Do You Worry About What Life Will Be Like After Your Loved Ones Die?

[LoneKiller]

Hi Everyone.

I'm not sure about other members, but not 1 day goes by that I don't think about what my life is going to be like after the ones I love most pass away.
My father is 76, my grandmother 87, my step sister 54, and my mother 60.

With the exception of my two nieces who are in their 20's and my brother who is 40 I'll have nobody. I guess I should be thankful for that, but it certainly doesn't cushion the blow in my everyday obsession about it.

Do any of you have this problem? I can sit down and concentrate on a 3 hour chess game and block outside distractions with ease, but these worries I just can't seem to shake.

 

[sylvestris lybica]

Sounds like your situation is genuinely precarious, given you have a relatively small family.

I'm the youngest in my family so it wouldn't surprise me if I survived everyone else barring random fatal occurrences. Being that I walked downstairs one day and saw my dad have a heart attack, I hate the idea of being caught off guard by someone's death and try to mentally prepare for it constantly. I have gone through long fantasy sequences detailing the death of each of my family members multiple times, and I usually do it once a week. I don't really do it with any sense of sadness or dread. I just don't want to be caught unawares again. I don't want to be surprised.

 

[annik]

Yes. My parents are both just over 60 and have smoked for years. My mums been hospitalised at least twice after just getting colds and she still won't stop. It scares me so much. I seriously think I wouldn't cope without her. I just think sometimes I'll go just after she does.

I have my dad of course and I have a slightly older sister but there's this bond with my mum I don't think I could do without.

Its one reason I hate being single. I wish I had a husband and was thinking about kids. A new little family of my own. It's the only thing that would get me through losing her. Having people relying on me, a future.

honeysuckle can't do a thing for crying nbow.

 

[DudeIAm]

It isn't a fun situation to deal with, Lonekiller. It is one of the worst shocks to your system you will experience in your life. When my dad passed away close to 2 years ago, I couldn't sleep for 36 hours as my brain could not process what happened. It is still hard to fathom but it is slowly getting better each day that passes.

 

[Okiedokes]

I have had those thoughts in my mind and I have to think about other stuff. It's very hard to imagine. Both my parents are in their 50's and can't work anymore but they have done hard work most of their lives. It's stuff like genetic diseases that got in the way that are still an issue and won't get better. I can't even imagine how I'd react so I try not to dig too deep into that thinking.

 

[RJLJD]

you're not alone. myself and my uncle (her older brother) and my dad are basically all my mom has left. i feel really bad for her. its gonna get worse too if i end up moving out in the future. she really doesn't have any good friends either. i'm not so much worried about me right now as her.

 

[flaneur]

It isn't a fun situation to deal with, Lonekiller. It is one of the worst shocks to your system you will experience in your life. When my dad passed away close to 2 years ago, I couldn't sleep for 36 hours as my brain could not process what happened. It is still hard to fathom but it is slowly getting better each day that passes.

My greatest fear is my dad passing so I avoid getting too close to him, because I don't want it to hurt all the more when he's gone. The sad consequence is that he really suspects I don't love him. -_-

Your post has made me even more terrified.

 

[SophiaGrace]

i dont know what i'd do if my mom died

 

[kinzeUK]

You know what sometimes startles me about this forum? Is that usually everyday or everytime I come on here, there is always one post that totally echoes what I currently worry or think about and this question is one that plagues me the most and for good reason.

I had to move back in with my parents last year as some of you know from my posts on here. My mum has been dealing with cancer for the last 3 - 4 years. The doctors are often confounded that she is still alive as she has been given (or I should say had been given) only a couple of years maximum. Anyways, I don't really want to go into more details but suffice it to say, she is now 65 and my dad is 70 and diabetic with ailing health problems. I told them both the other day how scared I am not just for losing one or both of them and wondering how I'm going to cope/help out (I can't drive for one thing and I'm out of work and barely able to even take care of myself these days), but I don't know where I would live if I hadn't gotten my own place by that time.

I am on a waiting list to try and get a place but the lady told me at the time it could well be years and I've been on there about 9 months so far. I have no immediate family here either, they all live abroad (another reason why I so desperately want to move to Canada).

I haven't read any of the other responses on this post yet so am going to do that now just to see what other people's views/stories are.

 

[Jilted John]

Both mine have gone now,all I have is my daughter and grandson,but death is part of life.Nobody lives forever.

 

[kinzeUK]

Having just read the other posts on here, it moved me somewhat. Especially annik's post I just want to give you a big virtual hug hun x

It's a subject everyone (well almost everyone) worries about but rarely brings up for obvious reasons.

 

[UserameDeep]

I don't think I've ever really contemplated it. I wouldn't say I'm close to my parents (although that's easier to say when they're still around and able to be distanced from) but I definately depend on them. Even as I'm thinking about it right now, I'm not too worried. I think it's because I'm confident I have a "safety net". That's all that matters to me, in terms of my parents dying. I should be more concerned about the emotional effect, but I'm not and I realize that could come across as quite sad to others.

 

[kinzeUK]

Both mine have gone now,all I have is my daughter and grandson,but death is part of life.Nobody lives forever.

This is indeed true. And I bet you feel fortunate to have your daughter and grandson am I right? One thing that I know makes me a little sad is the same thing as what annik commentated on in her post; being single and wishing to have my own family especially the older I get. I know my parents especially my dad would love for me to have a child. I fear that it's never going to happen I'm nearly 38 now and I wouldn't want to be one of those guys who becomes a father at 45 or something. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that incidentally, it's just my own personal feeling. My dad was 33 when he had me and I think early 30's is a perfect age (or 20's depending).

I'm a little sad that if I die on my own or without a child, that part of my bloodline would cease. No more would come after me, but at least the rest of my family is big enough as I have lots of cousins and most of them have kids now. My mum is actually my stepmother and I don't have anything to do with any of her side of the family and my real mum who died when I was 3, I think all of her relatives are either dead or want nothing to do with me (I've never heard from any of them except my mum's cousin who I think might have passed away by now).