confused again

[Jessicat]

I’m out.
*run*

 

[user 150037]

Hitch1983, this forum is a safe space for people to give their honest opinions. The way I see it, if this girl has caused you this much pain and misery, then she's not worth obsessing over. That's what I decided when I was cut off from my so-called 'friend'.

That's my mentality anyway.

lol. Jessicat, wait! Noooooo!!!!

 

[hitch1983]

One persons needy is another persons endearment.  

and anyway We werent declaring love for each other, and that actual text was in isolation and not true of the context of the pairing between us.

lead me on is a maybe not the right description.  And anyway whilst im disappointed its over im more upset and hurt about how she did it than anything else.

I dont care if its too awkward to have a real conversation, to say sorry i dont think its going to work out.  Its respectful and the right thing to do.   DOesnt even have to be a huge discussion, just a few lines. or a sentence.  

 she avoided all responsibility for her actions.  People have feelings.

 

[Jessicat]

*run back inn*

Yes, I think so too. It is disrespectful and she should have the decency to tell you the truth.
But. 
That’s dating ain’t it. You kiss a whole bunch of frogs on the way. 

And yes, hewhowalksalone: this is a safe place to share your story and for others to share their opinions.
I think we should give Hitch a pat on the back!
Ahh. Who am I kidding. I am a hugger!

 

[TheRealCallie]

I still want to know how long it took to make her an evil *****.

 

[user 150037]

Evil *****? Nah. I think that 'coward' is more of an appropriate word - she cuts a guy off and runs the second things get a too intense, instead of telling him what she thinks. Hitch1983 - I feel that you and I have something in common, being as were were both recently cut off by someone who didn't give us a chance to talk things through.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Evil *****? Nah.  I think that 'coward' is more of an appropriate word - she cuts a guy off and runs the second things get a too intense, instead of telling him what she thinks. 

Really, even if it only took this guy a DAY after the date to write this post?  That's what I'm suspecting since he refuses to answer my question of how long ago this date was.

As for the "coward" part of it....how do you know?  You have ONE side of the story, a side that is clearly pushing too hard, a side that obviously got too close too fast, made it into more than it was.  Yet, she's the ***** or coward or leads him on or whatever else has been said about her?  That is EXTREMELY unfair when you don't really know the full story. 

I really hate when people come on here and sympathize with an OP about something, fully taking everything they say as complete honestly, when most times it's not.  Is hitch outright lying??  I have no idea.  Is he bending the story to make himself not to blame?  Very possibly.

 

[bender22]

Evil *****? Nah. I think that 'coward' is more of an appropriate word - she cuts a guy off and runs the second things get a too intense, instead of telling him what she thinks. Hitch1983 - I feel that you and I have something in common, being as were were both recently cut off by someone who didn't give us a chance to talk things through.

A coward? I don't think so. She doesn't owe him anything after just one date. I'd find it strange if a girl DID give me an honest explanation about why she didn't want to see me again after one date.

 

[Jessicat]

It is unfair to her ofc it is! I would consider it normal to always have in the back of my mind that I am just hearing one side of the story. She is probably seeing this date in a totally different way than he is. Calling her a ***** is not helping at all. 
It’s not about swallowing everything OP is saying. I sure ain’t doing that. I see it as him being hurt and is trying to hurt her back. Or to demonize her and make her the bad person in this story.

He is however trying to get the stuff that’s bothering him off his chest. Yes, he is being mean about it towards her. I think that’s obvious.
But. I will try and listen to him nonetheless.

 

[user 150037]

Evil *****? Nah.  I think that 'coward' is more of an appropriate word - she cuts a guy off and runs the second things get a too intense, instead of telling him what she thinks. 

Really, even if it only took this guy a DAY after the date to write this post?  That's what I'm suspecting since he refuses to answer my question of how long ago this date was.

As for the "coward" part of it....how do you know?  You have ONE side of the story, a side that is clearly pushing too hard, a side that obviously got too close too fast, made it into more than it was.  Yet, she's the ***** or coward or leads him on or whatever else has been said about her?  That is EXTREMELY unfair when you don't really know the full story. 

I really hate when people come on here and sympathize with an OP about something, fully taking everything they say as complete honestly, when most times it's not.  Is hitch outright lying??  I have no idea.  Is he bending the story to make himself not to blame?  Very possibly.

I'm just trying to see it from both sides. I've recently been on the receiving end of being written off by someone - and it made me feel the same way. It's human nature to feel a little resentful towards somebody who's responsible for hurting you. 'Therealcallie' are you saying that you wouldn't feel the slightest bit hurt or angry if someone just cut you out of their life like that?

I have clearly stated that I understand both sides of the argument. And I'm aware that I don't know everything that went on between OP and this girl Of course this girl should have took action when she felt the OP was coming off a little strong - maybe he should have backed off a little - but it sounds like she found it easier to blow him off than to tell him the truth. This is about giving the OP our honest opinions and trying to help him to see both sides - not tearing him apart like a pack of wolves, am I right, guys?

I know what it's like to be ganged up on - I'm just trying to avoid making Hitch1983 feel the way the people on that whatsapp group made me feel. And I'm sure you'd admire someone for having the balls to challenge the majority, as opposed to a 'sheep' - who agrees just to be in the popular crowd.

