fear of being misinterpreted in a conversation

[silver birch leaves]

I often find myself misunderstood or misinterpreted in both written and verbal conversations. I say one thing and in response I hear something completely not related. Then, I try to explain myself, but the situation gets even more complicated, what leaves me with a feeling of total defeat. In the result, I tend to give up and retreat, even when speaking with someone I usually feel at ease with. Well, I'm not a native English language speaker, but it happens when I speak in my first language as well. Has anyone experienced something similar? Is there anything I could do about it?

I do apologise if I replicate a topic. I've found some information on being socially awkward and I can see my awkwardness, yet I can still interact with people in everyday situations. The verbal (or written) communication seems to be the main problem. I don't mind being criticised for saying something stupid or different opinion, but being misunderstood is only frustrating. This leaves me with a constant fear of saying something wrong, and I speak less and less.

 

[Sprint]

I often find myself misunderstood or misinterpreted in both written and verbal conversations. I say one thing and in response I hear something completely not related. Then, I try to explain myself, but the situation gets even more complicated, what leaves me with a feeling of total defeat. In the result, I tend to give up and retreat, even when speaking with someone I usually feel at ease with. Well, I'm not a native English language speaker, but it happens when I speak in my first language as well. Has anyone experienced something similar? Is there anything I could do about it?

I do apologise if I replicate a topic. I've found some information on being socially awkward and I can see my awkwardness, yet I can still interact with people in everyday situations. The verbal (or written) communication seems to be the main problem. I don't mind being criticised for saying something stupid or different opinion, but being misunderstood is only frustrating. This leaves me with a constant fear of saying something wrong, and I speak less and less.

Your ability to communicate seems great to me.

Have you ever thought about the fact that some people are just ... stupid? I don't mean this to be harsh lol, but I come across this at times myself also. When I was younger I really thought it was me, but I've come to realize that some people just lack comprehension & understanding ... and it doesn't matter how clear I am ... they take it wrong.

It's just because they are not able to understand. Either they are illiterate (pertaining to written communication) or they are very emotional about the topic discussed ... or their mindset or mood at the time doesn't allow them to follow what you're saying so they receive it wrongly.

Then there are the people that just want to take things badly. They are searching for anything to piss them off lol.

So please consider that it may not be you... just them... & try not to take it personally. There are all types in the world.

 

[septicemia]

I dont know if this happens to you, but sometimes I get flustered when talking, either out of nerves or just wanting to get what I say said, or whatever reason. I can end up talking too fast and jumbling my words, or just not having my thoughts flow as well as they should. WHen this happens people lose interest in what I am saying, or they totally misunderstand what I am trying to say. I just need to make sure to take a breath, calm down, and really think about what I say before I say it, and that helps.

 

[silver birch leaves]

Your ability to communicate seems great to me.
...
So please consider that it may not be you... just them... & try not to take it personally. There are all types in the world.

Thank you a lot! I can see you're trying to cheer me up and I appreciate it

I'm aware that there might not be any point in talking to some people, but still I don't like an idea of writing anyone off. I was wrong so many times, that I prefer to blame myself and my communications skills rather than give up on people, no matter how much they can hurt. I'm afraid it's my nature. I'm idealistic and I'd love to learn to communicate with everyone.

... I can end up talking too fast and jumbling my words, or just not having my thoughts flow as well as they should. WHen this happens people lose interest in what I am saying, or they totally misunderstand what I am trying to say. I just need to make sure to take a breath, calm down, and really think about what I say before I say it, and that helps.

You're probably right. Many people say that I speak too fast I get terribly stressed in new settings and try to get my message through quickly without taking others' time. So yes, this might be a main problem with my verbal communication, but why something similar happens when writing to someone. When I think about it, I admit that the only moments I feel at ease with someone take place when I can talk in person and on one-to-one basis.

Sometimes, I dream of living totally isolated, hidden from others.

 

[Beatbouncer]

Sounds really familiar somehow. I often have the feeling of being misunderstood and conversation going somewhere not intended to.
That also results in me speaking faster then I usually do, jumbling words and stumbling across my own tongue.
Fortunately in written conversations things are easier, and I have rather an attitude to ignore that, since I noticed a lot of people interpret meanings into your words, that you haven´t intended. This also results in me cutting ties (if I can afford that) to those people.
I just wish there would be an effective way to deal with in the meatspace, but thats another thing.

