Don't think I am ever going to get a girlfriend

[AaronAgassi]

Thanks very much, Josh, for taking my comments in their intended spirit and trying to clear things up when I really didn't know what to say anymore.

And do let me know if you care to give my suggestions a try, Josh.

Anyone else is still welcome as well. I will not hold a grudge for a silly misunderstanding if they won't. It happens all the time!

 

[keeper]

Hi Josh and AaronAgassi,
actually what Josh says about social patterns and social interactions is the same I thought: the point is that first I have to outline my social patterns and social interactions I have in a normal day. This is what my investigations will comprise.
Now, what's the point at writing "I don't think you get it"? It was implicit in my reply that first I would have gathered some information by investigating, then I eventually could have shared the results.
I hope everything is clear now.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Sorry, keeper, I didn't gather that assembling the information would be that arduous or need to be so complete from the start. I must have assumed that we could take it piece by piece as we go. -To examine whatever strategic potential in each daily interaction or ongoing personal contact as it comes to mind for you. - To try to delve any deeper together, than what might come to mind just by yourself. That is what I'd take to be the meaning of investigation beyond mere recollection and compilation. But by all means, do proceed however is most comfortable for you.

 

[Josh]

Hi Josh and AaronAgassi,
actually what Josh says about social patterns and social interactions is the same I thought: the point is that first I have to outline my social patterns and social interactions I have in a normal day. This is what my investigations will comprise.
Now, what's the point at writing "I don't think you get it"? It was implicit in my reply that first I would have gathered some information by investigating, then I eventually could have shared the results.
I hope everything is clear now.

Ah guess was just a big misunderstanding not a big deal at all though glad we got it worked out guess I might even give it a try but you guys are going to think my life is sad once I do.

 

[Josh]

Well to start I am just going to post pretty much what my week looks like and possible social interactions

Monday 8-10:30 I go to school have biochemistry
10:30-7ish I work at pharmacy
7-ish till bedtime I generaly do homework or watch a bit of tv if have time

Tuesday 8-10:30 I go to school have Ethics
10:30-7ish I work at pharmacy
7-ish till bedtime I generaly do homework or watch a bit of tv if have time

Wenesday 8-10:30 I go to school have biochemistry
from 10:30 to about 1ish I do homework
1ish to 3 I have free time usally spent playing video games or tv again
3-11 I work as a security gaurd at state liquour store

thursday Tuesday 8-10:30 I go to school have Ethics
10:30-7ish I work at pharmacy
7-ish till bedtime I generaly do homework or watch a bit of tv if have time

Friday I generaly sleep in till 10
10:30-7ish I work at pharmacy
7-ish till bedtime I generaly do homework or watch a bit of tv if have time

Saturday I generaly sleep in till whatever time I have
Once I wake up I try to find anyway to kill time till 3
3-11 Work as a security gaurd at state liquour store

Sunday The worst day for me always I generaly try and do homework and study but never have enough to keep my busy so end up watching a few movies on sundays.

Now as you can tell I have a decent routine down. I don't stray from it often only things out of usall I do is I do generaly eat out every day but most time its at work. Every other sunday I got shopping for whatever I need at walmart. Every other friday I cash my paycheck. At school I have been with same people for a while now and 0 women in my class's that are availible. At work everyone is much older then me and married so once again no chance. Otherwise I pretty much keep to my self and stay at home alot.

If need want more info or me to clarify anything just ask and hopefully none of you think I am too much of a loser I just like my routine.

 

[AaronAgassi]

What I am looking for are the routine interactions with any other specific individuals. Also any established relationships. All such may offer social networking opportunities. Maybe we can discover any hope more serious then chatting up strangers in a bar.

 

[Josh]

What I am looking for are the routine interactions with any other specific individuals. Also any established relationships. All such may offer social networking opportunities. Maybe we can discover any hope more serious then chatting up strangers in a bar.

Well think you probaly have already found my problem then minus what I need to say to people at school or work I probaly say less then 10 words a day. I can't honestly think of anyone I have social interactions with other then for work or school purposes

 

[AaronAgassi]

Then let's get those ten words. And definitely, yes, I am asking about your routine work and school interactions. I propose to brainstorm how they might be better cultivated for further opportunities and connections.

 

[Josh]

Then let's get those ten words. And definitely, yes, I am asking about your routine work and school interactions. I propose to brainstorm how they might be better cultivated for further opportunities and connections.

hmm ok Well at school I sometimes talk to one other person thats been in program with me for a really long time. We generaly just talk about school or sometimes she asks me about my interenship since she wants to go there when I am done.

At work as security gaurd I do sometimes talk with a couple of my boss's they generaly just kind of harass me since I am so ornery it is generaly just in good fun though.

At my work at the pharmacy I sometimes will talk to other workers they generaly just ask me stuff about my self I tell them and then its done though sometimes me and pharmasists get into decent discusions though.

 

[AaronAgassi]

It might be fruitful actually to help that girl fill out her internship application and in making informational interviews.

Ask your security bosses for help in seeking a promotion.

Schedule a potluck lunch with your pharmacy co-workers, as a way to eat better and save money. Each of you should bring in a big Tupperware full of something simple, homemade and tasty! You might even bring in a sample snack to share as an enticement...

