Disaster

[Groucho]

I'd use my real name and age, but I feel so humiliated that I don't wish for my expression of my problems to be associated with me. I don't want to give specifics as they may also identify me, but I'll try to clarify if I can.

If bad luck could be typified, I would be it. I exhausted most, if not all, other options before deciding to express my general problems here as I feel I should at least have a go at solving the problems myself and I've exhausted everything.

A bit of background context, not for a sympathy vote: I was the ******* (legal sense of the word) child in a meshed family, who had a violently abusive dad. He was an overly critical perfectionist who couldn't tolerate mistakes in a 6 year old kid, 'divorce' proceedings were the result and hopped from place to place with mother so no real synchronisation with life.

Low-esteem and social isolation were the result. I often got alienated from peers, got an (incompetent) doctor who diagnosed ADD, then ADHD, then Tourettes, then Autism then Aspergers, who clearly shifted the goalposts to fit whatever. It's actually frontal lobe 'disorder', the physical abuse of my dad damaged the front part of my brain (worth noting Autism has similarities to frontal lobe syndrome and dysexecutive syndrome).


Tried to excel in primary school, couldn't. Using my own treatment I improved, and in secondary school I initially excelled (topset in some cases) but got bullied to the point of suicide. Dropped out of school as teachers did nothing to help, GCSE grades suffered badly, then A-levels suffered badly (I couldn't get beyond a D) and as a result could only scrape through to a low-ranking university. Still socially alienated. Bullying caused me to feel terrified of travelling on buses or going anywhere near schoolkids.

University helped develop social skills, but ultimately got isolated from peer base. Did well first two years, then mysteriously failed due to a conspiracy of events in the final year (I'm now in debt and my degree is worthless).

Tried to get into work, spent nearly two years constantly searching with no result. Without specifying details of work role, turns out I'm obstentially slow and I can't improve this. Often criticised. Had abusive supervisor (would give keys to everyone else but demanded I not have them). After quitting and finding another job, I had nearly one criticism for every day I went in for 3+ weeks straight (some pedantic like how cups should be organised where organisation wasn't possible) to the point I was demoralised and didn't want to go in, of which I quit.


I tried to find like-minded individuals but I find they progressively just stop talking to me to the point I get stonewalled and this has been occurring for many years straight (real-life or online, whether a similar topic or not). I used to think people were problematic (they would ignore, then lie about ignoring, then stonewall) but I believe I must be doing something to drive them away but I have no idea what.

I've never had a relationship, not even beyond what is the 'first stage'. I'm realising that, this far in, it's too late to find anyone, because if I can't even maintain a friendship beyond a few months, even a year, how could I maintain a relationship? I barely meet anyone and I know the brick wall is I have this extremely unusual set of beliefs and knowledge which makes people 'glaze over'.

Everyone else in the family has their own house and their own kid. I actually have next to nothing (this laptop is borrowed and I'm living with parents). I've given up searching for work because it's so crushingly demoralising when I do obtain it. I either have to feel like I'm this lazy good-for-nothing failure or this slow-witted dimwit who gets constantly criticised working for incorrectly paid pocket change (something that will never realistically change my situation).


I'm utterly trapped and ruined. It's even more humiliating because the bullying didn't just ruin my self-esteem and social capabilities, but my grades in three levels of education and now my career, and thus any prospects of 'taking off'. I'm a 20,000 pound in debt socially isolated moron with three consecutive failures in education and no career prospects. I have an unassailable amount of resentment (I know I shouldn't) for others and my family members.

And the situation is just worsening. What if my mother opts to throw me out in irritation of my perceived laziness? I don't have any friends, where would I go? What would I do? I'm broke, my account is basically empty. I've done everything, searched for talents I could maybe capitalise upon (I have no unique skills or talents, I'm terrible at everything from singing and piano to computer modelling and art). Closest I got was to use my programming skills to sell a software product, but what? I have no ideas that I can reasonably produce that someone would actually want to buy.

I feel horribly screwed over, so horribly screwed over.

 

[Edward W]

Well... I don't know what to say, I'll start with, 'Welcome to the site!'

I hope you find something here that might help you discover a new path.

 

[The Underdog]

I tried to find like-minded individuals but I find they progressively just stop talking to me to the point I get stonewalled and this has been occurring for many years straight (real-life or online, whether a similar topic or not). I used to think people were problematic (they would ignore, then lie about ignoring, then stonewall) but I believe I must be doing something to drive them away but I have no idea what.

So I'm not the only one? I have questions. When you meet people, do you get on with them famously for a while only to have them stop talking to you randomly? Do they do the thing where they stop talking to you on a personal level, but might address you occasionally? Do you go from thinking you have a friend to feeling as though you no longer exist?

