Every other guy is so good-looking

[Pomato]

Well not every other guy. But a lot of other guys around my age, 20, are. It just struck me today when I was looking at the fb profile of this girl I had a crush on this year (in college). She was commenting on a photo of one of her high school friends, this really good looking, square-jawed, well-proportioned guy, who just happened to be on jet skis, making him look even cooler. They were all laughing about how tanned his arms were or something, but she commented on how muscular they looked. And I thought, yeah hey they do, don't they? Wow that's got to be attractive. Then I realized basically ALL her guy friends (some who she dated) from high school are pretty tall/handsome/good-looking.

And I'm totally not anything like that lol. Maybe I have an okay face, but **** the rest of my body is kind of a mess. I think I have something of a hunch back (have been told by my mom it's "bad posture"), and a very skinny build. On top of that my forearms and legs are super-hairy. Which looks terrible in a t-shirt (skinny, hairy arms; WHAT is that, a chimp??) So yeah, this whole thing just stuck out to me because at one point I actually basically let her know I had a crush on her. And I can just imagine what was going through her mind: "WOW. Is he serious? He's a nice friend, but WHY would he think I'd be attracted to him??? Doesn't he know he's a skinny hairy hunchback guy? I mean all MY guy friends from before didn't look like this. All my previous bfs were OBVIOUSLY NOT below average! Wow! I guess some people don't really know what they look like..."

Not saying she thought that literally. But like, I'm sure she'd agree to what I just said there for some reason.

Idk why I'm posting really. Just my self-hating thought of the day lol. But **** that guy on jet skis looked pretty **** cute/handsome/muscular/cool. Think her last bf was like him too...

 

[IgnoredOne]

Don't get too down on yourself. Focus on what qualities you have, and yes, you can also work on your physical appearance as well. If she's entirely focused on looks, then you might be out of the running, but I wouldn't just drop out like that. I'm anything but good looking in the normal sense, but I've done well enough, I would say - just focus on what qualities which make you uniquely proud of yourself.

 

[Pomato]

Thanks for the advice. But it just makes me think about the situation further. Why WOULDN'T she entirely focused on looks to begin with? Shouldn't that be the standard that she judges first. Am I physically attracted to this guy or not? And if her body chemistry/brain/whatever tells her "no" then what the fresia does it matter how smart or funny I am? You know? I mean honestly as a man I understand that that's how we view women a lot of the time. If I think a girl is unattractive because in my view she's too chubby/tall/whatever, then I'm not going to focus on anything else as a second point of attraction. It doesn't matter if she's hilarious. Sure, maybe we can have a beautiful friendship that can last 20 years, but the fact is still the cold hard truth that I wouldn't go out with her because she was not good-looking enough for my standards. So basically what you're saying is, don't worry if you're ugly, you'll find a girl with lower standards in physical attractiveness (maybe because she's not too great looking herself), or a girl who MAYBE just MAYBE will overlook your strange hunchback and hairiness because you said something funny. Idk, I always just find it hard to ignore what I see as cold empirical truth...

 

[VanillaCreme]

Attraction is so different to different people though. It's not a cut and paste process for everyone. Sure she may find this guy attractive, but she may be attracted to someone else. I think some guys are good looking, but I'm not into them that way. Thinking someone looks nice is simply that. It's a compliment. I personally don't like muscles, and there are many females who think that way as well.

Also, looks don't mean everything. It's sad that today's society focuses so much on it. People can grow on you, and you can start to have feelings for someone who's not so attractive by standards. I believe personality matters more than looks.

 

[Pomato]

Well can you tell me of any girls who prefer scrawnier guys who happen to have bad posture and skinny arms with very dark visible hair? No? Because I'm asking you to make out with a chimpanzee right? I thought so. Everyone has their standards they won't fall below. Just like if you're a 350 lbs woman it's not simply going to be about finding the guy who "likes women like that".

---

I also don't understand how personality can "matter more" in attraction. It's all brain chemistry. You have to fulfill the physical needs of the other person first, and they can't consciously decide if you're good enough and neither can you. So if you've got unattractive features because genetic variation chose that you shall be ugly, then you just have to find ugly people or something. And then get together and have hateful sex. Because there are some things people just won't be attracted to. Like hair on my lower back as well. What is that about? I'm not 53 or anything. Just born that way. So fresia me eh? And it's hilarious how I'm embarrassed about this too. Embarrassed about genetics. Wtf is that about. Probably means I'm weak and should accept my ugliness and find prostitutes with clean-AIDS certificates. Wow.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Do you really have a hunchback?

Women, fortunately for us, don't usually judge as much on looks as men do, in my experience but on the flip side, this means they expect a lot more than just looking good.

It says a lot about your mental state that you consider yourself a chimpanzee - its a bit of intentional self-deprecation, and unfortunately, that knocks the most attractive trait that you could have: confidence. Confidence is incredibly important, not only for dating, but for everything else. If you don't believe in yourself, its hard to get someone else to believe in you.

