failiure in everything and lonely

[lonely_one]

Help I just dont know where to turn. Iam a 29 year old female lonely as hell and feel like such a failiure. I got no job, terrible with interviews, the longest time I stay in a job was 6 months as I never get kept on because Iam too humble and dont seem enthusiastic. I never had a boyfriend, no friends. I wake up each day and just go back to bed. Believe me Iam a determined person and I have put so much effort and try my best but always end up back in the same boat with nothing turning out. I have no confidence and lost all motivation now. I have gone out to socialize, danceing, met people but again back in the same boat after. I feel so lost and invisable. Iam no good at anything, not one thing. Iam just a failiure

 

[Barbaloot]

Hi there. I see it's your first post, so welcome to the forum. I hope you find what you're looking for here.

 

[Anten]

Interviews suck when you don't have much to offer. But it all depends on what you are applying for. If it is just a job with little to no experience just say how you know how to do a little this and that.

Friendships usually take a while or if you are a nice nonjudgmental person you can get a friend pretty quickly. Though most my friends come from work but if you do other activities outside then you can chat with someone. I would say when you are shopping try to talk to someone that is buying what you are or feign interest to drum up a conversation. The best thing about talking to random people is that you might not see them again so who cares if they give you a negative response. Just be calm and approach them casually. Since you are a female I would say join some type of dance, spin, or yoga class and meet other women if you can afford it.

 

[Sute]

It sounds like you may possibly have a problem with depression, especially if this has been continuing for some years now.

Interviews are not particularly nice experiences for a lot of people. They can be anxious, uncomfortable and even intimidating situations. Really I think the key here is to consider the fact that you're just as good as anyone else, so why shouldn't they hire you? If you don't have many qualifications, just make the point that you're determined, hard working, and you're dedicated to completing tasks to the best possible standard.

Try to think more about the things you like about yourself, even if they're only little things. Think to yourself, ''I like the way my hair is today.'' or things like that. Just little attempts to boost your confidence.

A big problem can be waking up in the morning, and then deciding already that nothing good is going to happen today, and you might as well go back to bed and just do nothing. This can be a very dangerous habit to slip into, I know from experience. Once you begin to allow yourself to get into that process, it can be very difficult to get back out of it and start making yourself be more active each day.
Your diet may be related, you could find eating more fruit (especially in the morning) will give you more energy. Also try not to oversleep, 8 hours a day should be plenty.

In the end it's really just a psychological thing though, and people can give you as much advice as you want, but it's really down to you.

 

[French Toast]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. What other kinds of things do you think may be happening with your previous jobs? Is there a consistent pattern that you notice going on? I think the more you are aware of these kinds of things, the better you can look at them and try to fix whatever is going on.

 

[lonely_one]

Thanks for the responses. I really have tried getting out doing things, I have met afew people but they live far from me so its just the email now and again, and my friend who I love being around lives in the USA. Iam here in the uk. Its a negative enviroment I live in, abit of a slum plus nobody really speaks English, everyone keep to themself. Iam free spirited, like adventure, I do go out do stuff on my own all the time but still at the end lonely. So where I try so much in everything, travelled, me people, try jobs and always back to the same, thats why Im starting to just go back to bed when I wake up now and trying to figure out why I was even born.

As for jobs, the ones I had and lost I always had got told Im not being kept on because Iam not bubbly, no energy in me, too quiet and humble. Always the same thing. They was all customer service jobs or sales though so maybe I be better not having to face people, but I dont even have no idea what Job I would even like. Im more of an art type person but there aint anything I can do in that field. Iam no good at anything.

As for guys, last year I did have 2 dates. One I met at a concert, we was talking for a month via text message just as a friend, went out for dinner one day then I got got one text after mentioning we must go out again and he enjoyed our day out but I never heard again!! We really got along fine though so I dont understand. And everything we spoke about was pure platonic stuff like music, travel. I thought he would be a good friend atleast as I dont have no males as friends. Then the other guy I met, we went out once to ice skateing and got a message after saying it was good to see me, I respond but never heard again!