I have questions and need answers! I thought this was something that only happened to me. I'm sceptical, as it's created a personal thing.

Right. Welcome and stuff.

 

[Groucho]

Well... I don't know what to say, I'll start with, 'Welcome to the site!'

I hope you find something here that might help you discover a new path.

I'm hoping that too, somehow, although I doubt that after the number of forums I've been through.

So I'm not the only one? I have questions. When you meet people, do you get on with them famously for a while only to have them stop talking to you randomly? Do they do the thing where they stop talking to you on a personal level, but might address you occasionally? Do you go from thinking you have a friend to feeling as though you no longer exist?

I have questions and need answers! I thought this was something that only happened to me. I'm sceptical, as it's created a personal thing.

Exactly this. We'll have this full in-depth debate or discussion, information gets transferred and you'd say it's akin to Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson, but then suddenly communications hits into this brick-wall and it drops off and they only, as you say, address you occassionally as if being socially polite or something but you can feel they don't want to associate with you.

It goes from having a friend to, as you say, feeling like you don't exist. It's almost as if, you had a best friend who discovered you had some horrible disease and out of some strange fear of catching it, they shun you.

And it's even worse when you see them still doing things, like in-front of your face as if they're hoping you don't notice and there's this awkwardness (that I find they seem oblivious to). I got told by one person the reduction was because they were 'too busy' but then they mentioned a '2 hour (trivial) shop with a friend'. Surely it takes more resources to organise a shopping trip with a friend than a 5 minute email?

Do you ever find they lie to you when you bring up the lack of communications? I've had everything from 'the messages went missing' to 'oh I'm not ignoring you' (said the last message sent). One even claimed they were going on a trip to India (they claimed they had starbucks. If you know your economics you know foreign investment in India is not allowed and at the time there was no starbucks. They freaked out and ranted).

I find it kind of insulting, if not offensive, they can't be honest enough with me to say 'Hey, I find this and this awkward so I don't want to talk', or to at least bother to half-invent what isn't a blatantly false lie.

 

[The Underdog]

Exactly this. We'll have this full in-depth debate or discussion, information gets transferred and you'd say it's akin to Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson, but then suddenly communications hits into this brick-wall and it drops off and they only, as you say, address you occasionally as if being socially polite or something but you can feel they don't want to associate with you.

It goes from having a friend to, as you say, feeling like you don't exist. It's almost as if, you had a best friend who discovered you had some horrible disease and out of some strange fear of catching it, they shun you.

And it's even worse when you see them still doing things, like in-front of your face as if they're hoping you don't notice and there's this awkwardness (that I find they seem oblivious to). I got told by one person the reduction was because they were 'too busy' but then they mentioned a '2 hour (trivial) shop with a friend'. Surely it takes more resources to organise a shopping trip with a friend than a 5 minute email?

Do you ever find they lie to you when you bring up the lack of communications? I've had everything from 'the messages went missing' to 'oh I'm not ignoring you' (said the last message sent). One even claimed they were going on a trip to India (they claimed they had starbucks. If you know your economics you know foreign investment in India is not allowed and at the time there was no starbucks. They freaked out and ranted).

I find it kind of insulting, if not offensive, they can't be honest enough with me to say 'Hey, I find this and this awkward so I don't want to talk', or to at least bother to half-invent what isn't a blatantly false lie.

So it's not just me. That's both comforting and disappointing. You know, that's part of the reason I think I wasn't meant to exist. It's so surreal; you're seemingly best friends, then they suddenly mess with someone else and ignore you.

I don't know how else to describe the feeling other than being in the Twilight Zone. You feel like a ghost. I feel like a ghost. I don't even know. It's just strange. It's happened since I was a youngling so it's not even a perception issue because of where I'm at in life.

Example? After Basic I called Private Wester. He was in AIT at the time. We talked for five minutes, then he said he had to go and he would call me back later or tomorrow. Believeable, because AIT wasn't the free-for-all we'd like to believe in Basic. According to what I've heard, you only have .1% more freedom there. But fast-forward from late 2013 until now, and I haven't even heard from the guy.

It happens, literally, ALL the time. What I suggest you do is what I did (I would only suggest something I've tried myself): leave those types alone, and only invest in the people who will act like you exist.

 

[Groucho]

So it's not just me. That's both comforting and disappointing. You know, that's part of the reason I think I wasn't meant to exist. It's so surreal; you're seemingly best friends, then they suddenly mess with someone else and ignore you.

