confused, hurt, lonely

[Tiger lily]

OUCH !
But I think you've made her too important.

I think I have... But I think about her all the time, and it hurts to know that I won't experience the same things with her...

I feel sick just looking at other girls though after recently going out, because my thoughts always end up thinking about this girl...

If 'feelings" mean nothing why either bother going out with anyone in the first place? Feeling matter because they are there no point ignoring them.
The one good thing about having had OCD is I know all about bullshit brain chemistry. When I try to tell people what an OCD obsession is like, I tell them that it's like an infatuation. You don't lose touch with reality, but what what your strong feelings are trying to tell you just seems so real.

Do you really think she's perfect?

I know your feelings are strong and real, but the don't mean anything. Nothing. It's just brain chemistry.

Romantic Rejection Stimulates Areas of Brain Involved in Motivation, Reward and Addiction
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/07/100706150611.htm

"The pain and anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings..."

 

[Mary Mary]

If 'feelings" mean nothing why either bother going out with anyone in the first place? Feeling matter because they are there no point ignoring them.

I'm not talking about feelings in general, I'm talking about the feelings that he has that she's perfect.

Yeah, sometimes you do need to ignore your feelings. Feelings can lie.

 

[njs88]

I tried being strong and I was over the weekend...

and now I am back to being an emotional wreck...

 

[Mary Mary]

Being an emotional wreck isn't being weak! Don't fight the feelings. Just let them be. If you slip up and contact her, don't sweat it. Just let it be.

---

Guys, being an emotional wreck over a lost *relationship* isn't weak. Now, if you acted this way with a woman that you only went out with once, I might tell you you need to toughen up; but you had a meaningful connection with her. It's normal to hurt.

 

[njs88]

I feel a fool though...

She doesn't have any of these feelings...

I've seen photos which I shouldn't have because 'I went looking'

and I just get a rush of thoughts to my head about different things and they killed me for like 15 minutes...

It just hurts

I just want to go away and never come back... i don't feel like going to lectures or doing any studying despite a positive weekend

 

[Mary Mary]

I know, sweetie. You're doing good. It's a balance between trying to move forward, but yet realizing that there's just going to be a lot of discomfort. I promise you, it does get better.

 

[LGH1288]

Well...the ball's in her court as the saying goes... so I guess it is up to her now...

How much time did you give her to make her decision, or how long are you willing to wait for her reply?

But why does it hurt so much...?

Maybe it's because this time it's not deep infatuation but true love. As the song says "true love's a many splendored thing".

Hi njs88 -- While I wait for you to reply to my questions, here are the lyrics from that classic song:
.
"Love Is A Many Splendored Thing"
.
Love is a many splendored thing
It's the April rose
That only grows in the early spring
Love is nature's way of giving
A reason to be living
The golden crown that makes a man a king
.
Once on a high and windy hill
In the morning mist
Two lovers kissed
And the world stood still
Then your fingers touched
My silent heart and taught it how to sing
Yes, true love's
A many splendored thing
.
Words by Paul Frances Webster
Music by Sammy Fain

 

[njs88]

Well...the ball's in her court as the saying goes... so I guess it is up to her now...

How much time did you give her to make her decision, or how long are you willing to wait for her reply?

But why does it hurt so much...?

Maybe it's because this time it's not deep infatuation but true love. As the song says "true love's a many splendored thing".

Hi njs88 -- While I wait for you to reply to my questions

Well... I told her last tuesday how I feel... and I didn't give a time frame for any decision...

I just thought i'd let it be... and see what happens...

but then she said about not seeing each other outside of class in case I can't handle it etc...

I sent her a message about why we should meet up outside of class...
Included: we had a laugh before xmas, just meet up as friends, i know where i stand as there will be no 'us', i'd rather see her and have a laugh with her than nothing at all... but no reply and that was on sunday...

I get the feeling she doesn't like me... but at the same time she does but she is also attached but she don't think she can handle seeing me...?!?!!?

