I
IceCastles
Guest
In a nutshell, I was young and bought a house with a family member. I wanted to gain *independence* but instead was verbally and emotionally abused for many years. Early on, I realized that living with this idiot family member (IFM) was a terrible decision. I didn't realize the consequences when I bought the house together...I was naive and just excited to live in a house away from my mother. Living with IFM; I had to actually run away from my own "home" and stayed longer in an unhappy relationship with my ex because it was better than sleeping at my own "home".
Me and IFM had many discussions to sell the house so we both could be happy independently. However, when those times came there were a million excuses. I assume this is because she wanted to keep me as long as possible because we were sharing all costs, all bills etc everything and she was freaked out doing it on her own for the first time at 50 years old (What the f did she do with all of her money before me?? Who knows!!). After much screaming, tears, fights she reluctantly let me go and agreed to pay me back my share.
Fast forward. she realized she can't afford it and I told her ok, pay back whatever you can...it's no problem. What does she do? Verbally abuse me and is nasty at every payment (which I've been very flexible with and was asking for less than what I've put in...told her she can even come up with the amount and let me know - I just wanted her to try). But I just couldn't handle the last barrage of abusive emails and attitude. I just have had enough abuse and have cut her off. She's all happy and dandy now.
It pisses me off so greatly because I feel so stupid...SO, SO, SO stupid. I am a very honest person to a fault. I should have packed up my bags and let the house foreclosure. But no, I kept paying into it because I am very responsible and couldn't imagine doing that to her. I know some people might suggest I go to small claims etc but I am not the type of person to sue my own family even if I could win. It's not even about the money but all these years...I feel like she used me. She would call me in the middle of the night screaming at me to do things despite being an adult and having my own life and schedule. Whenever I helped it became an obligation. She often did not thank me for help but had an attitude like "you're supposed to do everything I say". It carried on for many years because I would just comply so I didn't set off her temper. I am a peaceful person and I just want to keep the peace.
I was truly suffering before I moved in with her - I was abused by classmates and others all of my life; then to come home to more verbal and emotional abuse - it's insanity. Obviously I had depression and she would say very hurtful things like if I suicide, "that's YOUR problem " with an eyeroll. I always struggled to be happy and she would put me down and say things like I'm not a happy person cause I'm a miserable b****.
I've tried hard to keep my relationship but I feel so much built-up anger...I feel so mad at myself. I am not as well off financially as I would have been if I didn't make this foolish mistake. But I am more angry about how I was treated and why did I put up with it...I was so incredibly lonely but too unconfident and scared to truly "make it out on my own".
My feelings of anger have turned to hate. I think I hate her. I really do. I wish I didn't feel this way...but I am so angry I'm not even sure if I'll ever willingly talk to her again. I feel very conflicted because I just want one big happy family but I feel like there's no point to keep her in my life.
What's your story?
Me and IFM had many discussions to sell the house so we both could be happy independently. However, when those times came there were a million excuses. I assume this is because she wanted to keep me as long as possible because we were sharing all costs, all bills etc everything and she was freaked out doing it on her own for the first time at 50 years old (What the f did she do with all of her money before me?? Who knows!!). After much screaming, tears, fights she reluctantly let me go and agreed to pay me back my share.
Fast forward. she realized she can't afford it and I told her ok, pay back whatever you can...it's no problem. What does she do? Verbally abuse me and is nasty at every payment (which I've been very flexible with and was asking for less than what I've put in...told her she can even come up with the amount and let me know - I just wanted her to try). But I just couldn't handle the last barrage of abusive emails and attitude. I just have had enough abuse and have cut her off. She's all happy and dandy now.
It pisses me off so greatly because I feel so stupid...SO, SO, SO stupid. I am a very honest person to a fault. I should have packed up my bags and let the house foreclosure. But no, I kept paying into it because I am very responsible and couldn't imagine doing that to her. I know some people might suggest I go to small claims etc but I am not the type of person to sue my own family even if I could win. It's not even about the money but all these years...I feel like she used me. She would call me in the middle of the night screaming at me to do things despite being an adult and having my own life and schedule. Whenever I helped it became an obligation. She often did not thank me for help but had an attitude like "you're supposed to do everything I say". It carried on for many years because I would just comply so I didn't set off her temper. I am a peaceful person and I just want to keep the peace.
I was truly suffering before I moved in with her - I was abused by classmates and others all of my life; then to come home to more verbal and emotional abuse - it's insanity. Obviously I had depression and she would say very hurtful things like if I suicide, "that's YOUR problem " with an eyeroll. I always struggled to be happy and she would put me down and say things like I'm not a happy person cause I'm a miserable b****.
I've tried hard to keep my relationship but I feel so much built-up anger...I feel so mad at myself. I am not as well off financially as I would have been if I didn't make this foolish mistake. But I am more angry about how I was treated and why did I put up with it...I was so incredibly lonely but too unconfident and scared to truly "make it out on my own".
My feelings of anger have turned to hate. I think I hate her. I really do. I wish I didn't feel this way...but I am so angry I'm not even sure if I'll ever willingly talk to her again. I feel very conflicted because I just want one big happy family but I feel like there's no point to keep her in my life.
What's your story?