I don't know how else to describe the feeling other than being in the Twilight Zone. You feel like a ghost. I feel like a ghost. I don't even know. It's just strange. It's happened since I was a youngling so it's not even a perception issue because of where I'm at in life.

Example? After Basic I called Private Wester. He was in AIT at the time. We talked for five minutes, then he said he had to go and he would call me back later or tomorrow. Believeable, because AIT wasn't the free-for-all we'd like to believe in Basic. According to what I've heard, you only have .1% more freedom there. But fast-forward from late 2013 until now, and I haven't even heard from the guy.

It happens, literally, ALL the time. What I suggest you do is what I did (I would only suggest something I've tried myself): leave those types alone, and only invest in the people who will act like you exist.

I always thought a suitable nickname for me might be "Ghost" simply because either no-one notices me, no-one listens to me or acknowledges me. I will walk up to someone making loud noises (creaking stairs, for example) and they're always shocked when I speak. I know my family have trouble hearing (which doesn't help my fear), but in everyday life I just get generally ignored. For example, I'll make a suggestion, no-one acknowledges it, then someone will repeat that suggestion and suddenly people will rally to it (I even had a guy who said I made the suggestion when he got credited and gave me an odd look to suggest he didn't quite understand why they couldn't acknowledge I suggested it).

I don't know if you have that odd experience with the sliding doors where they seem not to properly register? They might open slowly, or take a moment to register (such you have to stop so you don't walk into it) before they open, but if you observe someone else they'll just slide open promptly before they get anywhere near.

Twilight zone is apt. Like I don't exist. No-one cares what I do or say.

I would invest in people who acknowledge I exist, but lonely life forums is like the end of the available options I have, didn't want to say I was lonely, isolated or failed until I exhausted every option I had. I've been to various forums with different interests, and although I can mesh with people, it quickly falls through and eventually I cause that place some element of division, I seem to draw either hostilities or expose corruption.

I have very unusual opinions on various subjects, arguably controversial, and I end up alienating anyone I mention it to. As soon as I mention this, people's curiousity is immediately piqued into dangerously asking what my controversial opinions are (because they don't think my could be so controversial as to alienate them. Then I wince knowing the outcome.). To use a war analogy I sit in no-man's land between England and Germany and neither side particularly like it because I'm not with any side in particular.

I try to avoid subjects I feel people won't agree on, but then I get criticised for a lack of discussion. It feels awkward to either bend-down or tiptoe around someone or avoid bridging a subject. Try holding your tongue when someone broaches a subject you disagree on, you can feel the urge to object well up inside you. Keep silent and feels like someone is stamping on your toes whilst you try not to yell out loud, open up and within minutes you find yourself with a hot war on your hands.

People I agree with, even assist side-by-side with just grow cold for reasons I don't grasp. I haven't found anyone who sticks around.


As a result (and I apologise in advance if I come across as this) I've become detached, aloof, bitter, cynical and sarcastic, beyond other things. I now time the length of time a friendship (based on communication) lasts seeing if it can beat the record for length. Shortest one was one day, longest one was for three years (although I was being exploited), and most recent one lasted about three weeks. Most fail day one.

 

[The Underdog]

I always thought a suitable nickname for me might be "Ghost" simply because either no-one notices me, no-one listens to me or acknowledges me. I will walk up to someone making loud noises (creaking stairs, for example) and they're always shocked when I speak. I know my family have trouble hearing (which doesn't help my fear), but in everyday life I just get generally ignored. For example, I'll make a suggestion, no-one acknowledges it, then someone will repeat that suggestion and suddenly people will rally to it (I even had a guy who said I made the suggestion when he got credited and gave me an odd look to suggest he didn't quite understand why they couldn't acknowledge I suggested it).

Something similar happened in Basic. My platoon was broken into squads. My squad happened to be the only one that got lost. That was strange, as Rios and Huot (the leader and assistant leader respectively) were normally sharp, sensible guys. After reaching our last coordinate, all we had to do was take a left and head back with the other Privates to our rally point. For some reason, the leaders wanted to pull a Thornberry and explore the goddamned woods at nighttime. Good call Nigel and Eliza. Now we're 500 meters away from our rally point, in the middle of the deep bush.

What's my point? Well, only that Dean and I suggested retracing our steps multiple times, while Casteel whined and the Thornberrys took us deeper into the woods for their excursion. No, there wasn't any treasure, just a tired-ass Private who wanted to choke them by the time we returned. Our Drill Sergeant yelled at us and informed the squad that we were 500 meters (far away) from the rally point. And our platoon had to wait for us to get back to sleep. #ThatsThatBullshit

I don't know if you have that odd experience with the sliding doors where they seem not to properly register? They might open slowly, or take a moment to register (such you have to stop so you don't walk into it) before they open, but if you observe someone else they'll just slide open promptly before they get anywhere near.

