Facebook has ruined my few friendships

[SlayGuy138]

Facebook is a mixed bag for me, as with most social media.

I'm a part of a private social group relevant to a very specific interest of mine, and for the most part the conversations in there are either enriching, or at least entertaining.

Also, occasionally a friend will post a status that I relate to or find funny, and I'll hit "LIKE".

On the rest of Facebook, in my newsfeed, it's mostly just infuriatingly stupid clickbait pulp or genuinely offensive and sadistic propaganda.

I recently had to unfriend and block some tin-foil hat wearing bigot whom I don't even remember adding in the first place, who obsessively shared explicit neo-nazi "memes" and liked content from pages that actively perpetrated and reveled in intolerance.

(Although I know you all probably think I'm some communist "SJW" weakling just for being opposed to people getting away with defaming entire movements and races - right?!)

It was either that, or I would probably would've done something very harmful to either myself or someone else sooner or later.

I've had to block former friends a quite a few times, and it's quite distressing to know that they're still out there, spewing their false opinions that they just ******* love to present as if they were empirical, absolute fact. But at least I know I won't be there to have them shove honeysuckle down my throat anymore - even though that's very little consolation.

Oh, and yes, I have tried reporting them. I probably have reported more posts to Facebook than any other user in the history of that site. Maybe one time in a hundred do they actually delete what I report.

I mean, hey, ain't I a subhuman piece of honeysuckle just for having an ounce of compassion in my heart?!

 

[ardour]

I have 40 'friends' on FB. Only about 10 interact with me. Most ignore me and never 'like' anything I post or send messages.

Ah yes the 'I'm having a good time, loser!' unoriginal beer shot.

WalkingDead - how about you just use Facebook less. People are going to post photos of themselves on nights out etc. so if you gets you down, it's better to just ignore it and only check our account once a week or so.

 

[Serephina]

I hate Facebook for this reason,I am on there because it's the only way I can keep up to date with what's going on with family and friends like key events and things that have happened in their lives. A lot of my friends don't want to be on Facebook so when I meet someone and they want to be added to my Facebook it looks as though I have no life,no friends and that person gets bored and unfriends me,I don't even like adding people to Facebook anymore.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

So many interesting responses. I guess the pull of FB is that when you live alone, it can seem like it's a way to connect with the various people in one's life - but is actually anything but (ALL is much better for that even though we have never met!). I never actually post any status updates, just occasionally make a joke with someone about something they've posted, but can only do this with shallow acquaintances. With people I've actually felt a much deeper connection with I feel it's forcing me on to a bland superficial level. I'm also good at reading body posture and eyes, so often when I see the feelingblessed posts I can see the story that isn't being told (like in the Another Reality video)

I've just been on and it seems my work is done - no more annoying posts, just a couple of updates from my event groups and the new album art from one of my favourite bands. There's probably a bit more I could do but largely I can be blissfully ignorant of the nonsense on there now!

 

[Aisha]

What is it with this hashtag nonsense, my friend had put exactly that #feelingblessed
Now people are saying hashtag (insert nonsense) out loud so I've heard!

Hashtag nonsense is exactly right, it's a ridiculous trend. I understand when teens use it, they have a new fad every minute. But when adults use it, it's just absurd.

I've just been on and it seems my work is done - no more annoying posts, just a couple of updates from my event groups and the new album art from one of my favourite bands. There's probably a bit more I could do but largely I can be blissfully ignorant of the nonsense on there now!

Peace of mind! That's definitely to be savoured.

 

[Serephina]

I hate seeing hashtags everywhere,I find them annoying and pointless like #I ate a sandwich #it was cheese

 

[Triple Bogey]

I really loathe Facebook, but the fact is most people use it and for some of my acquaintance it's the only way to keep in touch about some of my interest groups as they are not on Meetup or other contact.

But have noticed that it's ruining my few real friendships. Well it's already ruined one - when someone has stopped texting you and arranging to get together with you, but is posting on FB every 5 minutes (literally) interacting with other people, posting pics of meeting with other people, you can't just say to yourself "Oh I haven't heard from them, maybe they're at work or just busy" - it becomes clear you have just totally dropped off the face of the earth as far as importance to them is concerned.

