Crap childhood ?

[Hearted]

Absolutely, I found myself hating older men because of the way my real father treated me, (He did abuse me, and my family.) and then hating my step father (For being weak and choosing addiction over his family.) I find the attention of older men to be what i need, but have some what tried to distance myself away from that. I shouldn't rely on another man to give me what i didn't have. And it's completely unfair of me to hate older men souly based on the weak actions of two others. I'm learning how to let go of the hatred and have made progress in that day by day. I was always so jealous of people with real fathers, but looking back now as an adult i've learned to be happy for those people and hope they never go through what i went through. I want them to love their family and i feel family is the most important thing in the world.

I want to be a father one day and show that i can be twice as strong as any other parent out there, even if i go it alone. I wouldn't give up on my kid, or choose anything over them.

 

[blackdot]

I think my biggest issue with growing up, is I didn't try to grow into a better person at the time. I just tried to evade the situations. Mind you, I couldn't change a lot of the crappy parts, but I could have dedicated myself to something better. I didn't listen to the people that wanted better for me.

My biggest with growing up is that I never grew up. At 42, I'm still just a kid mentally.
Most people my age are sitting around thinking about how their kids are getting ready for college and what their retirement plans will one day be. I sit around trying to figure out what it would be like to figure out how to find a date and what it would be like to have someone to talk to.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think my biggest issue with growing up, is I didn't try to grow into a better person at the time. I just tried to evade the situations. Mind you, I couldn't change a lot of the crappy parts, but I could have dedicated myself to something better. I didn't listen to the people that wanted better for me.

My biggest with growing up is that I never grew up. At 42, I'm still just a kid mentally.
Most people my age are sitting around thinking about how their kids are getting ready for college and what their retirement plans will one day be. I sit around trying to figure out what it would be like to figure out how to find a date and what it would be like to have someone to talk to.

Many adults, even those who have been in relationships, sit around trying to find a date or feeling lonely. Those aren't "kid" traits.

Movies like the 40 Year Old Virgin have tricked you into thinking that relationships make you into an adult. No. Being responsible, being moral, being independent and able to stand on your own two feet, and being a good part of any community make you into an adult. Sex and relationships are just something people do, and many people (monks or asexual people, for instance) abstain from it their entire lives.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Mind you, I couldn't change a lot of the crappy parts, but I could have dedicated myself to something better. I didn't listen to the people that wanted better for me.

I think I would prefer to not listen to someone, because at the end of it, that would have been my choice. And I didn't listen to a lot of people. It's a lot better than having someone think they know what's best for you and tell you how to do things, when to do them and why. And 10 years ago when I was 17, I realized the person in my life who was like that was usually wrong. I did things the way I thought they should have been done at the time, and do I wish I could change things? Hell yeah. Lots of things. Wouldn't do this, would do that. But, I can honestly say to myself that everything I did was my own choice.

 

[ardour]

I think my biggest issue with growing up, is I didn't try to grow into a better person at the time. I just tried to evade the situations. Mind you, I couldn't change a lot of the crappy parts, but I could have dedicated myself to something better. I didn't listen to the people that wanted better for me.

My biggest with growing up is that I never grew up. At 42, I'm still just a kid mentally.
Most people my age are sitting around thinking about how their kids are getting ready for college and what their retirement plans will one day be. I sit around trying to figure out what it would be like to figure out how to find a date and what it would be like to have someone to talk to.

Many adults, even those who have been in relationships, sit around trying to find a date or feeling lonely. Those aren't "kid" traits.

Movies like the 40 Year Old Virgin have tricked you into thinking that relationships make you into an adult. No. Being responsible, being moral, being independent and able to stand on your own two feet, and being a good part of any community make you into an adult. Sex and relationships are just something people do, and many people (monks or asexual people, for instance) abstain from it their entire lives.

So when did you become such a sage? that actually made me feel better.

 

[blackdot]

I think my biggest issue with growing up, is I didn't try to grow into a better person at the time. I just tried to evade the situations. Mind you, I couldn't change a lot of the crappy parts, but I could have dedicated myself to something better. I didn't listen to the people that wanted better for me.

My biggest with growing up is that I never grew up. At 42, I'm still just a kid mentally.
Most people my age are sitting around thinking about how their kids are getting ready for college and what their retirement plans will one day be. I sit around trying to figure out what it would be like to figure out how to find a date and what it would be like to have someone to talk to.

Many adults, even those who have been in relationships, sit around trying to find a date or feeling lonely. Those aren't "kid" traits.

