Dumped my girlfriend...now lonely & depressed

[DrFlashman]

I'm 31 and live in the midwest. About 2 or 3 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend (for the second time, but the first breakup was v. brief). I was okay for the first three weeks, but then I started to regret it and have been miserable ever since. The weird thing is, I'm usually not an emotionally needy or lonely person, or didn't think I was. I've always prided myself on being self-sustaining and not needing anyone. I've spent a lot of my life alone, and was fine with that. But it's like she awakened something in me, some need, and now I can't go back to the way I was.

I have friends, I have a job, I have outside interests, I've even gone on a few dates since then, but none of those things can divert me from the fact I miss her and am lonely without her.

What I wonder is: am I just lonely and missing the companionship, the sex, the nice things she used to do for me? Or am I genuinely missing HER? Or is there a difference?

Furthermore, I've made a few feeble attempts to contact her, but she hasn't responded. Once she responded but it was in a way that didn't really lead to a conversation. I feel like she might've already moved on, and that makes me even sadder.

Should I just be a "Man" and let this go? Or should I write to her, call her, etc. and tell her how I feel? I'm really confused and just can't let this go. This is the worst breakup I've ever been through (and I've had a few.)

Any ideas or thoughts?

 

[nerdygirl]

You are probably missing all of it- her, the sex, and the companionship. There were good things about her, or you wouldn't have had a relationship in the first place. Just remember that the things that led to the end of your relationship still exist. Letting both of you move on isn't being "a man". It's just doing what is probably the right thing.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, even if you contact her, wanting her back, she may not want you back. I understand you might think you made a mistake letting her go, but the truth is, that's what you did. Let her go. And personally, I know what it's like being on her side. My ex let me go, and even though we recently talked, my feelings have changed. I still care about him, but I don't want him anymore.

So don't just expect her to come running back, even if you make an effort. She may or may not have moved on exactly, but feeling the fact that you have broken up with her. I don't know the reason why, you didn't say, but it hurts both people when a relationship is broken up.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Sex is part of companionship ^_^; I know I miss the we'd most of all.

Anyway, if she was not devastated by the break up. Chances are you killed what attraction she had to you. You are also giving her all the power by wanting her back. I have read that female prefer to be chased during the relationship not after.

If you really want her back one way you might take is to change. Pick up a new hobby, change your wardrobe a bit, get a new job. You have extinguished whatever fire drew her to you initially. So start a new one.

Personally I say replace her. If you broke up with her on a whim. Then you will likely do it again. I say figure out why you broke up with her. Remember that and find another female to have sex with.