I just feel my confidence gets battered up, trying trying and getting nowhere. Im starting to take it personal that its because of how I look. Also Iam starting to feel bitter and hateful because of the way I have been treated by people. Iam so left alone invisible

 

[Sute]

It can be difficult to keep a positive attitude if you don't live in a very nice environment.

And really it can be stressful to try and get a relationship going if you're the one having to make all the effort and they're not getting in touch with you themselves.

If you don't want to work in a customer relations position, maybe you could try office work? I know in my area of the UK they have employment agencies that make it a lot easier to find office work.

I know it's no consolation at all, but really the only thing to do is keep trying.
The fact that you're actually bothered by it and you want to work out a solution, to me means that you have it in you to get what you want, if you keep trying.

 

[inspiration_123]

Hi lonley_one!
People say what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. In your case, your failure is killing you!
For success you need three things: Motivation (to stay in the game), Inspiration (to pursuit your goals) and Effort (with hard work anything is possible). My point? My point is, that you need to stay motivated everysingle minute, hour, day.
Look, people, we are like this, when something bad happens to us (we get fired, thrown out of apartment,...) it gets deep in our conciseness. And everytime we try to do something, that bad experience gets in our minds.

When you go on that job interview, only thing, you need to think is, I really want this job! Dont think, i will screw it up again, they really dont like me,... You are, what you think! Dont let your mind, comes in your way. And that also is with your friends and guys or girls.
We are all winners! Every day you step out of bed, go to your computer and watch video that inspires, motivates you, listen to a song that keeps you moving , read an article,... and do this several times a day and also right before, for example, interview. You will see the diference!

With motivation anything is possible! You need to motivate yourself and than your attitude will become, like it should be.
When you go to a job interview, stand up straight, look person in the eyes, talk like you mean it, be determan, that you are the right for this job!

And dont be afraid of failure, we all fail sometimes, i have, and i am sure that everyone did! With us helping you out, you are not invisible, with all this web-pages, where you can find diferent videos that will motivate you, you are no longer invisible!

Example: When beatles send their first songs to a record company, they said to them: We dont like your music and the sound of the guitar is on the way out. - You know what happend with Beatles right?

Michael Jordan - cut from high school basketball team (in the words of coach: he wasnt good enough), he went home and cry. -You know what happend later on with Jordan?

Abraham Lincoln - defeded in 8! election, he suffered a nurves break down - You know what happend later on with him?

IF YOU'VE NEVER FAILED, YOU'VE NEVER LIVED!

All the best

 

[lonely_one]

I been stuck in all weekend apart from going to the supermarket yesterday. The lonelyness is getting me so frustrated, I feel to pull my hair out or that within Iam screaming out just for company, a hug. I do go to a class twice a week to keep sane but even in that theres only 3 other people, but they either a teen or dont talk English. I guess again its my area Iam in and how it is around here.

Yes job interviews are so intimidating! Its awful, my mind blanks out at questions throwen at me no matter how many interviews I go through. Office work usually want expierence. Iam here in London, yes the busy place but left to feel lost and invisible. I cant even think what job I want to do, Im just applying to whatevers suited to me. I lost any confidence or motivation in anything.

Iam trying and just not getting anywhere. Iam so sick of being led on and deserted, not even that because I come across afew people who seem genuinely friendly and show interest then they just vanish for no reason

 

[Nolife Princess]

...Whats your vice? the best way to meet new people, make new friends, and find happiness, is to do what makes you happy! if it is reading--then join a book club. if it is exercising, then join a fit club. if it is shopping, then go to the mall and hang out.. find that thing that you love, and go with it.

Also, if you are dealing with depression (as mentioned, and I do believe you possibly could be) you can go to your DR and tell him/her and they will be able to determine if you need medication, and if so, start you on it. I have taken depression medications, and they work really well (for a while) but it is up to you to go find that 'happy place" and go with it.

