another if a specific question or answer left more answers or if one of us are not 100% sure what the other meant by a specific comment or action.
3. a silly one maybe but since we are both working full time, visiting curfews during the week so that our performance at work aren't effected the next day.
4. Being honest with one another.
5. And to just enjoy the journey together.

I really like those rules you guys go by BA. It can be just as easy as that to establish a relationship built on mutual trust and respect. There really is nothing that can be added to this.