Not that I'm calling you a sheep.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Evil *****? Nah.  I think that 'coward' is more of an appropriate word - she cuts a guy off and runs the second things get a too intense, instead of telling him what she thinks. 

Really, even if it only took this guy a DAY after the date to write this post?  That's what I'm suspecting since he refuses to answer my question of how long ago this date was.

As for the "coward" part of it....how do you know?  You have ONE side of the story, a side that is clearly pushing too hard, a side that obviously got too close too fast, made it into more than it was.  Yet, she's the ***** or coward or leads him on or whatever else has been said about her?  That is EXTREMELY unfair when you don't really know the full story. 

I really hate when people come on here and sympathize with an OP about something, fully taking everything they say as complete honestly, when most times it's not.  Is hitch outright lying??  I have no idea.  Is he bending the story to make himself not to blame?  Very possibly.

I'm just trying to see it from both sides.  I've recently been on the receiving end of being written off by someone - and it made me feel the same way.  It's human nature to feel a little resentful towards somebody who's responsible for hurting you.  'Therealcallie' are you saying that you wouldn't feel the slightest bit hurt or angry if someone just cut you out of their life like that?

I have clearly stated that I understand both sides of the argument.  And I'm aware that I don't know everything that went on between OP and this girl  Of course this girl should have took action when she felt the OP was coming off a little strong - maybe he should have backed off a little - but it sounds like she found it easier to blow him off than to tell him the truth.  This is about giving the OP our honest opinions and trying to help him to see both sides - not tearing him apart like a pack of wolves, am I right, guys?

I know what it's like to be ganged up on - I'm just trying to avoid making Hitch1983 feel the way the people on that whatsapp group made me feel.  And I'm sure you'd admire someone for having the balls to challenge the majority, as opposed to a 'sheep' - who agrees just to be in the popular crowd.

Not that I'm calling you a sheep.  

Lol, I'm definitely not a sheep.  Which is one of the reasons you can conclude the OP definitely came on too strong.  There are too many people who LOVE to disagree with me having the same opinion I do. 

But, you can't understand both sides of the story, because you only have one side.  We are at the mercy of whatever the OP wants to say.  He could be completely lying, he could be twisting things, he could be telling the truth.  There is no way to know any of that.
Is it good that he got back out there and tried again?  Definitely.  Is it good that he's tossing everything everyone is telling him into the trash when we are only trying to help him do better in the future?  No, not at all. 

You can choose to victimize yourself or you can learn from it.  The OP seems to be all about victimizing himself and that's completely pointless because it will only make him repeat the same mistakes over and over again.  It's not "ganging up" on him to have the same opinions.  He's not listening, we are trying to help him and explain it to him.

 

[user 150037]

Oh, totally. That's why I'm trying to make sure I voice my opinion without pissing any of you off. Cos I respect the opinions of everyone here - you yourself have given me advice in the past, and I'm grateful for it.

Are we good?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Oh, totally.  That's why I'm trying to make sure I voice my opinion without pissing any of you off.  Cos I respect the opinions of everyone here - you yourself have given me advice in the past, and I'm grateful for it.

Are we good?

We never weren't good.  I have no problem with people disagreeing with me.  Happens a lot. lol  I enjoy debating with people who have differing opinions.  It tells a lot about a person to see where they go with the debate.

 

[Jessicat]

It’s not about understanding her side. I don’t even need to hear it. I just need to keep in mind that there is another story out there that I haven’t heard yet. 

Aww. We are all good Hewhowalksalone! Nobody is mad.

 

[user 150037]

Thanks, guys.

Hitch1983, a penny for your thoughts.

 

[user 139760]

Careful about calling Cal a sheep. Rumor has it she's got rusty chains in her barn and she's not afraid to use them ;-)
I don't think this thread is much more than self-validation at this point.
Sure, she might be an evil *****. Sure, he might be an uncaring or overreacting diva. Point is moot; GET over it!
Plenty of fish in the sea. Making sure it really was her fault or not won't change the celibacy status much unless you assume its pointless because all women are evil.
Which they are, of course, but thats another debate ;-)

 

[AmyTheTemperamental]

Calling her Cal is much more effective.

 

[ardour]

His account doesn't really put him in an positive light anyway. He seems to lack the self-awareness to bend the facts to his favour so there's no reason to think he's been dishonest here; It's obvious he gets attached way too soon and can't deal with rejection at all.

 

[iAmCodeMonkey]

Good luck to you in the future OP... I hope.

His account doesn't really put him in an positive light anyway. He seems to lack the self-awareness to bend the facts to his favour so there's no reason to think he's been dishonest here; It's obvious he gets attached way too soon and can't deal with rejection at all.

As someone who had to friend-zone a woman after a 6-date fling that had too many red flags for my liking (and was a bit too hot and cold), I completely agree with this. He had all this to say about her after only ONE date?!? He really needs move slower, learn to let things go if things go sour, and move on. Which I hope he has by now.

 

[user 150037]

I risked an argument trying to see it from Hitch's side - and Hitch1983 hasn't even come back since I posted

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