Do You Believe In "Soul Mates"?

[IgnoredOne]

Taylor Swift is my soulmate, she just doesn't know it yet >.>

 

[oopsiedoop]

I definitely do, by which I mean I believe in real love that lasts forever. Heck, even some of the ones which didn't last forever were my soulmates. It's just that, as you can well see, people don't usually act like they even HAVE a soul.

 

[Badjedidude]

I don't believe in soul mates or lifelong love.

I believe in people who get comfortable and refuse to grow and thus refuse to change or learn new interests (including interests in mates). There's nothing wrong with that. It's just... I'm not sure that's how I want to live.

I imagine I'll always be growing and finding myself interested in different people at different stages of my life.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I don't believe in soul mates or lifelong love.

I believe in people who get comfortable and refuse to grow and thus refuse to change or learn new interests (including interests in mates).

On the other hand, could it truly be confirmed that anyone does not change? Then therefore adapting and changing with someone is its own, rather beautiful challenge and an oasis of stability in a chaotic world, as I see it.

 

[Okiedokes]

No. I think there are multiple people that each of us can connect with really well.

 

[oopsiedoop]

I don't believe in soul mates or lifelong love.

I believe in people who get comfortable and refuse to grow and thus refuse to change or learn new interests (including interests in mates).

On the other hand, could it truly be confirmed that anyone does not change? Then therefore adapting and changing with someone is its own, rather beautiful challenge and an oasis of stability in a chaotic world, as I see it.

This is probably the only time we've ever agreed. People who say they get bored with one person are either with a very boring person who has a rigid idea of what they want out of life or haven't had a real relationship with anyone of the opposite sex. We're socialized to be different to begin with, so there's quite a bit to learn right there. You have to share values with someone, that's the important thing. Well of course and sexual chemistry. People think in their unattached logic that the only way to stay out of the "chaos" as IgnoredOne aptly put it is to not change and therefore be bored. But this chaos doesn't just go away and boredom is not the management principle in real relationships. Plus what you find in a stable relationship can't be found anywhere else. It's not having this that's boring to me. After a while, and not too long for most people, if you don't have that in your relationships (the connection), the constant banal superficialities of a life of people who merely come and go for a second is what gets REALLY, really boring. And what do they go to, on top of that, making it wounding? Stable, loving relationships where you are really valued and with someone who is actually interested in, not bored by, you, and vice versa.

 

[IgnoredOne]

. People think in their unattached logic that the only way to stay out of the chaos as IgnoredOne aptly put it is to not change and therefore be bored. But this chaos doesn't just go away and boredom is not the management principle in real relationships. Plus what you find in a stable relationship can't be found anywhere else. It's not having this that's boring to me.

I don't feel that remaining outside of stable relationships necessarily keeps one unchanging. Its just a choice, with its own upsides and downsides. Having any attachment has major downsides, such as being less able to move around, genuinely higher economic cost, and not to mention emotional upkeep. A person can certainly remain flexible and dynamic, learn many things and keep growing in his own fashion that wouldn't be possible with a stable relationship.

My main statement is that stable relationships have their upsides, too, and their own measure of growth. Often enough, it is in dealing with and facing those specific challenges that causes one to grow. Making a decision to be with someone, for example, means a lot more patience and tolerance for that someone's personality even when it frustrates you, and those are often traits useful outside the relationship as well too.

Its just a choice. Both have their potential, but they can be mutually exclusive.

 

[oopsiedoop]

You can grow without stable relationships up to a certain point and that's it, because you're by definition limiting yourself. You aren't really less able to move around unless you are with that person who has a very rigid idea of what they want out of life. You do have to consult someone of course who may disagree, but being in a relationship, rather than meaning that you can't do stuff, which is so stupid it only reminds me of a kid with a parent and the subsequent reflection of the immaturity of the one who says this, means you do different stuff, and usually, better stuff, because you have another head to figure moves and stuff out with, looking out for you, too. In terms of economic cost, it again depends on what kind of couple you are, on what kind of relationship and goals you have. You never heard two can live as cheap as one? Your unattached logic can't see it, but believe me, it's very true.

The person who sees relationships as challenges to be overcome is just as bad. That kind of person doesn't deserve a relationship either.

I wonder, do people think this way about their jobs, about their cars?

 

[IgnoredOne]

You can grow without stable relationships up to a certain point and that's it, because you're by definition limiting yourself. You aren't really less able to move around unless you are with that person who has a very rigid idea of what they want out of life.

Ticket for one: $400. Ticket for two: $800(actually a bit less due to scaling but flat doubling is viable for example). The automatic obstacles of such monetary costs for something as simple as an airplane ticket are obvious. Furthermore, career choice can become limited by having to compromise: my father couldn't take on a job with Raytheon that would have paid the equivalent of $160k now because my mother did not want him in Boston 5days/week; I could never seriously consider a contract position with boots in Afghanistan or Iraq because my g/f was worried; and yet another friend of mine lost his gov't security clearance for marrying someone from Taiwan(which for some insane and inane reason, is not trusted).

It does limit personal options.

Just because there are challenges doesn't make something less beautiful. My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

 

[oopsiedoop]

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

You can grow without stable relationships up to a certain point and that's it, because you're by definition limiting yourself. You aren't really less able to move around unless you are with that person who has a very rigid idea of what they want out of life.

Ticket for one: $400. Ticket for two: $800(actually a bit less due to scaling but flat doubling is viable for example). The automatic obstacles of such monetary costs for something as simple as an airplane ticket are obvious. Furthermore, career choice can become limited by having to compromise: my father couldn't take on a job with Raytheon that would have paid the equivalent of $160k now because my mother did not want him in Boston 5days/week; I could never seriously consider a contract position with boots in Afghanistan or Iraq because my g/f was worried; and yet another friend of mine lost his gov't security clearance for marrying someone from Taiwan(which for some insane and inane reason, is not trusted).