I have. Never gave it much thought though. However, I reckon I should now.

Twilight zone is apt. Like I don't exist. No-one cares what I do or say.

Unless you say something they don't like. Which I will touch on in my next line.

I would invest in people who acknowledge I exist, but lonely life forums is like the end of the available options I have, didn't want to say I was lonely, isolated or failed until I exhausted every option I had. I've been to various forums with different interests, and although I can mesh with people, it quickly falls through and eventually I cause that place some element of division, I seem to draw either hostilities or expose corruption.

I'm the same way. Not much to complain unless something is unsolvable and/or unfair. Even then I won't whine about it like a female, but make it known it's rubbish. I've been to plenty forums. Some you'd think I'd have no problem being accepted because of the premise/foundation (like a forum for paedophiles. Not one myself, but figured that . . . yeah). I can't even get along with paedophiles. People who advocate babies being able to have sex. I've seen, quote, "There is just as much reason to raise the age of consent to 25, as there is to lower it to 7, and even lower in some cases". People like THAT I can't even get on with. What does that tell you? I get along with them for about a week, then it all goes to honeysuckle.

I have very unusual opinions on various subjects, arguably controversial, and I end up alienating anyone I mention it to. As soon as I mention this, people's curiosity is immediately piqued into dangerously asking what my controversial opinions are (because they don't think my could be so controversial as to alienate them. Then I wince knowing the outcome.). To use a war analogy I sit in no-man's land between England and Germany and neither side particularly like it because I'm not with any side in particular.

This hasn't happened to me as much as it has to you unless it has to go with going against the status quo, not just being controversial.

I try to avoid subjects I feel people won't agree on, but then I get criticised for a lack of discussion. It feels awkward to either bend-down or tiptoe around someone or avoid bridging a subject. Try holding your tongue when someone broaches a subject you disagree on, you can feel the urge to object well up inside you. Keep silent and feels like someone is stamping on your toes whilst you try not to yell out loud, open up and within minutes you find yourself with a hot war on your hands.

People passing their opinions off as facts, thinking their honeysuckle doesn't stink. Unhealthy. Avoid them at all costs.

People I agree with, even assist side-by-side with just grow cold for reasons I don't grasp. I haven't found anyone who sticks around.

Same. We seem to get along famously, then they disappear or they shorten their interest in me. It happens with all types. Sex/gender, age, race nonwithstanding. The age cap goes as high as 50, and maybe a bit older. No joke.

As a result (and I apologise in advance if I come across as this) I've become detached, aloof, bitter, cynical and sarcastic, beyond other things. I now time the length of time a friendship (based on communication) lasts seeing if it can beat the record for length. Shortest one was one day, longest one was for three years (although I was being exploited), and most recent one lasted about three weeks. Most fail day one.

No worries. It's the same for me. Don't apologise for it (even if few people here have the mental capacity to understand you). It means you learn from your mistakes rather than the opposite, then whine about it forever. That's how you end up like this site's VIP. Not something you should aim to be. On another note, I really don't want to believe you, because I've done something similar. Now I try to see how quickly I push someone away. It's like a game, only I'm competing against the universe and myself.

Tell me if this happens to you as well. You make plans to do something, and the day of you get no call from the people who were supposed to call (or text, email, whatever). Then you call them, and they tell you that something's changed or blah blah, and that they can't do it/make it. The reasons for cancelling may have been actual (real), but they still don't call or contact you to confirm that until THE LAST SECOND! I HATE that!

 

[Groucho]

Excuse any delays in reply, I find if I want to write, my mind has to insist on going to youtube to view... some video it hasn't thought of yet. Irrelevant glitch videos! Yes, quite.

Something similar happened in Basic. My platoon was broken into squads. My squad happened to be the only one that got lost. That was strange, as Rios and Huot (the leader and assistant leader respectively) were normally sharp, sensible guys. After reaching our last coordinate, all we had to do was take a left and head back with the other Privates to our rally point. For some reason, the leaders wanted to pull a Thornberry and explore the goddamned woods at nighttime. Good call Nigel and Eliza. Now we're 500 meters away from our rally point, in the middle of the deep bush.

