Doubts...

[Shygirl]

Hi,

I just joined this forum but I need somewhere to get this out or I’ll implode so here goes.

I met this guy a year ago at a forum. He asked me to come over to his forum and moderate so I took up that job. It was really fun and we started spending more and more time together. We were miles apart geographically but we spent so much time online that before I knew it I had feelings for him. It was a relief when he reciprocated. So it was a long distance relationship but we had so much in common and conversation was always there as was communication.

Well, things progressed and we decided to meet. We met early this year and had a really good month together. We were intimate too. He went back in his country because of work and we have been in touch pretty much every night via IM.

This is where things become complicated. There is a PM account on the forum that moderators use, it’s a common account and we each check this and respond to member inquiries. I checked it because he was offline for a bit. I found a message in there that shocked me. It was from one of the female members of the forum. She was always interested in him and flirted openly on the forum. I didn’t think much of the flirting after all some flirtation is good for the forum. The email pretty much said that she ‘missed him’ because he was offline. There were other things in there that indicated their relationship was anything but plutonic. I know he’s cybering with her.

I don’t know whether I should be shocked, sad or mad, but something inside me broke. He knows how I feel about cheating, and emotional cheating is much worse from my point of view. He also knows that all he needs is to tell me he wants a break if he wants out. We talked about that in the beginning. I feel like a complete fool now. The worst of it is that I still have feelings for him. But at the same time I feel that there is nowhere we could go after this. I don't deserve that.

He IMed me last night (I didn’t feel like being online), I replied to his IM with just forum stuff. He’s going to know something is off with me soon. I don’t know whether I should ask him what’s going on or just move on and get out of there...

If you were in this situation what would you do?
:club:

 

[Tramp]

I would confront him (or her in my case, as I'm not into men). I would want to make sure that my hunch is right.

Unfortunately, people lie...

 

[EveWasFramed]

Hi,

I just joined this forum but I need somewhere to get this out or I’ll implode so here goes.

I met this guy a year ago at a forum. He asked me to come over to his forum and moderate so I took up that job. It was really fun and we started spending more and more time together. We were miles apart geographically but we spent so much time online that before I knew it I had feelings for him. It was a relief when he reciprocated. So it was a long distance relationship but we had so much in common and conversation was always there as was communication.

Well, things progressed and we decided to meet. We met early this year and had a really good month together. We were intimate too. He went back in his country because of work and we have been in touch pretty much every night via IM.

This is where things become complicated. There is a PM account on the forum that moderators use, it’s a common account and we each check this and respond to member inquiries. I checked it because he was offline for a bit. I found a message in there that shocked me. It was from one of the female members of the forum. She was always interested in him and flirted openly on the forum. I didn’t think much of the flirting after all some flirtation is good for the forum. The email pretty much said that she ‘missed him’ because he was offline. There were other things in there that indicated their relationship was anything but plutonic. I know he’s cybering with her.

I don’t know whether I should be shocked, sad or mad, but something inside me broke. He knows how I feel about cheating, and emotional cheating is much worse from my point of view. He also knows that all he needs is to tell me he wants a break if he wants out. We talked about that in the beginning. I feel like a complete fool now. The worst of it is that I still have feelings for him. But at the same time I feel that there is nowhere we could go after this. I don't deserve that.

He IMed me last night (I didn’t feel like being online), I replied to his IM with just forum stuff. He’s going to know something is off with me soon. I don’t know whether I should ask him what’s going on or just move on and get out of there...

If you were in this situation what would you do?
:club:

Hello there. Im sorry that you have been hurt.
In answer to your question, well, you already answered it. ANd I quote, " :club: " lol

What a dirt bag. He doesn't deserve you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I been on the giving end and the recieving in of internet love stuff
It's bad jooo...joooo all the way the around

I do undertand about emotional infidelity. yeap..it hurts like hell ..cheating is cheating.
That's a part of a reason why my life is mess today.

My ex-gf had a gambling problem. To me she was cheating on me already.
She love the **** steel slots more than she love me...so we seperate for a while, while.
So i signed up to a forum to get some help.
Then Jocelyne PM me...just little chat here and there...but over time
she and I flirted and fell in love. Just ask my boss...He got sent a $1500 phone bill
one month beucase I use to talk to her all day at work
I was on a rebound.

Anyway my ex-gf and i got back together. She got sober and stop gambling
for a while...the day she relapsed...whamm bammm is the day I call or e-mail
Joyclyne again. I still kept in contact with Jocelyne and had a lot of feelings for her.
It drove my ex-gf crazy which drove us even further apart.

In the mean time my ex-gf continue to retreat into her addiction and gambling further and further.
I know I'm not responisble for her gambling problem..but ARRGGGGG that's my dirty side of the street.
She confronted me many, many, many time...i deny it of course.
It drover her up the freaken wall. She'll come home with all kinds of print outs from google serch.
She started obsessiving over it. She knew who Jocelyne was after a while and started calling her from my cell..

