controlling people/partners..

[lolagemma]

I'm sick of seeing/hearing about honeysuckle like this. Personally I haven't experienced a controlling relationship, and I thank god I haven't. However. Recently I have experienced someone who is attempting to control my life because of his 'feelings' towards me.

Known the guy about 3 weeks, yeah through Facebook. Haven't met face-to-face. Apparently he's 'fallen in love' with me. Now, up until last year, I didn't really believe in the whole, liking someone if you haven't met them, got to know them thing. I understand how the whole thing works now, feelings develop as you get to know someone, blahblah. My argument is, our conversations have been bland, boring, and quite honestly just a **** right drag. You could ask this guy my birthday, or my hair colour, or anything simple, and he wouldn't know fresia all.

Now, I'd say, 70% of my friends are male. Genuinely get on better with guys, due to my sense of humour, and just because I hate the bitchiness that comes with women. I admit it, I can be a *****, I think its actually in our DNA. Anyway, this ******* ballsack is attempting to totally eliminate all contact with other males from my life. Apparently, I shouldn't be texting, or speaking to many guys at once, because that makes me a whore. I explained the whole, most of my friends are guys, and well, since saying that my life has become hell. Ringing me every day, I'd say roughly 7 times a day, asking where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing. At the slight mention of a male friend, that's it. I'm a slag, slut, and all the insults you can think of.

Quite frankly this guy means jack honeysuckle to me, and I will be changing my phone number pretty soon. But the reason I'm mentioning this is because its ******* annoying. If you are a guy or girl, in a relationship, or even in a kinda similar situation to mine, then put your foot down, and sort this honeysuckle out. I've dealt with this for just over 2 weeks, I give a good ******* pat on the back to anyone who has coping in relationships for years of this honeysuckle. At the end of the day, I have enough self respect to say no, I am a strong, independent women, independent person, and I am not going to let someone treat me this way. I have done nothing wrong, therefore I shouldn't feel like every move I make is being watched. Not one person on this earth will ever control who I see, who I'm speaking to, where I go, what I do, or any of the choices I make in life.

As for the people who are doing this honeysuckle, grow some ******* balls and stop ruining that person's life, and learn to show respect towards other's because you can never keep someone who hates you, they will always find a way out.

rant over.

 

[SophiaGrace]

so delete him from your life. He's obviously ruining it. :/

 

[Ox Blood]

You go girl

Sounds like you caught on before things could get ugly. Though, by all means, tell him to fresia off. Especially if he is trying to control who you can and can't talk to -- and you two aren't even together (are you?). That's ... Pretty ridiculous.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You go girl

Sounds like you caught on before things could get ugly. Though, by all means, tell him to fresia off. Especially if he is trying to control who you can and can't talk to -- and you two aren't even together (are you?). That's ... Pretty ridiculous.

for me, it's a sign of insanity

 

[lolagemma]

I am deleting him from my life, that's what I wrote up there. And exactly, we aren't together, and I have told him I don't have any feelings for him, and also told him to fresia off. Multiple times haha! But either way, this was more of a, describing my situation, but putting my opinion on the whole subject, not asking for advice.

 

[Badjedidude]

for me, it's a sign of insanity

More likely it's a sign of deep-seated insecurity on his part.

 

[Limlim]

Before deleting him from your life, wait till he asks what you are doing again over text and tell him you're participating in bukkake just to see his reaction.

 

[lolagemma]

Haha, well it didn't help that my friend (which is a guy) answered the phone when this total moron was trying to get into contact me. My friend, (Danny) decided it would make the situation so much better by moaning into the phone, and also said things along the lines of, "Oh yeah Laura, suck it faster! God you're so good at giving head" etc. etc. yeah, Danny didn't lighten the situation, I got death threats haha.

anyways, just to update you all on the situation. I told him to go fresia himself, and to get out my life. I told him if he keeps calling, and leaving me threatening voicemails/messages, that I was going to the police. Then changed my number, blocked him from facebook and every other thing. can quite happily say it's been about 2 months free without this psycho. and I'm so much happier!♥

 

[AskingtheEarth]

It sounds like he is experiencing some of the classic symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I respect the original poster as the only thing I hate more than people who abuse or try to control their partners, is the partners themselves who allow it to happen. Unless they're into BDSM and all that honeysuckle of course, in which case play on! But otherwise... yeah, I was with someone a while ago who thought she could sulk her way into stopping me doing things. She was wrong.

 

[ShadowMan2898]

Before deleting him from your life, wait till he asks what you are doing again over text and tell him you're participating in bukkake just to see his reaction.

WIN!

 

[AskingtheEarth]

That's as good a way as any of getting rid of someone lol

 

[Dear-_-Tragedy]

yeah, I was with someone a while ago who thought she could sulk her way into stopping me doing things. She was wrong.

I have a feeling that I am in a similar relationship right now, she has a way of controlling me through her emotions. She is emotionally controlling, she is good at it and she knows it. It is subtle though and I have only realised it recently.

I want to change this but the question is, how to you change a 'controlling' personality without becoming controlling? It's that thin line I am worried about crossing. Because I love this girl but I feel there is a lack of mutual respect, mutual control, and even 'mutual love' if that even makes sense. She is trying to control our relationship subtly through emotions.

Can anyone help me with this?

 

[lolagemma]

How does she control the relationship using her emotions exactly?

 

[Dear-_-Tragedy]

I can't answer that question, you cannot be exact about a person's emotions, intentions etc.

I can however give examples that lead me to believe such a thing. The other night, I was bored because we were doing our own thing on our laptops (she had a bit of work to do but did it in very small chunks). I suggested we do things but she was too engrossed, people were asking if I want to go out, I asked if she wanted to go but she said no (obviously considering she had work to do and an exam in the morning). So I, not wanting to sit there twiddling my thumbs said I'm going out and immediately her attitude changed. Pulling a sad face, and pretty much shouting emotionally that she doesn't want me to go out. It made me feel bad but she had work to do and it is better if I didn't disturb her anyway so I left regardless of her thoughts. This sparks several question in head 'should I have stayed?' 'will she be in a mood with me now?' all these things. Using emotions to control a situation, very clever. Maybe it is unintentional and not her fault but it is something I have noticed that is all.

So how does someone change something they don't like without becoming controlling? She has had me wrapped around her finger using emotions. You don't need words to control someone, she may not even know she is doing it. This is what is getting me down.

 

[lolagemma]

Well, I can see how she might not know she's doing this. But like you said, she clearly knows that she can do this, and uses it to her advantage.
See there's a difference between controlling, and putting your foot down. You're looking at it like, well, but telling her to stop acting a certain way, that makes me controlling. See it this way, say, she doesn't want you to go out, but she gets angry, and starts shouting at you. By you telling her, to stop shouting at you, that doesn't mean you're controlling her? That's you putting your foot down and saying, hey, don't speak to me like that. You have certain rights as a person, to say, stop treating me like crap, stop trying to make me feel guilty. You aren't being controlling if you're kinda defending yourself from harms way. Just try not letting it affect you, or not showing that it affects you. If she thinks she's got you under control emotionally, and you basically act like that has no effect, she'll think ah, okay, maybe I can't make him feel guilty, or whatever. If it carries on just have a chat with her, tell her look, it's not really fair that you try and make me feel guilty in certain situations, or feel whatever way. At the end of the day, there's more to talking than just, don't do this, don't do that. It's sitting and actually having a conversation about it. About the way it makes you feel etc. And also being on the same wavelength. If she genuinely doesn't know she's doing it, then you're being mature, and saying hey, I've noticed this thing you do, blahblah. People can't correct mistakes they make if they aren't aware of them.