What's my point? Well, only that Dean and I suggested retracing our steps multiple times, while Casteel whined and the Thornberrys took us deeper into the woods for their excursion. No, there wasn't any treasure, just a tired-ass Private who wanted to choke them by the time we returned. Our Drill Sergeant yelled at us and informed the squad that we were 500 meters (far away) from the rally point. And our platoon had to wait for us to get back to sleep. #ThatsThatBullshit

In my case it was solutions that seemed so obvious that a neon sign would be less subtle. An approximate example. The TV remote might not be working, so I might suggest it's the batteries (no power, so flat batteries, seems logical, right?). Family member might propose the TV is damaged, the remote has aged beyond usage, or the satellite box is on the blink again - excuses that go around the houses as if to avoid a very simple test of simply switching the batteries.

Golden example. I got tired mid-day for no apparent reason which seemed to be after foods. You might think diabetes but I ruled that out because I didn't consume vast amounts of water and sugar foods didn't cause any discernable differences. Went to the doctor, explained my investigation. You guessed it, he insisted it was diabetes 'we must run a blood test' - I pointed out the non-matching symptoms and he dismissed it. One of the fasting blood tests. The blood test, as predicted, came back negative for diabetes (I can usually go an entire day without drinking a bottle of water, diabetes requires water for insulin dilution/removal of glucose). The doctor looked at me baffled: 'What do you think it is?' - well, if I knew that I wouldn't be seeing a doctor now, would I? Wasted all that expensive money to test for something I knew was negative.

Turned out by accident that milk was the bane that triggered sudden tiredness. Maybe serotonin uptake levels or something but removing that solved the problem.

I have. Never gave it much thought though. However, I reckon I should now.

Only noticed it after an episode of the simpsons (which I now hate for reasons I won't disclose to prevent inciting some sort of mini-war) where bart finds the sliding doors won't open for him. I was like 'hey, that's like me', which made me wonder because I only just realised that meant it wasn't normal. Some doors even seem indecisive, like they're not sure if they want to open or not (I had to shimmy sideways to get through in one case). I would attribute it to mechanical fault but I've found so many sliding doors that do this to just me (even waving my arms ahead of me to give it an earlier triggering time fails to get a timely response).

Unless you say something they don't like. Which I will touch on in my next line.

Exactly. And you might say something as mundane as pointing out 'oh, your printer is broken' and they'll react with like a rioting mob or something. For example (small insight here), I don't celebrate birthdays (and here's where it gets complicated: I'm not an atheist), and someone gave me this incredulous reaction as if I had walked into their house and set fire to their furniture or something. Why would people care what I do or not do? I actually had family members trying to outwit me into trying to celebrate my birthday by trying to give a present a few days after my birthday or something as if I couldn't suss why they were giving it.

Warn over possible health and safety hazards in the workplace: ignored. Oh and I'm not celebrating birthdays: grab the pitchforks, man the turrets!

I'm the same way. Not much to complain unless something is unsolvable and/or unfair. Even then I won't whine about it like a female, but make it known it's rubbish. I've been to plenty forums. Some you'd think I'd have no problem being accepted because of the premise/foundation (like a forum for paedophiles. Not one myself, but figured that . . . yeah). I can't even get along with paedophiles. People who advocate babies being able to have sex. I've seen, quote, "There is just as much reason to raise the age of consent to 25, as there is to lower it to 7, and even lower in some cases". People like THAT I can't even get on with. What does that tell you? I get along with them for about a week, then it all goes to honeysuckle.

I can't tolerate immoral behaviour (there's certain types I consider 'red line' behaviour) so I often come to loggerheads with the establishment (because workplaces love to exploit the workers, etc), but I give manouvering room in that I avoid criticising if it's nothing major (so alcoholism, for example, I'd ignore as a personal problem - although I'll try to help. Abusing other people, however, different matter altogether and I have to bash heads).

But in your case, you've probably had similar experience to me in that the hypocrites come crawling out the woodwork to criticise your views. So for example, I might make an observation on a topic when some guy who's this double-timing cheat who this boozed out of his brain racist turns around and goes 'you're this good for nothing waste of space loser' and I'm always baffled because I never pointed out their flaws, and their entire criticism is ironic.

Some of the insults are even contradictory. Despite being British, I got earmarked by a group of people as being a republican gun-loving American liberal communist Nazi idiot troll who reads far too many books and is a dictator-supporting pompous Brit who should be sterilised.

There are just so many contradictions in the array of insults I've received in one place it's just hard to know where to start.

This hasn't happened to me as much as it has to you unless it has to go with going against the status quo, not just being controversial.

Going against the status quo. My positions, if just casually looked at, are just mundane and not controversial per se (I'm sure someone reading the earlier post will think maybe by 'controversial views' I'm some sort of closet racist or something), but for some reason people think it's controversial. The not-celebrating birthdays (some people will go, 'oh, you don't celebrate birthdays' - but that's just a very small tip of a rather large iceberg).

