Everyone's so busy

[gal_lisa]

It seems like if your single and in your late 30s the pool of people to be friends with dries up. everyone's got a family with kids. I thought it would get better after my 20s (which was really boring and uneventful) but it hasn't . You talk to people and they are just so busy with stuff. with their life. I feel so out of it again. like i'm looking in through a window at what real life should be. i feel like i've been living my life all wrong. maybe things will get better when all these people's kids have grown up and they are empty nesters...maybe then they will not be so busy to go out???

 

[Twingle]

It really does get harder in your mid 30's. I had a great time in my 20's, but now most of those friends are either long gone (moved away, faded away .. ect) or they have husbands, kids, a demanding job .. or a mixture of the 3.

I have a child, but I've never been married which throws me into an even more remote group. It's hard to date when you have a kid, or so it seems. lol And finding friends is even harder. If you find them, they usually don't have kids and want to go oiut all the time (which you can't .. so they stop asking eventually), they have kids and they don't get along, or they have kids and you don't like their discipline/parenting methods (or lack there of).

I kinda feel like I did when I discovered that when I was 20 and someone offered me a credit card when I enrolled in college and didn't take it, only to find out 5 years later that my "good" decision to not get in credit trouble actually did get me in trouble .. because then I had no credit; which is worse than bad credit.

Not getting tied down at a young age seems to have had the same effect. lol It's kinda funny how life works.

 

[Minus]

... maybe things will get better when all these people's kids have grown up and they are empty nesters...maybe then they will not be so busy to go out???

I imagine that is possible. Maintain the contact. What i found was that after so long with them always being busy that you may drift apart and lose all contact. Eventually there is no one to even tell you that they are too busy.

Then that is just me.

 

[grundel70]

I know exactly how you feel. I am in my mid to late thirties. All of my friends have families and (rightfully so) choose to spend most of their time with them. It does get lonely.

It is hard to maintain a social life...but not impossible. Byt the simple fact that there are people who can identify with you or are going through the same thing you are, Gal_lisa, means that we are not alone!

I now try to find situations where I react to others. Just because the pool has thinned out does not mean that I can't find anyone. All I know is that if I give up, then I definitley will be alone.

My best friend calls me alot...but he can't talk to me as long as he used to as he has to always do stuff for his wife or children. He is always surrounded by those that care about him...his family, me, etc... I wonder sometimes if he realizes how alone I really am? Does anyone realize?

It doesn't matter. If I fall into that trap it will be hard for me to get out of it. Whether he feels something or not will not fullfill any need in my own life. I can't control anyone else, just my own actions.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I love being single at my age...

No more babies
No more snotty teenagers
No more significent other half taking my pay check
I'm glad I got that out of my system or experince it,
so that i don't feel like there something missing from my life.
Or an itch i had scratch, or a mistery to be discover.
I had goodtimes and bad times.
I riased 3 children from infaint ... all of them are now in their 20's
And I had sex in thousands of places,time and possitions.
I loved deeply and I cried just as much.
Another chapter of my life that I lived through

I'm still young enough to be cool
I feel like I'm 22 again, but more mature, smarter, wiser and stronger.
Things I know today that i didn't know when I was 22. I'm still good or better
Do whatever I want, when I want without being tied down anymore.

 

[Satyr]

It seems like if your single and in your late 30s the pool of people to be friends with dries up. everyone's got a family with kids. I thought it would get better after my 20s (which was really boring and uneventful) but it hasn't .

I've always been single and am 3 years shy of 40. I am an oddity but I know I'm not alone. I used to want desperately to be married and have a family, but I think I'm getting to the age where it sounds like more of a pain in the ass than it's worth. I'm not really a big fan of the human race. The last thing I want to do at this point is raise one of us from infancy.

I'm lucky in the fact that I have a few friends, both locally and here that I can talk to on a regular basis.

I've also lost a few friends due to busy schedules, people dying on me and the occasional remark emanating from my big mouth. However if you live long enough, these kinds of things will eventually happen.

I'm not sure what my point is here...except to say that I think I understand how you feel. I've always had difficulty meeting new people, but it gets more difficult as we grow into middle age. We get stuck in our ways and our ruts. It's often difficult to break out of that pattern and find "new" people and things with which to occupy ourselves...at least in my experience. :/

 

[The_Matrix]

I personally think lots of people have been conditioned by society that being "busy" is a good thing and that you can't have any worth unless you're "busy".
My question to people who tell me they're "busy" is this: Busy doing what??
Usually it's always TV-related.
Excuse me for being jaded but I am.

 

[joanmcf]

People with kids are legitimately busy and choose what to do with the little spare time they have very carefully...often it's spent fitting in a nap or catching up on housework. Don't take it personally if they don't have time to spend with you. Much of their socializing is done with other parents their children are friends with. It's easier that way.

If the people in your life are busy with raising children, maybe try to meet some women who are childless by choice. There's an online group for this on Experience Project.com (which is an amazing, interesting forum). There are also Meetup.com groups.

If you live in the suburbs, maybe consider moving if possible to an urban center where the vibe is less family oriented (some cities are better than others, of course).

You can always make friends with older people too! Don't limit yourself on age. There are so many lonely empty nesters who have tons of time now that their kids are grown.

Just my thoughts, hope it helps!

 

[DixieDarlin]

I'm still just 23 and everyone around me is either married or has kids. I feel so left out in conversations sometimes b/c I have nothing to input. They just say "so you got a boyfriend yet?" and I say "No" and they say, "oh, that's too bad." and then just keep talking about what Junior did that day or what nice thing Hubby did. its kinda rude, IMO.

And so here I sit at home alone in front of the tv and dunking oreos in milk LOL.