Now I have another friend who has been probably my closest friend in the last 5 years. But she has just started to use Facebook, and when you are feeling like crap and haven't heard from someone, and you happen along to Facebook and their latest post is about the amazing night they're having with their amazing greatest friend ever (that isn't you) it's just about soul crushing. Add to that about 4 or 5 BS memes posted, yet no time to spend 30 seconds checking in with the poor b**tard who thought they actually cared.

I'll have to defriend her on FB - I don't mind being casual acquaintances with someone on FB who is a casual acquaintance in real life, but as soon as this starts happening with "real" "friends" it becomes toxic, it's like someone is just shoving the fact you aren't in reality that important to them right in your face And yet if they find out I've defriended maybe that will ruin it altogether too, unless the damage is already done.

Anybody else experienced this?

I have 40 'friends' on FB. Only about 10 interact with me. Most ignore me and never 'like' anything I post or send messages.

And yes like yourself, it gets very tedious reading how some ****** is some other ******* best friend or seeing some boring selfie or some twat with a pint of ******* beer in their hand.

On the plus side, some people post some really nice photo's or write some interesting messages. Thing is you control your news feed. If someone is getting on my tits but I still want to be friends with them, I don't follow their crap. I take it off my news feed.

Maybe they don't ignore but just don't have you in their feed either?! I suppose that's ignoring you in one way, but not specifically ignoring everything you post! One of the friends I mentioned always used to complain that some people didn't like her posts, but then she was posting updates all day and I only ever see the one at the top, I don't scroll down to read through the 30 or 40 other updates posted that day and am not doing that just to feed someone's need for little red like notifications!

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The ones that get me are the pictures of drinks on tables. So you are about to get hammered, so ******* what lol!

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Yes drinks - so ******* boring !
Why be proud of spending a lot of money on a crap drink that will make you feel ill ?

 

[edamame721]

I think the OP needs to remember that people exaggerate and usually only post positive experiences on Facebook. I remember going to a New Year's Eve party for my friend's birthday. Everyone was pretty awkward around each other. I even looked at my phone a few times, but when it came time to take photos, we all pressed together cheek-to-cheek and smiled.

These photos went on Facebook, the stilted awkward conversations did not.

If you want to spend more time with your friends, text or call them. Invite them out or ask to be invited. What you're missing out on might not be as perfect as you think it is.

 

[ardour]

Yes drinks - so ******* boring !
Why be proud of spending a lot of money on a crap drink that will make you feel ill ?

Craft beer isn't such a big thing in the UK, but over here it dominates the market. If you're going to get hammered and upload a boring pic on facebook, at least do it with a good beer in hand, not the usual rubbish like Becks, Heineken or Stella.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I think the OP needs to remember that people exaggerate and usually only post positive experiences on Facebook. I remember going to a New Year's Eve party for my friend's birthday. Everyone was pretty awkward around each other. I even looked at my phone a few times, but when it came time to take photos, we all pressed together cheek-to-cheek and smiled.

These photos went on Facebook, the stilted awkward conversations did not.

If you want to spend more time with your friends, text or call them. Invite them out or ask to be invited. What you're missing out on might not be as perfect as you think it is.

Yes, I do know that. Unfortunately the psychological effect of all social media is to create something of a hyperreality effect - as much as we try to dismiss it as a fake representation, the collective effect is that unconsciously we perceive it as real and important (look up hyperreality it's fascinating and there's articles relating it to social media from as far back as 2008 - sorry am just fascianted by psychology etc!)

And the real problem has been, yes I've text my friends, I've said I could do with some support or meeting up, but they are too busy or don't reply at all - and then post on FB, showing they clearly have had access to their technology (ie phone) and are not too busy to be out with other people or conversing with other people online, but have chosen on some level not to respond to me, and that was the problem which hiding all posts seems to have assuaged for now.

 

[No_Nickname]

I don't have Facebook. No reason to. I have no friends. Nobody else I care to keep in touch with. I hate being stalked. The spam is annoying.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I don't have Facebook. No reason to. I have no friends. Nobody else I care to keep in touch with. I hate being stalked. The spam is annoying.

Sorry to hear that you have no friends, but probably a good thing you don't have Facebook!

I resisted it for years, but then acquaintances started going on it and I kind of got pulled in. For a while I used to post status updates like everyone else, but I observed what I was doing and I didn't like what was happening (as someone said, it's like you think you're posting to the entire world but are in fact posting to nobody at all!).