I have views that covers a range of religion, philosophy, science, government, economy, ESP, etc etc. I'm bound to have a view somewhere in some topic that will more than likely alienate someone.

People passing their opinions off as facts, thinking their honeysuckle doesn't stink. Unhealthy. Avoid them at all costs.

Some people will vehemently argue with me over my opinion and I have to keep pointing out 'it's my opinion, no amount of arguing is going to change that'. I made a statement about how I'd prefer to treat humans and animals equally, and someone said 'no.' in response, as if what I said about my own view was somehow false or negatable.

Same. We seem to get along famously, then they disappear or they shorten their interest in me. It happens with all types. Sex/gender, age, race nonwithstanding. The age cap goes as high as 50, and maybe a bit older. No joke.

Yes, exactly this. I can bridge all sorts of age gaps (it depends on the maturity of the individual because immature individuals just tend to get distracted or not cooperate). First few posts it's like 'best friends for life' and then 10 posts in it's like all out gang warfare.

More seriously though, you can feel it degrade progressively, as if the person feels offended by something you said, or resents you, or something. I tried to rebuild a bridge with someone and they blamed me for sabotaging the friendship (???) and during this they were doing things without me, with other people, and I was trying to build the bridge. It felt like they were blaming me for what they were doing. They tried to prevent me from being charitible with my own virtual stuff. It's virtual. It's my stuff. For some reason being generous seemed offensive to them (???).

No worries. It's the same for me. Don't apologise for it (even if few people here have the mental capacity to understand you). It means you learn from your mistakes rather than the opposite, then whine about it forever. That's how you end up like this site's VIP. Not something you should aim to be. On another note, I really don't want to believe you, because I've done something similar. Now I try to see how quickly I push someone away. It's like a game, only I'm competing against the universe and myself.

Tell me if this happens to you as well. You make plans to do something, and the day of you get no call from the people who were supposed to call (or text, email, whatever). Then you call them, and they tell you that something's changed or blah blah, and that they can't do it/make it. The reasons for cancelling may have been actual (real), but they still don't call or contact you to confirm that until THE LAST SECOND! I HATE that!

I rarely get to make plans, as I don't have people to plan with. I used to be a heavy planner but the universe so often screwed up everything I was doing I switched to 'on-the-fly' planning which makes me very adaptable and gave it little heads up to interfere, although it still did.

There is one recent example. I had a planned short-distance trip for the weekend. Family member suddenly, out of the blue, asked if they could come over for a gaming session, one day before the trip (it wasn't booked so no losses there). I couldn't assign their session to same day next week because it was blocked, and I couldn't assign my trip to same day next week because of possibility of worsening weather. So I was forced to do both the same day (do the trip, cut the trip short, then head to theirs for the gaming session). Both were disappointing (zero leads on the trip and the gaming session was cut short).

Last second, as you say. I've arranged trips previously on rare occasions, but as you say, in the last few moments the person bafflingly pulls out, and the excuses appropriately lame.

And I agree it's like a game. I feel like I have to try to outwit the universe (although I've since discovered the universe blatantly cheats. Lets say you plan an alternate route knowing the main route will get sabotaged - and yes, the main route gets sabotaged - out of nowhere a spontaneous road block, accident, maintaince line, whatever excuse occurs in the alternate route). I can usually tell you between 3 to 20 steps/moves in advance (sometimes as complicated as three alternate paths down) how something will most likely unfold, and you'll either see it A) happen or B) the universe to do an 'asspull' and produce this inexplicitable diversion out of nowhere.

We had a (fiction) TV murder show on. Within 5 minutes I correctly guessed the red herring guy, the murderer (first two minutes) and how the body is discovered and why the murder occurred (later 3 minutes). The show uses the red herring guy as predicted, yes the murder is due to a relationship. The show implicated the murderer, but then did this spontaneous asspull where it distorted the entire story to blame the woman instead who was on a flight 38,000ft in the air by suggesting she planted delayed perfectly preplanned poison (which would have evaporated by that time and had no assurance of occurring at that time) was planted blah blah and the original guy is let off the hook. It even contradicted itself (the brush transferred the poison to the face, but the start said she ingested it based on stomach analysis).

Sorta like 'haha I can change the story on a whim get stuffed'.

 

[Tiina63]

I tried to find like-minded individuals but I find they progressively just stop talking to me to the point I get stonewalled and this has been occurring for many years straight (real-life or online, whether a similar topic or not). I used to think people were problematic (they would ignore, then lie about ignoring, then stonewall) but I believe I must be doing something to drive them away but I have no idea what.

