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dilemma

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M_also_lonely

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she also suffers from anxiety and currently may not be ready for me to make that kind of move either...
That's her problem.

There's no confirmation that she's going to invest emotionally into you. So don't make her problems yours yet.

Don't devote too much thought and emotions on these people unless you're their partner.

In any case, if you think you'll be her support and help her out of anxiety, and she'll fall in love with you for that, then realize that its not going to happen.
Sure, she'll thank you. She'll be grateful for having a really good friend. But none of this means that she'll be a partner. Most likely, she'll use your support to move out of anxiety and find someone better than you.
 
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CenotaphGirl

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Yikes i'm not a dating genius... however, I will say... I hope if you go for it that all works out 😇
I dressed up and small snack cake (I know lame) with a big bow and a congratulations note and left it on her desk....

I just have to say I think thats super adorable, and kinda romantic 🥰
 

CenotaphGirl

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I dunno i was thinking romantic, I just wanted her to know her accomplishment was a big deal and she deserved recognition

Lmao i'm a hopeless romantic, but it's like I've always struggled sooo much with driving that when I finally passed, I got a couple of cupcakes which I wouldn't usually take romantic but maybe it was the thought behind it lol.
 

medievil

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Lmao i'm a hopeless romantic, but it's like I've always struggled sooo much with driving that when I finally passed, I got a couple of cupcakes which I wouldn't usually take romantic but maybe it was the thought behind it lol.
Well I mean subconsciously I coulda been showing I cared..lol
I actually can't help in that regard, if I like someone on a more romantic level, I kinda show it without even knowing
 

medievil

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hmmm I might be off, cause I am bad at this stuff, but I dunno... she was telling me some more personal stuff that has her concerned involving a family member and some medical concerns, just kind of out of the blue... not stuff you'd just tell anyone.... or at least how I was raised it was more private....
I dunno.. Probably just me being hopeful and reading waaay to far....
 

medievil

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Well I guess thats that then...
She was let go at work, but I was still sending morning "good morning have a great day" type posts and she would wish the same for me...her birth is coming up in 10 days so I got her a birthday present and had it delivered to her home... next day I was unfriended on facebook...no explanation, nothing... thought maybe a glitch so I did the friend request thing again... nothing..
I think it is the first time I ever lost a friend for buying them a birthday gift :(
 

TropicalStarfish

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Well I guess thats that then...
She was let go at work, but I was still sending morning "good morning have a great day" type posts and she would wish the same for me...her birth is coming up in 10 days so I got her a birthday present and had it delivered to her home... next day I was unfriended on facebook...no explanation, nothing... thought maybe a glitch so I did the friend request thing again... nothing..
I think it is the first time I ever lost a friend for buying them a birthday gift :(
:(
 

medievil

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even worse, got to work this morning and the birthday gift was in front of the door.....
She has cut all ties....so yea I am at rock bottom right now, and have no idea why or what I did wrong....
 

TropicalStarfish

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even worse, got to work this morning and the birthday gift was in front of the door.....
She has cut all ties....so yea I am at rock bottom right now, and have no idea why or what I did wrong....
did she give you her address? Had you exchanged phone numbers?

If it wasn't out of line for you to know her address, and you were simply being thoughtful and buying her a gift; then, I'd say the following...

I'm the type of person, or at least have been, that people feel they can confide in, because I'm very accommodating. However, through out my life, this has lead me to pair up with the type of people who are often quite selfish. Some one who likes to take, is attracted to some one who likes to give, and vice versa.

Being that the lady in question has a son, from a previous relationship, of which the father, she seems to still be quite involved with, it's likely she has A LOT of life drama to deal with. It's highly likely, you were more of a 'friend,' she could use for emotional support, and not really have to give a lot back, if anything at all.

Some would say that type of person is a user, selfish, perhaps even narcissistic; but, I don't think it's necessary to make such wild claims. I think of it more like, you put out a bird feeder, and a particular bird decided to stick around for a while; but, ultimately, was a creature of another world, with different demands, and so, eventually would fly away, with out so much as a good bye.

You are what you love, not what loves you.

So, if you did nothing wrong by anything you can conceive, here are the facts, as I know them.

You and her had a sort of acquaintance.
You had feelings beyond mere friendship; but, there was some trepidation there.
Her, being a thinking, feeling, human, may have been aware of that, whether you voiced it or not.
If she did not share those same types of feelings, she would likely be inclined to reject you on that front, in one way or another, at some point eventually (though having the courage to voice your true feelings, if she was respectable, would have been honored, even if rejected for one reason or another).
She has a child, and a baby daddy.
Those things are a complex situation that involve quite a lot of responsibility and navigation.
She recently lost her job, which, is usually a very difficult and stressful thing.
She received a gift from you at her address, which is a very personal thing.
This personal exchange of thoughtfulness was rejected.
The gift wasn't thrown away, but, rather returned, intact, I assume.
Contact has been cut off.

