Could she be the one?

[man of one]

So here is the deal, 2 months ago I was on the facebook newsfeed and saw a post one of my friends made. On this post one of the responses was from a girl I instantly felt an incredible physical attraction to..It had been a long while since I felt the love at first sight feeling..I just wanted to add her and meet her right then and there, but I didn't know if that friend had a thing with her, so I decided to ask him if he liked anyone and he answered he liked various girls..This answer gave me an idea that this girl, even if she was one of the various girls he liked she was just one of the bunch to him..So I told him I wanted to add her and he quickly started saying that she was his favorite blah blah...I proceeded to ask if they had something serious. He did not respond..I said to hell with it and added her with a small message telling her I wanted to get to know her..The message appeared as seen a couple of minutes later, but she didn't accept my friend request after reading it..I was miserable the whole day, mad, depressed that the girl I wanted to meet so bad didn't give me a chance..Next day I woke up and lo and behold she had accepted! I was so happy that now I would be able to get to know her..After this the friend acted a bit hostile saying they were going out and liked each other, which was bs because she constantly said she had not found the man she wanted..He also had the audacity to call me desperate! I'm not the guy that likes various girls acting like a playa..We ended in ok terms back then, but the tension between us is still there.

Anyways I started trying to talk to her, but she never responded ..Sometimes she saw the messages other times she didn't..I was being real friendly and polite, but nothing came from it..One day I liked one of her post to show her I was there and liked what she said..Next day I go to her profile for a second and BOOM! she unfriended me..I was destroyed..so much so I closed facebook for all the month of may..Just pondering why she had accepted me and then unfriended me without even getting to know me..Obviously the first thing that came to mind was that she just didn't want to get to know me, but why add me then? I never said anything out of line that would cause her to unfriend me and I made it clear in the message I sent her in the friend request I wanted to get to talk with her and get to know her if she had not been up for it she should had deny me right then and there, don't add me and get my hopes up only to destroy me later on..Another scenario is that I know that friend of mine sees her in person and I started to think that maybe he had something to do with it, maybe telling her bad things about me or even grabbing her phone and blocking/unfriending me while she was distracted and if this is the case, she would think it was me who unfriended her..

I returned to FB this month and every time I see that friend of mine, my blood boils..knowing he MAY had played a role in her unfriending me, makes me want to punch him to a bloody pulp..I really like that girl she seems great inside and out, but it's like there is a wall between us and it may be him..FB was the only means of contacting her I had..I started saying maybe destiny will bring us together in person so she can see what a good guy I am and not just a FB profile and what my friend says I am, but chances of that are slim without planning to meet up..

I cannot get over her, I have tried, but I can't..I want to send her a friend request again, but i'm afraid that it will seem desperate if it really was her the one that unfriended me and my friend had nothing to do with it..but I don't want to lose all contact..I really want to meet her..she has sisters I also thought about adding them to see if they are more open and me being able to tell them I want to meet their sister, but don't know really..

A small example my grandpa was madly in love with my grandma, but she didn't give him a chance for whatever reason, still he saw something special in her and didn't give up till she opened up and they started dating, got married had my dad and i'm here alive today thanks to my grandpa knowing my grandma was unique and he could not pass that up..I'm in the same boat this girl is special I can feel it!..

Need advice and don't tell me get over her cause I can't!..Give me advice in a way I can meet her or get on her good side, impress her etc., Please help! girls like this come once in a million years...THANKS GUYS!

 

[painter's radio]

Imma go ahead and say what I think whether it's what you want to hear or not...

It's easy to try and compare ourselves and our actions to the actions of our romantic grandparents. Everybody does it, but it's not always the same. Whether this is down to the individuals or the times they are a changin', I don't know. Each case is different. What I do know, though, is that your post possibly belongs in the "Are these really stupid ideas?" thread. Not calling you stupid here, but I think it's difficult in these times to just flat out say to a random person "I want to get to know you better" and add them on facebook. That's jumping the gun a bit. Facebook is "the next step", not usually the first. You get to know someone first, then once you have gained their trust and are friends, you ask them if they would like to be friends there too. Or if you have seen them around in the same fb groups as you, commenting on many of the same posts etc, and have built up some kind of rapport with each other.

From what you said here, I think you went at her too directly. You got all your expectations up and piled them into her expecting whatever heights, and she probably felt it was a bit weird. There are just too many stereotypes and incidents of creepy internet weirdo's these days for people to be able to pull these moves off. And no, don't go adding her family members. That really is the worst idea. If your friend has been saying bad things about you to her, you adding her family will only confirm it. Not to mention, you are again adding people you don't even know to your facebook.

You should have asked your friend straight up "Who is this girl?" and thought about what to do next after his answer. If his answer was "She is ______ and I want to have a relationship with her" then you should have said OK and backed off (at least for a while). I get your point about him being interested in many girls though. Shows he probably doesn't really give a honeysuckle about her specifically. Even so, if you're going to be weird forceful internet guy, try and do it more subtley next time.

Your friend, do you know him in person, or is he just a fb friend? How close are you, how long have you know each other etc? If he's just another random person you've added then ignore him and his opinion lol. But if you're actually friends, leave him to it.