I don't know...

When I left her Tuesday night, we hugged twice and she kissed my shoulder and rubbed my arm twice saying everything will be ok...

from the talk over dinner, she said she had something special before coming to england with the guy she met up with when she went back for xmas, and i put it to her:

'What if we could have something more special in the future, than what you had in the past?'
reply: I don't think I will be around england in the future... so please don't do this to yourself

i duno how to intpret that answer... is that cos she don't want to get attached and hurt?
or just a look what will happen, i don't want to hurt you in the future?

so confusing...

I just wish we could be friends, just to have a laugh with her and hang out, i'd be so much happier with that than nothing

 

[LGH1288]

Well...the ball's in her court as the saying goes... so I guess it is up to her now...

How much time did you give her to make her decision, or how long are you willing to wait for her reply?

But why does it hurt so much...?

Maybe it's because this time it's not deep infatuation but true love. As the song says "true love's a many splendored thing".

Hi njs88 -- While I wait for you to reply to my questions

Well... I told her last tuesday how I feel... and I didn't give a time frame for any decision...I just thought i'd let it be... and see what happens...from the talk over dinner, she said she had something special before coming to england with the guy she met up with when she went back for xmas, and i put it to her:

'What if we could have something more special in the future, than what you had in the past?'

reply: I don't think I will be around england in the future... so please don't do this to yourself

i duno how to intpret that answer... is that cos she don't want to get attached and hurt?
or just a look what will happen, i don't want to hurt you in the future?

so confusing...

I just wish we could be friends, just to have a laugh with her and hang out, i'd be so much happier with that than nothing

I'm so sorry to say this but IMO she's trying to let you down gently but you're not accepting the reality that it's over. Please do yourself a favor and move on.

 

[njs88]

Today has been rather positive...
Spent it with my best mate again... LOL...

I do feel ok... I have a couple of photos of me and this girl which make me think... but...

Trying to do my essay, and occupy my mind with this essay, youtube, tinie tempah and facebook lol

Dreading my lesson tomorrow with her...

 

[Mary Mary]

Today has been rather positive...
Spent it with my best mate again... LOL...

I do feel ok... I have a couple of photos of me and this girl which make me think... but...

Trying to do my essay, and occupy my mind with this essay, youtube, tinie tempah and facebook lol

Dreading my lesson tomorrow with her...

I'm glad you're feeling better today. You may find the pain coming and going, but it will get better over time.

 

[njs88]

[/quote]

I'm glad you're feeling better today. You may find the pain coming and going, but it will get better over time.
[/quote]

Yes... I haven't messaged her since monday morning... and she wasn't in Wednesday lesson and I felt fine...

Then I see her in my Thursday lesson, get home and well... I feel sad again... I could bring a tear to my eye but I know I can't...

But we smiled at each other twice and on the way out of class, i just said 'hi, you ok...' she replied yes with a smile...

and i left it at that...

I thought those feelings for her were suppressed till I seen her today...

now i just feel like rubbish again...

 

[jales]

oh my god

if a guy ever wrote something like this about me .. i would be damed to hell for eternity before I would ever hurt him.

I must apologise first if this ends in the wrong forum heading, but it starts in relationships...

But, I came out of a relationship last september and was positive about my future, enjoyed being about to concentrate on my University work, I went out but I am too shy to talk to girls and have too much respect for women to have one night stands.

Everything was going well, until I noticed a girl in my class who is only here for one year as part of a kind of study exchange as she is from Spain. We started meeting up and then had an 'exclusive friendship' from the second day of meeting.

