Does anyone do long term anymore?

[Mazda13bRotary]

Firstly, I'm a 22 year old guy. I was very shy in my high school years, no sex, no relationships, no friends. Then after that I decided my shyness was causing me to be depressed. Age 20 I found myself in a two year relationship, lost the virginity, the relationship ended abruptly. Had two one-month relationships after that, both involved sex...I was the one who was left all three times. The girls had the same response "I'm not ready for a relationship" or some other lame excuse, I've heard them all. Everything from I'm too nice, to I'm an *******, to "It just wasn't meant to be, sorry" I tend to get girls excited at first, I don't know why. I ride a crotch rocket, and skydive for fun...that might have something to do with it? The two one month were both 26 years old. They rushed right into a relationship with me. Then the excitement dies off, then they never speak to me again.

I'm not shy towards anyone now, can hold a conversation with a complete stranger no matter the age/sex/race. Eye contact is no problem, I've been told several times that I'm very charismatic. Girls who like me say I can make them melt with my words. Girls who dislike me say I'm an expert at adding fuel to the fire. I'm a salesman, I could sell an ice cube to an eskimo...so I get a lot of practice.

The issue I'm realizing is the more people I talk to and get to know, the more I hate everyone. 85% of girls are straight up whores, liars, and cheats. 90% of guys are the exact same way so believe me, I'm not biased. 80% of the girls I know have had more than 15 sex partners in 4 - 5 years....I think that number is quite high...a few I know have had more then 40. Maybe it's because I only have three. Opinions?

 

[condemnedsoul666]

First of all how did you conquer your shyness, I need some ideas for mine. I would appreciate it.

 

[Mazda13bRotary]

I cut my long hair short, military style. I started exercising, eating a healthier diet, tanned a little bit. Improved my physical image a bit first, while in my mind I thought over things...built up my confidence. Appearance isn't everything of course, one of my greatest friends has long hair, always covered head to toe in sweat, grease, and dirt...but the most important thing is that he embraces that. That's who he is, that's how people know him, that's what makes him who he is.

I wanted to be that guy with the motorcycle, the guy who says "how ya doin buddy?" to a total stranger, the guy people call on when they need a favor. The guy people ask for when they call the store where I work, the one where an old lady says "I met the nicest young man today!". Take an active part in a persons life, and you'll become part of it. I sell auto parts for a living, every now and then I'll be out grocery shopping and I'll bump into a customer. I'll ask "Hey buddy, how'd that fuel pump work out for ya?" the response is usually something like "Worked out great man! Fixed the truck right up, runs great now!" then we'll carry on a small conversation for a few minutes. It may seem insignificant, but in reality you're forming more of a bond than what you think. Ask people questions, if there's something about them that interests you, talk to them about it! For example: I once helped a truck driver fix the A/C system on his semi truck in the parking lot, an African-American man. A 5 minute job. We shook hands afterwards, smoked a cigarette, wished each other luck, and that was it. Six months later he was back in town, needed a part from the store. He asked for me first thing, remembered my name.

I got to the point where I told myself you know what, I don't care what people think. I'll look them in the eye when I talk, I'll smile, I'll laugh, I'll say whatever comes to mind. If they like me, then great! If they don't, then it will make zero difference in my life. I'll go to bed tonight, and I'll wake up tomorrow still being me...no matter if someone thinks negatively of me or not. Everyone is different, you'll meet people who absolutely love your personality, you'll meet some who don't that's inevitable. Don't expect to please everyone, but I guarantee your words will echo endlessly if you can look someone in the eye, smile, and have a relaxed conversation with them. You might just surprise yourself

 

[IgnoredOne]

How are you finding those girls? Where do you meet them? Almost all of the girls I know or let get close to me are exclusively looking for long-term relationship, so perhaps you might have to be more selective.

You mentioned a great number of social skills, which is awesome! I would like to have some of them myself, I have to say, so perhaps I'll be poking you in PM on seeing if I can learn from your skillset.

However, how good are you at observing and 'reading' people? I personally tend to vaguely read people and can select out girls pretty fast if they're not going to be a good match for me. If you're looking for a long term relationship, note how a girl self-describes herself, because it gives important clues on what she finds is important.

If a girl mentions that she likes to party, get drunk and get trashed and identifies that as 'fun', for me, that's probably a warning sign that she's not looking for anything serious or long-term. If she brags about how many guys she's been with or blown, again, something to worry as she might want to continue to add onto it.