Therefore, if she was inclined to not share your feelings and reject you at some point, that point has come.
If she did share similar feelings, it's likely her life was far too chaotic, and perhaps she felt she was sparing you.
It doesn't really matter either way, in that, the end result is rejection, and the best way to overcome that is move on.

Rejection hurts. What hurts is often due to a wound. Wounds take time to heel.

The gift was returned and not thrown away, so that was nice, at least, I think.

And lastly, perhaps take that as a sign of your feelings, though rejected, still intact, and ready to be received by some one else. Some times we give the gift of our self, and it isn't returned at all, it's broken, beaten, and trashed. So perhaps be mindful of what may perhaps be a small token of care, a returned gift; perhaps a kind act in an otherwise, quite often, cruel and uncaring world.

One of the mistakes I make, often is, 'coming on to strong.' Usually we think of women doing this, and it makes for a reluctant male partner; but, it goes both ways. I haven't figured out how to, 'tone it down,' 'take it easy,' especially when I'm extremely taken with some one; but, I have a feeling that, when it's right, you will know, you both will. Unfortunately that's a rare thing, I think.

Anywho, that's my attempts at assessing the facts of the matter. Aside from that...

Sorry man, doesn't seem like it was meant to be. That's okay though, might just sting for a bit...

I would take the gift as a reminder of my capacity to feel, and love, and work on taking care to nurture that aspect in myself, study it, observe it, and just let it be. That aspect within us, will always be a source of profound pain, as well as profound love, wonder, and beauty.
 
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medievil

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did she give you her address? Had you exchanged phone numbers?

If it wasn't out of line for you to know her address, and you were simply being thoughtful and buying her a gift; then, I'd say the following...

I'm the type of person, or at least have been, that people feel they can confide in, because I'm very accommodating. However, through out my life, this has lead me to pair up with the type of people who are often quite selfish. Some one who likes to take, is attracted to some one who likes to give, and vice versa.

Being that the lady in question has a son, from a previous relationship, of which the father, she seems to still be quite involved with, it's likely she has A LOT of life drama to deal with. It's highly likely, you were more of a 'friend,' she could use for emotional support, and not really have to give a lot back, if anything at all.

Some would say that type of person is a user, selfish, perhaps even narcissistic; but, I don't think it's necessary to make such wild claims. I think of it more like, you put out a bird feeder, and a particular bird decided to stick around for a while; but, ultimately, was a creature of another world, with different demands, and so, eventually would fly away, with out so much as a good bye.

You are what you love, not what loves you.

So, if you did nothing wrong by anything you can conceive, here are the facts, as I know them.

You and her had a sort of acquaintance.
You had feelings beyond mere friendship; but, there was some trepidation there.
Her, being a thinking, feeling, human, may have been aware of that, whether you voiced it or not.
If she did not share those same types of feelings, she would likely be inclined to reject you on that front, in one way or another, at some point eventually (though having the courage to voice your true feelings, if she was respectable, would have been honored, even if rejected for one reason or another).
She has a child, and a baby daddy.
Those things are a complex situation that involve quite a lot of responsibility and navigation.
She recently lost her job, which, is usually a very difficult and stressful thing.
She received a gift from you at her address, which is a very personal thing.
This personal exchange of thoughtfulness was rejected.
The gift wasn't thrown away, but, rather returned, intact, I assume.
Contact has been cut off.

Therefore, if she was inclined to not share your feelings and reject you at some point, that point has come.
If she did share similar feelings, it's likely her life was far too chaotic, and perhaps she felt she was sparing you.
It doesn't really matter either way, in that, the end result is rejection, and the best way to overcome that is move on.

Rejection hurts. What hurts is often due to a wound. Wounds take time to heel.

The gift was returned and not thrown away, so that was nice, at least, I think.

And lastly, perhaps take that as a sign of your feelings, though rejected, still intact, and ready to be received by some one else. Some times we give the gift of our self, and it isn't returned at all, it's broken, beaten, and trashed. So perhaps be mindful of what may perhaps be a small token of care, a returned gift; perhaps a kind act in an otherwise, quite often, cruel and uncaring world.

One of the mistakes I make, often is, 'coming on to strong.' Usually we think of women doing this, and it makes for a reluctant male partner; but, it goes both ways. I haven't figured out how to, 'tone it down,' 'take it easy,' especially when I'm extremely taken with some one; but, I have a feeling that, when it's right, you will know, you both will. Unfortunately that's a rare thing, I think.

Anywho, that's my attempts at assessing the facts of the matter. Aside from that...

Sorry man, doesn't seem like it was meant to be. That's okay though, might just sting for a bit...

I would take the gift as a reminder of my capacity to feel, and love, and work on taking care to nurture that aspect in myself, study it, observe it, and just let it be. That aspect within us, will always be a source of profound pain, as well as profound love, wonder, and beauty.
Yea I know you are right, but at the moment, I can't let go... not with how things went, not without an explanation... the birthday gift, it was a coat for winter (she had said she didn't have one), she had opened it, tried it on....or from the looks of it at least checked it out....
you don't just drop someone without a reason...I think I should at least know why.....
 

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