confused, hurt, lonely

[LGH1288]

Hi njs88 -- Be yourself, buy a small bunch of flowers. IMO it's unwise to forsake your core personality for phoney, calculated plotting. LG

Don't buy flowers. This website is all about understanding that, right or wrong, there are realities about social interaction that we need to understand. It's not about being calculating. It's about accepting reality.

njs88 -- Be sure to purchase and present your date with the proper type of flower(s). You can read about floriography here. BTW the purpose of this website was previously explained by its creator in another area on ALL; promoting the abandonment of generally accepted social etiquette was not one of those purposes outlined. Be authentic & real, LG

I'm glad you made your purpose clear. You're goal is to trumpet female defined etiquette.

I'm telling him what I've learned will make him more attractive to women.

It's not my advice. It's the advice of men--who are successful with women. I joined the military when I was 17 years old. After the military, I went to engineering school and now work at a power plant. I've spent my adult life submerged in the world of men. I've spent many hours on message boards by men for men. Instead of getting sensitive when they spoke, I listened. Didn't understand what they said at first, and it took a lot of work as they are not the most articulate bunch when they talk about their feelings; but I finally started to understand. They were right about a lot of what they said.

Don't you think it odd that despite having this guy who's obviously very sweet and caring, she ended up sleeping with a guy that she got into a fight with? And now she's being all weird and washy?

Do you know why?

The OP should do whatever he thinks is right for him, but he asked our advice. Don't buy her flowers. She hasn't earned them.

I'm glad you made your purpose clear. You're [sic] goal is to trumpet female defined etiquette.

M2 -- You've proclaimed an incorrect contention about my statements. I have no "purpose" nor any such "goal" as you've suggested. I'll ask again that you please discontinue misrepresenting my position in your terms of understanding. I prefer to speak for myself and I do not require a third-party interpreter. You have your opinion and I have mine. You're entitled to disagree with me but please respect my right to express my opinion without casting aspersions on the integrity of my intentions.

I've spent my adult life submerged in the world of men.

M2 -- So have I, professionally in a corporate capacity and by personal preference. I've had the pleasure of enjoying the company of many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men. They're all well-bred gentlemen with superb social etiquette skills and they've all presented me with flowers. I'm advising about this subject matter from actual social experience.

The OP should do whatever he thinks is right for him, but he asked our advice.

M2 -- Yes, njs88 has asked for OUR COLLECTIVE ADVICE, so IMO if he chooses to date ANY young lady then he should conduct himself as a consummate gentlemen and follow proper social etiquette and protocol.

 

[Mary Mary]

many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men. [/b]They're all well-bred gentlemen with superb social etiquette skills and they've all presented me with flowers. I'm advising about this subject matter from actual social experience.

BINGO!! And you dated them because they were such gentlemen. Yeah right.

You may have worked with them, but you weren't listening.

 

[njs88]

Hey guys,

Thanks for all this... I have read all replies...

As much as I want to be the gentleman, I have decided against flowers...
for the time being...

I think I am just going to go in there, tell her the truth about how she made me feel back then...

I was in a 4 year relationship prior to this, I never felt this way during those 4 years ever... There was a point in which this kind of thing happened, but I didn't care whether I lost that girl or not... but I do now...

I have no idea what is wrong with me...

So... I am hoping to meet her tomorrow night or evening if she answers...

Then I got to see her in class on Wednesday and Thursday... dreading it, although that is where out friendship kicked off when we noticed each other and started smiling...

 

[LGH1288]

many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men. [/b]They're all well-bred gentlemen with superb social etiquette skills and they've all presented me with flowers. I'm advising about this subject matter from actual social experience.

BINGO!! And you dated them because they were such gentlemen. Yeah right.

You may have worked with them, but you weren't listening.

M2 -- You are wrong about me, and your apparent snideness reeks of rudeness and immaturity. I've NEVER dated ANY of the men I've worked with. I should have been clearer by saying "I've ALSO had the pleasure of enjoying the company of many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men (who've all given me flowers)." Yes, I wouldn't date anyone UNLESS they were a gentleman so "BINGO" that's correct. Fortunately, I'm a woman who has high self-esteem.

---

Hey guys,

Thanks for all this... I have read all replies...

As much as I want to be the gentleman, I have decided against flowers...
for the time being...

I think I am just going to go in there, tell her the truth about how she made me feel back then...

I was in a 4 year relationship prior to this, I never felt this way during those 4 years ever... There was a point in which this kind of thing happened, but I didn't care whether I lost that girl or not... but I do now...

I have no idea what is wrong with me...

So... I am hoping to meet her tomorrow night or evening if she answers...

Then I got to see her in class on Wednesday and Thursday... dreading it, although that is where out friendship kicked off when we noticed each other and started smiling...

njs88 -- I'm glad you've made a decision appropriate to your sitiation that you're comfortable with. I hope everything works out for you. LG

---

[/quote]

 

[njs88]

Well... Meeting her tomorrow...

