Do you have problems sitting or walking with people?

[The-One]

I've started at a new university, and unsurprisingly, within a short time cliques are forming and the group is norming and I will once again be relegated to the sidelines. (Though I'm not particularly bothered this time, cos this is only a 6 months course and I'm about to build a kick ass $$$ gaming pc )

The thing is, even basic things I have trouble with. Say sitting when there's a group of people. I find it difficult to know where I should sit, obsessively sitting next to just one person seems stalkerish. Yet if I do not, I end up drifting in random seating positions every time and do not end up forming a seating alliance with anyone. Which leads me to be ignored by everyone (as it happens i got stuck between 2 cliques this morning)

Of course, I could try sitting down first, except I am the leader of precisely nobody, then people would not sit with me, but around me, as an obstacle. Which presents me as an annoyance.

Or the example with walking with a group of people, I never feel comfortable walking with more than 1 person. I often end up getting shoved on to the roads with the cars instead or end up trailing behind or that I am stuck behind and between 2 people, neither of whom is giving me enough space walk alongside horizontally with either of them. I end up doggedly try to shove myself into this gap where I will never fit and try not to walk into the back of at least one person. Or say there's a lampost in the way and the group scatters, I then have trouble reforming into a group walking together, instead of trailing etc.

Again, I can't lead the group while walking somewhere because nobody listens to me. Eg, out of the group, I have the most superior local geographic knowledge (because I grew up here), so you'd think people might listen to me when they're hungry and I tell them where best to get food right? Nope, nobody listens to the guy who's lived here for most of his life and the entire group start to set off in random directions despite none of them knowing where they are going.

Although the details of these situations seen banal in the extreme, they cause me undue trouble and stress and I was wondering if any of you guys have trouble with things like this.

 

[evanescencefan91]

for sitting, I always sit closest to the door, (where someone isn't sitting directly adjacent) ( getting to class early helps with this) mainly because that means I have to walk the shortest distance from the door to my seat, I don't know why I just seemed to do it unconsciously,

so eventually that just becomes my unofficial seat, so then if someone is sitting next to where I sit, they can just be like oh well that is where that person sits anyways,

I know what you mean though also in buses and movie theatres it has become an unwritten loaw in society that you don't sit next to strangers unless theere ae no other seats,

haha I know what you mean about the walking like if your're waling with two ohter people and the sidewalk isn only big enough for two and they walk together but your stuck in the back trying to put input on the conversation but fail to do so becuzse you're behind them

or when you and a stranger are walking to the same place or in the same direction for a prolonged period of time, it feels weird

I'm sorry it seems like they don't listen to you, they probably just want to go out and explore the town for themselves

 

[suckaG]

I can really relate to your walking expereince, the-one. walking with a group is annoying sometimes for sure. especially if you feel like an outsider to begin with.

I hate when i'm in a group and I try to give imput or suggestions that is blatently ignored. i usually don't push it though. if they want to screw up or waste time, let them.

 

[Mary Mary]

The-One, I would say you don't need advice on where to sit or how to walk with people. I would say that if you address your feelings of social awkwardness first, the seating/walking thing will work itself out.

When you socially interact with someone in a seamless way, you will intuitively know how to position your body relative to theirs.

I know this may sound cryptic to you, but I used to have the same problem. However, once I mastered having conversations with people, the body positioning problem went away on its own.

 

[Badjedidude]

I think you're overthinking this.

Just ******* sit down and enjoy class. Someone will either sit by you or not. Who cares?

 

[LGH1288]

Hi -- Perhaps try a new cologne or use less of the one you wear? Sometimes it's something that simple! Best, LG

 

[The-One]

I think you're overthinking this.

Just ******* sit down and enjoy class. Someone will either sit by you or not. Who cares?

I'm definitely not overthinking this; infact most people underthink this. It's like breathing, you don't think about it, until something goes wrong.

As to your 2nd statement, I for one care. And isn't the point of the forum that no one care about the people here? Not to mention you've given me a sentence in the form of either P or NOT P, which is frankly unhelpful.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^See, exactly my point. You can't reduce everything in life to a formula or an equation without losing the spirit of things; the fluidity and change and surprise.

You ARE overthinking it. I guarantee you, if you just go in and sit down without worrying about where or who with, and then make some small talk to someone if they sit near you, you'd meet some people and in time they'd sit with you. Just go in and sit down.

It really is that easy, without the need for analyzing or thinking about it at all.