My advice (if you're adamant about not giving up on this one) is to give it ONE last shot and ask her straight up why she unfriended you. Once you've been painted as "that guy" it can very difficult to shake it off with romantic gestures such as flower deliveries or an "accidental" meeting. Heh, I honestly don't know. I think you're messed and it's not going to happen for you two, but besides forgetting about her all I can think is to ask her one time why she unfriended you, then wait. If she doesn't reply, you have to move on. And she might not reply. That is her right. It's also her right to accept friend requests from people she has a friend in common with, to investigate them, see what they want etc. You sent the request, but she didn't have all these expectations that you did. You can't blame her for accepting the request... we all make the wrong decision sometimes! Sorry, that sounds a bit harsh, but what I mean is, sometimes curiosity kills the cat, or at least makes some problems in our lives.

You could also try to "accidentally" meet in an online group or real life public activity, revolving around a mutual interest of yours. But don't go faking some bullshit hobby or whatever just to be there - that's lying and you'll be caught out eventually. What are her interests? What are yours?

Also remember she is human. She is not a Queen or a God.

 

[Ymir]

I definitely think you went too straight to the point...

You should just leave her alone. She never replied to your messages, unfriended you... Sorry, my friend, but there's nothing for you there. She might not be interested in you because of your friend, but even so, she's not interested. Period. DON'T try to add her family members and for god's sake, DON'T try to meet her in real life. It will just creep her out.

DO try to accept she doesn't want anything with you and move on.

I'm sorry that this is probably not what you want hear, but... Seriously. Your grandparents didn't have facebook back then. It was a completely different situation, trust me.

 

[man of one]

hahaha you guys are awesome, I appreciate the honesty in your advice alot...I definitely understand that it's better to be friends irl first and then add them on FB, but I don't go out alot..I have Social Anxiety and i'm a homebody. So meeting people outside is sometimes hard for me.

Yes I have been friends with this guy for years and he is always bragging that he has had plenty of girls ride his mercedes, be with him etc. Before all of this we were talking and I told him it was frustrating to see girls you find attractive have bf..to which he said fresia the bf, you keep trying to get her..He is only putting the good guy "I respect woman" facade to impress this girl..She is just a piece of territory to him alongside the others..cause In all honesty they do not mesh at all..I asked him do you like a girl? are you seeing a girl? to which he replied I like a bunch, nothing serious atm..I didn't mention the girl to see if he brought her up on his own, if he had done that I would have backed off right there, but since he didn't she was obviously one of the bunch..

As indicated I first got attracted to her looks, you know how certain people have a look that they love in the opposite sex? well this girl had mine..I never came in too forward or creepy, for example when I sent her the friend request all I said was "hello, we don't know each other, but it would be great if we could get to know each other and create a friendship if that's what you want" nothing more..She accepted and when I messaged her after she accepted I only said things like hello, how are you?..What music do you like? stuff like that..never went creepy or too fast..I was talking to her as a friend nothing more..

Other reason I like her is that she is a real simple girl with alot of the same likes and dislikes I have, she isn't a party girl and isn't into the "look at me i'm at a club" scene, doesn't drink at all and real down to earth..which is why I was saying she was one in a million..looks and personality all in one.

I'm not adding her sisters thanks to you guys, dodge a bullet there lol..I guess all I can do is if life by some chance brings us together and we end up meeting..chances are slim to none, but I have no other choice..From what I understand and what you guys said in your advices that's the only way...

OR I CAN GO INSANITY WOLF AND ADD HER AGAIN! i THINK I WILL DO THAT!..AFTER ALL LIFE IS BUT ONE, WE ARE ALL DUST IN THE END HAHAHA..

 

[painter's radio]

lol!

You seem a good person really I wish the best for you.

 

[thelonegamer]

I think if it's supposed to happen it will. Just act normal, don't do stuff very directly towards her. If it's real it will happen. Sometimes when you push it too hard it collapses.
If she really is the one, you two will be together. I wish it happens. It did with me btw I asked her 'can I date you?' she said 'no' I said *heart beating super fast* 'well...' she said 'jk, of course, yes'. I'll never forget that yes
Anyway, if it's real it will happen. Don't panic and don't create expectations. Wish you luck

 

[Rosebolt]

Yes, she could be the one. If that is true, you two will find each other eventually. Nothing will stop that.

However you are wasting your time here. You've given it a shot, now it's time for nature to get back into balance of things. Focus on other things for a while. You could've build an amazingly awesome sand castle that would've reached the newspaper in the time you spend thinking about her.

Don't give her your life, or you will never feel alive again.