Feel free to PM me, I am here if ya wanna (
*HUGS*

 

[Anten]

London sounds like New York because it is really fast pass and very personally distant.

 

[lazyeagle]

I been stuck in all weekend apart from going to the supermarket yesterday. The lonelyness is getting me so frustrated, I feel to pull my hair out or that within Iam screaming out just for company, a hug. I do go to a class twice a week to keep sane but even in that theres only 3 other people, but they either a teen or dont talk English. I guess again its my area Iam in and how it is around here.

Yes job interviews are so intimidating! Its awful, my mind blanks out at questions throwen at me no matter how many interviews I go through. Office work usually want expierence. Iam here in London, yes the busy place but left to feel lost and invisible. I cant even think what job I want to do, Im just applying to whatevers suited to me. I lost any confidence or motivation in anything.

Iam trying and just not getting anywhere. Iam so sick of being led on and deserted, not even that because I come across afew people who seem genuinely friendly and show interest then they just vanish for no reason

I live in London too, I have a career but believe me I do feel pretty much ignored and invisible at times. You have to ask yourself that perhaps you're attracting the wrong sorts of folk and expecting too much from them? London isn't friendly, I'm born and bred here and lived in the States...poles apart both have good and bad but I do prefer to live here. Tescos on a Friday night for me, its become a ritual now just to be social and shop. I admit looking at the women, especially those who look single but I haven't the nerve to strike up a conversation.

Trouble is the economy here is pretty dire and you're facing too much competition- it might not be that you're not qualified or good enough, its just that employers can afford to be choosy. I had a stint of two years without work coming back from the States (despite a string of qualifications and experience), I had given up all hope when a chance came along for me and I never looked back. It'll happen just believe in it.

Also STOP telling yourself you're not good enough, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy- believe me I used to be like that and guess what? I got nowhere. You need to re-aquaint yourself with just you and not worry about people- they'll come along in time and will stay faithful to you....

Chin up...

Jay..

 

[lonely_one]

Jay your right about the competition, in past jobs I have done well and got good feedback from guests but the managers dont give a **** about that, they judge me more personal like being quiet, telling me they dont even notice when Iam in the room etc and its so easy for them to just sack and employ new staff, they are on power trips, from what I have seen anyway.

Iam not saying I want to be with people 24/7 as I do like some time alone aswell but not 24/7 alone and thats how it is now. I got my mum but she just knocks me down about being 29 with no job. I try my hardest but getting absolutly Nowhere! Its not me just telling myself that, its just true. What do I try at next? I feel I just broken down from all the trying over years and back in the same boat. Maybe I just really dont have luck on my side and was born a mistake.

I was ment to go to a class today but did bad and never went because I feel whats the point. And theres always this lonely space inside me, whatever I do or wherever I go its just me alone, get home and the same thing

 

[OurLadysTears]

I can completely relate. Sometimes I wonder why people who try their hardest continue to fail. Is there an essential piece of the puzzle we are missing? Or are we trying too hard and not allowing life to naturally take us where we need to be? It is all really strange to me.

 

[lonely_one]

I also wonder or try to figure out what part of the puzzle is missing for me, what is it Iam doing wrong or is it just like Iam cursed and not ment to be happy and stay like this. Theres something wrong somewhere, its got to be. When I do take breaks from trying hard, like now to let things take place naturally, then nothing happens!

 

[blackdot]

I've come to the realization that not everyone was meant to succeed. For someone to win, someone else has to lose.

I tried to volunteer to be the designated loser but life decided that I can't have everyone's losses.

 

[Anten]

Well I just think no matter what you have you will always want more. I have a job but really dislike it and going to school so I won't be miserable for the rest of my life. I also have really feat friends that our girls but I want more. I don't think many people are happy with what they have, and think what they don't have will make them happy.