does attention equal our value?

[AaronAgassi]

Was there any observable interest in return? Did he flirt back?

 

[lonelygirl]

Yes, sadly, he did.

I think he may have been in love with some girl back in Palestine. It was some sort of doomed love affair since she was Muslim and he was Christian and never shall the twain meet.

 

[teach]

Aaron, I am the hopeless, traditional feminine, who enjoys offering the little, discrete "nudges" of suggestion.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Oh, given any interest in return, then you can seduce him if only you put your mind to it.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Back on topic: Yes, attention is value, qualatatively. http://www.FoolQuest.com

 

[teach]

Now, would my goal really be suduction as that seems rather superficial and short term.

 

[lonelygirl]

Oh, given any interest in return, then you can seduce him if only you put your mind to it.

I tried! Well, not very aggressively, but I thought I would make him fall in love with me.

GOOSE EGG.

 

[AaronAgassi]

What if you did, but never realized simply because neither of you dared break the ice?

 

[AaronAgassi]

Now, would my goal really be suduction as that seems rather superficial and short term.

Thinking makes it so. Oh yea of little faith!

 

[teach]

Aaron,

I've spent the last 8 years as a divorced woman, so I've had to be "in charge" of so much. I'm good at it, or at least can manage it, otherwise I would have easily feel into the typical trap of rebounding into a new relationship quickly after the papers were signed. Honestly, I'm tired of being in control and in charge. I may be good at it, but that doesn't mean I like being in that role. I'm a bit tired of it. I'd much rather have a guy whom I could lean on and know he's in charge and able to manage. Let me be the strong, supportive (but not always silent---okay, rarely silent, hard for me to keep my mouth shut at times) partner anyday!

 

[lonelygirl]

Aaron,

Trust me, he was not in love with me. We flirted endlessly and talked about all sorts of things, but he never asked me out. I never directly confronted him about it, but some things just aren't meant to be.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Aaron,

I've spent the last 8 years as a divorced woman, so I've had to be "in charge" of so much. I'm good at it, or at least can manage it, otherwise I would have easily feel into the typical trap of rebounding into a new relationship quickly after the papers were signed. Honestly, I'm tired of being in control and in charge. I may be good at it, but that doesn't mean I like being in that role. I'm a bit tired of it. I'd much rather have a guy whom I could lean on and know he's in charge and able to manage. Let me be the strong, supportive (but not always silent---okay, rarely silent, hard for me to keep my mouth shut at times) partner anyday!

Are you really assuming that if you ever have to take any responsibility whatsoever in initiating relationship, then the other will lack all initiative and supportive reliability with you thereafter forever? And what if he hold you up to the same expectations? If you find yourself drawn to shy men, then this will never do. You can't all be so helpless!

 

[teach]

I said that I like a man to be in control it's true I'd rather the man take the initiative, but yes, I have taken the dominant role in relationships, mainly in the beginning. I'm more drawn to men who display confidence, a good verbal "tennis" match catches my interest. If the guy is shy, but can still hold his own in a conversation, that works too. I find that shy men, when they feel safe around a girl, do open up their true personality.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Aaron,

Trust me, he was not in love with me. We flirted endlessly and talked about all sorts of things, but he never asked me out. I never directly confronted him about it, but some things just aren't meant to be.

You probably have read the cues correctly and been considerate. Nevertheless, that does not completely rule out the success of a heavier and more direct seduction. Alas, sensitivity does not always pay in dealing with the indecisive and irresponsible. The worst is that by contrast, exploitative characters will have no problem in pandering to exactly such flight from decisive responsibility. That is why so many women prefer ********! And clearly, that can also apply to Palestinians. But to keep out of bad company, drawing closer to good character is essential. What ever became of him, then?

 

[AaronAgassi]

I said that I like a man to be in control it's true I'd rather the man take the initiative, but yes, I have taken the dominant role in relationships, mainly in the beginning. I'm more drawn to men who display confidence, a good verbal "tennis" match catches my interest. If the guy is shy, but can still hold his own in a conversation, that works too. I find that shy men, when they feel safe around a girl, do open up their true personality.

How hard can it be to locate men who are more forward?

 

[teach]

That's where I think I've hit a snag. I am seeing someone now, content in what's going on with it, but nothing more. He's more of an exclusive friend, we date, hold hands, but I don't see it going much further, unless he steps up. We've been seeing eachother on a friend basis and then more for the last six years. I've made attempts to step it up, doesn't work with him. I know I could always end it, but I wonder why bother. I like him, love him, like the fact that we definitely have a friendship, which is more than many have, but I'm also content to live in my own space. Unfortunately, I find myself more content as the years creep on.

What about you, Aaron? You've never mentioned your own status of friendships or relationship ideals.

 

[AaronAgassi]

First of all, clearly "stepping it up" just doesn't cut it. Yet if you are truly intent upon seduction, I expect that you will succeed. Which might certainly be worth it, given someone you do so care for.

Otherwise, I repeat: How hard can it be to locate men who are more forward? Or are you attracted only to shy men?


And, yes, what about me? I have no life! And as for my ideals of friendship, which I have utterly failed even to raise discussion on the very forum, just click on the "explanation" link at http://www.FoolQuest.com

 

[kermithomer]

Kermit, your awareness of the self-esteem issue being motivated, or lead, by the media rather than your own doing, means you haven't internalized it as being your fault, or something you did to cause members of the opposite sex not to fall all over themselves for your attention. That being said, it doesn't prevent us from being disappointed in those who follow that media belief and miss out on wonderful human connections and relationships because the persond doesn't fit the media "ideal". Kermit, I'm going with the assumption that you are male (only because of the id name). If that's the case, I'm going to suggest that you try and follow another time-tested popular "norm" (sorry Aaron, another typical "common wisdom") and be the man who totally courts a woman you're interested in. Be the guy who shows the real romantic side (this is not the disgusting, sloppy, sex-riddled type, this is the old-fashioned romance). Will it work on the woman you chose, who knows. If not, find another you are intersted in. (dating with real style rather than just to date). You will find a woman who becomes completely enraptured by your show of romance, and will have the same returned to you.

hey,
Actually no, Im female, I just really like the muppets but its still good advice - thanks

 

[AaronAgassi]

Since Miss Piggy is a drag queeen, I suppose that works out.

 

[teach]

First of all, clearly "stepping it up" just doesn't cut it. Yet if you are truly intent upon seduction, I expect that you will succeed. Which might certainly be worth it, given someone you do so care for.


That could be my problem. Apparently I am not intent upon seduction, yet, as I am content with the stage we are at. Should my contentment change, I'll let you know of the success.

Otherwise, I repeat: How hard can it be to locate men who are more forward? Or are you attracted only to shy men?

I've found a lot of men, during my dating, who are forward, but only forward with physical intentions, not forward with conversation, politeness, etc. Big turn off.


And, yes, what about me? I have no life! And as for my ideals of friendship, which I have utterly failed even to raise discussion on the very forum, just click on the "explanation" link at http://www.FoolQuest.com

You have highly impressive writing skills. Have you ever been able to make the friendship connections you describe, have you seen then exist at all?