joejoeyjoseph
Well-known member
Hi there, everybody! I was reading some of the other threads here and wanted to reply to try and give some advice but I realized that I would feel rude if I didn't introduce myself first beforehand.
So my name's Joey and right after high school I joined the US Marine Corps for 8 years. I hated every day of it and basically pretended to be somebody I wasn't so that I could stay out of trouble and still serve for those who couldn't, or flat-out wouldn't. Now that that's over (very long story short) I am 100% disabled and am too afraid to get a regular job because of all these horrible experiences I have had in the Marines, including combat and all that jazz. See the thing is, I pretended to be somebody I wasn't for so long that now I actually believe deep down inside that I have to defend everything and that when bad things happen around me it's completely my fault. No matter what I tell myself it's like my body won't listen and I can't control the way my body feels.
The only thing that has worked for me and lasted more than an hour or so is cannabis. I really love meditation and hypnotherapy but about a half hour later all the anxiety, anger, depression and fear come creeping back into my life. All these emotions have been there since combat and started about 2 years before I got off active duty where we were all drug tested every month so I wasn't smoking anything and had all these problems. So for me, cannabis really helps in between meditation and hypnotherapy. Most people tell me it's counterproductive but these people have no combat experience so I say to each their own.
Anyway, I hope to be a part of a community again since I have 0 friends in real life and I have such low self esteem that people I do meet decide to never talk to me again. I can't even maintain eye contact with people anymore because I feel like such an unworthy loser. If anyone has any advice or book titles they can share I would be thankful. Hopefully we can help each other.
Nice to get acquainted, respectfully, Joey.
So my name's Joey and right after high school I joined the US Marine Corps for 8 years. I hated every day of it and basically pretended to be somebody I wasn't so that I could stay out of trouble and still serve for those who couldn't, or flat-out wouldn't. Now that that's over (very long story short) I am 100% disabled and am too afraid to get a regular job because of all these horrible experiences I have had in the Marines, including combat and all that jazz. See the thing is, I pretended to be somebody I wasn't for so long that now I actually believe deep down inside that I have to defend everything and that when bad things happen around me it's completely my fault. No matter what I tell myself it's like my body won't listen and I can't control the way my body feels.
The only thing that has worked for me and lasted more than an hour or so is cannabis. I really love meditation and hypnotherapy but about a half hour later all the anxiety, anger, depression and fear come creeping back into my life. All these emotions have been there since combat and started about 2 years before I got off active duty where we were all drug tested every month so I wasn't smoking anything and had all these problems. So for me, cannabis really helps in between meditation and hypnotherapy. Most people tell me it's counterproductive but these people have no combat experience so I say to each their own.
Anyway, I hope to be a part of a community again since I have 0 friends in real life and I have such low self esteem that people I do meet decide to never talk to me again. I can't even maintain eye contact with people anymore because I feel like such an unworthy loser. If anyone has any advice or book titles they can share I would be thankful. Hopefully we can help each other.
Nice to get acquainted, respectfully, Joey.