Thinking tell her my feelings, if she don't feel the same, fine, just on with life...

BUT then I been reading articles on askmen and from how I understand I am a 'wuss' lol...

Now, I want this girl, but I am now very confused about what to do, be strong, friendly and flirty...

or pour it all out...

I will decide tomorrow whilst cleaning my flat lol...

But will let you know how it all goes...

 

[Mary Mary]

M2 -- You are wrong about me, and your apparent snideness reeks of rudeness and immaturity. I've NEVER dated ANY of the men I've worked with. I should have been clearer by saying "I've ALSO had the pleasure of enjoying the company of many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men (who've all given me flowers)."

What are you talking about?

This why you don't take advice from women.

---

Well... Meeting her tomorrow...

Thinking tell her my feelings, if she don't feel the same, fine, just on with life...

BUT then I been reading articles on askmen and from how I understand I am a 'wuss' lol...

Now, I want this girl, but I am now very confused about what to do, be strong, friendly and flirty...

or pour it all out...

I will decide tomorrow whilst cleaning my flat lol...

But will let you know how it all goes...

You'll see that there's lots of silliness on these websites for men (like how to be a player), but there's still some really good advice; and I think you're intelligent and ethical enough to separate the wheat from the chaff.

 

[LGH1288]

I've spent my adult life submerged in the world of men.

M2 -- So have I, professionally in a corporate capacity and by personal preference. I've had the pleasure of enjoying the company of many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men. They're all well-bred gentlemen with superb social etiquette skills and they've all presented me with flowers. I'm advising about this subject matter from actual social experience.

BINGO!! And you dated them because they were such gentlemen. Yeah right.

You may have worked with them, but you weren't listening.

M2 -- You are wrong about me, and your apparent snideness reeks of rudeness and immaturity. I've NEVER dated ANY of the men I've worked with. I should have been clearer by saying "I've ALSO had the pleasure of enjoying the company of many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men (who've all given me flowers)." Yes, I wouldn't date anyone UNLESS they were a gentleman so "BINGO" that's correct. Fortunately, I'm a woman who has high self-esteem.

What are you talking about?

This why you don't take advice from women.

And you dated them because they were such gentlemen. Yeah right.

M2 -- What are you insinuating? Do you know something about me I don't know? Your condescending attitude toward me is highly offensive. Stop attacking me with your nasty blather. Find yourself another whipping post.

 

[Mary Mary]

M2 -- What are you insinuating? Do you know something about me I don't know? Your condescending attitude toward me is highly offensive. Stop attacking me with your nasty blather. Find yourself another whipping post.

The OP wasn't asking if he should give his secretary flowers for her birthday. He was asking if he should give flowers to a woman that took his heart and is now jerking him around.

Your posts are filled with arrogance and pedanticism, so stop whining if I don't treat you with kid's gloves.

 

[LGH1288]

I've spent my adult life submerged in the world of men.

M2 -- So have I, professionally in a corporate capacity and by personal preference. I've had the pleasure of enjoying the company of many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men. They're all well-bred gentlemen with superb social etiquette skills and they've all presented me with flowers. I'm advising about this subject matter from actual social experience.

BINGO!! And you dated them because they were such gentlemen. Yeah right.

You may have worked with them, but you weren't listening.

M2 -- You are wrong about me, and your apparent snideness reeks of rudeness and immaturity. I've NEVER dated ANY of the men I've worked with. I should have been clearer by saying "I've ALSO had the pleasure of enjoying the company of many high-ranking, powerful, and successful men (who've all given me flowers)." Yes, I wouldn't date anyone UNLESS they were a gentleman so "BINGO" that's correct. Fortunately, I'm a woman who has high self-esteem.

What are you talking about?

This why you don't take advice from women.

And you dated them because they were such gentlemen. Yeah right.

M2 -- What are you insinuating? Do you know something about me I don't know? Your condescending attitude toward me is highly offensive. Stop attacking me with your nasty blather. Find yourself another whipping post.

The OP wasn't asking if he should give his secretary flowers for her birthday. He was asking if he should give flowers to a woman that took his heart and is now jerking him around.

Your posts are filled with arrogance and pedanticism, so stop whining if I don't treat you with kid's gloves.

M2 -- As I've already said, you have your opinion and I have mine. I'm well aware of the subject matter of this thread. I was NOT commenting on whether or not a boss should purchase flowers for her secretary's birthday. I was discussing MY understanding of proper social etiquette in the context of dating. You made a snide remark to me that IMO was defamatory. You don't have to agree with me, you don't have to like me, and you don't have to reply to me BUT I'll be damned if you have the right to trash my character. I didn't post anything that warranted your nasty retort. DON'T BE A WISE-ASS WITH ME.