And judging from what I have seen here written, I don´t that you have to apologize. Your writing is very clear and your intentions and arguments elaborated. So you really should take into consideration that maybe nothing is wrong on your end. Unfortunately I know how hard such a change can be, and I don´t know wheter I am done with that change.

Cheers
The Bouncer

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Your English is quite fluent for being a second language. I know what you mean about wanting to speak less and less.

I'm not sure whether it's for a fact or purely of my imagination, but from what I gather in my experiences both in real-world and online, I fear that most people will prejudge me as being either an immature and ignorant fool, or a cold and arrogant creep.

 

[Sprint]

Your ability to communicate seems great to me.
...
So please consider that it may not be you... just them... & try not to take it personally. There are all types in the world.

Thank you a lot! I can see you're trying to cheer me up and I appreciate it

I'm aware that there might not be any point in talking to some people, but still I don't like an idea of writing anyone off. I was wrong so many times, that I prefer to blame myself and my communications skills rather than give up on people, no matter how much they can hurt. I'm afraid it's my nature. I'm idealistic and I'd love to learn to communicate with everyone.

Not mainly was I trying to cheer you up lol. I was just saying it how it is. After reading on past the bold face though, I realize it's more about you keeping hope in your fellow human beings than anything else... & I respect that.

 

[shernia]

I also know some friends who have the same problem with you. As listener, I usually can't catch the main point of their topic. I think it depends on different thinking way. Since you have realized this, maybe you could pay more attention on the preparation before you voice out what you want to share.

 

[silver birch leaves]

Thank you: Beatbouncer, DreamerDeceiver, Sprint and Shernia. I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one. I'll see whether I can change anything

 

[ninecrimes]

Silver I think you are fine. This medium is hard...you can't hear a persons inflection because it is written. Written sometimes makes readers much more literal. The fact that you worry about what nyou say being taken in the wrong context makes you a decent person (smile). I hope this wasn't partly because of your welcome to me. I thought it was really very nice of you to post a reply. I got your joke and tried to make one back but I am horrible at that.....

 

[silver birch leaves]

Silver I think you are fine. This medium is hard...you can't hear a persons inflection becaus it is written. Written sometimes makes readers much more literal. I hope this wasn't partly because of your welcome to me. I thought it was really very nice of you to post a reply. I got your joke and tried to make one back but I am horrible at that.....

Oh, thank you for your comment. You're probably right saying that people take written messages more literally. In general, I don't have problems with writing scientific or impersonal stuff, but when something gets a bit more personal I feel totally lost.

I got your joke, but I like to stay on safe side

 

[Solivagant]

I often find myself misunderstood or misinterpreted in both written and verbal conversations. I say one thing and in response I hear something completely not related. Then, I try to explain myself, but the situation gets even more complicated, what leaves me with a feeling of total defeat. In the result, I tend to give up and retreat, even when speaking with someone I usually feel at ease with. Well, I'm not a native English language speaker, but it happens when I speak in my first language as well. Has anyone experienced something similar? Is there anything I could do about it?

I do apologise if I replicate a topic. I've found some information on being socially awkward and I can see my awkwardness, yet I can still interact with people in everyday situations. The verbal (or written) communication seems to be the main problem. I don't mind being criticised for saying something stupid or different opinion, but being misunderstood is only frustrating. This leaves me with a constant fear of saying something wrong, and I speak less and less.

^ Yes, I can very much relate! This happens to me aaaaaaall the time, and it is maddening. In fact practically all my online friendships end because of something I said that was completely misinterpreted, and I'm left wondering what the heck happened. I've just about given up on online friendships because I can't seem to say anything without being misunderstood and accused of something I haven't done. It has hurt and I do speak less and less for fear of saying something wrong.

 

[silver birch leaves]

^ Yes, I can very much relate! This happens to me aaaaaaall the time, and it is maddening. In fact practically all my online friendships end because of something I said that was completely misinterpreted, and I'm left wondering what the heck happened. I've just about given up on online friendships because I can't seem to say anything without being misunderstood and accused of something I haven't done. It has hurt and I do speak less and less for fear of saying something wrong.

It's an old thread, but I'm glad you wrote Solivagant

Two years passed and I still have problems with being misinterpreted. However, it happens almost entirely if someone doesn't really listen or try to know me. Nothing really to be bothered about With someone who cares I can say something stupid or stay silent and still feel understood.