It does limit personal options.

Just because there are challenges doesn't make something less beautiful. My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

---

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

My job has its challenges, obviously, as anyone who's close to me and who I talk to would know - Bread, especially - but I still cherish it greatly. My car needed a lot of work when I got it, but she is a beauty now and I love her dearly.

I am very attached, I assure you

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

---

why isn't this working?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Exactly. It enriches your life. Who would want a life where they didn't really care if something came or went? THAT'S boredom. That's my point.

And yet for all of that, it does miss out on other very real enrichment too. All of the lost opportunities represent real gains in experience and wealth that are now gone in order to maintain the relationship. Something /is/ lost. And losing security clearance is a huge thing, especially if all your jobs in your life have been governmental. That is definitely a real loss, perhaps even courting disaster in today's economy.

I don't know if that's boredom or not, because that's very individual. But I would say that losing a major part of one's credentials is only unboring in the same way that a punch to the gonads is unboring.

It's extremely rare to have enough money for you to do something, but not being able to pay for someone else, too. I know it's not logical, but it just works out that way. And certainly the rent is the same, which is most people's biggest cost.

In economic terms, while a few fixed costs are not increased, most variable costs are doubled. Meals, going out, electricity usage, education, etc. It all adds up to quite a bit, but for many, it is worth it and I don't dispute that. It has been for myself, for example.

I just don't think it is for everyone.

 

[oopsiedoop]

There are bad jobs. There are bad relationships. Not every relationship can be permanent, or even loving.

Two incomes are necessary clearly if one isn't enough to cover extras. But those things you mentioned are all extras which not even all single people have. And if they do have enough for extras for themselves, then they can share them with someone else.

But there's the whole thing about the job and the car. Yes, many jobs are horrible, yet people appreciate them. They want to move up, but they're happy to be working. So it is with relationships. If you never have one, you're always poor. And cars cost money -- lots of money. But no one ever says, I love the car but I don't want to spend money on it. That would be irrational. You might say I don't HAVE the money, but that's wishing you did, not saying it's an extra expense that's a burden. The extra expense is a PRIVILEGE for having the car. God's sakes. My favorite quote is Einstein's "Two things are infinite -- the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former." No wonder life on earth is hell. People are the demons of stupidity that make it so.

 

[IgnoredOne]

But no one ever says, I love the car but I don't want to spend money on it. That would be irrational. You might say I don't HAVE the money, but that's wishing you did, not saying it's an extra expense that's a burden.

I love my car, but it would be irrational to spend much more money on it(or any, really). It is far more realistic for me to save up and buy a newer car than to keep throwing money on the current vehicle given its mileage, etc.

That's completely rational and you hear people discuss that often. You equate relationships with cars, but stable relationships are /not/ a requirement for life. Its like saying that cars are a requirement for adult life, conveniently ignoring the majority of the world that doesn't use cars. There are other ways of getting to where you want, and in some parts of the world, those ways are more realistic and more rational for most.

Saying that adult life must involve having a car no matter who or where you are seems to be pretty biased and dogmatic, much like any argument that adult life must involve a stable mongamous relationship, as you seem to argue. Its an option, not a requirement.

Really, the suggestion that "you aren't complete/grown up until you're married" which I'm starting to feel is pretty scary, and approaches almost religious fanaticism.

 

[oopsiedoop]

So you stopped loving your car. There are people who really do -- they take care of it, they invest in what are called classic cars because they're the best ones for them. But, there are also people who invest in brand new Lamborghinis, or wish they could, and don't say, "But ****. I'd be out $300,000." That's not how people look at things they love.

Stable relationships ARE a requirement for a full life, much like Lamborghinis or .. fill in the line with what you want. But grown up? Yeah. Grown up means you can take care of yourself AND someone else.

I'm not sure you're not complete if you actually don't want to be married - some people are just superficial that way same way that some people can't do math. If you're a kid, you're satisfied with video games -- maybe.

 

[roguewave]

I found my soul mate once but eventually told her off because I am a *****. Now I'm alone and I deserve it.

 

[flaneur]

Haha. Give me evidence that souls exist, and then we'll talk about soul mates. Otherwise, it's just a pointless word that denotes 'lover'..

 

[oopsiedoop]

The only proof is in the people who have one.

---

I found my soul mate once but eventually told her off because I am a *****. Now I'm alone and I deserve it.

I always found the need to tell my soulmates off, so what? That's what a soulmate is for. Superficial politeness when I'm pissed off is for bosses, not lovers.

 

[Falling-Slowly]

I believe that there is someone out there for everyone regardless of when you meet this person, it's out there for you. I call that fate, destiny, meant to happen. To me a soul mate is what you make of a person in your life. it can be a friend or a significant other..

 

[roguewave]

The only proof is in the people who have one.

---

I found my soul mate once but eventually told her off because I am a *****. Now I'm alone and I deserve it.

I always found the need to tell my soulmates off, so what? That's what a soulmate is for. Superficial politeness when I'm pissed off is for bosses, not lovers.

---

Hmm, I like you Oopsie.

 

[flaneur]

The only proof is in the people who have one.

---

---

If souls were real, then everyone who is a conscious being would, by definition, have one.

I always found the need to tell my soulmates off, so what? That's what a soulmate is for. Superficial politeness when I'm pissed off is for bosses, not lovers.

If you've had multiple ones, then that just proves that they were not your soul mates.