On the other hand, if she mentions to you that she reads sappy romances, fantasies about true love and white weddings and envies cousins who have children, its probably an indication that she's looking to settle and commit. It can help to pay attention to her family situation too, and how they feel about it. If she's from a traditional family without divorces and she seems to be okay with it, its a strong indication that she sees that as 'correct'. If she's from a divorced family that had a fairly healthy breakup and a good relationship with her father, I've found most girls from those have strong opinions but also tend to be value commitment. Unfortunately or otherwise, I've found that girls who grew up without any father at all to be the least stable or predictable and swing wildly between intense commitment and no commitment whatsoever.

Age is interesting. I find that girls are most likely to look for long-term either in their teens and very early twenties, when many are still intent on romantic fantasies, or closer to thirties and past, when they're looking to get on with other aspects of life. I'm not exactly certain why, but women in their mid-twenties have been, in my experience, the most fickle.

In the end, each person is individual. Being observant and paying attention to what each person seems to most admire and by their past history is probably the best way to predict their future behavior.

 

[robot]

If she's from a traditional family without divorces and she seems to be okay with it, its a strong indication that she sees that as 'correct'. If she's from a divorced family that had a fairly healthy breakup and a good relationship with her father, I've found most girls from those have strong opinions but also tend to be value commitment. Unfortunately or otherwise, I've found that girls who grew up without any father at all to be the least stable or predictable and swing wildly between intense commitment and no commitment whatsoever.

Interesting.

I'm so screwed if that is the case.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Interesting.

I'm so screwed if that is the case.

Each person is an individual and I think it has more to do with motivations than any ingrained inherited characteristic. If you want my theorizing, I think that girls who don't have fathers just have less of an 'intuitive compass' of what they see as the 'right stuff' in a man.

The vibe I generally get from exes who were from lasting marriages was, "People work out their differences, in the end, two commited people will always find ways of making something work."

The ones I got from divorced families with a healthy relationship with thier fathers were, "People work out in general, except when the man is a cheating scumbag/marries his work over his wife/is secretly gay/become an addict/insert why mom and dad broke up. Men can be decent, sometimes things don't work out."

The vibe I got from the few short-term relationships I had from girls without fathers was basically a wild swing between either "Men are useless animals who abandon women" or "I wish that I had a daddy and was normal! Will you be my daddy?"

Most of my relationships have been with young girls, though. I find that more a person matures and experiences, the more they are defined by their /own/ experiences and concepts, and less by their growing surroundings. I do admit that I've been with a forty-something woman who as far as I can tell, could only really count for short-term relationships and as far as I could remember, had an unhappy childhood with no father to speak of. She seemed happy and was successful in life nonetheless - marriage or commitment just wasn't her style; oddly enough, she only wanted to be committed to men who were not on the same wavelength.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It happens ..Dont sweat it. Dude.

A lot of people your age arnt ready
to sttle down or be tied down to a
ball and chain..

Live it and enjoy ur youth as best you can. Itll go by faster than you think.

Yeah..I have a hope and dream of being with one person for the rest of my life
too.. For some odd reason it hasnt work out that way for me. I ended up with lots of women.
In the back of my mind somewhere Im still hoping for her to comeback into my life. An angel to take me away from this crazy life Im living. And save my soul.
If I think too much about it.. Ill go even crazier.

Maybe it has to do with...We all want what we dont have.

Maybe its...we dont get want we want.. We get want we get

Maybe its. We dont get what we want. We get what we need..

---

How did I conquard my shyness?

My first GF...as odd as it may be.
Renae my fiance looks like her and acts like her.
My first GF was very.very pretty and sweet. A summer of romance..
We never got beyound the honey
moon stage. Without our permission
lwe were separated. Her family moved.

Which might one contributing factor
why Im in love with love and have long term relationship issues.
It gets boring for me after a while.

So..having a very pretty girl as my firt..
Making out wiht her and just hang out
with her all day and all night..broke that shyness. In so many ways She like the untlimate woman I compair other women too. The perfect 10...

Once you have the best...its all realitily
down hill from there. I gone through the learning curve.

---

So...when I ask out chicks its not a big deal. If get rejected....Its not a big deal to me. Ive had the best and been with the best....Its my mentally

Its everything....the romance, the bonding, the sex.. Renae was the best.
She turns me on in many ways...
The meters are off the chart..
Other woman dosnt do that to me..
no matter how pretty they are..
I guess that why they call it chemistry.

It might also explains why some women
cant or chose to stay in LTR They got jadded.

