aspalas
Well-known member
Just some background information; around a year ago I was using harddrugs on a regular basis, I've never been addicted tho. This issue/story/warning is about ecstacy in particular. I used to use it 2 to 4 times a month. What it does is make you extremely euphoric for a short time, depleting a large amount of serotonin, which is the stuff in your brain that makes you happy and takes 2 to 3 months to "refill".
I haven't used it for over 5 months now, and haven't been using it on a regular basis for about 9 months, but it still keeps haunting me. The "come downs", when the effects wear off, and the days and weeks after using it became extremely unpleasent for me after using it so much; simply because there was no more stuff that made me happy left in my brain, and on top of that I've been having a lot of problems with myself, my family and my overall emotions.
I felt like nothing, not even the most joyful and happy scenario, could make me happy anymore. I used to be more depressed than I could ever imagine while driving back home from parties in the early morning, and sometimes feel like an empty bag of total despair for days or weeks. What does this have to do with my situation now?
I can't help but to be reminded of these times every single day, and especially when I go out ( even tho I don't take any drugs anymore and I am convinced I will never do it again in my entire life). Everything reminds me of those horrible, horrible times. Driving home in the same city, same streets, same weather. Occasionally being at the same clubs, or even sitting in my same old house can force me to remember and in a way experience those aweful times again. I can't seem to escape from it, and it sucks every last bit of happiness out of the things I used to enjoy; going out, listening to music I like and already liked at the time, just thinking about this phase in my life, in which I had a lot to endure anyway, makes me go completely nuts every once in a while. The only thing that's different now is that I'm proud of myself for not using the stuff anymore, and knowing I won't actually have to go trough it again. This keeps me calm and helps me keep my feet on the ground.
It still bugs me though; it changed me and even tho I don't like to admit it, I regret I've ever used anything in the first place. I messed so much things up because of it, I regret not staying at home playing video games to be honest, even if it sounds pathetic ( at least, it does sound a little pathetic to me). I'm someone who doesn't accepts wrong choices I made in the past easily, so I can't really let go of it... I wish I could.
I just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm not always feeling so bad about this as I do now, so don't worry about me. The main reason why I wrote this is to warn everyone for it. Please, for the love of god, never do drugs. I know many people don't suffer from is as much as I did/do, but believe me, it's not worth the risk.
I haven't used it for over 5 months now, and haven't been using it on a regular basis for about 9 months, but it still keeps haunting me. The "come downs", when the effects wear off, and the days and weeks after using it became extremely unpleasent for me after using it so much; simply because there was no more stuff that made me happy left in my brain, and on top of that I've been having a lot of problems with myself, my family and my overall emotions.
I felt like nothing, not even the most joyful and happy scenario, could make me happy anymore. I used to be more depressed than I could ever imagine while driving back home from parties in the early morning, and sometimes feel like an empty bag of total despair for days or weeks. What does this have to do with my situation now?
I can't help but to be reminded of these times every single day, and especially when I go out ( even tho I don't take any drugs anymore and I am convinced I will never do it again in my entire life). Everything reminds me of those horrible, horrible times. Driving home in the same city, same streets, same weather. Occasionally being at the same clubs, or even sitting in my same old house can force me to remember and in a way experience those aweful times again. I can't seem to escape from it, and it sucks every last bit of happiness out of the things I used to enjoy; going out, listening to music I like and already liked at the time, just thinking about this phase in my life, in which I had a lot to endure anyway, makes me go completely nuts every once in a while. The only thing that's different now is that I'm proud of myself for not using the stuff anymore, and knowing I won't actually have to go trough it again. This keeps me calm and helps me keep my feet on the ground.
It still bugs me though; it changed me and even tho I don't like to admit it, I regret I've ever used anything in the first place. I messed so much things up because of it, I regret not staying at home playing video games to be honest, even if it sounds pathetic ( at least, it does sound a little pathetic to me). I'm someone who doesn't accepts wrong choices I made in the past easily, so I can't really let go of it... I wish I could.
I just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm not always feeling so bad about this as I do now, so don't worry about me. The main reason why I wrote this is to warn everyone for it. Please, for the love of god, never do drugs. I know many people don't suffer from is as much as I did/do, but believe me, it's not worth the risk.