 

[Triple Bogey]

So here is the deal, 2 months ago I was on the facebook newsfeed and saw a post one of my friends made. On this post one of the responses was from a girl I instantly felt an incredible physical attraction to..It had been a long while since I felt the love at first sight feeling..I just wanted to add her and meet her right then and there, but I didn't know if that friend had a thing with her, so I decided to ask him if he liked anyone and he answered he liked various girls..This answer gave me an idea that this girl, even if she was one of the various girls he liked she was just one of the bunch to him..So I told him I wanted to add her and he quickly started saying that she was his favorite blah blah...I proceeded to ask if they had something serious. He did not respond..I said to hell with it and added her with a small message telling her I wanted to get to know her..The message appeared as seen a couple of minutes later, but she didn't accept my friend request after reading it..I was miserable the whole day, mad, depressed that the girl I wanted to meet so bad didn't give me a chance..Next day I woke up and lo and behold she had accepted! I was so happy that now I would be able to get to know her..After this the friend acted a bit hostile saying they were going out and liked each other, which was bs because she constantly said she had not found the man she wanted..He also had the audacity to call me desperate! I'm not the guy that likes various girls acting like a playa..We ended in ok terms back then, but the tension between us is still there.

Anyways I started trying to talk to her, but she never responded ..Sometimes she saw the messages other times she didn't..I was being real friendly and polite, but nothing came from it..One day I liked one of her post to show her I was there and liked what she said..Next day I go to her profile for a second and BOOM! she unfriended me..I was destroyed..so much so I closed facebook for all the month of may..Just pondering why she had accepted me and then unfriended me without even getting to know me..Obviously the first thing that came to mind was that she just didn't want to get to know me, but why add me then? I never said anything out of line that would cause her to unfriend me and I made it clear in the message I sent her in the friend request I wanted to get to talk with her and get to know her if she had not been up for it she should had deny me right then and there, don't add me and get my hopes up only to destroy me later on..Another scenario is that I know that friend of mine sees her in person and I started to think that maybe he had something to do with it, maybe telling her bad things about me or even grabbing her phone and blocking/unfriending me while she was distracted and if this is the case, she would think it was me who unfriended her..

I returned to FB this month and every time I see that friend of mine, my blood boils..knowing he MAY had played a role in her unfriending me, makes me want to punch him to a bloody pulp..I really like that girl she seems great inside and out, but it's like there is a wall between us and it may be him..FB was the only means of contacting her I had..I started saying maybe destiny will bring us together in person so she can see what a good guy I am and not just a FB profile and what my friend says I am, but chances of that are slim without planning to meet up..

I cannot get over her, I have tried, but I can't..I want to send her a friend request again, but i'm afraid that it will seem desperate if it really was her the one that unfriended me and my friend had nothing to do with it..but I don't want to lose all contact..I really want to meet her..she has sisters I also thought about adding them to see if they are more open and me being able to tell them I want to meet their sister, but don't know really..

A small example my grandpa was madly in love with my grandma, but she didn't give him a chance for whatever reason, still he saw something special in her and didn't give up till she opened up and they started dating, got married had my dad and i'm here alive today thanks to my grandpa knowing my grandma was unique and he could not pass that up..I'm in the same boat this girl is special I can feel it!..

Need advice and don't tell me get over her cause I can't!..Give me advice in a way I can meet her or get on her good side, impress her etc., Please help! girls like this come once in a million years...THANKS GUYS!

A few things.

There are loads of nice women out there. This one is nothing special. When you think about it, she was quite rude to you. Don't contact her again. You say you can't forget about her. Well you will when someone else catches your eye. Another girl will come along. You didn't know this girl. She could have been a complete ***** for all you know. Forget her and move on. And if your friend is bugging you on facebook, unfriend him.

 

[VeganAtheist]

I may sound too cynical but I don't think there is such a thing as "destiny" or "meant to be". I don't think there such a thing as "the one".
I think there are many "ones" out there - there may be more "ones" for some people, though.

I can't get over my ex. It has been 3 months and I am still devastated by her departure. But I can't fool myself into believing that we will be together again if it were "meant to be" or that "destiny will bring us together". It implies that there is something outside of us that is making plans for our lives - plans that we have no access to. I see no reason to believe such a thing. I am open to being wrong.

I think what you did by deactivating your Facebook was the right plan. I think you should leave Facebook alone for a while until you are over her and ready to move on. Don't contact her. Don't add her friends/family. Don't pass go. Don't collect $200.
You probably already seemed pretty creepy by contacting her without actually knowing her. You will definitely seem like a creep by trying to force communications with her.

 

[Batman55]

Yes I have been friends with this guy for years and he is always bragging that he has had plenty of girls ride his mercedes, be with him etc.

That sounds a bit arrogant to me, or at least "boastful"... perhaps it is time to reconsider your friendship with this guy?

 

[man of one]

Thanks for all the comments guys I read each one and it really helps me deal with this having the advice you are providing..

I'm currently searching for a job, sending resumes left and right trying to better myself and just forget about her and the love life all together...Still If that girl comes along one day, great, I would be REAL happy! If not I will have to move on as hard it is to say that..girls like her are so rare..and it bothers me that maybe my friend brainwashed her with lies and got her thinking i'm just bad news, which is why she didn't give me a chance..

Still, I love this site it always opens my eyes and calms me down, it's great to listen from other peoples perspective, since I don't have much friends, you guys feel the void and make me feel better sharing your experiences and thoughts. For that I thank you all deeply..

 

[Rainbows]

I'm confused - how could she be the 'one', if she's never said a word back to you?