I'm pretty skinny and I can't really brawn up obviously; I'm strong but my muscles are subdued thanks to my overall body plan. And you know what? I like it. Like I mentioned to another poster, being slim and slender was the way many fencers were and I'm completely happy not to look burly and ungainly. Its really how you perceive yourself, and in your perception, guide others in how to perceive you.

 

[Pomato]

No I guess I don't have a hunchback literally. But my neck sticks out and my shoulders are kind of curled, so I look like some guy "who sits in front of the computer too much" (what my parents have told me when I asked them about it once) or something. Or maybe it's worse. Can't tell because I'm unfortunately not that great at figuring out the exact extent of my weirdness (find something new every day! Hooray!). And I have considered that view though. That women don't look so much at how a guy looks. But in general people like me with this kind of terminal arm hair and weird posture aren't around where I live that much (I live/grew up in Canada, where most people are white and not as hairy as brown people), so I don't see why any girl shouldn't discount me to begin with. It feels like walking into the game already handicapped, you know? Like if I had a lazy-eye or something. First I'd have to get them to not get creeped out BY THAT before moving onto confidence or flirting.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well can you tell me of any girls who prefer scrawnier guys who happen to have bad posture and skinny arms with very dark visible hair? No? Because I'm asking you to make out with a chimpanzee right? I thought so. Everyone has their standards they won't fall below. Just like if you're a 350 lbs woman it's not simply going to be about finding the guy who "likes women like that".

---

I also don't understand how personality can "matter more" in attraction. It's all brain chemistry. You have to fulfill the physical needs of the other person first, and they can't consciously decide if you're good enough and neither can you. So if you've got unattractive features because genetic variation chose that you shall be ugly, then you just have to find ugly people or something. And then get together and have hateful sex. Because there are some things people just won't be attracted to. Like hair on my lower back as well. What is that about? I'm not 53 or anything. Just born that way. So fresia me eh? And it's hilarious how I'm embarrassed about this too. Embarrassed about genetics. Wtf is that about. Probably means I'm weak and should accept my ugliness and find prostitutes with clean-AIDS certificates. Wow.

---

Like my point was, it's not all about looks. It's unfortunate so many people think that. Finding someone who likes you for your personality, and who likes you for you, is much better than finding someone based solely on looks.

And just for the record, us bigger girls do get men. There ARE guys who prefer bigger women.

Oh and "brain chemistry" also includes someone who stimulates you mentally, as in getting along with them, and liking to be around them.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I know what it feels like to 'walk into the game already handicapped.' I've PMed you some observations to avoid controversy and I hope it helps.

One last thing, though - if this girl has a track record of dating highly attractive men, then she has quite a few reasons not to break her 'track' and it has nothing to do with you, or even her. I've known girls who basically feel pressured by their friends to maintain the quality of who they're with, and that pressure can cause them to make pretty foolish choices.

 

[Badjedidude]

Why thank you.

 

[nerdygirl]

If you don't have a hunchback, and it really is bad posture... FIX it. Not only will it improve your appearance, but it will prevent a lot of physical problems for you later in life.

What's wrong with guys who are slender? Nothing I can think of. Body hair? I bet it isn't half as bad as you think it is.

 

[Luna]

My BF has that "too much in front of the computer" posture thing going on...I didn't notice it until a few people pointed it out to me. But especially with posture - if it can be corrected; then correct it by all means! I used to slouch a lot during my teen years and it really screwed up my back and neck; but I worked on it a few years ago and people don't comment on it anymore. They've already forgotten.

As for hairy - I love hairy guys. I don't even mind back hair etc. There IS some sort of condition out there where every bit of your body is covered in hair - I don't recall the name - but anyone that has it REALLY does look like chewbacca. Unless you have THAT - it's not a big deal.

I found that I would make myself miserable over not meeting this or that guys' standards of beauty so I decided that I wasn't going to dwell on it anymore and find someone who appreciates me for the way that I am. I got lucky after trying for so long.

It's not a case of "I'm ugly so I'm going to find someone with lower-standards who is probably ugly as well" as you implied in one of your posts...it's all about finding something else that works better.

 

[Ak5]

I don't spend a day without looking at myself and saying, I want to look more toned.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dude..it is what it is..
Chicks are attracted to good looking dudes more than youre lead to believe.
You can listen to people alll day long just
to make u feel ok so u dont hang yourself....But its not going to help you
take control over your own life and getting what you want out of life.

Why in the hell do you think I work out and stay fit. Why in the hell do u think I walk with my back straight and head held up high. Just the excercise and being active in itself will help my mental state. It gets me out of the freaken house to live and have more fun.

U can shave the hair on ur body...lots of guys do it. You can look into wearing a different hair style. You can wear different clothing. You can improve your social skills. You can work on ur selfesteem and confidence.

I do these things.. I attrack women and increase my chances of attractiing good looking women. Nothing wrong with liking hawt babes Its getting hawt babes that your challenge.
.

 

[PieBeNice]

Why thank you.

This. The thread title made me happy.

 

[Limlim]

I know right? As one of those good looking guys, I just have to say it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about how awesome I am.