It was the best six weeks of my life and I told her I was falling for her one night and the next morning, I said sorry and and that I was stupid, but she said no and that it was cute. She kept telling me she liked me and we acted like a couple in town, she told her mum about me, her friends and thought we had something developing... because she said she never told her mum about boys and other little things...

but she went back to spain for christmas for 3 weeks... she ended up seeing an old friend in which prior to coming to england they had a big fight, but he apologised, and she realised she still liked him and ended up sleeping with him... I knew things weren't right because there were no 'x's on messages as if to push me away...

she came back and we met up for coffee after a 'we need to talk message' and she told me what happened...

she said she wasn't expecting to see him or anything and it just happened but from what she said she seems confused herself about what she wants... they are not 'dating'...

she said she 'goes crazy' when she meets a nice guy and gets scared...

and now, i feel lost, lonely, confused, and have no idea what to do...

even though she slept with someone, I still feel for her...

I know its only been 6 weeks of knowing her, but I feel like I know her a lot... we have the best conversations, talking about our past experiences, our days, our uni work, what we want to do, anything and everything...

I was so happy and it feels like she has just walked right over me, ripped my heart out and now I don't know what to do...

I cry a lot, I think about her all the time, I feel lonely, hurt, angry...

I know I know, I am only 22 years old and have the rest of my life ahead of me...

but she was perfect, I would make it work with her, never hurt her, never argue with her...

I had never experienced happiness so much, not even in the 4 year relationship before her...

I am meeting her for coffee/dinner and I don't know whether to tell her the complete truth that I am in love with her and risk scaring her and losing her never to see her outside of class...

or just meet up for coffee with her and see how it goes...

I want to fight for her, I would marry her tomorrow if I could!

thats the hardest thing though, is seeing her in class because I have to see her in class twice a week...

I don't know what to think anymore... do I fight for her and risk getting hurt, or leave it...

but if I leave it, I will always compare girls to her because she is the best girl I have ever met!

sorry its so long...

---

@Mary mary

it surprises me how right you are about women.
i have never heard anyone describe women... and it's like you describe me.

She is right about the mixed signals. I never gave a guy I liked mixed signals..unless I really liked someone else.

 

[Mary Mary]

@Mary mary

it surprises me how right you are about women.
i have never heard anyone describe women... and it's like you describe me.

She is right about the mixed signals. I never gave a guy I liked mixed signals..unless I really liked someone else.

Yeah, me, too.

 

[Mary Mary]

I'm glad you're feeling better today. You may find the pain coming and going, but it will get better over time.
[/quote]

Yes... I haven't messaged her since monday morning... and she wasn't in Wednesday lesson and I felt fine...

Then I see her in my Thursday lesson, get home and well... I feel sad again... I could bring a tear to my eye but I know I can't...

But we smiled at each other twice and on the way out of class, i just said 'hi, you ok...' she replied yes with a smile...

and i left it at that...

I thought those feelings for her were suppressed till I seen her today...

now i just feel like rubbish again...
[/quote]

You're doing good. It's going to ebb and flow, but it'll get better.

 

[njs88]

thanks, you keep me smiling!

Waking up today though... I just had a rush of thoughts about her...
from wanting to be with her, to kissing her, to see her with other guys...

i am starting to feel sick again...

but i can pull through this!

 

[Mary Mary]

thanks, you keep me smiling!

Waking up today though... I just had a rush of thoughts about her...
from wanting to be with her, to kissing her, to see her with other guys...

i am starting to feel sick again...

but i can pull through this!

Yes, you can!

You're welcome.

I went through this this summer. I kept telling myself it's like the flu. I'll feel really sick for a while but will slowly get better.

 

[njs88]

I am on a downer...

I haven't seen or contacted the girl for three weeks...

But its still killing me inside...

I hate this feeling... I just want to run a way, go somewhere new, start a new life...

or I even felt suicidal for a moment this morning...
But I don't think I could ever do it, My family are too loving and supportive and I think a lot of them...

But I can't get away from any of this...
I have remained strong on the outside but inside, it is literally killing me...

and with Valentines Day coming up... great... no one... although, I don't think too much of it...
but walking around and seeing happy couples... that's another matter...

I have no idea of what to do...

I just want to write all my feelings down and just give it to her...

I want out.