---

Maybe subconsciously...youre trying to
turn the women your dating into someone like your EX...A role they wish not to play or be..
THis too can be another factor why they break it off with you....It was for me.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Another contributing factor.
We all have easier access to more
people than ever before...Cell..internet. Transportations....etc.etc..etc.

Back in the 1800s...couple were forced
to work out their differemes. Learn how
how to compremize. Forgive and co exist.

Today..its more instant gradifications.
Why work anything out..
Just get involve with a different person
without all the hazzel. If that short term
dosnt wrok...Plenty more people avaliable with easier access..

---

The pros and the cons....

Your youth..your high energy and spirit is your asset.

If your daddy isnt a nillionair
or your not one yourself...@ 22

Most women have a fairly tail
fantacy or the so call american dream...A big house with white
picket fences and a bunch of babies
running around the yard.
If you cant provide (be a provider)
Medical insurance, SUV, .credit cards....etc..etc
becuase..your in school , have a crappy job. early in your career..
Youre not marriage material...

Rocket poctket and a stuoid apt
is for fun...fun...fun ..parry..party.

 

[IgnoredOne]

If your daddy isnt a nillionair
or your not one yourself...@ 22

Most women have a fairly tail
fantacy or the so call american dream...A big house with white
picket fences and a bunch of babies
running around the yard.
If you cant provide (be a provider)
Medical insurance, SUV, .credit cards....etc..etc
becuase..your in school , have a crappy job. early in your career..
Youre not marriage material...

I don't believe that's true. I've known quite a few girls who were genuinely after the 'fairy tale' but none of them expected to just marry a millionaire.

One I knew had been with her fiance since she was 16 when he was 17; they had started 'dating' when she was 14. I remember them having a hell of a time, with him trying to go to college while she maintained various jobs and despised the area they lived in and I remember him being intensely paranoid of pregnancy. Its been many years since and they're still together; she's very glad that he's actually making an income now, but both have worked to keep things together.

Another girl has a similar story too, though quite a bit older when she got attached to her husband; again, she's trying to help him get through an education, a Master's degree in this case while he keeps a crappy TA job and student loans. On top of that, she has to deal with a chronic illness that keeps her sick most of the time, but it hasn't stopped her from getting her degree, being active in church and working a good day job as a web graphic designer.

I think women only really object to having to support their boyfriends AND if their boyfriend doesn't seem to have a plan on what they want to do with life. They want to be partners, not single working mothers of 22-year old children. That, if anything, seems to anger the women I've known and intensely turn them off.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I know all women arnt like that...
Cuase Im living with one right now.
and Im not a millionar and my finance
is totally messed...

Im kinda emotionally torned up
still.. I had just broken up with
my fiance...Shes the same fiance
when we were in HS.. RENAE.
Ive always been totally messed up
head over heels for her. This was
our third time trying to make our
relationship work.

So Im with another GF..again.
and Im not totally in love with her.
Shes very pretty and nice too.
Im not mean to her. I treat very
nice I just dont hve that firy passion for her....See how long this is going to
last?? Its been 2 months..
I dont want to be second to anyone.
I imagine my gf feels the sameway

its been like this for me eversince
honeysuckle went down between Renae and I
when we were to Married 25 yrs ago.
Renae stil havnt gotten married either.
Were almost the same in many ways..
Thats why I love her so much..

Doing this same honeysuckle for 25 yrs..and Im still getting chicks at my age..
But I rahter be with Renae...

---

Even if Liliann wants to marry me...
Lilann is in her 20..Shes drop dead
goregouse very sweet. Shes prettier
than Renae.
I have good connection with her. Went out wiht her for several months before
renae and I got together again..

I would still pick Renae
Renae is 40, now.

So..can I talk to my GF about this???
Shes in her ealry 30s..
Hell no..

So its jsut dosnt imply to people under 30 either. Why people cant stay in LTR

---

Like some say... Love somethng else
more important than women...the women will be drawn to you....

Well Renae is that something else to me. IDK.

mmm Maybe I should get in a band and rock out again? ..My music was what drew Renae to me..

 

[Mazda13bRotary]

Unfortunately or otherwise, I've found that girls who grew up without any father at all to be the least stable or predictable and swing wildly between intense commitment and no commitment whatsoever.

Age is interesting. I find that girls are most likely to look for long-term either in their teens and very early twenties, when many are still intent on romantic fantasies, or closer to thirties and past, when they're looking to get on with other aspects of life. I'm not exactly certain why, but women in their mid-twenties have been, in my experience, the most fickle.