So I'm not the only one? I have questions. When you meet people, do you get on with them famously for a while only to have them stop talking to you randomly? Do they do the thing where they stop talking to you on a personal level, but might address you occasionally? Do you go from thinking you have a friend to feeling as though you no longer exist?

I have questions and need answers! I thought this was something that only happened to me. I'm sceptical, as it's created a personal thing.

Right. Welcome and stuff.

I get this happening to me as well. The other evening I was waiting at the bus stop to go home after the French group and another member of the group was walking to the same bus stop when he saw me and suddenly dashed across the road and walked tround the corner to the next bus stop on the route. I often find that although I am friendly, suddenly certain others will cut me dead.

---

To reply more specifically to some of the points you made, although you had a terrible time both in your home life and at school, you still persevered and got your A Levels and a degree. Many people, with the hand you have been dealt, would not have achieved half as much as you have done. Even though you might have got higher grades had your life been better, you should be feeling proud of yourself for the grades you received, given all of the odds stacked against you.
I certainly wouldn't give up on finding a relationship either, if I were you. It is harder for introverts like ourselves to make friends and to start relationships as we often don't have the ability to come up with easy and entertaining conversation which more outgoing people seem to do with ease. I often feel that I am so boring because I don't have this knack.
Getting a job is hard for many people nowadays, so try not to be too down on yourself because of being out of work. Could you train for something?

 

[Triple Bogey]

I tried to find like-minded individuals but I find they progressively just stop talking to me to the point I get stonewalled and this has been occurring for many years straight (real-life or online, whether a similar topic or not). I used to think people were problematic (they would ignore, then lie about ignoring, then stonewall) but I believe I must be doing something to drive them away but I have no idea what.

So I'm not the only one? I have questions. When you meet people, do you get on with them famously for a while only to have them stop talking to you randomly? Do they do the thing where they stop talking to you on a personal level, but might address you occasionally? Do you go from thinking you have a friend to feeling as though you no longer exist?

I have questions and need answers! I thought this was something that only happened to me. I'm sceptical, as it's created a personal thing.

Right. Welcome and stuff.

I get this happening to me as well. The other evening I was waiting at the bus stop to go home after the French group and another member of the group was walking to the same bus stop when he saw me and suddenly dashed across the road and walked tround the corner to the next bus stop on the route. I often find that although I am friendly, suddenly certain others will cut me dead.

---

Are you certain that happened ?
Seems a very strange thing to do.
To reply more specifically to some of the points you made, although you had a terrible time both in your home life and at school, you still persevered and got your A Levels and a degree. Many people, with the hand you have been dealt, would not have achieved half as much as you have done. Even though you might have got higher grades had your life been better, you should be feeling proud of yourself for the grades you received, given all of the odds stacked against you.
I certainly wouldn't give up on finding a relationship either, if I were you. It is harder for introverts like ourselves to make friends and to start relationships as we often don't have the ability to come up with easy and entertaining conversation which more outgoing people seem to do with ease. I often feel that I am so boring because I don't have this knack.
Getting a job is hard for many people nowadays, so try not to be too down on yourself because of being out of work. Could you train for something?

---

 

[Groucho]

I get this happening to me as well. The other evening I was waiting at the bus stop to go home after the French group and another member of the group was walking to the same bus stop when he saw me and suddenly dashed across the road and walked tround the corner to the next bus stop on the route. I often find that although I am friendly, suddenly certain others will cut me dead.

I find I just get mostly ignored as if I'm invisible.

To reply more specifically to some of the points you made, although you had a terrible time both in your home life and at school, you still persevered and got your A Levels and a degree. Many people, with the hand you have been dealt, would not have achieved half as much as you have done. Even though you might have got higher grades had your life been better, you should be feeling proud of yourself for the grades you received, given all of the odds stacked against you.
I certainly wouldn't give up on finding a relationship either, if I were you. It is harder for introverts like ourselves to make friends and to start relationships as we often don't have the ability to come up with easy and entertaining conversation which more outgoing people seem to do with ease. I often feel that I am so boring because I don't have this knack.
Getting a job is hard for many people nowadays, so try not to be too down on yourself because of being out of work. Could you train for something?

Training goes out the window due to a lack of finances and the government sponsored ones are what you'd call fronts that aren't really practical (flower arranging course, anyone? Bearing in mind I am a man so not really my thing). Apprenticeships go to the younger members (as the government grants drop off if the apprentice goes beyond a certain age).

I tried to self-teach some skills to see if I could perhaps use the online markets but let's just say it's clear I'm not going to be the next Beethoven or Pavarotti any time soon, or someone with any kind of intonation in their vocal chords, for that matter (I feel sorry if anyone is secretly listening in on me, I like to think of it as a form of surveillance trolling).

