Everybody is like that

[ladyforsaken]

i agree okiedokes! some people don't understand how difficult it can be to have depression/anxiety. they think it's just a passing phase or it can be cured just by medication. i think the best advice is trying to talk with people and find common ground as to why one suffers. though that may be hard for a shy person like me.

Yeah, medication usually helps to a certain extent, or not at all I think. :\

There needs more intervention really. Like what you say, talking to other people or getting help in other ways and forms. Sorry that you're shy though (not that there's anything wrong with this, just makes it harder), which is why I think sometimes online forums or chats can help with shy people experiencing these issues.

 

[Revengineer]

I am one of those "shitty counselors" that you guys are talking about. You see I have a friend who suffers from severe depression, and being ignorant of these matters I told her "everyone has anxieties and insecurities, some are just better at hiding it than others." Not because I wanted to brush her feelings aside but because I wanted to let her know that I sympathized with her and that she isn't alone. She interpreted it as me calling her weak and started distancing herself from me. Now I realize just how much hurt I caused her.

I am frustrated with myself because I don't know the right words to say. Clearly sympathy isn't enough. I am very worried about her because she has attempted suicide twice in the past month, and was committed to a hospital for a week. I tell her I'm always available for her to talk to, but I feel she doesn't trust me much anymore.

I'm wondering if anyone here has any advice on what to do. Please don't judge too harshly. Thanks...

Hey Revengineer. It's not easy trying to give advice to someone feeling really low and depressed or someone suffering from depression and anxiety. It takes quite a bit of patience and some skill really to be able to "get" them. From my own experience, the things I say usually don't have much impact but what matters is, you show care and concern and give your support as much as you can so they know that they're not alone all the way, constantly. Because being inconsistent leaves them feeling alone at times and those are the times when they just go into their own world and start thinking negatively. Just telling them that you're available, may not necessarily mean anything to them. Sometimes, these people need someone to make the effort to reach out to them rather than wait for them to speak up.

So, I don't know about what are the right things to say or advice because I'm not counsellor myself. But I do know that it makes one feel better knowing that someone is always there watching out for them or asking them how they are doing, or how they are feeling and getting them to talk things out even though you've got nothing to advice them - just go along and talk, comment and ask them questions so they see that you care, if that's how you truly feel.

This is just my take.. don't know if it'll work but it's just out of my own experience. I feel for you and your friend, I really hope that she'll feel better soon and hope you will too. Good luck with it.

Thank you, I'll remember this. To people who aren't going through depression it's scary to realize that someone you care about is at a point where everything seems hopeless, and it becomes too easy to fall into the trap of giving "advice." Understanding the right way to approach the topic really is a skill like you said. I need to do a better job of reaching out and letting her sort through her troubles at her own pace.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thank you, I'll remember this. To people who aren't going through depression it's scary to realize that someone you care about is at a point where everything seems hopeless, and it becomes too easy to fall into the trap of giving "advice." Understanding the right way to approach the topic really is a skill like you said. I need to do a better job of reaching out and letting her sort through her troubles at her own pace.

Yeah cos I'd think that when you're depressed, anything can be taken the wrong way because you're at a very sensitive state. So it is scary, yeah. I think the best one can do really is provide the support, companionship and listening ear and perhaps give some words of encouragement and motivation. Don't think you can go wrong with that, I reckon.