She even kept images and e-mail files of Joyclyne in her purse until the day we broke up. Which was
5 years later. That's how much Sherry was hurted or missed trusted me.
Or her on-line lover gave her tools of how to detach from me.
She had a lot more than that...come to think of it.
I knew she was flirting with someone on line while i was at work.
I might be crazy...but I'm not stupid.

I also hurted Jocelyne in the process.

i had sherry's body and jocelyne's emotions...fresia !!!!


Trust...when that trust is broken...it is very,very hard to get it back.

errr...it would take me all night for me to write my ex's dirty side of her street..

 

[Minus]

I don’t know whether I should ask him what’s going on or just move on and get out of there...

I felt compelled to ask what was going on. Just seemed like it needed done. Got the typical lies that you receive in that type situation and moved on. Yeah, like it actually goes that easily.

I am sorry that you are going through this. No one perfect path. We just do our best. I hope it comes out okay for you.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

I would confront him (or her in my case, as I'm not into men). I would want to make sure that my hunch is right.

Unfortunately, people lie...

I agree and that is so true. Especially when it comes talking to people online. I've met the worst of the worst and I have to say that he seems like someone who is cut from that same cloth.

You can do more investigating or just ask him, BUT if your intuition is going wild and deep down you just don't feel right then leave. Just don't bother with such a sleaze.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Personally, I'd just leave him alone for a bit. If he wants to know what might be off with you, then he can inquire about it. Don't chase him around. You're not his pet dog.

 

[Unacceptance]

Learn from it.

 

[Shygirl]

Thank you all for your points of view... I appreciate it. And I feel for those who've gone thru this kinda thing. It sux big time.

This is (was) my first online relationship... I know for sure he is cybering from that PM so there is really no point in asking him about it is there... He is the owner of the forum but I do all the coding, updates as well as keeping the peace... I love the place and there are people there who I absolutely adore... He knows that and I suppose he's been taking me for granted because I'm always there when there is a crisis. I just don't know how I didn't see this coming.

You know what, everytime I've logged on today she's there, and boy does that make me mad... So I just log right out. Maybe I should ban her lol... but nah, she'll get the same treatment in the end anyways... Then again who knows whether he told her he had a gf... in which case poor her...

I have left him alone, my messengers are off... He sent an offline IM (I have to check my IM from time to time for other stuff) asking me if we're up for drinks. We normally have a couple of drinks while working on the site on weekends and I told him to go ask his new girlfriend (oops!)... No reply yet for that so I'm guessing that's that... or he's thinking up some story... or is offline...

It is a tripple edged sword if there is such a thing... I lose a friend/bf, I lose my other friends on the forum cos I just can't be there when she is, and I lose my hobby... Wow...

So, learn from it I shall...

 

[SophiaGrace]

geez, what an ass. He gets you wrapped around his finger emotionally and then does this crap to you. -_-

i'd confront him with the PM and ask him to explain.

Not sure what you should do after that since I am not the one that knows him.

But what he did was wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

You deserve to be treated better

 

[Steel]

I would confront him. It gives him a chance to put his side of things, and then, perhaps, you can decide where to go from there.

 

[Shygirl]

I confronted him... mostly because he was IMing me as if everything was normal.

He said she was coming after him... that she recently got divorced and was lonely. He said they chatted on IM a couple of times but now she's become clingy... whatever... Chatting and cybering are two different things.

I told him I don't share. He doesn't seem to think this is a big deal cos he keeps IMing me about stuff and he was extra nice and funny which just made me wanna ask if he's feeling guilty about something lol.

And what do you know, there's the little tramp online already. LOL she'd changed her custom title to "His Naughty Girl"... before it was just 'Naughty girl'. I think I'm going to go and have myself a good laugh now... the whole thing is petty pathetic really...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

lmao...sometimes you don't know whether to laugh or to cry over stuff like that.
It feels better to laugh though.

 

[Minus]

Yeah minimize and deny. Use the infamous "we are just friends".
I'm sorry, that sounds crappy.

 

[whyme]

Hi

What he did was wrong , however you know have the option to either forgive him and move on or forget him and get over him -

Kind Regards

 

[yai]

What an ass.

I have been involved in the whole internet relationship thing, and let me tell you - it sucks. 7 years I was friends with this guy and he used me, tricked me, lied to me, broke my heart, a bunch of shitty things. I forgave him over and over again during the course of our friendship (yeah, it was a friendship and I'm glad it was.. Just to imagine if it crossed the relationship line - It would have been a mess) and after a year or two of things being mellow and talking every couple of months he drove up to see me when I went to Comic-Con to work for a friend. We hung out for a day and wandered around a mall. It was incredibly awkward at first but eh, meeting him made me realize how stupid I was for getting so caught up in his petty bullshit when I was younger. (He's 7 years older than me, too, so eh)

Things will get better, I promise. I'm really sorry. I've had bad experiences with internet stuff and in general people just can't be trusted sometimes. It's a shame that you wasted a month with this guy. If he's doing everything you're saying he's doing he is NOT worth your time and you deserve a hell of a lot better.