 

[Mary Mary]

Hey, Sweetie. I know it's tough. Three weeks isn't enough time to get over someone, so the fact that you're hitting a down spell is normal especially before Valentine's Day.

The guy that I dated last summer is still under my skin; but it has gotten much, much better over time. The same will happen to you.

It totally SUCKS. I know.

Remember, just keep telling yourself "it's chemicals in the head." You feel so bad because you're going through chemical withdrawal. Being with her made you feel high. Then your supply suddenly got cut off.

Hang in there, hon. It will pass. It may take time, but it will.

I am on a downer...

I haven't seen or contacted the girl for three weeks...

But its still killing me inside...

I hate this feeling... I just want to run a way, go somewhere new, start a new life...

or I even felt suicidal for a moment this morning...
But I don't think I could ever do it, My family are too loving and supportive and I think a lot of them...

But I can't get away from any of this...
I have remained strong on the outside but inside, it is literally killing me...

and with Valentines Day coming up... great... no one... although, I don't think too much of it...
but walking around and seeing happy couples... that's another matter...

I have no idea of what to do...

I just want to write all my feelings down and just give it to her...

I want out.

 

[Ruckie89]

I must apologise first if this ends in the wrong forum heading, but it starts in relationships...

But, I came out of a relationship last september and was positive about my future, enjoyed being about to concentrate on my University work, I went out but I am too shy to talk to girls and have too much respect for women to have one night stands.

Everything was going well, until I noticed a girl in my class who is only here for one year as part of a kind of study exchange as she is from Spain. We started meeting up and then had an 'exclusive friendship' from the second day of meeting.

It was the best six weeks of my life and I told her I was falling for her one night and the next morning, I said sorry and and that I was stupid, but she said no and that it was cute. She kept telling me she liked me and we acted like a couple in town, she told her mum about me, her friends and thought we had something developing... because she said she never told her mum about boys and other little things...

but she went back to spain for christmas for 3 weeks... she ended up seeing an old friend in which prior to coming to england they had a big fight, but he apologised, and she realised she still liked him and ended up sleeping with him... I knew things weren't right because there were no 'x's on messages as if to push me away...

she came back and we met up for coffee after a 'we need to talk message' and she told me what happened...

she said she wasn't expecting to see him or anything and it just happened but from what she said she seems confused herself about what she wants... they are not 'dating'...

she said she 'goes crazy' when she meets a nice guy and gets scared...

and now, i feel lost, lonely, confused, and have no idea what to do...

even though she slept with someone, I still feel for her...

I know its only been 6 weeks of knowing her, but I feel like I know her a lot... we have the best conversations, talking about our past experiences, our days, our uni work, what we want to do, anything and everything...

I was so happy and it feels like she has just walked right over me, ripped my heart out and now I don't know what to do...

I cry a lot, I think about her all the time, I feel lonely, hurt, angry...

I know I know, I am only 22 years old and have the rest of my life ahead of me...

but she was perfect, I would make it work with her, never hurt her, never argue with her...

I had never experienced happiness so much, not even in the 4 year relationship before her...

I am meeting her for coffee/dinner and I don't know whether to tell her the complete truth that I am in love with her and risk scaring her and losing her never to see her outside of class...

or just meet up for coffee with her and see how it goes...

I want to fight for her, I would marry her tomorrow if I could!

thats the hardest thing though, is seeing her in class because I have to see her in class twice a week...

I don't know what to think anymore... do I fight for her and risk getting hurt, or leave it...

but if I leave it, I will always compare girls to her because she is the best girl I have ever met!

sorry its so long...

Nathan you know thats a complete lie, you will never find anyone better than me. You were happy with me else you wouldn't of spent four years with me telling me how much you loved me and didn't want to loose me. Look what you have become now, your pathetic! At least now you know your not some stud that can get anyone he wants, you were lucky to have me and now you don't. Im glad some girls taking you for a mug like you deserve, what goes around comes around!