I think realistically self-employment is the only route but UK law is a minefield (declaration of expenses, keeping track of them, you have to declare all income even if you make a loss and that loss might still be tax deductible anyway).

At my age of 25, the relationship thing starts to drop off (given I never got beyond, well, anything really). I know most people enter into relationships before then and then when you reach about 30 you're entering divorce territory with kids. Don't really want to be 'second place' or to deal with the complexities that result, so I don't think it's going to work out if I use my past as a way to predict the future.

 

[ardour]

forget it.

 

[Groucho]

forget it.

Forget what? I'm curious for any responses.

 

[Triple Bogey]

just remember if someone ignores you then it isn't your fault !
I get it now, I say 'hello' to someone and they don't answer. It pisses me off but I just get on with it. It is just people been ignorant and rude. I don't make much effort talking to people like that.
Don't let it spoil your day. It did happen a lot more when I was younger. Women wouldn't answer me when I spoke to them. They wouldn't even turn there head and acknowledge my presence. It hurt me back then. Now I would just think 'ignorant twat' and never speak to that person again.

 

[Groucho]

just remember if someone ignores you then it isn't your fault !
I get it now, I say 'hello' to someone and they don't answer. It pisses me off but I just get on with it. It is just people been ignorant and rude. I don't make much effort talking to people like that.
Don't let it spoil your day. It did happen a lot more when I was younger. Women wouldn't answer me when I spoke to them. They wouldn't even turn there head and acknowledge my presence. It hurt me back then. Now I would just think 'ignorant twat' and never speak to that person again.

It's far worse than being brushed off initially. I could handle being ignored initially.

It's when people I've had numerous messages with suddenly go silent that's the beef jerky.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It's far worse than being brushed off initially. I could handle being ignored initially.

It's when people I've had numerous messages with suddenly go silent that's the beef jerky.

I am so with you on this. It actually does hurt a little when someone does that, but even more so when someone who does that claimed to value the interaction and friendship.

 

[Groucho]

It's far worse than being brushed off initially. I could handle being ignored initially.

It's when people I've had numerous messages with suddenly go silent that's the beef jerky.

I am so with you on this. It actually does hurt a little when someone does that, but even more so when someone who does that claimed to value the interaction and friendship.

And worse so because they don't tell you why and fob you off with excuses.

That always baffled me. If someone dislikes me so much they want to avoid me, why are they trying to avoid hurting my feelings with what is clearly a blatant lie? Or just outright avoiding me, as if avoidance will make it somehow not painful?

Is it so they can deceive themselves into thinking 'ah yeah, hey, I didn't hurt his feelings, I lied to him'? If you hate my guts, at least hate my guts enough to be honest with me so I can get some useful feedback.

I mean, I find someone who lies to me to be even more insulting and hurtful than if they were truthful.

 

[ardour]

They still want to think of themselves as nice?

"Forget what? I'm curious for any responses. "

You might be one of those people who are inadvertently insulting or rude. For example, if you drop phrases like "no, that's ******* stupid" when debating, end up belittling others or their opinions, then obviously it isn't going to go down well. Those people who cut you off do so the next time they see you rather than mid-conversation, so you're unaware of it at the time. Look at the earlier exchange with your compadre with similar experiences and observe how casually nasty he can get; "few people here would have the mental capacity to understand what you just wrote" etc. There doesn't seem to be cognitive impairment, but you might lack emotional awareness. Maybe ask a non-invested Third Party (therapist) for their opinion, someone who isn't trying to run away or spare your feelings.

Or... you could have had the bad luck to have come across a string these aloof weird types, being that it's not uncommon to have known people like this.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It's far worse than being brushed off initially. I could handle being ignored initially.

It's when people I've had numerous messages with suddenly go silent that's the beef jerky.

I am so with you on this. It actually does hurt a little when someone does that, but even more so when someone who does that claimed to value the interaction and friendship.

And worse so because they don't tell you why and fob you off with excuses.

That always baffled me. If someone dislikes me so much they want to avoid me, why are they trying to avoid hurting my feelings with what is clearly a blatant lie? Or just outright avoiding me, as if avoidance will make it somehow not painful?

Is it so they can deceive themselves into thinking 'ah yeah, hey, I didn't hurt his feelings, I lied to him'? If you hate my guts, at least hate my guts enough to be honest with me so I can get some useful feedback.

I mean, I find someone who lies to me to be even more insulting and hurtful than if they were truthful.

Yeah, I agree with you here. Apparently some people don't think like this.

 

[Groucho]

Either way, I'm going to see if I can somehow use this as a place to attempt to restart my life somehow.