Posting on Facebook is different from posting on a forum somehow - it's like it's only there for positive feedback, anyone not clicking like is invisible (no dislike button unlike Youtube etc). So people basically create the persona they want and it seems everyone likes it because those who don't like it are silenced. I think an anonymous dislike button would perhaps deflate a few egos and offer some balance!

But I digresss, I have been on there and now my feed isn't cluttered with nonsense I actually see things that were swallowed up before, such as an international professional group I am in which had an interesting question I was able to give a view on, much like this forum I was able to discuss something with people in other parts of the world.

I suppose it's made me see FB isn't inherently bad, but you have to be very careful how you use it.

 

[Nicolelt]

I think the OP needs to remember that people exaggerate and usually only post positive experiences on Facebook. I remember going to a New Year's Eve party for my friend's birthday. Everyone was pretty awkward around each other. I even looked at my phone a few times, but when it came time to take photos, we all pressed together cheek-to-cheek and smiled.

These photos went on Facebook, the stilted awkward conversations did not.

If you want to spend more time with your friends, text or call them. Invite them out or ask to be invited. What you're missing out on might not be as perfect as you think it is.

This reminds me of a facebook friend I had. Her life seem perfect with her husband and kids. I was talking about it too my best friend once and she was like....uhhhhh no. He husband beats her and cheats on her and has pulled a gun out on his kids before.

It's shocking what people hide.

 

[African_weasel]

I wish I was able to delete my Facebook page but the fear of losing contact of the people I know and forgetting them. I really want to make new friends in Ohio but still want to be within reach of my Georgia people. It's almost like committing suicide to me.

 

[Batman55]

I believe Facebook is one of the least shallow forms of communication. I don't think joining Facebook is going to lead any real-life friend to put you on the backburner, or treat you with less esteem than others. There's just no way that would happen. People aren't like that.

Why would someone be interested and polite to you in real life; and yet suddenly avoid you in cyber-space? That makes no sense to me.. where is the logic?

So.. I don't think it happens; if it does, it must be rare.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I believe Facebook is one of the least shallow forms of communication. I don't think joining Facebook is going to lead any real-life friend to put you on the backburner, or treat you with less esteem than others. There's just no way that would happen. People aren't like that.

Why would someone be interested and polite to you in real life; and yet suddenly avoid you in cyber-space? That makes no sense to me.. where is the logic?

So.. I don't think it happens; if it does, it must be rare.

Facebook is one of the least shallow forms of communication? Seriously?

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465849142

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On the other hand some people do communicate much more easily online, I acknowledge that, so for some people it might be the least shallow.

But for someone like me who is empathic and thrives on real world ineractions with individuals (I can't tolerate large groups!) Facebook is the ultimate in shallow!

 

[LonelySutton]

I would say I have no friends on facebook, though, I have 63 people who claim themselves to be Facebook friends. Here is an odd issue... sometimes I have people who want to be my Facebook friend who, I don't want to be facebook friends with. I try to give them messages, such as I take them as facebook friends and then quietly unfriend them... but they either don't get it... or don't care... and re-friend me.

Typically it isn't about them as humans just maybe they are co workers who are in a position of doing work under me etc. Perhaps I know they are friends with other people and I don't want them telling those other people what is going on in my life... but, it happens a lot.

 

[Rainbows]

I love facebook. I'm glad it gives me an opportunity to keep up with my friends from all over the country.

 

[Batman55]

I believe Facebook is one of the least shallow forms of communication. I don't think joining Facebook is going to lead any real-life friend to put you on the backburner, or treat you with less esteem than others. There's just no way that would happen. People aren't like that.

Why would someone be interested and polite to you in real life; and yet suddenly avoid you in cyber-space? That makes no sense to me.. where is the logic?

So.. I don't think it happens; if it does, it must be rare.

Facebook is one of the least shallow forms of communication? Seriously?

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465849142

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On the other hand some people do communicate much more easily online, I acknowledge that, so for some people it might be the least shallow.

But for someone like me who is empathic and thrives on real world ineractions with individuals (I can't tolerate large groups!) Facebook is the ultimate in shallow!

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I must admit there was something of a sarcastic quality in that post. I have a mischievous sense of humor, at times.

So I agree with you, actually. I wouldn't touch FB with a 10-foot pole. Maybe that last post of mine is something a version of myself in another dimension would say.. but me? Nope