The first two girls I dated I met online. The most recent works at a store near where I live. I never talked to her before in my life, I thought she was attractive. I avoid meeting girls in bars/clubs/parties at all costs! Went into the store where she works, smiled and said "How awkward would it be if I asked you out to dinner, right now?" She said "hmmm I'll think about it "winkyface"" then we exchanged phone numbers. A week later we were doing the dirty (bad sign!)

I'm halfway decent at reading people, unfortunately I don't follow my gut instinct most the time. I think things that I "want" to believe are true about someone. But there's definitely a correlation between what you say here, and what happens to me. The long term relationship girl was 19 had a step-father who raised her from the age of 3. Her parents fought and stuff (who doesn't in a 17 year marriage) but they were committed. The other two were from divorced families, and were not close with the father at all. One even hated her father. I have indeed noticed that girls in their mid to late 20's are the most fickel.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not only them rushing into a relationship. It was you too. Next time you feel a relationship might come about, stop and think about it. Talk about it with the person. Honestly, I see no reason for anyone to rush into a relationship, for any reason. There's nothing wrong with taking your time. Sadly, a lot of relationships do run out of gas, and it ends, and I think that's mainly because people want to rush, rush, rush and never think long-term. They want instant gratification.

 

[Kindrasaurus]

Girls know when things aren't working out. I mean I know when it isn't going to be forever with a guy. You can stay in a relationship and waste time or you can move on. Those girls weren't for you. You might have liked them and wanted to spend more time getting to know them but they obviously knew you weren't the one. Keep trying you sound like an interesting person. Dating is hard. I don't end up in an LTR with every guy I date. Find the right person takes time and patients.

 

[Luna]

Most women in the 20s that I've encountered typically are looking for long-term relationships.
I second what Kindrasaurus posted.

A week later we were doing the dirty (bad sign!)

You cannot fault women with sleeping with you early on - because you're doing it as well! You're no different than them in that aspect. It is very common for people to have sex with someone new nowadays.
If you want to be with a girl that wants to wait etc; you should wait yourself as well.
I hadn't been with anyone prior to my bf and things moved really quick because I was crazy in love...
Don't think that because some girl has sex with you early that she's a hoochie - instead she just might be really into you.

You sound like a cool guy...keep it up though and hopefully you'll meet someone great.

 

[Mazda13bRotary]

Ahh well I knew figured the most recent girl wouldn't last long. She was too good looking, oh and not to mention her tramp stamp kinda gave it away LOL. Sexy though, she was fun for that month...I miss her a little bit at times. Although she did inform me, multiple times, that I'm the most well endowed guy "down there" she'd ever had. "Like comparing your pinkie finger to a soda can" is how she put it....that's actually the 3rd time I've been told that come to think of it. I never really paid much attention?

As far as getting over my depression/social problems...I looked at it as a dare, a risk, a stunt so to speak. I challenged myself to be social with people. Simple stuff at first, then more detailed stuff as I got better at it. Approach them, look them in the eye, talk to them, ask them questions. I succeeded greatly. That was a long time ago it seems like, being social is much more natural to me now. Social is natural to humans, why else would there be 7 billion of us? We all have it in us! The most important part is going and doing it. Nowdays I can't go a day without being around people. Happiness is only a side effect

 

[freedom]

that's life.

 

[blackhole]

i find that most truths will be readily revealed and easily comprehended once you stop listening to what people say.

that frees up time to listen to how they say it.

words are too often used to obfuscate.

deeds never lie.

the soul of a person resides in his or her eyes.

let your gaze linger on them after the words have stopped, and see the truth clear as day.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, yeah, pretty much I think if you pause and think about it, you can figure out how safe a prospect is most of the time. Its all about observation and you seem to do well. Good luck.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Its all about getting whatever the fresia you want and going after it.
Sorting through the masses.

Theres plenty of women that wants to
bare foot N pregnant or LTR.

If you want LTR...sutdy up on it.
Plenty of books and information
of how to form and built a LTR

If you wanna bang a different chcik
everynight...do that
Plenty of informations on that too.

 

[jjam]

i find that most truths will be readily revealed and easily comprehended once you stop listening to what people say.

that frees up time to listen to how they say it.

words are too often used to obfuscate.

deeds never lie.

the soul of a person resides in his or her eyes.

let your gaze linger on them after the words have stopped, and see the truth clear as day.

YES!