 

[Minus]

You two disagree. That is fine. Lets drop it there. There is no need for some of these remarks.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Good thing you didn't get flowers. She would have considered that Stalkerish. Only do that with a girl you've been dating for like 6 months. Flowers are pretty useless anyway. I like it when people give me gifts that are practical devices that I need for my day to day life.

 

[njs88]

Well...

Told her the truth so now she knows...

Despite how emotional I am, I managed not to cry

But I am just glad I told her the truth now...

the balls in her court as the saying goes... so I guess it is up to her now...

If she doesn't want anything, just accept it and move on I guess...

But it's so hard, she put the biggest smiles on my face ever...

Those we love the most,
hurt us the most.

 

[freedom]

wow, that was very touching.

i've been in this kind of situation before, and from my experience, i think the best thing for you to do right now is just give her some space. stay away from her. i know this sounds like horrible advice, but hear me out...

she sais she still has feelings for her ex. that's what we call "emotional baggage". you need to give her some time to get over her feelings for him.

also, you're on the rebound and i'm sure you still have feelings for your ex of four years as well, so i think you need to take some time off from seeing any chicks right now to sort your emotions out too.

i know how much it hurts to just hold your feelings inside, because i've done that before, but it's for the best. do you really want to tell her how you feel and risk losing her forever? not all chicks dig a romantic and honest man. you might scare her away.

just keep in mind the age old adage: "if you love something, set it free". you have to set her free, and if she's meant to be yours, she'll wind up with you no matter what.

i wish you the best of luck, my friend.

 

[njs88]

also, you're on the rebound and i'm sure you still have feelings for your ex of four years as well

Hey,

thanks for that, I will give her space now...

in reference to the quote, I have no feelings for my ex to be honest... 2 years of arguing weekly got tiresome, we were so similar yet so different and I feel nothing for her now...

So this is what goes around comes around because I hurt her a lot when I split with her and I only felt sorry for her but knew it was the right choice... which is how it is now, but I am the one getting hurt...

 

[freedom]

yes sir, what goes around comes around. i've hurt ex girlfriends before, and now i'm paying for my mistakes. it's the cycle of life. no debt goes unpaid.

 

[Mary Mary]

Well...

Told her the truth so now she knows...

Despite how emotional I am, I managed not to cry

But I am just glad I told her the truth now...

the balls in her court as the saying goes... so I guess it is up to her now...

If she doesn't want anything, just accept it and move on I guess...

But it's so hard, she put the biggest smiles on my face ever...

Those we love the most,
hurt us the most.

You're such a sweetie.

Now stop being a wuss and go out with your best mate to go cruising for chicks.

(I know it hurts.)

 

[njs88]

But why does it hurt so much...?

That I will never again kiss her, hold her, share moments with her, do new things together, travel places...

The last time I was this emotional was when my dad passed away when I was 9...

But after two girlfriends who said 'they loved me and i loved them' I never got this emotional when the first split with me and the second I split with them and just carried on...

but I just can't here...

 

[LGH1288]

Well...

Told her the truth so now she knows...

Despite how emotional I am, I managed not to cry

But I am just glad I told her the truth now...

the balls in her court as the saying goes... so I guess it is up to her now...

If she doesn't want anything, just accept it and move on I guess...

But it's so hard, she put the biggest smiles on my face ever...

Those we love the most,
hurt us the most.

Hi njs88 -- You probably feel a great relief now that this part is over. It's terrific that you were able to keep your composure! Yes, It feels good when we have self-esteem and can be assertive. How did she seem to take it? Was she surprised? Like you said "the ball's in her court". How much time did you give her to make her decision, or how long are you willing to wait for her reply? Bravo, LG

 

[Mary Mary]

But why does it hurt so much...?

That I will never again kiss her, hold her, share moments with her, do new things together, travel places...

The last time I was this emotional was when my dad passed away when I was 9...

But after two girlfriends who said 'they loved me and i loved them' I never got this emotional when the first split with me and the second I split with them and just carried on...

but I just can't here...

I don't know why it hurts more sometimes. Sexual attraction and falling in love is a complex mostly subconscious process. It involves looks, how the person smells, pheromones, how much they remind you of your mother, etc. It also involves projection, where we project our hopes onto that person. She just had all the right combinations and met you at a time when you were most vulnerable to it, I guess.

 

[LGH1288]

But why does it hurt so much...?

That I will never again kiss her, hold her, share moments with her, do new things together, travel places...

The last time I was this emotional was when my dad passed away when I was 9...

But after two girlfriends who said 'they loved me and i loved them' I never got this emotional when the first split with me and the second I split with them and just carried on...

but I just can't here...

njs88 -- Maybe it's because this time it's not deep infatuation but true love. As the song says "true love is a many-splendored thing". Loss of a true love will hurt to the same degree as it brought ecstasy. I think the subject of "love" might be the number one most popular topic written about of all time, & now you can appreciate why! LG