All of these can become closer relationships, as well as vectors to new contacts and favors owed.

How's that for a start?

Whereas haunting bars and trawling bookstore cafes is endless and open ended, each of these overtures constitutes only quite specific and limited effort.

 

[Josh]

It might be fruitful actually to help that girl fill out her internship application and in making informational interviews.

Ask your security bosses for help in seeking a promotion.

Schedule a potluck lunch with your pharmacy co-workers, as a way to eat better and save money. Each of you should bring in a big Tupperware full of something simple, homemade and tasty! You might even bring in a sample snack to share as an enticement...

All of these can become closer relationships, as well as vectors to new contacts and favors owed.

How's that for a start?

Whereas haunting bars and trawling bookstore cafes is endless and open ended, each of these overtures constitutes only quite specific and limited effort.

I really don't want to be Mr negative but the girl that wants same internship is married and like 15 years older then me.

At my security job I am on the edge of being fired because I pretty much hate the job and once I get done with my internship going back to working as a tech in a pharmacy so only have like one month left at this crappy job.

At my internship I only have one month left and they all are atleast 20 years older then me so kind of hard to really get to know them.

But I promise I will try and take your advice maybe next lunch at internship I will try to get to know people better( we get a lot of free lunches from drug reps)

 

[AaronAgassi]

Your classmate might not qualify as a suitable sexual prospect herself, but perhaps she might offer other suitable introductions if she owed you a favor. What do you think?

Those free lunches are all about networking. Is there anyone with experience who you could turn for advice on how to maximize the opportunity?

Maybe you might still consider trying to schedule that pot-luck before you go.

 

[Josh]

Your classmate might not qualify as a suitable sexual prospect herself, but perhaps she might offer other suitable introductions if she owed you a favor. What do you think?

Those free lunches are all about networking. Is there anyone with experience who you could turn for advice on how to maximize the opportunity?

Maybe you might still consider trying to schedule that pot-luck before you go.

hmm maybe you are right should atleast try to get to know classmate and about the potluck dinner I just think that is kind of below most the people in the pharmacy most of them tend to eat at very nice places so would be kind of low class for them. I just say this because I once said something about going to wendy's to eat and was kind of looked at like they couldn't belive I ate there. Guess people start to change what and where they eat when they make $120,000+ a year.

Still though thanks for all and any advice really trying not to shoot anything down.

 

[AaronAgassi]

By all means, do try to shoot ideas down, because we want to narrow and optemize tactics.

To wit: Pot-luck may yet pass as upscale, depending upon what you bring in as the enticement sample viand. People who make more money, may also be inspired to cook better!

And again, networking those free lunches is a sophisticated skill. So, is there anyone experienced for you to consult?

 

[Josh]

By all means, do try to shoot ideas down, because we want to narrow and optemize tactics.

To wit: Pot-luck may yet pass as upscale, depending upon what you bring in as the enticement sample viand. People who make more money, may also be inspired to cook better!

And again, networking those free lunches is a sophisticated skill. So, is there anyone experienced for you to consult?

The lunches aren't really about networking generaly a drug rep will talk to us about a certain drug he sells us and either what it does or if something new is coming out. Usally the rep would try and sell us more or something different but due to circumstances of where I work we pretty much buy everything and they aren't trying to sell us much so it is just a courtesy lunch.

I have started thinking maybe my problem is my social network is so small and I should try and expand it somehow but no clue how could do that.

 

[AaronAgassi]

The only thought that comes to me is that if you can't cultivate or branch out from your existing contacts at all, the means needs must be by using the roles you currently play in order to provide pretext for outreach. Otherwise, strategy must either be more random or new roles must be established or even contrived. I wonder of there are any richer and more stimulating corporate or academic social environments for you to enter.

 

[forsakenfornow]

LG That was really good advice!

 

[Josh]

I have started to try some of these things and I think I have found my problem I can't talk to other people about non work things anymore I really can't keep or even really get a conversation going. So I think till I learn this I am screwed and don't see any real way of just learning this so I might just be done for.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Would you mind spelling out just in any clearer and more specific detail, exactly what attempts you have actually made?

Indeed, when you try to strike up conversation, do you falter or do they loose interest? If the problem is on your end, just a shyness issue, then we've identified your stumbling block for you to deal with. You can seek therapy or even simply take drama or public speaking, or participate in a debating society.

Also consider:
Is your despair caused by your difficulty in conversation, or vice versa, is your mood actually blocking you from interaction? And if so, from whence does your distress actually originally originate?

 

[Josh]

Would you mind spelling out just in any clearer and more specific detail, exactly what attempts you have actually made?

Indeed, when you try to strike up conversation, do you falter or do they loose interest? If the problem is on your end, just a shyness issue, then we've identified your stumbling block for you to deal with. You can seek therapy or even simply take drama or public speaking, or participate in a debating society.

Also consider:
Is your despair caused by your difficulty in conversation, or vice versa, is your mood actually blocking you from interaction? And if so, from whence does your distress actually originally originate?

I don't know what my problem is other then it just seems I can not start up much of a conversation or keep on going ever.

I thank you for your help but I think I am just going to give up this seems like way to big of a task for me to try and do I just can't seem to be able to figure it out. You always hear that there is just some things people aren't good at.