Movies like the 40 Year Old Virgin have tricked you into thinking that relationships make you into an adult. No. Being responsible, being moral, being independent and able to stand on your own two feet, and being a good part of any community make you into an adult. Sex and relationships are just something people do, and many people (monks or asexual people, for instance) abstain from it their entire lives.

I haven't seen that movie as it sounds way too depressing. Plus I'm thinking about suing for copywrites.

 

[ardour]

People who are divorced, have exes can at least say they've experienced that side of life, someone gave them a chance. LeaningIntoTheMuse is steeling himself for what might be his (our) future and that's fine, but it's incorrect to say that everyone who is currently single is an equivalent situation.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

People who are divorced, have exes can at least say they've experienced that side of life, someone gave them a chance. LeaningIntoTheMuse is steeling himself for what might be his (our) future and that's fine, but it's incorrect to say that everyone who is currently single is an equivalent situation.

What I'm trying to say is that romantic relationships or your past have no bearing on who you are as a person or how mature you are. It can affect your judgment or your happiness, but only if you let it.

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Captain Jack Sparrow

And someone who has been in relationships isn't automatically better than someone who hasn't. Who knows, maybe the person went through a messy divorce and lost half their money, plus are in a custody battle? Thank God I don't have to worry about that, on top of everything else.

I'm not going to say that you shouldn't feel bad about being lonely. But maybe you (and I) should work on ourselves, and be okay with ourselves, without romantic relationships, before we declare ourselves as damaged and unlovable.

 

[LonesomeDay]

If childhood is damaged as in my case, when becoming an adult, life will be even harder in some cases because you have no tools to make it better.

Yes, I feel that too. I feel an empty space where part of my childhood should be. No child should feel this kind of void - but some are forced to.

Many times I was left alone, and I took to drawing and painting to pass the time. I soon realised how pleasurable art was to me, and in a sense I turned a bad situation around - I made it work for me to a great extent.

In terms of art, my past is a great source of strength to me. However, I still feel the burden of historical loneliness, and am not sure if this will ever change.

 

[LonesomeDay]

Make peace with your past, its so freeing once you do...

To live in peace would be wonderful, for we are more than yesterday's memories, and therein lies hope.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I think I would prefer to not listen to someone, because at the end of it, that would have been my choice. And I didn't listen to a lot of people. It's a lot better than having someone think they know what's best for you and tell you how to do things, when to do them and why. And 10 years ago when I was 17, I realized the person in my life who was like that was usually wrong. I did things the way I thought they should have been done at the time, and do I wish I could change things? Hell yeah. Lots of things. Wouldn't do this, would do that. But, I can honestly say to myself that everything I did was my own choice.

I feel like I didn't start having an appreciation for my own decisions until more recently. Leaving my husband and coming back home to work, was something that made me feel a lot stronger as a person. And I am no where near where I was hoping to be, but I am certainly a lot closer than I was when I got here. And you are well aware of how miserable I still am

My biggest regret is that I wasted the past 10 years feeling sorry for myself, instead of getting right to work on myself.

If I had taken therapy seriously back in 2006-2007, maybe I would actually have a social life right now.

But I don't regret spending more time with myself, because I've discovered that I don't really care much for most people. I would be happy on a desert island or in a cabin in the woods, away from most people, and only include like maybe 10 people to interact with.

I was in counseling and therapy off and on from 2005 to 2010. Most of the time, I told them what they wanted to hear, because it felt like I was in trouble. I remember the lady counselor inviting my parents in after hearing about my dad's drunken arguments with all of us. My parents proceeded to tell her that I don't clean my room when I am told, and that they think most of the stuff is in my head because I am lazy. And she turned to me and asked why I don't clean my room for my parents. Yeah, I didn't progress after that.

I spent most of the rest of the time thinking that there was no help for me, and I just had to get away. Now, I am in situations that I have to stay around and fix. Well, it feels like I am going to explode on the inside, but I get things done.

Perhaps the next 10 years will be our awakening?

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

And someone who has been in relationships isn't automatically better than someone who hasn't. Who knows, maybe the person went through a messy divorce and lost half their money, plus are in a custody battle? Thank God I don't have to worry about that, on top of everything else.

I'm not going to say that you shouldn't feel bad about being lonely. But maybe you (and I) should work on ourselves, and be okay with ourselves, without romantic relationships, before we declare ourselves as damaged and unlovable.

+1. Well said.

From experience, it feels a lot more peaceful to be ok with myself, than it does to be with someone who is only ok with me as long as I have something to offer.